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In an unbelievable switch-hit from last week, Mike Sussman has served us starved Trekkies with juicy slices of arguably the best Enterprise roast beast yet! After kissing an anomaly, Quantum gets some brain pimples that flip him into an alternate timeline in which Earth explodes, Trip is captain, there are only six thousand humans left, and Quantum can't remember when he last peed. Also? Quantum's being nursed by T'Pol on Ceti Alpha V! If that doesn't get your Heart of Khan pumping with righteous Trekkie excitement, nothing will. I mean the part about Ceti Alpha V, not necessarily T'Pol. There is no known cure for Quantum's condition, which has a direct link to the screwed-up timeline, but Phlox is indefatigable and pledges to Walk for the Cure. In the Screwed Future, Hoshi cuts her hair and Reed grows some Evil Spock on his face. Sadly, May-Body-Bag dies. Again. But then everyone else dies, as well. With all the hearts and doilies handed around in little lace TOS baggies, you can file this to Trials and Tribble-ations under "Valentines to Trek Lovers Everywhere." Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Holy Mary Tyler Moore, Mother of Minneapolis. Do you know what I've been doing for the last twenty-four hours? I've been defending Enterprise! IN MY OWN FORUMS!I could apologize for the length of this recap, but as I've been called "vitriolic," "notoriously hard to please" (hee, I'm "notorious," just like Ingrid Bergman!), and that reading my recaps are like "drinking gasoline" -- none of these complaints, I hasten to add, are anything new to any of the TWoP recappers, so y'all really should try to come up some more original sentiments ["and stop drinking gasoline…the hell?" -- Sars] -- I'm not going to bother. Why? To prove that I can be as pleased as spiked punch when the current Treks In Charge come up with something amazing that is completely, unabashedly, and unreservedly worthy of high praise.
And now for my defense of the biggest issues people had with this episode.
Clara Vulcan, Founder of the Red Cross
Was it sexist? Probably. Do I care? Not really. How else would Trip had been made the captain that so many of you adore? I also think it was more about T'Pol feeling very strongly that she owed Quantum a serious debt -- he was suffering because he stayed to save her life -- than it was about T'Pol = female, thus T'Pol = nursemaid. Could they have made one of the male members of the crew owe Quantum that same life-debt? Sure, but let's face it, it wouldn't have been as interesting when we're talking about finally breaking down a Vulcan-human wall. Plus, there have already been many "nice moments" of camaraderie between Reed and Quantum or Trip and Quantum
T'Pol Operating at Full Vulcan Strength
When Quantum ran out of Sickbay in the final battle of the episode, T'Pol tried to stop him, but he easily pushed her away. First of all, this is not the first time that this particular Vulcan's famous strength has failed to impress. But in this specific case, I put it to you this way: T'Pol let him go. I'm not kidding -- I just don't think she tried that hard to stop him. She knew she couldn't keep the erstwhile captain stagnating in a hospital bed while his old ship fell about his ears. After all, the guy had already lost so much of his personal dignity in the intervening twelve years. She had to let him go, and I respect her all the more for realizing it and acquiescing to what she knew he needed to do.
Revisiting the Oft-Used Alternate Timeline Plot
Yes, any alternate universe/timeline/future is going to have similarities to other alternate universe/timeline/future episodes -- it can't help but. However, Earth blew up in this one -- which was awesome -- and the catalyst for the alternate universe/timeline/future (the parasites) also having a joint effect on the timeline was original, inspired, and completely surprising. Best of all? I couldn't predict the method of resolution for this episode, and I loved that! With all the time travel and TCW episodes in the last three years, it was entirely possible to believe that we'd be left cliffhanging at the end of this one. Quantum could have very well been stuck in this other future for quite a few episodes. In fact, making this story a three-parter over sweeps could have worked incredibly well. But I will try not to get too greedy.
Captain T'Pol
Simply? Because she was second-in-command. I've no doubt that Quantum's logs adequately summed up how good she is and how many times he's successfully left her in charge of the ship. I also think it made sense to have a cooler head in charge of the ship when so many of the crew would be anguished over Quantum's condition. In fact, Trip could have had real issues taking over as captain if Quantum was still aboard. As for the argument that no Vulcan was in Starfleet before Spock: First of all, I've never been satisfied as to the source of that fact. TOS even contradicts itself in that, and they are the originators of the idea in the first place! But second, and more importantly, taking emergency command of a ship does not make her a member of Starfleet. It makes her taking command of a ship. In an emergency. When the captain was rendered unfit for duty. Also, since the timeline was reset, she was never captain. Plus, she looked hot in the uniform.
As for the cast and crew…although his hair made him look like a Soval's doppelganger, Bakula was amazing. This is the Quantum Leaper I knew and loved all those years ago! Please sir, can I have another piece of that? In fact, the whole cast was amazing -- May-Dead-Again played a very convincing corpse, and even Hoshi managed to rouse herself and not to look so bored in the face of her race's total destruction. Lastly but never, never leastly, if Sussman and Robert Duncan McNeill (one has to say his whole name, doesn't one?) were here, I would kiss them and feed them Champagne Truffles.
And finally, the reason for all these accolades and defense statements, I give you THE EPISODE!
Quantum sleeps. The ship shakes. Quantum wakes. You know, I felt that like that just the other night. I thought it was an earthquake, because, you know every slight jar in California could be an earthquake, right, Mathra? Anyway, I got up to check and discovered it was just three weirdoes moving a couch down the stairs. Seriously, who moves a couch at 12:30 AM on a Sunday night? Weirdoes. I don't think "weirdoes" should be spelled with that "e" on the end, but spell-check does, so it just looks weird. "-Oes." Since comming the Bridge doesn't get him anywhere, Quantum tries to leave his cabin and is stopped by a guard at his door, who tells him that he's under orders from "the captain" not to let him leave. Quantum's all "the hell?" and punches the guy out.
Bridge. The ship is rocked with more blasts, and Reed calls out that they're losing hull plating. T'Pol -- looking AWESOME in a Starfleet uniform, and I am sorry but I am just going to have to take that as a shout-out -- gets up from the captain's chair and gives orders. A shirtless and pajama-bottomed Quantum storms the Bridge and demands an explanation. T'Pol waves her hand and orders that "someone take him back to his quarters." Two guys grab him. The ship shakes some more, Reed announces their weapons are offline, and Hoshi draws their attention to the viewscreen. Kick-Ass Effects are dancing all over the screen as a huge sphere, flanked by two smaller ships, drops out of warp in this sort of materializing-by-expanding effect. The sphere -- oh, I've got to describe this -- is belted by two flat bands that rotate across its surface. The surface of the sphere is the best part, though. It's pimpled with red things, but it looks like there's another sphere sliding under a latticework of metal, that rests on top of the first sphere but is under the bands. It's so hard to describe, but as with all amazing Star Trek effects, it looked like a toy you could buy in a science museum gift shop. The sphere, which MUST be the Xindi's Weapon of (Kick-) Ass Destruction, draws close to Earth and, mimicking the Psycho Bocce Ball, fires a frickin' laser beam at the big blue marble. Oceans boil up and land crumbles as seismic fissures open and blaze forth with molten lava. In a full shot of Earth, deep angry red cracks appear all over the globe before it blows apart in a fiery mass. Wow. That planetary destruction makes the one in Generations rend its garments, cut off all its hair, and swear never show its face again. Let me make you understand: a television show effect was worlds (hee) better than a multi-million dollar movie effect of the same exact event. Quantum pants and twitches with a weird tic. So does the Evil Dr. Mathra, but his tic is a tic of delight. Do you know what that tic means? It heralds the coming of the Delighted Dr. Mathra, the Evil Dr. Mathra's alter ego!
We were so blown away by that opening (no pun intended) that we stopped the tape in the middle of the theme song and rewound to watch it all again. Three times. Best part was, we completely lost the theme song in all its tambourine-shaking non-glory.
Quantum, with the grey hair that does nothing more than make him look like Ambassador Soval's twin, wakes up under a down comforter. He gets out of bed, rubs his lower back, and stretches in his bugly futuristic civvies from J. Jill. With sunlight streaming through the window, the room is clearly not on Enterprise, but that damn water polo ball is still on his shelf. Quantum catches sight of himself in a mirror and notes -- with surprise -- the grey in his hair and eyebrows, along with Bakula's own wrinkles that they've been careful to fuzz out in every other episode. Hearing a noise, he wanders out and sees T'Pol with a long ponytail -- which inexplicably makes her look more bald than the bowl cut -- wearing a red wraparound tunic and pants, making breakfast. Recognizing Quantum's confusion, P'Tail comments that he's up early, and says she knows this all seems unfamiliar and she will answer all his questions. When Quantum asks where they are, P'Tail says, with a touch of weariness, "Jonathan, please sit down. I'll answer all your questions." Hmm, "Jonathan." P'Tail tells him it's a big day, and asks him the last thing he remembers. Quantum remembers leaving the Command Center and joining her in a corridor. P'Tail breaks it to him that that happened twelve years ago.
Flashback. In a corridor, Quantum asks T'Pol if she's going to Movie Night, and when T'Pol shows disinterest, Quantum responds with "I can make Movie Night mandatory for senior officers." Didn't he threaten her once before with that "punishment"? T'Pol looks at him. "You'll enjoy it -- Rosemary's Baby, it'll scare the hell outta you," Quantum coaxes. Do Vulcans even have a devil? The ship shakes. Reed, in the captain's chair, reports that there's an anomaly afoot. May-Dead-Again can't take them out of warp, but there are a ton more anomalies ahead, so Reed orders a new course. In the corridor, an anomaly comes burping down the corridor. T'Pol and Quantum make a break for it. They are thrown in opposite directions, and T'Pol's got a large piece of fake bulkhead on her leg. Quantum can't shift the plastic, and metallic sounds of an approaching anomaly makes T'Pol cry that he has to get out of there. Quantum finally gets T'Pol free as the anomaly bubbles toward them. He reaches for T'Pol's hand to get himself out of the way, but the anomaly hits him, ripples the floor, and knocks him out. Amid some rocks from the broken bulkheads. I think it's so funny that rocks and rubble always appear whenever sets on any Star Trek are "smashed."
Sickbay. Quantum wakes up and tells Phlox he feels like a sh'pod landed on his head. Under the impression that only a few hours have passed, Quantum tries to go to the Bridge, but Phlox tells him he's been in Sickbay for three days. That stops him in his furrows. Phlox also tells him that his brain has been affected by some parasites left by the drive-by anomalying, which make him unable to form short-term memories. Quantum is able to remember everything before the event, but he can't retain memories after the event for more than a few hours. It's sort of like Jake 2.0 in reverse -- Quantum's the ultimate human downgrade! Although he hasn't found a way of removing them yet, Phlox promises to continue working on a way to free the captain from the parasites.
T'Pol's voice-over tells Quantum that Phlox worked for weeks on the cure, and in the meantime, she and Trip tried to keep Quantum apprised of their mission. There's a scene of the Captain's Table where Quantum suggests some upgrades. He's so childishly excited about his discovery as T'Pol and Trip sit there like worried parents. Quantum reads their faces and determines that he must've made the exact same suggestions before. After Trip tells Quantum that he made the suggestion a week ago and that the upgrades are working fine, he clears his throat uncomfortably and excuses himself. It's clear that he's having a hard time dealing with this altered Quantum. Trinneer kicks acting butt. Quantum feels like he's wasting their time with their little mealtime get-togethers, but T'Pol assures him that even if they don't depend on his memory, they do depend on his experience. T'Pol also brings up the fact that he wouldn't be in this sorry state if he had ditched her in the corridor before the anomaly blew through him. "Fortunately, I don't take orders from you," Quantum smiles, and starts to walk out. That's kind of cute, because obviously, in the altered future, T'Pol becomes the captain, so he does take orders from her. T'Pol stops Quantum from leaving and says she never expressed her gratitude. "I suppose there's not much point in thanking me. A few hours from now, I won't remember it," Quantum says. He doesn't look at her again as he clamps his lips together and leaves. Damn, that's sad. And DAY-UM, Bakula was great in that entire scene. I mean, he's still furrowing like a bad boy, but the stuff that's happening around the furrows is vastly improved.
T'Pol is called to the Bridge to talk to Starfleet.
In the future, P'Tail tells Quantum that the call was from Admiral Forrest, and she was not looking forward to it. Of course she wasn't, because he's evil. The result of the communication relieved Quantum of duty and put T'Pol in command. "Forrest made you Captain," Quantum says, clearly having a hard time with that. "I guess congratulations are in order -- even if they are belated." "You've congratulated me every day for the past twelve years -- STOP IT ALREADY!" the Delighted Dr. Mathra chortles. P'Tail explains why the parasites still haven't been removed: "Phlox discovered that the organisms are from a domain outside normal space-time. They exist in a state of inter-spatial flux. None of his treatments had any effect on them." Quantum asks what happened with their mission to find the Xindi weapon. P'Tail tells him that they looked for months and finally learned where the weapon was being created. However, the Xindi knew they were getting warmer.
Back to flashback. Two Battlestar Galactica-type ships fire on Enterprise. On the Bridge, Cpt. T'Pol crouches to a fallen May-Dead-Again. He looks pretty dead. Again. This fails to answer the question: how many times can you "kill" a character before you finally fire him?
A Xindi ship locks onto a docking port, and Snake Eyes storm in. There are shoot-outs. Two Snake Eyes find Quantum's quarters, enter, and look around. Quantum jumps out of the bathroom and fights them. He knocks one out and grabs whatever's handy to do battle with the second one. Do you want to know what was handy? No, not that damn water polo ball -- he uses AN ACTION FIGURE! He plunges AN ACTION FIGURE right in Snake Eyes's throat and kills him! On my bookshelf, Quantini puffs himself up and looks very proud. Until Hunca Munca hooks him down and drags him under the couch to do unspeakable things to him. The Delighted Dr. Mathra called it a Heisman Trophy, but I'm convinced it was a Quantini.
Bridge. Reed announces that they've lost weapons. Cpt. T'Pol squares her shoulders and looks straight ahead, asking, "Is their ship still docked with us?" Reed confirms that it is. T'Pol takes over the pilot's seat and grabs the joystick. Enterprise plus the docked Xindi ship faces off the other Xindi ship. T'Pol guides Enterprise toward the other ship. "RAM THEM!" the Delighted Dr. Mathra shrieks, hopping around the living room. T'Pol, in an awesomely gutsy move, uses the docked Xindi ship as a battering ram and smashes it directly into the other Xindi ship. The collision shears off the docked ship, and the starboard nacelle flickers off. "Both ships are disabled," Reed announces. "Both ships are SLICED OPEN!" the Delighted Dr. Mathra screams, turning purple.
Situation Room. Phlox reports they lost thirteen crewmembers and twenty-two more are injured. As Trip glares over his shoulder, Reed reports that they've taken nine Snake Eyes as prisoners, but they need to put seven of them somewhere else, as they seem only to be equipped with a brig built for two. "Blow 'em out the airlock," Trip says with calm ferocity. Hoshi stares at him. Shouldn't a larger brig have been one of the ship's upgrades last season before they took off on their mission? I mean, they didn't exactly think the Xindi would be warm and fuzzy, right? See, this is exactly why I think Admiral Forrest is EV-IL! After telling Reed to put the overflow into crew quarters with a heavy guard, Cpt. T'Pol asks about the repairs. In staccato tones, Trip reports that they'll have hull plating and weapons soon, but the starboard nacelle is FUBAR and will take six months to fix. "The best I can give you is warp one-point-seven," he grits. Cpt. T'Pol dismisses everyone distractedly. Trip stays. "How can we keep going with one warp engine?" he demands. Cpt. T'Pol tells him they have no other option. "What in the world were you thinking when you rammed that ship?" Trip hammers at her. Instead of telling Trip that she was thinking that it's November sweeps and they need ratings, Cpt. T'Pol tells him it was the only logical choice. Plus, it won her major cool points. Trip tells her that she's a screw-up for a captain. See, I don't understand his attitude. They didn't have weapons, the ship was crawling with Snake Eyes, their shields were failing, and the other Xindi ship was facing them down -- what else could she have done? I'm totally behind bold actions like that. They may not get very far very fast, but at least they didn't lose the entire crew. Cpt. T'Pol tells Trip to take up his issues with Admiral Forrest. If he's not off at Evil Camp.
Back in the grey-haired future, Quantum asks how they ever found the Xindi weapon without warp engines. P'Tail says carefully, "We located the facility where the Xindi constructed the probe but it had already been deployed." "Earth," Quantum states. "Destroyed," P'Tail responds. Quantum struggles with this concept, much as Arthur Dent did. Once he comprehends that all the McDonald'ses are gone, he's really going to freak. But at least P'Tail has been holding his towel for him. As Quantum staggers around, P'Tail continues, "They didn't stop at your homeworld. They attacked every human outpost they could find -- Mars, Alpha Centauri, Vega Colony -- all were destroyed." Quantum reels and finally asks, "How many of us are left?" "Less than six thousand," P'Tail tells him. Quantum bends over and moans. God, she's got to watch him go through this agony every day. Quantum throws himself upon the circular Hobbit door and runs outside. He leans against a wall as the camera pulls up and shows us a small shantytown settlement in the Hollywood hills.
After the commercial break, P'Tail joins Quantum outside. "We're on the fifth planet in the Ceti Alpha system," she tells him. "It's far from the Expanse." Although it's been said many times many ways, "THIS IS CETI ALPHA FIVE!" the Delighted Dr. Mathra yells, clapping two paper plates to his chest in an attempt to pec-ulate like Montalban. Quantum asks after the crew, and P'Tail tells him most of them are still on Enterprise, which is orbiting the system and patrolling. She explains that all the other people got to Ceti Alpha V by way of ship convoys. "One of them was led by Enterprise," she says as we get a shot of many ships trailing Enterprise. It's a very cool shot -- the fleet reminds me of something out of Star Wars, but better. And living on Ceti Alpha V before it develops dry rot? Brilliant. Kisses.
Bridge in the past. Cpt. T'Pol gets a comm from Ambassador Soval telling her he needs to speak with her. Cpt. T'Pol receives Soval in her Ready Room. "That uniform doesn't suit you, Captain," Soval sneers. He's just disappointed not to see her dinners putting in an appearance. Cpt. T'Pol supposes he didn't come all this way to give her a Fashion Dos and Don'ts lecture. Not in that caftan, he didn't. The upshot is, Soval wants her back on Vulcan. I think he just wants her. Period. Think about it: he's constantly bugging her to come back with him, and now he'd displeased that she's not in her skin-tight catsuit. It all smells like a mid-life Pon Farr to me. Cpt. T'Pol refuses to leave, saying the crew needs her. Soval argues that it's for her safety, as they received a distress call from the Mutara system -- man, Wrath of Khan references all over the place! It's like they knew what I was giving the Delighted Dr. Mathra for his birthday tomorrow! -- but when they reached the coordinates, all they found was debris. The Xindi were to blame. Yeah, yeah, yeah -- dead people aside, was there a nebula? Did they find a nebula? Soval wheedles that Cpt. T'Pol will get her rank back from the High Command. "I won't leave them," T'Pol says. "'Them' or 'him'?" Soval asks. Cpt. T'Pol just stares him down. Soval offers Vulcan specialists for Quantum. "You'd take him too?" Cpt. T'Pol asks. "If you return to Vulcan," Soval says. "Where I can bed you," the Delighted Dr. Mathra adds. Cpt. T'Pol ponders. Sensing a crack in her resolve, Soval rehashes the whole "the stupid humans weren't ready to leave Earth on a warp vessel" argument and that, in addition, the Vulcans owe the humans nothing. Since he can't remember where he left it, Cpt. T'Pol takes Quantum's mouthpiece and says the Vulcans held the humans back for too long, and that instead of doing that, they could have helped them develop faster ships, better defenses, and, in the end, possibly save humankind. "Your emotional attachment to Archer is clouding your logic," Soval snaps. He tells her they'll be around for another day if she should reconsider.
In Quantum's Quarters, Porthos lies on the bed while Quantum stares out the window in the dark. Cpt. T'Pol enters, and Quantum snappishly inquires if her meeting with the Vulcans went well. Cpt. T'Pol wonders how he knew. "There was obviously a reason why I chose these quarters -- you can see a lot from this window. [Including the Weight of the World?] What did they want?" Quantum demands. Cpt. T'Pol tells him. "Oh," Quantum says, and then bravely explains how he thinks he can contribute to the running of the ship. "I can help Trip out in Engineering!" he announces. Cpt. T'Pol carefully explains that they tried that a week ago, but it was uncomfortable for him. Oh, sad. It's like watching someone with early Alzheimer's. Quantum demands to know if he's just supposed to stay in his quarters all the time. Cpt. T'Pol tells him that he takes Porthos for walks and tells the children in the classrooms about their earlier missions. "In other words, just stay out of the way," Quantum says. Cpt. T'Pol just looks at him. P'Tail VOs that they reached Ceti Alpha V a year later, and that theirs was the only convoy to reach it. Everyone else had been destroyed by the Xindi.
Cpt. T'Pol's Ready Room. Trip looks at the computer screen and says, "This planet's barely Minshara-class. Mebbe we should've picked one with a little more blue and green on it." Trip wants to take a survey team down to check it out, but Cpt. T'Pol tells him he has to stay on board and meet with the civilian leaders. Trip's confused, since she's the one they deal with. "I'm resigning my commission," Cpt. T'Pol tells him. Trip walks toward her and frowns, asking if she's sure she wants to do that. Cpt. T'Pol explains that Quantum will have to live on the planet and he needs someone he trusts to look after him. Trip asks why she's making such a sacrifice. "I have my reasons," Cpt. T'Pol answers. And all of them have hearts over the "i"s.
Future. P'Tail tells Quantum they disassembled the ships and used the parts to make the settlement. Quantum walks around the room. "At this point you often wonder if you're the victim of some elaborate deception," P'Tail offers. Quantum admits that's pretty much what he was thinking. "Margaret Mullin. You met her when you were twenty-four years old. During flight school in San Francisco. The night before you graduated, you asked her to marry you outside of her apartment on Westgate Avenue. She turned you down. She said she did not want to become a 'Starfleet Widow,'" P'Tail finishes. Quantum's amazed at her knowledge. "Our relationship has evolved over the years," P'Tail explains. Quantum looks nervous. "Exactly how far has it 'evolved'?" he asks. Well, in twelve years she would have gone through Pon Farr. P'Tail doesn't answer, but that hickey on her neck does. Kidding.
A sh'pod lands. Phlox examines Quantum and finds no changes since his last exam. Quantum wonders at Phlox coming all the way from Denobula to give him a check-up. "You didn't tell him?" Phlox asks. P'Tail wearily shakes her head. Phlox says that he returned to Denobula to consider searching for Quantum's Qure. "And consulted with some of the finest neurosurgeons and quantum theorists on Denobula. [Hee! "Quantum Theorists"! Theorists studying Quantum. Shout-out? Maybe.] My colleagues believed there was no way to destroy these parasites, short of vaporizing you in a subspace implosion. They assured me the technology to do what was required did not exist, and they were correct. It took almost a decade to develop and now I'm ready to put it to the test," Phlox finishes. Quantum stares from Phlox to P'Tail as Phlox explains that the energy needed can only be obtained from a warp engine on a starship. "We're going to Enterprise," P'Tail tells him. To vaporize you!
Enterprise. A boatswain blows his whistle. The crew is all lined up (aw!), and Trip greets Quantum as the airlock door opens: "It's good to see you, sir." Quantum shakes his hand. "Captain Tucker. I don't think you need to call me 'sir' anymore." "Old habits," Trip grins. They greyed him up a bit too. I feel "eh" about that. Trip's younger than Quantum and might not be grey yet. A receding hairline might have made more sense. Trip explains away the mood lighting as due to the fact that they're running on reserve power. Quantum asks how long he's been in command. Trip thinks for a bit: "Nine years. I've got some people who would like to say hello." Quantum steps into the corridor and sees the crew all lined up, Reed first. Reed shakes Quantum's hand and tells him he's looking well. We find out that Reed has been promoted to captain and is taking over Ramirez's post on theIntrepid. Quantum jokingly asks if everyone went out and got their own ships in his absence. "Not everyone," a bobbed Hoshi says, stepping forward. They hug tightly. Double "aw"! Trip invites him to a reception in the Mess, but Phlox says they have to go to Engineering first. Quantum nods. Hoshi looks sad. It's much better than looking bored. I should know.
Engineering. Lots of technobabble about what Phlox has to do.
Quantum sits in what are presumably his old quarters. He doesn't seem to know what to do with himself, and I love that Bakula got that across! P'Tail joins him. Quantum acts ill at ease. "You left the reception early," P'Tail comments. "It was a little disturbing. From my perspective I left those most of those people just a few hours ago," Quantum explains. He thinks it couldn't have been easy for P'Tail to tell him the same story over and over for twelve years. "I don't always tell it in detail," P'Tail says. "No, just for sweeps," the Delighted Dr. Mathra agrees. In a sense, P'Tail and Quantum have a real marriage where you tell each other the same thing over and over and over and over again. Like where the dishtowels are kept, right, Mathra? Or asking Mom where the ice cream is, right, Dad? "I hope I've told you this before but I'm very grateful for everything you've done for me," Quantum tells P'Tail. P'Tail looks down. "If this works..." Quantum says. Phlox comms to say he's ready for him now. Wait! If it works, then what? They'll get married, because in twelve years he hasn't made an honest woman of her yet? Tell me! Dammit. I can't believe they made me care about romance on this show. But it's less of the sex-sex, dinners-dinners than it is the nurturing, caring, and being-companions type, so it's nice. Natural. And fresh-feeling. Like Summer's Eve.
Bridge. Oh, my GOD! Malcolm has a very wide goatee! In the dark corridor, I thought he just had torpedo grease on his face. It's so thick, it's almost handlebars! He's Mirror Malcolm, but without being bad to the bone. I think he grew it to hide all evidence of lipgloss. Reed reports picking up signatures that could be a ship. Trip orders them to check it out.
Engineering. Quantum lies in an open SCAT tube with a "Spock's Brain"-like contraption on his head. Thanks to akg, I recently saw the uncut version in all it's awfulness. T'Pol and Phlox take readings. Phlox increases the power on Quantum's Brain and watches some scans as dark areas disappear. Quantum winces and twitches a bit. Oops! You didn't need that frontal lobe, did you? Phlox and T'Pol remove the headpiece and help Quantum up.
Bridge. They approach a ship that doesn't appear to be Xindi and has one bio-sign aboard. Trip asks the ship what it wants. There's no answer, but the ship moves away. They follow and fire on a nacelle as it tries to escape. The nacelle of the other ship flickers off, and Trip orders it dragged to the launch bay.
Sickbay. Phlox is pleased with the results of Quantum's treatment and intimates that P'Tail might be joining him on his voyage home. P'Tail tells Phlox that she plans to stay at the settlement for the present, as Quantum may need her help during recovery. Phlox grins, and I get a load of his long, stringy, greasy curls -- YUCK! Phlox, what were you thinking? Hockey hair can-NOT be all the rage on Denobula! "Have you told the Captain how you feel about him?" Phlox asks. P'Tail stares at Phlox, who gleefully points out that she's obviously become attached and it's nothing to be ashamed of: "Vulcans experience the same emotions as other species. They're just better at hiding them." P'Tail protests that she's not hiding anything: "He risked his life to save me, I'm merely repaying a debt." "I can only imagine what that must have been like. Spending all those years in that house, learning so much about him, yet he remembers nothing about you beyond the day that he became ill. If we're successful, perhaps things will be different," Phlox grins. They've added age spots to his face, and he looks really ghoulish with that hair. Plus, there's something yellow going on with his teeth. As is her usual defense, P'Tail turns back to her scans. She notes a discrepancy. "What is it?" Phlox asks, stepping closer, grin completely gone.
Brig. Trip and Reed's goatee question a Yridian, who insists that he was waiting for a buyer for his Rigellian flamegems. Trip and Reed don't believe him, since they've learned that his species is known for trading in information, and demand to know who hired him. When the Yridian isn't forthcoming, Trip orders Reed to literally tear apart his ship until they find anything or nothing. The Yridian doesn't want his ship destroyed, so he admits that he was hired to follow Phlox. Phlox? Why? To stop him from curing Quantum? To lead the Xindi right to Quantum since they've wanted him dead since we first saw them? Or maybe it's the Suliban..."HIRED BY WHO!?" Trip yells. "By whom." The Yridian doesn't know, and starts to say, "I was paid to follow the Denobulan if he ever left his homeworld..." but Trip lifts him up by his shirt and bangs him against the wall. "What did you tell them?" he demands, going red in the face. "Answer me!"
Sickbay. Trip storms in and asks what the problem is. Phlox complains that the engineers won't let them continue with Quantum's treatment. P'Tail and Phlox explain that curing Quantum will literally solve all their problems and save humanity and Earth. "Earth's gone," Trip points out flatly. Great delivery. Just a restatement of the fact, with no emotion left to care what the words really mean. Phlox explains that when he got rid of the parasites -- which look like a bunch of little jacks that you play Jacks with -- in Quantum's hippocampus today, their presence also disappeared from scans he had taken over the twelve years of Quantum's affliction. Duuuuuude. That's an awesome way out of this timeline! "By destroying the organisms in the present, we appeared to have neutralized them in the past," T'Pol explains. Phlox says the parasites exist outside of time, and that it's possible that destroying all of them will mean that Quantum's disease will never have happened in the first place. "History may be altered. Captain Archer will have remained in command of Enterprise and our mission in the Expanse could have an entirely different outcome," P'Tail says. And now my brain's gone cross-eyed. They plead for a diversion of power, but Trip won't okay it, as they need all the power for the weapons. P'Tail says that if the Xindi are on the way, there's little they can do to stop them. Trip acknowledges this, but refuses to go down without a fight. Hoshi calls him to the Bridge. Trip promises that they'll talk about all good things later.
Bridge. Hoshi says their probes are reporting that six Xindi ships have entered the system.
Reed charges weapons as Enterprise joins up with other ships. I think those are Xindi? Trip confirms that "everyone is in position," and Reed reports that the Xindi ships are within weapons range. Enterprise fires. The ship shakes, and Reed says, "Our shields are holding. Nice to know they work in combat." "Remind me to send a thank-you note to General Shran," Trip responds. Shields!? And -- General Excedrin PM? Oh, this episode is far too good to be true! Enterprise leads two Xindi ships away as the other four continue heading toward the planet. Two Earth ships come from behind the Xindi ships. At least one looks exactly like Enterprise, and the other looks like the Reliant, which means they did an awful lot of shipbuilding in twelve years. Or nine, I guess, if those ships weren't made until after Earth and the Earth colonies were destroyed. The Intrepid and the Reliant clone fire on the Xindi ships. Reed reports damage to the Bug House ship and that it's losing power. Enterprise takes out the other ship's engine, and Reed reports that the other four ships are changing their course away from the planet. I can't take my eyes off his facial hair -- it's a really bushy growth! Honey, here's a tip: if your goatee throws shadows, it's time to trim it back. With hedge clippers. Trip sits down in his chair and says, "I think we're going to find out how much of a beating these new shields can take." I love this episode and all, but you gotta wonder why other species -- Andorian, Vulcan, Klingon, and more that we've met in the past three years -- aren't jumping in to defend humans against what could very possibly be a dangerous foe for all of them. Shran's been made a general, which could imply wartime if it weren't for the fact that we know Andorians to be "war-like," which means they probably just give each other military titles for fun.
Sickbay. Quantum staggers to his feet and, avoiding P'Tail's protests, says he's not going to stand by while "they destroy what's left of humanity." Phlox stays in Sickbay and P'Tail runs after her husba-- er, "patient."
Shields are at forty-two percent, and Quantum can't get on the turbolift. It's not that he can't remember how it works, it's just that it's not working at all. He takes an access tube, and T'Pol follows. Can we really, in all good faith, ignore the sexual overtones of them climbing through a tube together? I didn't think so.
The ship that looks like Intrepid is fired on. Its port nacelle cracks and falls off. Dude, that's bad. But oh, it's so GOOD! Hoshi reports that the Intrepid has taken a direct hit. Sad -- that's Malcolm's ship! Why isn't he on it? He's now captain, right? Trip orders Intrepid to withdraw. Reed says Enterprise's phase cannons are down.
P'Tail and Quantum climb through tubes. I hope she's on birth control.
Reed shouts that their forward shields are collapsing, and Hoshi shouts back, "Hull breaches on B-deck! C-deck!" Reed yells, "They're targeting the Bridge!" "Hard to port!" Trip orders. Outside, the Xindi ships fire repeatedly at the Bridge until the entire section is cut out and you can see inside. Wow. I just got major pricks behind my eyes (for once it's not Quantum) and goosebumps all over. Reed, Trip, and Hoshi are dead.
P'Tail almost falls off the ladder, but Quantum helps her back. He gets to a computer and checks the ship's status. "The Bridge is gone," Quantum breathes. P'Tail comms Phlox to meet them in Engineering to finish the procedure. Because now that Trip's dead, they might as well disobey his orders. Quantum says they don't have time to worry about his parasites, but P'Tail tells him he's wrong and leads him away to explain.
Three Rent-a-Redshirts carry a wounded Rent-a-Redshirt down a corridor. A nest of Snake Eyes transports in and shoots all of them.
Engineering. In a very high voice, Phlox reports that the Quantum's Brain chamber has been damaged. Quantum's parasites allow him to remember, "Didn't you say we could destroy the parasites with a subspace implosion?" "Yes, but that would --" Phlox starts to say, but Quantum interrupts to ask P'Tail, "Can we create one?" P'Tail says they need to overload three plasma injectors. "You'll destroy the ship!" Phlox says. Quantum says it doesn't make much of a difference anymore. Quantum leaps around and tells Phlox and P'Tail to get to the sh'pods: "They're only after humans. If this doesn't work out, you'll still have a chance!" Not necessarily. I don't think the Xindi are the type to just ignore those working with the humans just because they happen to have non-red blood. P'Tail joins Quantum at the warp core. Quantum looks at her and then back at Phlox: "That's an order!" "With all due respect, sir," P'Tail says quietly, "you were relieved of command." Damn straight! And he's a much better actor because of it. What is it with the episodes that show Bakula at his finest being the ones where he's not really acting Captain Quantumly? Something to ponder.
Snake Eyes storm the ship and kill some Uh-Ohs.
A few Snake Eyes creep into Engineering. Phlox shoots at them. Is that the first time we've seen Phlox wield a weapon? He doesn't need to spend more time in the armory! A Snake Eyes fires back, and Phlox flips over the catwalk in a shower of sparks. Quantum runs to check on him, grabs the fallen phaser, and fires back at the Snake Eyes. He misses. He shakes Phlox some more. Snake Eyes fires. Quantum fires again. He misses. However, you, my friend, do need to spend more time in the armory. Okay, did you just hear that? It sounded like "tra-lot, tra-lot, tra-lot!" I just called Quantum "my friend" without irony, and if I'm not mistaken, the Horsemen of the Apocalypse will be breaking their journey at my apartment. Quantum and P'Tail do some more work at the warp core. Aw, Phlox is dead! Snake Eyes fires and hits P'Tail; she falls, also dead. Quantum fires back and this time finally hits one of the bad guys! Shows what you can accomplish when your lady love is dying on one of your arms. Good thing she's dying on his left arm, right? Quantum lays P'Tail down. And then there was one. Quantum fiddles some more with the core, takes a few hits from another Snake Eyes, fiddles, fires back, fiddles, and is shot full in the middle of his back. Quantum effects a Kirk dying scene, in that it takes a while for him to fall down. He ricochets between the core and the rails behind him before he collapses. With his last dying hand, he does one final fiddle and overloads the third plasma injector. The noise ramps up, and Quantum falls on top of T'Pol. Ahem. What's that Cutting Crew song? "Ohhhhhhhwaaaaah! I just died in your arms tonight." Like I need to ask. I only own the single on tape!
Outer space. Enterprise blows completely to pieces. Damn. It's always very affecting to see a ship called Enterprise get destroyed.
Sickbay. Quantum washed that grey right outta his hair and wakes up in his uniform. Phlox asks how he feels. Quantum responds, just like in the alternate timeline, that he feels like a sh'pod landed on his head. T'Pol's there to say that they cleared the anomalies, and the repairs to the partially damaged nacelle should be completed soon. Phlox tells Quantum he suffered a mild concussion and he'd like to keep him overnight for observation. Quantum agrees wearily. "You could have been seriously injured, I told you to leave me behind," T'Pol reproves. "Fortunately, I don't take orders from you," Quantum tells her, again parroting their earlier conversation, which proves this whole episode wasn't a dream; it was an alternate timeline. T'Pol hands over an e-pad, saying she believes he wanted to see it. "Rosemary's Baby?" Quantum reads. "You were obviously looking forward to it," T'Pol says, "and since you're not going to be able to attend tonight..." Quantum thanks her. As T'Pol leaves, Quantum calls out, "Oh, would you mind bringing me another pillow?" T'Pol stops, turns around, and walks deliberately over to a drawer immediately to Quantum's bed. She pulls out a pillow and, seeing Quantum lift his head, tucks it under his neck. She walks away again. "Would you turn down the lights just a little?" Quantum asks. T'Pol stops, turns, gives him a look, and adjusts the lights. He's going to ask for a drink of water , isn't he? "Anything else?" T'Pol asks with ear-pointed patience. "No, that's great," Quantum says, looking at the epad. He hasn't exactly said "thank you" yet, has he? "You know," he starts, and again T'Pol turns patiently around, "You'd make a wonderful nurse." He gives a silly half-grin and settles back in to his pillow to watch the movie. T'Pol stands there for a moment, looks at him one more time, and leaves.
My final defense in the case of Episode vs. Posters is concerning Quantum's jerktitude in this scene. Look, you all are so VERY painfully aware of how I feel about Quantum, but I did feel that this scene was necessary for the writers to show us they were back to she same-old-same-old. To wit, he's back to being the ass we all love to hate. Or hate to love. I will even go so far to say that the writers are fully aware that his character is a jerk, and they were intentionally playing that up in these last few minutes. It's as if the writers finally nodded to us, and either said, "Yes, we're intentionally writing his character as a jerk," or "You all expect him to be a jerk when everything's normal, so here he is." Maybe they did go a touch too far, seeing that the pillow was in the drawer right to the silly ass's bed. However, I saw a bit of that Kirk-Spock camaraderie where Kirk is an annoying ass and Spock gives him the silent eye-roll. You realize, don't you, that that's the highest compliment I can give? Good. Mark this date in history, for it might not come again.
Week: It's a Fistful of Quantums! Or Spectre of the Vulcan! I think it's entirely possible that every series has done a western in some way, so I can't fault Enterprise for following suit. ["But I think Shack might." -- Sars]