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A Suicide Laserer from outer space performs a little Lasik surgery on Florida and kills millions of people, so Quantum and Qrew are recalled to Earth where Trip learns his little sister was among the casualties. However, the journey back to Earth is fraught with roadside distractions in the form of a little farm stand of fresh Klingon revenge and a Suliban abduction rest stop with a great view of the future. After some predictable whining and badgering of Admiral "I'm Too Evil for My Uniform" Forrest, Quantum is allowed back on the road to seek and destroy those that would seek and destroy them. Ambassador Soval orders T'Pol back to Vulcan, but she decides to resign her commission and stay with her human bosom buddies. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Since certain unofficial Trek sites seem to be so smug when my recaps don't always jibe perfectly with votes accumulated on the site (they're obviously unaware of the concept of vote spamming), I will direct them to an incredible piece that Pamie wrote, but also pull the most pertinent part:
"Those of you who love your television shows, you should demand the same quality. Don't just love it because it's there. Don't embrace it because it's on and being on and existing is better than being cancelled and gone. When they don't live up to your expectations, when someone could sit down and watch one episode and get the wrong idea (that it's a piece of poorly-written shit), then you should snark it. You should be just as passionate about getting used for your love as you are passionate when the show gets everything right. You love puppies, right? You love your puppy so much you'd get hit by a car for it. But what happens when your puppy pisses on your bed? You shout 'NO!' right in its face, and maybe even kick it outside for a little while.That's what we do at Television Without Pity. We housetrain your television."
See, I'm not ranting for my health here. I want to like this show. I want it to thrill me. I want it to be a sizzling feast of savory entertainment. But it's just not, and I won't be satisfied with the lumpy vanilla pudding that has been delivered to my table episode after episode, no matter how many times I plead for a Tarte Tatin with crème anglaise. Just as eleven years of training has taught me to know good writing, a lifetime of sitting in front of one has schooled me in good television -- and this ain't it. Be that as it may, this finale kept me awake, relatively entertained, and hopeful for season even if I still came away with an antipathy for the sanctimonious and ever-insensitive Captain Quantum. Please make him be evil, because otherwise I despair for this character!
From parts unknown, some pod -- it looks like a cross between Max in Flight of the Navigator and that metallic whiffle ball Luke bats around -- opens up its cyclopsian eye and aims a death ray right at Earth. For no particular reason -- but one that I'm convinced must have something to do with the 2000 election recount -- the laser starts in the middle of Florida and neatly slices down through the center of America's wang. Hee -- Alex Richmond is rude, crude, and pretty damn hysterical. We get a close-up of the laser's path and watch it continue through Cuba and across the ocean. Too bad the laser didn't jog slightly east; it could have finally made Hispaniola separate but equal. In fact, if it were so inclined to jump over to Korea, the DMZ would be a thing of the past. Of course, being that this is three hundred years into the future, it could already be "of the past." Moving right along in search of good times and good news. Its laser beam emptied, the pod pops off some metal braces and zooms away -- not back from whence it came, but following the curvature of the Earth.
I find your lack of faith of the heart disturbing.
Kronos. Duras the Baggage Handler is given a chance to reclaim his command and his honor by going after Quantum One Last Time. Duras swears he won't fail this time. I'm really surprised they're even giving him a chance -- all the Klingons I know would have excommunicated his insides long ago.
Enterprise. The main cast wonders why Quantum has gathered them all together in the Mess Hall. "[Quantum's] speaking to Admiral Forrest," Hoshi informs Trip. "It's the third time in the last hour." That's because evil people can never confine their thoughts to a single conversation -- they tend babble endlessly. "Maybe it has something to do with the Fe--" Reed says, but stops as Quantum walks in. Dammit! What was he going to say? "Federation"? "Ferengi"? I rewound the scene, and he definitely was starting to say "feh"-something. Quantum announces that there's been an attack on Earth. "What dew yew meen, an...at-tack?" Trip asks. For some reason, this made us all burst out laughing. I think it's because Trip's an idiot. "A probe. They don't know where it came from. It fired a weapon. That cut a swath. Four thousand kilometers long. From Florida to Venezuela. There may have been a million casualties," Quantum says. A "swath"? Hey, do you think this will be one of those times where the news gets around the ship like a game of Telephone? You know what I mean. Each level of the qrew has to pass along the news to their underlings until finally, at the end of the line, people are all, "Okay, something about a Swatch?" The Qrew boggles. "We've been recalled," Quantum adds. "Did they say why?" Trip wonders. Quantum says he didn't ask. Because it's not like that would be pertinent information to get out of the Admiral during those three (nearly four) conversations he's had with him in the last hour. Man, the Admiral really is evil. Failing that, Quantum really is that stupid. May-berry Beret notes that it will take awhile to get back just as the Bridge comms Quantum that the Admiral is on the phone for him. Again. Quantum orders Sexy Mother-Weather to set a course at warp five. I guess going warp five just isn't a big deal anymore. Remember how cool it was in "Fallen Hero" when they almost flew the ship apart at warp five? Sad.
Ready Room. Quantum stands at his Weight Of The World Window and ponders how to work it into the script later on. Trip enters, and shakily asks if Quantum has found out just what part of Florida was hit by the frickin' laser beam minus the sharks. Quantum doesn't turn around at Trip's entrance, and actually still keeps his back to his Engineer when Trip asks about the greater Miami area. This is where my hate for Quantum begins to sprout wings. He knows Trip is from Florida -- I know Trip is from Florida, and I don't even like him. Hell, we ALL know Trip is from Florida -- so Quantum should have immediately grokked the reason for Trip's anxiety, and should have likewise been concerned. All Quantum says is, "No, I'm sorry." See the above as to why I don't believe he's really sorry. That's quadrupled by the fact that nothing in Bakula's delivery even convinces me that he's really sorry, or is even thinking of Trip at all. Trip mutters softly, "She may have been away. Architects take a lot of trips." And it takes that fishing from Trip for Quantum to finally turn around and ask, "Older or younger?" See! He knew! He knew that Trip would have been worried about some member of his family, but for some unfurrowable reason, he didn't bother to ask Forrest on Trip's behalf about the Floridian specifics; nor has he acted comforting toward Trip in the least! WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON WITH THIS CHARACTER? Picard, Sisko, Kirk, and Janeway never would have acted with such complete callousness. Yet so many people think Trip and Quantum have such a "special" relationship. To that I say: piffle! "M'baby sister," Trip chokes out. Quantum sighs and shakes his head as Trip talks about how protective he was of her when they were kids. "Maybe she was away," Quantum says. He delivers the line in the weirdest way, and byobkenobi brilliantly pointed out that he flipped the channel away from John Wayne and landed on Nixon there. She's totally right. In breath, head movement, and tone, it was all Tricky Dick just for that moment.
Trip tries to control his emotions as he nods and asks if there is anything more Quantum can tell him. All Quantum says is that the death toll is now at three million. As Trip wonders why someone would do this, T'Pol enters to tell Quantum that a Vulcan transport located the pod in central Asia and brought it back to Starfleet Headquarters. All they learned is that there was a pilot in the pod who was killed on impact. "Who the hell was he -- what species?" Trip demands. T'Pol says no one knows that yet. "Did they say anything about what part of Florida was hit?" Trip asks. T'Pol shakes her head and looks back at Quantum, who explains Trip's reason for worry. Again, it shouldn't need to be explained -- my cats, who don't even know what Florida is, knew that Trip was from there! Reed comms that a passel of Suliban ships are approaching them. "Just what we need," Quantum moans. "Tactical alert." He grabs Trip slightly on the shoulder as he passes by him to leave the room, and that is all we get from him. Do you remember that white patch of hair Bakula used to have? I think when that disappeared, so did his acting chops. If we find the skunk piece, we'll find the real Scott Bakula. Hey, there's a conspiracy theory for you: this isn't really Scott Bakula, it's his evil twin Stewie. You know, Quantum being evil could actually make him way more interesting. He'd be the first featured Starfleet captain to be of the evil ways. It might even explain why we don't seem to hear about him in the future. Sort of like how the Brits don't like to mention King John, and usually only call him Prince John.
Suliban pods encroach. They can't manage to hail the Suliban, and very soon we see a few Suliban running around the Bridge toward Quantum. One is even on the ceiling, but with his head aimed down and his wrists reversed as he scuttles across. I do love that effect -- it creeps me out deliciously. The lights go out. When they come on again, Quantum is gone.
Because he's pacing on the Suliban ship. I know they must have transported him over, but it's odd that when the lights were out on the Bridge, we wouldn't have seen the light effects of the transport. Silik and two other Suliban pay Quantum a visit. Silik says that someone needs to speak to the Great Captain. Quantum accuses Silik of being party to the millions killed on Earth. Silik affects not to know what he's talking about, and repeats that there is someone he needs to speak with who has information he might find useful. "Information about what?" Quantum demands. "Something to do with your species -- it's in great danger," Silik tells him. Silik kind of looks like he's got a goiter in this scene. I guess it could be a new genetic enhancement. Or bad makeup. Silik takes Quantum into the previously Trippy Shower Room, and we see a silhouetted Shower Guy standing motionless in his Turkish showerhouse. He remains completely motionless throughout his dialogue with Quantum -- an effect that makes him look like a cardboard cut-out. If I were Quantum, I wouldn't trust anything that doesn't move when it speaks, because it usually means they're kicking back with Dunkin' Donuts and coffee while the boardroom is stuck staring at his wedding photo. Shower Guy lets Quantum know that his planet was attacked by a probe sent by the Xindi. A race, Shower Guys says, that learned their world would be destroyed by humans in four hundred years. Quantum wonders how the Xindi know their future. Maybe they're a race of seers? "They were told by people of the future -- people who can communicate through time," Shower Guy says. Oh. Quantum wants to know, "Are those the ones the Suliban are working for?" "The Suliban work for me," Shower Guy corrects him. Quantum accuses Shower Guy of being the one to try to start a Klingon civil war, "the one who's manipulated my mission from day one!" "The people who have contacted the Xindi belong to another faction," Shower Guy says calmly. Hmm -- could it be Dan, Dan the Michelin Man?
Shower Guy goes on to say that the Suicide Laserer was only a test, and the Xindi are building a far more powerful weapon that will be used to destroy Earth. Yeah, a "that's no moon, that's a space station" kind of weapon. "Annihilate us before we can annihilate them," Quantum muses, and wonders why Shower Guy is being so one with the freedom of information act. "The Xindi were not supposed to learn of their future. If they deploy this weapon it will contaminate the timeline," Shower Guy says. Isn't the timeline already contaminated even without the deployment of the Death Star? I mean, they've already done some damage to Earth, and I would think that the knowledge of their future is itself temporal contamination. Shower Guy says that Quantum must not let it happen. "Why should I believe you?" Quantum demands. "You have no choice but to believe me," Shower Guy says. Yes, he does -- it's called not believing him. WTF? Please don't tell me Quantum is going to be so naïve as to actually think that's a good enough response after all the Suliban have done to them already.
The Suliban pods run away. In his Ready Room, Quantum rubs his face while T'Pol questions Shower Guy's motives. "Why didn't he tell you all of this before millions of people were killed?" she asks. Good point. "They didn't think we'd believe them!" Quantum shouts. So? Why would you? Why are you now? Furthermore, why are you shouting at T'Pol? You know what, don't answer -- just shut up, Quantum. T'Pol thinks the Vulcan High Command and Starfleet will find a "far more logical" explanation for the attack on Earth. Quantum shouts that Shower Guy may be telling the truth. "If he is, I need your sup-PORT [I hope Jolene had a tissue to wipe that spit off her face], not your damn skepticism!" Quantum rants. How are you going to prove that Shower Guy's telling the truth?
Quantum logs that the journey home has been very difficult, and they now know that over seven million people were killed in the "swath." On the Bridge, Little May Cor-weather points out their distant sun on the viewscreen. Reed announces that a vessel is dropping out of warp behind them. Before T'Pol can identify the ship, they are fired upon. We see a Klingon Bird of Prey wing in.
I think Marky Mark needs to stop thinking he can remake classic movies.
The Bird of Prey and Enterprise have a big ol' dogfight. Hoshi reads back a message that the Klingons sent out: "Archer's an enemy of the Empire. He must be brought to justice if honor is to be regained." "Duras," Quantum says. Now how exactly does he know that? Other Klingons and bounty hunters have been after him since his escape from Rura Penthe -- why would he immediately fix on Duras who, when last they met, was a lowly baggage handler? It could be those Klingons in "Bounty" that he escaped from, seeking to restore their honor which was sullied when they allowed a prisoner to beat them off and escape from their ship. They fight some more. The Klingons are about to board Enterprise when three Earth vessels -- one of them even looks very much like a smaller Enterprise -- fly into the picture and start attacking Duras's ship. The Klingon shields and weapons fail, and they withdraw. On the Enterprise Bridge, Hoshi reports, "It's Captain Ramirez, sir, from the Intrepid." That must have been the one that looked like Enterprise. Captain Ramirez's face appears on the viewscreen as he smirks, "What the hell was that all about?" and welcomes Quantum home, though he wishes it were under better circumstances.
Overhead shot of Enterprise orbiting Earth. The whole crew looks pensive as they see Florida. Except Trip, who doesn't look up at all but stands with his head bent and his eyes on the floor. There's a great shot from behind Quantum and Trip with the viewscreen shot of the damaged Florida right between their two heads. Considering my opinion of Quantum's behavior thus far in this episode, it's fitting that they show Florida to be dividing the two men. Ass.
Starfleet HQ. At night. From an angle we haven't seen yet. Quantum tries to convince a skeptical Forrest and a meditating Soval (seriously, his eyes are closed throughout much of the conversation -- what the hell else was he doing?) about the veracity of his meeting with Shower Guy. Soval trots out the Vulcan Science Directorate's feelings about time travel. I think Forrest is skeptical because he's trying to cover up the fact that he's actually Shower Guy. Seriously, no one can be that boring and not be something evil. Quantum pleads, "Are you willing to risk a second attack? All I'm asking is to take Enterprise and find these Xindi. What do we have to lose? A single starship?" "Their only warp five starship," Mr. byobkenobi points out calmly. Quantum thinks it's a small price to pay, and Soval (still with his eyes closed) asks if Quantum even knows where the coordinates Shower Guy gave him are. All Quantum knows is that it's a three-month trip. "They're inside the Delphic Expanse," Soval says, "a region of space nearly two thousand light-years across. Vulcan ships have entered in, but only a few have returned." "Sounds like you're talking about the Bermuda Triangle," Quantum snots. No, honey, the Bermuda Triangle is that space between your ears -- this is much scarier.
Soval finally opens his eyes and turns around: "There have been reports of fierce and dangerous species, unexplained anomalies. In some regions even the laws of physics don't apply." So it's a bad sci-fi movie -- what's the big? "Twenty years ago a Klingon vessel emerged from the Expanse. Every crewman on board had been anatomically inverted, their bodies splayed open, and they were still alive." But dying of embarrassment. I'm trying to think how that would even work -- does that mean I would be able to see the back of my head and finally get that cowlicky thing to lie flat? Soval thinks Quantum would be smart to avoid the Expanse. But as we all know, Quantum is not smart, so he says that it is a risk he and many of his crew are willing to take. Soval argues some more about Quantum having no proof of what Shower Guy was talking about. I really have to agree with the pointy-eared guy on this one. Even if he can trot out proof that the probe is from the future, nothing else Shower Guy was telling Quantum about the Weapon Of Mass Destruction, or even of the location of the Xindi, can be proved. Shower Guy could even been lying about what species launched this attack on Earth in order to get Quantum all het up so he'll go after the innocent Xindi and massacre them, thus taking them out of Shower Guy's way and earning humans the reputation for being mass murderers. Admiral Forrest adds that, as they've already lost so many people, Starfleet Command would need some sort of proof before they'd allow Quantum to fly off half-cocked. "I'm not sure if the person I spoke to was from the future or not," Quantum pouts, "but he knew this is the reaction I would get." And that proves what? That he knows something about human nature? I predicted that would be the reaction he would get from the Ambassador and Admiral Doubting Thomas. Wait, does that mean I'm from the future? Hold on -- I think I'm Shower Guy! Kudos to Bermaga, because that's a twist I didn't see coming. Although you'd think I would have, considering who I am. Quantum says that Shower Guy -- I mean, "Keckler" -- gave him proof.
Leading them into the hangar set from "First Flight," Quantum wanders around the wreckage of the pod and scans it. "This is quantum-dating the debris." Yes, he certainly is. Wait, is that a shout-out? Maybe a teeny tiny one. He babbles about how old some of the individual pieces are. "Your point, Jonathan?" Forrest prompts him. "I'm getting to it!" Quantum shouts. "Not fast enough!" I yell, just as byobkenobi yells, "Well, hurry up!" But despite our impatience, he still takes awhile. Because of the "drama." He pulls a piece out and tells Forrest he might find the scan interesting. "Your scanner's not working properly," Forrest says. "Why is that, sir?" Quantum asks innocently. "The quantum date reads minus four-twenty," Forrest says. "What's wrong with that?" Quantum prompts like a kindergarten teacher. "Quantum dating always registers in positive numbers," Forrest says obediently. Quantum pulls out another scanner and takes a reading of the piece. "Then I guess this one's not working, either," he ironics. Soval storms over and yanks the scanner away. He looks at it and sighs. "You said he told you this faction from the future could only communicate through time, so how do you suggest they got this component to the Xindi?" Soval asks. Quantum admits to not having a clue, but it doesn't change the fact that the fragment is from the future. Forrest says he'll speak to Starfleet Command about their findings. Soval fumes silently, but in a totally logical way. Quantum walks over to a cryo-bed and asks to see inside. Forrest unlocks it and slides the drawer open. No, it's not Walt Disney, who I know wasn't cryogenically frozen, since my grandfather was actually present at the man's funeral to read his eulogy. All we can see is a burned and smoky corpse. Quantum scans it. "Are you suggesting this is a Xindi?" Soval asks. "I sure as hell'd like to find out," Quantum frowns.
Enterprise is docked in The Giant Hairclip Garage. Quantum enters Sick Bay and sees Phlox standing with a Vulcan. Phlox introduces him as "Dr. Fer'at," who needs to check him over for pyritic radiation exposure, since he was playing around the alien debris. "Why didn't Starfleet catch it?" Quantum snits. "Some of our equipment is still more advanced than yours," Fer'at Sade points out. Duh, Quantum. The Vulcan doctor invites Quantum to have a seat. Which Quantum does with difficulty. "Kinda hard to sit with a stick up your ass," byobkenobi observes as Ro coos her agreement. Fer'at Sade asks, "Have you experienced any dizziness or nausea?" Only when I watch this show -- does that count? Quantum says he feels fine. "Any numbness in your extremities?" Fer'at Sade prods. I always snigger over that one. Because I'm twelve. "I was told you think a piece of the wreckage came from the future," Fer'at Sade mentions casually. "I know -- Vulcans don't believe in time travel," Quantum says. "Some of us do," Fer'at Sade says, and then asks if the time traveler Quantum danced with naked under the full moon was humanoid. Phlox looks over at them, and Quantum asks how he knew about that. "I was briefed before coming here," Fer'at Sade says smoothly, and keeps scanning. Quantum says he seemed humanoid, but he couldn't see him very well. "Have you encountered people from the future before?" Fer'at Sade asks. What is this? Is he now going to ask if Quantum hears voices and thinks people are plotting against him? Quantum asks what any of this has to do with the radiation. Fer'at Sade just admits to curiosity. "It must be very difficult to have so many people question your story," Fer'at Sade comments. I think it was at this point that byobkenobi, Mr. byobkenobi, and I all joked about whether or not they have shrinks on Vulcan and how hard their jobs must be if everyone is suppressing emotions. On the other hand, byobkenobi pointed out how easy it could be: "You're having an emotion? Suppress it. That'll be forty bucks."
Fer'at Sade keeps after Quantum about how all this makes him feel and then says, "I can sense some anger when you talk about this." Okay, Deanna. "It's kind of strange a Vulcan would be so interested in my feelings," Quantum snaps. "Just curious," Fer'at Sade assures him, and then continues to pry at Quantum. Phlox storms over from his console and says angrily, "I'm afraid this examination is over." Quantum looks back at his doctor in surprise. "I'm nearly finished," Fer'at Sade says. "You are finished," Phlox orders him. "I just checked the Vulcan database. There's only one Dr. Fer'at listed and he's not a pathologist -- he's a psychiatric analyst!" Quantum starts to say something about Soval wanting proof that he's crazy, but Phlox ignores his captain and says to Fer'at Sade, "You come to my Sick Bay under false pretenses? Where are your medical ethics?!" I love Phurious Phlox! Fer'at Sade says he was just following orders, and Quantum tells him he'd like him the hell off his ship: "If you don't mind, Phlox, I'd like you to escort our 'guest' to the airlock." "Gladly," Phlox bites out, as Fer'at Sade wonders to himself if Phlox will even wait for a ship to dock before he does his escorting. Phlox and I just celebrated our two-week anniversary. We had pound cake.
Earth. Florida. Reed and Trip gape as they stand amidst the destruction. "I'm so sorry," Reed breathes. Trip points out where his sister's house would have been, and where the old movie theatre used to stand. "When we were kids, if I didn't take my sister with me she'd scream like a banshee," Trip recalls. Reed asks if he's certain his sister was there when the laser struck. "Someone wulda hurd from her if she wuzzint," Trip says. Sounds like there's an awful lot of disconnect in Trip's family. Wouldn't there be at least one Tucker who would know for sure and beyond all reasonable doubt? None of this "someone wulda hurd" crap.
Josh Hartnett lives two blocks away from my little sister's apartment in Minneapolis.
In what could very possibly be the coolest shot of the entire season, an unfinished NX-class starship hangs in a Giant Hairclip Garage. Quantum logs that he has finally been given the go-ahead by Starfleet to commit suicide in the Delphic Expanse. Quantum and Forrest survey the NX-02 in a pod, and we learn that the second warp five ship will be spaceworthy in fourteen months, that most of Quantum's Qrew is going along for the suicide mission, and that Quantum has requested a complement of extra officers from General Casey. "I was surprised you asked for them. You think you'll be comfortable with the military on board?" Forrest asks. See, he said "the military" there, which means that, currently, Starfleet has no formal connection to "the military." Quantum says that he gots no problems with non-Starfleet personnel: "The General tells me these are the best that he has. I'm going to need all the muscle I can get when we cross into the Expanse." Forrest asks leading questions, but Quantum doesn't know where exactly in the Expanse they have to go, or how long it will take the Xindi to build the Death Star. However, Quantum doesn't think Shower Guy would have warned them if they didn't have a ghost of a chance of stopping them. Unless Admiral "Shower Guy" Forrest was planning on attacking Earth in Quantum's absence.
Sick Bay. Phlox phiddles with stuff, and T'Pol walks in to ask if he is confident with his decision. Phlox pretends not to know what she is talking about. "To remain on Enterprise. Crewman Fuller just told me a shuttle's on its way with two hundred snow beetles," T'Pol says. Phlox muses that they could be for his replacement, but T'Pol counters with, "There isn't a doctor in Starfleet that would have the slightest idea of what to do with them." Phlox finally relents and asks what T'Pol's decision is. "His hair! It's flipped! It's Carol Brady!" byobkenobi calls out. Unfortunately, she's right. T'Pol says she has no decision to make, as she's been ordered by the High Command not to enter the Delphic Expanse and it's not her place to disobey them. Why not? You've done it before. Phlox pooh-poohs that, saying, "Nonsense, you've done it before." See? Married two weeks and we already read each other's thoughts. Phlox philosophizes over how differently they, the two aliens on the ship, approach their decision. Phlox's loyalties unquestionably lie with Quantum and the fact that his services will very much be needed on this mission, but he does note that T'Pol's loyalties are split. T'Pol takes all this in as a crewman enters with the snowbeetle delivery. It just struck me how much of a holistic doctor Phlox really is -- the snot of this plant for that cough, the excretion of that creature for this skin lesion. Interesting. T'Pol thanks Phlox and leaves him to chitter at his bugs.
Armory. Reed proudly surveys his new toys -- photonic torpedoes -- with Trip. For those taking notes, Reed says, "Their range is over fifty times greater than our conventional torpedoes, and they have variable yield." Trip and Reed walk off to integrate the new firepower into the powergrid. In the hallway, Reed tentatively asks Trip if there's going to be a service for his sister. "If you're talking about a funeral, it's kind of pointless when there's nothing left," Trip grits out. Reed, taken aback, says he thought there could have been some sort of memorial. In the background, we can see sparks flying as someone welds something further down the corridor. Mr. byobkenobi notes that that was a nice touch, and I very much agree. We need to see more of that on this series -- so much of their technology (including these new torpedoes) come far too easily to a ship that predates Kirk by a century. Trip says that his sister wasn't big on memorials. Reed tries again: "I read there was a day of remembrance for all the victims a couple of months ago. I'm sorry you missed it." Trip demands to know why Reed is so obsessed with memorials. Reed, like many internet fans, bristles at the term "obsessed." "She's dead. So are seven million others. She was no more important than any of them," Trip vents. Oh, boy -- here we go with the Denial Ain't Just A River In Whatever They Call Egypt In The Future theme. "She was more important to you. There isn't anything wrong with admitting that," Reed says pleadingly. "I'm gettin' reel tired of you tellin' me what I can and can't do. And while we're at it, I don't need you to remind me that Elizabeth was killed. So just let it alone!" Trip's voice shudders. Trip, his eyes small, his nostrils flared! "Okay, Dubya!" byobkenobi comments. Trip starts to walk away and Reed starts to follow, but Trip whirls around and says, "Mebbe yew shuld pay more attention to upgrading yer weapons so we can blow the hell outta these bastards when we find 'em!" Trip stalks off. Poor Reed, he needs lis to comfort him. I find it very interesting that the detached, cold-fishy Brit was the one trying to get the hot-headed Southerner to admit to his grief. And though his nostrils are huge here and anger is easy to call upon, I think Trinneer did an excellent job of teetering between anger and anguish.
Starfleet HQ. The Vulcans and Forrest force Quantum to watch a video from the log of a Vulcan ship that went into the expanse. Its bad camera angles, graininess, and unflattering lighting made me think we were about to watch Love Long and Pop Her. But no. Through the Blair Witch Project camera work, we see a bunch of Vulcans going crazy. Fighting each other, smearing blood on their faces, banging their heads against walls (hey! I do that -- maybe I enter the Delphic Expanse every Wednesday night and I just didn't know it because of the drunkenness), and generally going out of their Vulcan minds. Oh, and just because it's a Vulcan Most Illogical Home Videos doesn't mean it had to be filmed through a green lens. T'Pol has a hard time even looking at the screen. Soval reports that less than an hour after they received the Project Greenlight transmission, the Vulcan ship that sent it was destroyed without any record of malfunction or attack. Soval thinks Quantum should reconsider his mission. Quantum ignores this and asks Forrest if he has anything further for him. Forrest doesn't. Quantum leaves with a look at T'Pol. Soval tells T'Pol he needs to speak with her.
Outside, Soval talks to T'Pol about her career, and tells her she should be able to return to her duties on Earth within a year: "That is, if you're still interested. You haven't been back to Vulcan for some time. You may find your assignment at the Ministry of Information refreshing." T'Pol wonders why she can't stay in San Francisco, and Soval tells her she's spent way too much time with humans. T'Pol, verging on getting emotional -- which really makes no good sense -- argues with Soval about being needed on Enterprise now more than ever. Although she believes it is her choice whether or not to return to Vulcan, Soval tells T'Pol that to refuse to go back to her home planet would result in an immediate dismissal from her post.
Enterprise. Quantum and Forrest walk through the corridors as Quantum says that Soval agreed to allow them to return T'Pol to Vulcan on their way to the Delphic Expanse. Do you think there's an oracle in the expanse that tells you things like, "You will kill your father, marry your mother, and do try to keep your eyes away from an insurmountable desire to puncture them"? I do. At the airlock, Forrest and Quantum say their goodbyes, and Forrest wishes Quantum luck before leaving to rub his hands over some more evil plans. He's already thinking, "It was I who allowed the Alliance to know the location of the shield generator! It is quite safe from your pitiful little band. An entire legion of my best troops awaits them! Oh, I'm afraid the deflector shield will be quite operational when your friends arrive." The moorings release, and the Enterprise leaves the Giant Hairclip. I swear they recycled that scene from the first episode. Yup, they did. It's still a well-done scene.
Duras's Ship. The Klingons lie in wait for Enterprise to go to warp. They charge their weapons and bring them online.
Mess Hall. In comfy civvies and nursing insomnia, Trip and Quantum indulge in a little Small Batch Basil Haden. Trip asks after Porthos: "If no people have ever returned from the Delphic Expanse, I doubt any dogs have." Oh, please don't say that! Man, he should've left the poor pooch at home. With me. Quantum says he's fast asleep. Trip asks if Quantum picks a new science officer, and then supposes that Quantum is going to miss T'Pol. "When they first assigned her, I felt like strangling Soval," is all Quantum says. Trip comments, "Ah, she duz kinda grow on yuh." Like a fungus with dinners. Quantum thought that Trip would be the first to escort her to the airlock. "Nah," Trip shakes his head, managing to imply that maybe once he would've, but now he's got bigger catfish to pan-fry. Trip proposes a toast to Quantum's father: "I wonder what he woulda thought if he'd known his injin was gonna help save the human race." This would be where Quantum should propose a toast to Trip's sister to show he actually cares. But he doesn't. So I go on hating him. Instead, he reminisces about how much more responsibility he has now, compared to when he first landed the job. Selfish bastard. "And then we began running into so many...bad guys, and I had to start thinking about the safety of eighty-three people," Quantum finishes. "And the stakes just got a lot bigger," Trip says. Quantum shrugs and says, "Weight of the world, Trip." No, he DIDN'T JUST SAY THAT! God, if ever I should take something to be a shout-out, that would be it. Man. Someone on the writing staff must be reading these. Trip's face hardens, his nostrils light some flares, and he says, "I can't wait to get in there, Captain. Find the people who did this and tell me we won't be tiptoeing around. None of that non-interference crap T'Pol's always shoving down our throats. Maybe it's a good thang she's leavin'." Okay, first of all, the Xindi attacked Earth because they were acting in preemptive self-defense. I think talking to them before blowing them to Kingdom Come as Trip ordered Reed to do might actually be a good idea. Second of all, I guess the non-reactionary Trip of the end of "Cogenitor" is gone, as he is now fueled with righteous anger and we won't see him considering the consequences before he leaps to action. Quantum assures him that they will do what they have to, "whatever it takes." The ship rocks with blasts.
Bridge. Trip and Quantum literally stumble into the scene, and T'Pol tells them it's Duras. Quantum orders Reed to try out his new torpedoes and to start on "low yield." They fire, and though Duras is surprised by their upgraded weapons, not much damage is done to the Klingon ship. Quantum tells Reed to bring the yield up "fifty percent." Enterprise fires back, and rocks fall all over the Klingon bridge. Duras gets angry, and another Klingon says that the Enterprise shields have been enhanced. That's the first we've heard of it, but I assume it was all part of that retrofit they had going on in the Giant Hairclip. The Klingons drop to impulse, and Enterprise stops firing. Quantum pauses in his chair, looks down at the floor -- he's getting the spins now, isn't he? -- and gets up to demand meanly that T'Pol figure out how long it will take Duras to repair his engines. She predicts three hours. Quantum hopes to get them into Vulcan space before the Klingons get their engines back online.
Quantum's Ready Room. T'Pol enters to vacillate on her decision to return to Vulcan. Quantum lists the reasons why she should be happy to leave: bad food and smelly humans. But she knocks them both down. "How about all those emotions we bombard you with every day?" Quantum asks. She only gets one from you, kid. T'Pol says she's grown accustomed to them, and she doesn't wish to return to Vulcan. Quantum reminds her that the High Command wouldn't allow it, but T'Pol tells him that she is resigning her commission. Quantum's confused. "You're taking Enterprise into a very dangerous place. This is not the time for me to leave," T'Pol explains. He damn well better be touched by her loyalty and stop taking his one emotion out on her. Quantum thinks they'll be all right without her. "You need a science officer whether she's a member of the High Command or not," T'Pol insists. Quantum says he's been thinking about who to promote to that position. "You need me, Captain," T'Pol tells him. Quantum looks at her and leaves the room. On the Bridge, he strides around and seems to prepare himself for An Important Speech In Which Gazelles May Or May Not Be Mentioned. "Keeping away from those Klingons isn't going to be as easy as we thought," he stiffs. May-rotic City is confused. "We're not going to Vulcan," Quantum tells him. He waits for everyone's reactions and then tells I May Die 4 Weather to head for the Delphic Expanse. T'Pol slowly retakes her post. Hoshi smiles slightly. Reed doesn't really have a reaction, even though the camera seems to think he does. So, if she resigns with the High Command, does that mean no more access to the Vulcan Database? Maybe she'll secretly keep her password. Also, who pays her wages now? Is she going to earn her keep on Enterprise by swabbing decks and administering rum?
Quantum logs that they've been travelling for seven weeks and have finally reached the edge of the Delphic Expanse. Quantum poses on the Bridge with one leg cocked and bent on a step above. "He looks like a pointer!" byobkenobi shouts, and I shudder at the word "pointer" and that particular fabric-straining-at-the-crotch stance of Quantum's. Quantum and T'Pol sciencebabble about how long and deep and far the Delphic Expanse is and goes. They go in.
It's cloudy. It's purple. And it's pretty. Byobkenobi and I consult with one another on how unscary that makes the Delphic Expanse. All is quiet on the Delphic front, with nothing showing up on sensors. Hoshi comments that they've been in the Expanse for more than six hours. Quantum begs patience. Trip boards the Bridge and announces that they launched a communication buoy and have a test signal through to Starfleet. T'Pol's con beeps. Trip assumes it's the buoy, but it's actually three Klingon ships. Enterprise is fired on. This is where the filming on the Bridge of Enterprise gets really weird. It's like the film got speeded up or the frames per second got screwed up. It's also very digitized-looking, and I can't really figure out why. I almost want to guess that they used a different kind of camera and a different kind of film from the rest of the episode. "I thought you said the Klingons wouldn't go into the Expanse!" Trip shouts at Quantum. "We aren't in the Expanse yet!" Quantum tells him. You're not? Then where the hell are you -- the Expanse's foyer? The Klingons fire a few more shots before hailing them. Duras tells Quantum to surrender. "Go to hell!" Quantum slurs a bit. He's not still drunk after seven weeks, is he? Duras makes some more noises, but Quantum tires of him and hangs up mid-threat. T'Pol reports that they are nearing the real Expanse now. Quantum guesses that's why Duras ordered them to come about -- he's afraid to follow them into the Expanse. Quantum orders full speed ahead. On the Klingon ship, Duras is told that the other Klingon ships are going to turn back. "Cowards!" Duras hisses. "We'll do it ourselves." "We're too close to the Expanse!" the Klingon pilot says. Duras throws him out of his seat and takes over the helm.
In the Pretty Purple Haze, the other two Klingon ships bug out. Duras's ship follows Enterprise. They fire at each other. T'Pol reports that the Expanse is five minutes away. More firing on Enterprise, and Quantum observes that Reed's torpedoes aren't that effective against Duras's ship anymore. "Duras has transferred his aft shields forward -- our weapons can't penetrate them," Reed tells him. Engineering takes a severe hit, and a random qrewman flips over the catwalk and down to the ground along with some rocks. Could that be their first casualty? Trip reports a loss of three anti-matter injectors, which puts them near to the realm of deep doo-doo. Quantum asks, "If he's transferred his shielding forward, what's protecting his stern?" "Does it matter? He's chasin' us!" Trip says. "What's protecting his stern?" Quantum demands again. "Minimal shielding," T'Pol reports. Is he going to pull a Wrath of Khan move? "You think you can pull off an L-4 at this speed?" Quantum asks When You Were Mayweather, who thinks he can try. Quantum tells him to climb for the densest cloud formation he can find, and comms all hands to put their seatbelts on. May Soft and Weather joysticks them straight up into the clouds and loop-dee-loops so that they come right behind Duras's ship. When they first starting heading up to the clouds, I totally thought they were going to pull some sort of Top Gun giving-the-bird-to-the-MIG type of move. Duras is busy looking ahead of him for Enterprise through the thick clouds. Quantum orders Reed to fire. Reed smirks and fires. The Klingon ship breaks apart, and the head flies toward the camera. Now, it looks as though the Bridge portion of the head of the ship does explode, even if the whole head doesn't completely disintegrate in this shot. Enterprise flies through the wreckage they created. I always thought that was such an unnecessary, show-offy move. It's like excessive celebration after a touchdown -- there should be a penalty for it.
Quantum compliments I Could Never Take the Place Of You-weather's Atari skills. "I hope you don't ask me to do that too often, sir," Under The Cherry Weather sighs. Why the hell not? It got you some lines, didn't it? Hoshi reports that the Expanse is dead ahead. Quantum nods and strides over to Trip to ask if he lost any more anti-matter injectors. "No sir, we're gud to go," Trip responds. What about the qrewmember that flipped over the catwalk? Why isn't anyone checking on the ship's casualties? Picard always noted the damage and injury reports coming in after a firefight. Quantum really doesn't give a shit about those eighty-three lives he felt so responsible for earlier, does he? This guy is so not my captain. Quantum looks around at his Bridge qrew and asks T'Pol, "Sure you still wanna tag along?" "It's only logical," T'Pol tells him. Quantum nods and strides back to his chair: "Straight and steady, Mr. Mayweather. Let's see what's in there." Ugh. I'll tell you what's in there -- it's an anvil from last season.
Well, my little chickadees, that's it for me. Enjoy your summers.