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May-Name-To-Be-Filled-In-Later receives word that his father's soul has been taken up by the Great Bird of St. Peter, so his already-planned trip back to his Mother Ship takes on greater significance and greater tension. May-Name-To-Be-Filled-In-Later swans around his Mother Ship, upgrading this and adjusting that -- all of which causes his brother to spike his punch with the essence of sublime sibling rivalry just when the family cargo ship needs her acting captain the most. Back on Enterprise, T'Pol allows Trip and Quantum to convince her to get in touch with her inner monster. Although, Quantum calls it a "date." Want more? The full recap starts right below!
May-Criblecoblis is sitting in Enterprise's G-Spot reading a book -- a real book, mind you, not one of those e-things that don't even smell like pages -- and taking a sip now and then from a waterskin as it floats by. Hoshi comms him that they are reversing course and he should get his Stairmastered tushie down to the Bridge.
I left the room for the song. I left the room to pee. Because I've got waaaater in my blaaadder -- no one's going to bend or shake me.
Mathra promised he was going to bed, but as I started recapping and he heard the song (again), he called out: "Maybe there's radiation in the G-Spot that softens your brain. Wait, that would be Quantum. Okay, say this: maybe there's radiation in the G-Spot that hardens your pecs." And then he giggled. Thank god his thesis is due month.
There's some reason for the crew to sally forth and Nancy Drew a volcanic planet -- one which really never amounts to any true importance -- and they set a course. May-Whipsnade makes the comment that they are backtracking by thirty light years, and Quantum assures them that the Admiral assured him that the detour is only temporary. The crew expresses due excitement.
Quantum's Quarters. May-Souse pays the Captain a visit to request a rendezvous with his family's barge so he can have a sort of homecoming. Quantum readily agrees even before May-Souse informs him that his father has been sick for a few months. "Nothing serious I hope," Quantum comments. May-Souse doesn't think so, since his mother -- also the ship's medic -- doesn't seem concerned. Of course, we all know that means that Pop-Weather's chalked up on the specials board as the Corpse Du Jour. Quantum exposits that he thought May-Souse's mother was the Chief Engineer, which leads into some dull chatter between the two men. Quantum gives some personal history about almost signing up to be on a barge, but when May-Souse asks why he didn't accept the position, Quantum decides he wants to save it as a bacon-and-eggs sort of story. I'm thinking that Capt. Water Polo thought his ass was too precious to serve on a barge, but he doesn't want to offend May-Souse by telling him so without pouring hollandaise down his gullet first. And you know, Quantum and this whole "Win A Breakfast With The Captain" deal...they're trying their level best to make it into "a thing," but it's only succeeding in annoying me with its More-Obvious-Than-Courteney-Cox-Arquette's-New-Breasts-ness. Quantum offers to have Phlox go aboard May-Souse's ship to make his father say "ahh."
Engineering. Technobabbleage between Trip and T'Pol regarding the surveys of the volcanic rest stop. Trip starts to lead up to something by saying there isn't going to be much for them to do once they reach the plant, since the sensors will be burning the info for them. "You should have plenty of time to practice your harmonica," T'Pol comments. Heh. I wish they would make T'Pol musical -- together they could riff a few "yaaay brother"s. Trip grins at her, which makes T'Pol look like the before photo in an ad for digestive pills. Trip says he's talked Chef into "doin' somethin' special." "Startin' Tuesday, it's gonna be movie night, every night. I though yew might be innerested seeing as how you enjoyed that Western," Trip finishes. T'Pol looks askance. "We're gonna be showin' the three greatest horror movies ever made. Frankenstein [okay, I'll agree with that], Bride of Frankenstein [meh?], and Son of Frankenstein," Trip says, counting them off on his fingers and earning the eternal curse of my grandmother. Dracula aside, what about The Mummy, The Black Cat, and The Wax Museum? Trip's an idiot, and one who would better serve the human race by shutting up. "We might even throw in Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein," Trip goes on. No Young Frankenstein? Forgive me, I was hasty in my judgment. Trip's not an idiot, he's an imbecile. T'Pol expresses a lack of interest in horror movies, and Trip wonders how she can dislike them if she's never seen one. "Yew don' have to see all of them -- jes' come the first night. I promise you'll like it -- reanimated lifeforms, science run amok ["'Amok Time'?" Mathra mutters hopefully in his sleep] -- they're right up yer alley," Trip promises. T'Pol glares. Trip grins. You know, Trek fan though I might be, I cannot hear the word "amok" without picturing Sarah Jessica Parker bouncing around, chanting, "Amok! Amok! Amok!" before Bette Midler clocks her over the head in Hocus Pocus.
Mess Hall. Malcolm and May-Wolfinger sup together. Malcolm doesn't think four years is such a long time to go without seeing your family, since his last clan hammer toss was nearly ten years ago. "Starfleet really oughta think about putting family on starships," May-Wolfinger comments, thus launching the good ship Anvilpop with a bottle of indifferent champagne. Malcolm is not down with the idea of a bunch of Reeds fluting around him while he tries to blow things up: "Yes, well, they'd better post a psychologist on board because I'd need one if my parents were roaming the corridors!" Okay, so he has one or two issues. May-Wolfinger laughs that you can't walk ten meters without running into your babysitter or great-aunt. Aw, that's so nice and claustrophobic. Hoshi comms May-Wolfinger to tell him that he's got a response from his mother coming in. May-Wolfinger grins largely before dancing off to his quarters to receive the not-even-possibly-bad news.
The Captain's personal log dispassionately hints at May-Bisbee's father's death. Quantum climbs into the G-Spot and asks the squatter if he minds his presence. Upside-down, May-Bisbee tells him that of course he doesn't mind. Quantum pushes himself off into partial gravity, commenting that he hasn't been up there since they left Earth, and settles down to his helmsman. May-Bisbee's face is wet as he bitterly tells Quantum that his mother sent "a message" to Starfleet six weeks ago but he never got it. Whether it was the news of his father's death or just the news of his father's worsening condition, I don't really know. Quantum tries to make excuses for the armed forces of red tape, while May-Bisbee wears a hair shirt for not being ready to talk to his father sooner. You see, Pop-Weather wasn't all fired up when his son decided to join Starfleet. "He'd been grooming me for his job since I was a kid," May-Bisbee tells Quantum. Quantum makes understanding noises, but assures May-Bisbee that his father really was proud of him. But wait, these aren't his usual empty platitudes; Quantum can actually back up his claim. Apparently, when Quantum was trying to eeny-meeny-miney-moe his helm officers, he got all the COs to write up some letters of recs. Pop-Weather wrote the shortest letter of all, saying that he'd never met a more natural "stick and rudder" man in his life (I'm sure there's a large stack of Corned Beef Slash in that term, but I'm just not hungry tonight) and Quantum would be a fool not to take him on. Well, I agree with half of that. More pratitutes from Quantum and more regrets from May-Bisbee.
Sick Bay. Phlox diagnoses T'Pol with a headache. Poor T'Pol was hoping for something more fatal to get out of Trip's Dinner and a Movie. Although Phlox can't help her out with any sort of medical excuse, he offers that he will also be attending the screening. He hyposprays some analgesic into the Vulcan and says, "I agree this form of entertainment is rather crude but it can often provide an enlightening glimpse into human behavior." "Don't be surprised if you see me here afterwards, I have little doubt that my headache will return," T'Pol sighs as she leaves. Heh -- T'Grumpy can be funny stuff.
On his way to board his family ship, May-Bissonette is escorted by a jabbering Trip, who seems to be requesting a tour of the cargo ship's engine room, but since the writers appear to drop that idea as soon as it's out of Trip's mouth, I'm ignoring it. Before May-Bissonette goes through the air-lock, Trip hands over an e-pad with some images on it, saying, "I downloaded every picture I've taken since I we left Spacedock. Thought your mom might like to see what her boy's been up to." Aw, stop trying to make me like Trip! Okay, quick, list three bad things about Trip: ram-it-down-your-throat Southern-ness, eating with his mouth open, and being a dink to T'Pol. Whew! May-Bissonette thanks him and then visibly steels himself before stepping through the airlock. By the way, at least one of the pictures on that e-pad was a shot of May-Bissonette striking a pose in front of the sh'pod in "Strange New World." I was sort of hoping Trip would also include the one of Travis being roused from his brain-sucking coma in "Dead Stop", or at least a cute shot of Phlox nearly lobotomizing him. No? Okay then.
Mother Ship. If Enterprise looks more like the interior of state-of-the-art subs out there today, then Horizon looks like the ship Kelsey Grammer commands in Down Periscope -- all dingy, stained, and with really bad lighting. I like the contrast. As they walk through the corridors, Mum-Weather questions her son closely about certain tidbits of his mission she's heard about through his gossipy sister. May-McGargle tries to assure her that nothing he's been doing is dangerous. Not even the hostile aliens that tried to seize control of the ship in "The Catwalk"? Mum-Weather wonders. May-McGargle brushes that off as a misunderstanding and makes a mental note to delete Hedda Hopper-Weather's email from his address book. His mother sighs that there's no point in asking him about "Minefield," and May-McGargle is astounded at how much the script wants Continuity to wet his pants. "I've been serving on cargo ships for a long time -- I've made a few contacts here and there," Mum-Weather smiles, nicely dropping the subject. A comm announcement orders them to ready themselves for warp. Mother and son grab hold of some handrails. The ship jerks and shudders for a bit before settling in for the ride. "Charlie must be at the helm," May-McGargle comments. Mum-Weather wonders at his conclusion jump being faster than starburst, and May-McGargle explains, "His warp jumps always were a little rough." Mum-Weather just laughs without confirming her son's suspicions as they greet some guy welding stuff in the hall. Willie the Welder says he hasn't seen May-McGargle in a while, and inquires if he locked himself in a cargo container again. May-McGargle looks sheepish and asks if he always has to bring that old chestnut up.
Continuing on down the corridor, May-McGargle discovers that he's not going to be installed in guest quarters for his stay. His mother thought he would feel more comfortable in his old room. Mum-Weather even went so far as to put some of his old things in his room -- the Babar Goes to Pern books, erector sets with mini-warp cores, and a few stuffed Gorns. May-McGargle goes right over to a hand-drawn star chart hanging on the wall, and his mother recalls how he stayed up all night every night for a month until he finished mapping all the systems he wanted to visit when he grew up. Sort of a reverse Rip Van Winkle, but with zits. "And I still have a long way to go," May-McGargle comments. Mother and son embrace as they both say they're glad the prodigal son is home. "We're going to get through this, Mom," May-McGargle comforts her. Mum-Weather nods and hustles off to get back to her engineering duties, but not before telling her son that he should come by the engine room to say hello to some people.
In the cargo hold -- or engine room, as this whole ship is probably one big cargo hold -- cargo is held. This scene looks like it could have been either the same set they used for the cargo ship in "Fortunate Son" or the shuttlebay set on Enterprise. And you know what? Continuity has made such a puddle on Mathra's desk that I really don't have time to mop it up and patch in the links -- you know where the recaps are, look them up. "Are you sure you're old enough to drive that thing?" May-Bisbee asks, walking up to some guy who's handing out orders to underlings. May-Bisbee's brother turns around, puts his hands behind his back, and comments good-naturedly, "An ensign oughta salute before addressing a captain." "Acting captain," May-Bisbee corrects him. "Don't let it go to your head." Uh, ouch? Even if it wasn't obvious from the promos that there were going to be sibling issues between these two, that was a fairly impolitic thing to say. Still, Bro-Weather chuckles and dismisses an extra, who gives him a look like, "I was supposed to be in this scene?" The Brothers McMayweather embrace and get serious as May-Bisbee admires how well the captain's jacket looks on Bro-Weather. "Thanks. Didn't think I'd be wearing it this soon," Bro-Weather admits with a catch in his voice. He's only had a few lines at this point, but Corey Mendell Parker has already out-acted Montgomery's ass ten times to Tuesday. The Brothers McMayweather talk cargo shop for awhile, but when May-Bisbee offers to lend a helping hand while he's there, Bro-Weather quickly loses his smile and turns him down like a bedspread. May-Bisbee looks taken aback, so Bro-Weather tempers it a bit by saying, "You're on leave, I'm not going to put you to work." May-Bisbee still looks uncomfortable as he tells his brother he'll see him at dinner and walks out. Before he gets very far, Bro-Weather calls out, "You might want to change into something a little less conspicuous." He is, of course, referring to the Starfleet blues. But damn, that was harsh. Granted, whether he knew it or not, May-Bisbee definitely asked for it with his earlier "acting captain" jibe. I find it pretty funny how easily I can see exactly what Bro-Weather is doing here. Using his seething jealousy to manipulate May-Bisbee into feeling like less of a success is definitely part of A Sibling's Bag Of Tricks. Although, sneaky subtlety is key -- my sister could give him a lesson in that.
Enterprise orbits a planet with an acute case of spider veins. Bridge. Quantum and T'Pol exchange information about the data collecting the computers are going to be doing. Hoshi gets some very minor face-time in this scene as she offers to set up a way to transfer images of the planet back to Starfleet. "So, you comin' tonight?" Trip asks T'Pol. T'Pol says that IF she irons all the clothes and IF she mends her evil stepsisters' dresses and IF she washes the floors, THEN she can then go to the monster ball. "Well, yew better make up yer mind -- seats are gonna fill up fast," Trip warns. T'Pol tells Trip it has come to her attention that Frankenstein is also a book. "Mary Shelley wrote it -- the wife of a famous poet," Trip nods. Sure, because that's clearly all she was. It's not like she became a well-regarded author after she met and married the complaining, kvetching, and downright depressing poet, or that she had an incredibly famous mother who wrote (among other things) a groundbreaking essay called "A Vindication of the Rights of Women." Let's just say she was the wife of a famous poet. T'Pol thinks that instead of watching Boris Karloff lurch around and pick flowers, they should hold a dramatic reading of the work in order to better understand the writer's intent. Trip doesn't think that would go over well. How does he know? Maybe there are some other members of the crew who would actually like to study the book that way. At any rate, I think he should shut up. Trip tells her that if she wants to pick up where Oprah's book club left off, she can do that in her own time, and walks away after checking that Quantum will be in attendance. "Wouldn't miss it!" Quantum says, flapping his arms at the obviousness. Trip promises to save him some popcorn, then gives a meaningful backward glance to T'Pol.
Quantum then takes it upon himself to badger T'Pol into attending movie night the same way he badgered her in "Catwalk." He even pulls the same line about fraternizing with the other crew being good for her. Like zinc and B-12. "I don't understand how sitting silently in a darkened room constitutes 'fraternizing,'" T'Pol responds. Match point to the Vulcan. "Tell you what, let's make a night of it. Dinner in the Captain's Mess -- eighteen-hundred. Movie at nineteen-thirty. You'll be my date," Quantum pleads. Sad -- Trip goes through all that other cajoling, and Quantum swoops right in and reaps the reward. "I beg your pardon?" T'Pol reacts. "I'll be a perfect gentleman," Quantum assures her. But that's no fun. "And if you don't like the movie, I'll never ask you to sit through another one," Quantum pledges. Without waiting for her answer, Quantum walks away.
Horizon Bridge. May-Winterbottom makes some adjustments to the ships technobabble and manages to piss off his already pissy brother, who reminds him that he specifically doesn't want his help. While an interested helmsman looks on, Bro-Weather demands to know what they're going to do if the new upgrades go offline and May-Winterbottom is safely out of range on his Starfleet vessel. May-Winterbottom obviously didn't think of that as he stands there catching flies. "I'd prefer it if you didn't modify any more systems without discussing it with me," Bro-Weather orders. "Whatever you say, sir," May-Winterbottom snarks. "Maybe you can stop by Engineering," Bro-Weather starts to say, propping his feet up on his con. May-Winterbottom looks interested. "Build us a warp fiiiive engine," Bro-Weather finishes, while grinning nastily. May-Winterbottom slinks out…
…to sulk in his room. Some chick -- obviously not a member of the family -- close to May-Winterbottom's age pays him a visit. They hug and exchange condolences about Pa-Weather. "Aren't you a little old for this?" Random Barge Chick asks, picking up a stuffed animal. "I don't know, I thought it might be fun to regress for awhile -- what do you say we turn off the grav-plating and jump on the bed?" May-Winterbottom suggests. "And get grounded again?" Random Barge Chick laughs. "That wouldn't look to good on your Starfleet record." Okay, this is kind of a strange coincidence, but when I went home last month, my mother told me she thought I was regressing -- she used that exact word -- and that I acted older at twenty-four than I do at twenty-nine. I think she meant it as a rebuke because I got a tattoo and cut off all my hair, but I decided to take it as a compliment. May-Winterbottom tells her how much he's seen aboard Enterprise. Random Barge Chick is suitably impressed. "In eighteen months?" she marvels. Has it only been eighteen months? It feels like I've been from here to eternity and come all the way back again by way of the corner store.
After some more verbal horseplay, Random Barge Chick finally gets around to her real reason for coming to May-Winterbottom's room. She tells him that Bro-Weather's command of the ship is a little shaky, and morale is really low because of it. "We missed a rendezvous with an Orion freighter two weeks ago -- the cargo authority wasn't too pleased," Random Barge Chick says. Not to mention all the Orions who didn't get their slave girls in time for Good Friday. It means something completely different on their planet. Random Barge Chick notes that Bro-Weather's a little on edge. "He's always on edge," May-Winterbottom shrugs. "More than usual," Random Barge Chick insists, and opines that the reason why Mum-Weather hasn't said anything to her Starfleet son is because she didn't want to worry him. May-Winterbottom thinks that, as Bro-Weather has been in charge for only a few weeks, he just needs some time to settle in. It's a nice facet of May-Winterbottom's character that he defends his brother instead of unloading dishing on him. The ship jolts. "Charlie at the helm?" May-Winterbottom says for the second time in this episode. Have we even met this Charlie? "Just a little spatial turbulence," Random Barge Chick says. "You've gotten spoiled on Enterprise." The ship shakes a bit more violently, and it becomes apparent that they are under attack.
Mathra and I just had a "discussion" about ice, and when I accused him of picking an argument, he said, "No, picking an argument would be me coming in here and saying, 'I think Enterprise is a good show.'" The boy's got a point.
Horizon Bridge. Stuff shakes, rattles, and rolls, but Capt. Bro-Weather can't manage to get through to their attackers. May-Dilweg tries to offer some help in a interfering sort of way, but is smacked down by Bro-Weather. Several times. The attacking ships go away, but leave their calling card in the form of a blinking device on the hull. "It's emitting a sub-space signal -- could be some kind of beacon," the helmsman says. Maybe they're seeking PEACE-ful co-EXISTENCE! I cavort at any opportunity to work that into a recap. Demmed dropped potentially very exciting storylines. Capt. Bro-Weather wants Engineering to "pry it off," but May-Dilweg is against that because he determines that the thing is explosive.
Capt. Bro-Weather, May-Dilweg, Mum-Weather, and Helmsman -- is that supposed to be Charlie? -- look at some scans of an alien ship sent to them by another cargo ship that was attacked. It seems to be the same type that just kicked sand on the Horizon. Helmsman Possibly Charlie explains that, according to the other cargo ship, a few days after the attack, another bigger ship showed up and demanded their cargo. When the cargo ship put up resistance, they were boarded by the alien ship and relieved of their cargo, and several crewmembers were killed. Turns out the other cargo ship has the same weaponry as Horizon. Dun-dun-DUUUN! There's some really bad blue-screen effects happening to Capt. Bro-Weather as he discusses what to do. They decide to jettison some of their cargo so they can increase their speed and reach their destination a few days ahead of schedule. May-Dilweg wonders aloud what they will do if the alien ship comes back before then. "There's no other choice, we can't shoot our way out of this," Capt. Bro-Weather says. I'm really distracted by this blue-screen halo -- it's like they shot the scene and then pasted Capt. Bro-Weather in later.
Citing "Fallen Hero"'s Mazarite encounter, May-Dilweg outlines a way for them to take out the alien ship's engines with some newly configured stuff he can do to Horizon's plasma turrets and engines. Capt. Bro-Weather gets very angry, saying he won't risk everyone's lives by getting into a fight they can't win. "If they reach us before we make it to Deneva, we'll give them what they want," Capt. Bro-Weather tells Mum-Weather and Helmsman Possibly Charlie. Of course, May-Dilweg has to start lecturing his brother on the pearls-before-swine of wisdom he's learned from his captain. That's pretty insufferable, I must admit. Basically, it amounts to standing up to bullies so they think twice before they blow you to smithereens and move on to the puny ship that's always picked last in gym. Capt. Bro-Weather "appreciates" his advice but reminds May-Dilweg that he's no longer a member of the crew. May-Dilweg gives Mum-Weather a look that totally says, "Mo-om, make him stop touching me!" Capt. Bro-Weather orders the excess cargo jettisoned and their speed increased. Left alone together, Mum-Weather reminds May-Dilweg that even Pop-Weather had to make compromises: "The safest thing to do is to give them what they want -- cargo can be replaced." Granted, but doesn't that get a bit expensive after awhile? I mean, exactly whose pockets does it come out of -- the transporter of the cargo, the receiver of the cargo, or the exporter of the cargo? Maybe they have special insurance to cover all alien interference -- corporeal and non- -- under the "Acts of God" clause which also covers wormholes, temporal shifts, rips in the time-space continuum, and general unexplainable by real science events.
Enterprise. Dinners and a Movie. This was probably my favorite scene of this episode. T'Pol sits for a bit, waiting for the camera to reach her, and then starts fiddling with her e-pad. Quantum looks around to see if anyone notices before leaning over and whispering a demand to know what she's doing. I was seriously hoping she had the complete text of Frankenstein downloaded and was about to start criticizing the movie for being so far off-base. Alas, she was only finishing some work leftover from that morning. "I thought you were going to give this a chance," Quantum whisper-whines. T'Pol concedes with a head roll and puts her e-pad down. Before Dr. Frankenstein removes the bandages from the monster's face, thus allowing Quantum to mine some inspiration for future furrows, Phlox starts to babble about Dr. Frankenstein's technique being very similar to some other alien surgical technique. "Really," Trip says flatly. Heh. Phlox continues on, prompting T'Pol to almost perfect the "half-turn." Finally, T'Pol turns all the way around and says, "We can stop the film if it's disturbing your conversation." Phlox looks abashed and puts some popcorn in his mouth. Quantum does a furrowed double-take at T'Pol, but when she notices, he just silently offers her some popcorn. T'Pol grapples at a few kernels -- her fingernails even make a noise against the glass bowl -- and jerkily puts them in her mouth as Quantum watches, still furrowed. The whole body language between Quantum and T'Pol was really funny here. She was embarrassed to be caught saying anything to Phlox that remotely implied she wanted to hear the movie, and then tried to cover it up by eating popcorn defensively in a blank refusal to meet Quantum's eyes. No, there's no sexual chemistry between T'Pol and any of the male actors on this show, but perhaps it's because the lack of it that I got a big kick out of the whole "date" scenario. I think it would have been amusing to have a minor flash of Trip looking slightly put-out when it dawned on him that he wasn't the one to entice T'Pol to the movie. For Trip, it would more be an ego boost if it transpired that his powers of convincing were better than Quantum's than it would ever be a question of grubby romance. Furthermore, it would just make it even funnier later on in the Captain's Mess when Trip is so clearly irritated by T'Pol's analysis of the film that he would figuratively throw his hands up at the whole shebang.
Horizon. Helmsman Possibly Charlie alerts Capt. Bro-Weather to the fact that someone is messing around with the impulse relays. Capt. Bro-Weather leaves the Bridge to Helmsman Possibly Charlie But Now Definitely Tattle-Pants and storms out. Finding May-Lompoc fiddling with stuff he was expressly told to leave alone, Capt. Bro-Weather blows a gasket. In an emotional scene, he accuses May-Lompoc of turning his back on the family a long time ago and being too busy to come clustering around the sickroom when their father was gasping his last. Well, we all knew it was going to come down to this, since it was stinkingly obvious that May-Lompoc's hair shirt hasn't been washed since the scene with Quantum in the G-Spot. "Hostile aliens aren't our problems, it's Starfleet and people like you. Do you have any idea how hard it is to find new crewmen? No one wants to run freight anymore -- they all want to be explorers, cruising around on state-of-the-art ships with their personal chefs," Capt. Bro-Weather bites out. Damn! "You want to stand around feelin' sorry for yourself -- go ahead. I've got better things to do," May-Lompoc bites back. Like what, exactly? Seems that your brother has taken every possible duty away from you except sitting on your hands and sucking wind. Capt. Bro-Weather grabs his arm, orders him to take his modifications off-line, and threatens to confine him to quarters if he doesn't comply. May-Lompoc insists that he was just trying to help: "In case you haven't noticed, you could use a little help right now." Capt. Bro-Weather tells him he doesn't want his help, so May-Lompoc tells him to remove the modifications his own damn self. He snaps his arm away and leaves. Capt. Bro-Weather looks at the con, looks at the door, and then looks at the con again. He looks very lost and confused. Man, the dude is a good actor!
Mess Hall. May-Neselrode munches on something that looks remarkably like a McDonald's cherry pie with the air of one who find himself treading on life's banana skins. Mum-Weather enters, grabs a cuppa, and starts to console her son. She first twits him for not consulting with her, the chief engineer, on his modifications. After telling her he didn't want to put her in the middle of it, May-Neselrode gestures at his cherry pie and comments, "I never thought I would miss these." "Nutri-Paks?" Mum-Weather questions. Why does leaving off the "c" in "paks" make it seem that much more space-agey? I was just wondering. Apparently, he's actually eating a strawberry shortcake, something he loved so much growing up that when he had a real one in San Francisco, it just wasn't the same to him. See, that's exactly how I feel about Stouffer's Macaroni and Cheese. I got something the other day at Cambridge Common that described itself as "gourmet homemade macaroni and cheese," but the pasta was stiffish, the cheese had no flavor, and -- travesty of travesties -- there were herby breadcrumbs sprinkled on top of it! I'm sorry, but there are just some things that the frozen section does better, so people should stop pulling on Mother Nature's apron strings. Mum-Weather chuckles and says, "I think they've ruined your taste buds." Really? Usually this show just ruins my appetite. Nevertheless, I like Mum-Weather a whole lot.
May-Lompoc hints a great deal about giving up his commission and coming back to Horizon full-time, something Mum-Weather puts a quick kibosh on. May-Neselrode doesn't think his brother is ready to command the ship; Mum-Weather tells a little tale about Pop-Weather being younger and greener than Bro-Weather when he took command. "He wanted to quit, I wouldn't let him. Your brother just needs some time," Mum-Weather finishes. Seriously, in a few months I'm sure he'll have his own gazelle speech. But good. And not involving gazelles at all. Then she plucks up her son's bruised ego by telling him that everyone on Horizon is proud of May-Neselrode: "Even Bro-Weather, though he won't admit it." Mum-Weather tells him not to let his guilt over leaving Horizon all those years ago influence his current decision to abandon Starfleet. May-Neselrode thanks her and kisses her goodnight.
Enterprise. Captain's Table. Trip can't believe nobody on Vulcan's ever heard of a horror movie. "There is something similar -- a discipline known as tarul-etek. It uses disturbing imagery to provoke an emotional response," T'Pol informs Trip and Quantum. "They try to scare you to see how well you suppress your emotions," Quantum states, waving a crust of bread around. Without really answering, T'Pol says she doesn't get why humans would want to intentionally frighten themselves. Trip sits gape-jawed as Quantum says, "It gets the heart pumping." T'Pol thinks aerobics would be more effective. Trip and Quantum really want to know what T'Pol's impression of the movie was. "There were many medical inaccuracies," T'Pol begins. "What did you think of the story?" Trip demands. T'Pol sips some water and says she thought the protagonist was interesting. "Dr. Frankenstein," Trip affirms. "No, his creation," T'Pol corrects. Trip, being a micro-brain, is confused as to how the monster could possibly be the protagonist. Quantum keeps his mouth shut at this point, so I still have hopes for the size of his brain. Not high ones, though. "From my perspective, this was the story of a person persecuted by humans because he was different," T'Pol lectures, and I smack myself with a cinderblock several for not seeing this coming when they said they were going to be screening Frankenstein. "That's one way of lookin' at it," Trip sneers. Trip, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you into long strips and telling the Captain you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat? T'Pol continues, "In many ways the film seemed quite prophetic." This finally tears Quantum's attention away from his food -- what are they eating, anyway? I thought dinner was before the movie. Is it suddenly morning? The dark space outside makes it way too confusing and damned inconvenient. T'Pol goes on to say that the villagers' reaction to the monster paralleled the reactions humans had to the Vulcans when they first contacted them. Quantum tries to laugh at his Science Officer by saying that history doesn't recall Vulcans being greeted by torches and pitchforks. "Nevertheless, many humans reacted with fear and anger," T'Pol reminds him. "They didn't know what to expect," Quantum argues. Keep treading that hot water, fathead. T'Pol smartly ignores this and says that she's going to recommend to Soval that all Vulcans recently arrived on Earth be shown Frankenstein as part of their training. Trip rolls his eyes over to Quantum, who says, "Maybe inviting her to movie night wasn't such a great idea." Maybe putting you in the captain's seat wasn't such a good idea -- shut up, ass. T'Pol says, "On the contrary, I'm looking forward to The Bride of Frankenstein." Trip looks very, very sorry he ever had a hand in this whole event. Good, because he's an ass, too. Hoshi comms Quantum to tell him to look out the window. Apparently, they were so engrossed in Siskelling that they didn't notice the large amounts of flame outside the window.
Bridge. Malcolm reports lots of hot stuff in the old town tonight happening on the planet, and Quantum orders the ship taken further away from the pyros. T'Pol finishes with her scans and says, "I'm reading bio-signs on the planet -- to quote Dr. Frankenstein, it's alive." Okay, a little too gratuitous and easy, but maybe this show needs more of that, so I'll give it a conditional "heh." After Quantum furrows that he thought the planet was uninhabited, T'Pol tells him that some microbial species which normally live underground are movin' on up due to the global warming. Quantum orders her to learn more. And as far as we know, she doesn't, since we never hear about this microbial species again.
Horizon. A large alien ship tails them and orders them to abandon their vessel. We can see what the alien pirates look like from Horizon's viewscreen, and they don't appear to be anything we've met before. Capt. Bro-Weather tries to keep his ship by telling the aliens to help themselves their cargo and leave, but the Dread Alien Roberts hangs up on him. May-Meshobbab -- dolled up in a red mock turtleneck that suits his coloring way better than Starfleet blue -- reports that the Jolly Roger is charging weapons. Capt. Bro-Weather thinks fast, orders the upgraded weapons system online (so no one on that ship knew how to kill off May-Meshobbab's upgrades?), and demands to know if his brother still thinks he can disable the pirate ship's weapons. "If I can get a clear shot. But I can't do that as long as they're behind us," May-Meshobbab tells him, salivating with the idea of possibly being important. Horizon is hit. At May-Meshobbab's suggestion, Capt. Bro-Weather agrees to cut all the cargo loose. Mum-Weather tells Engineering to stand by to release primary clamps, and Capt. Bro-Weather asks if May-Meshobbab remembers how to fly Horizon. "I'm sure it'll come back to me," May-Meshobbab half-jokes, taking Helmsman Tattle-Pants's place. They drop out of warp, the Jolly Roger on their heels, and initiate the clamp release. There's a lot of cool metal creaking noises as the clamps turn the cargo loose. May-Meshobbab reports the pirates' closing-in location. Finally, the suddenly divested Horizon zips away from its released cargo and gets fired on. Mum-Weather reports a loss of starboard plating. "Travis!" Capt. Bro-Weather shouts. May-Meshobbab takes Horizon around and fires on the Jolly Roger. Horizon also gets fired upon, and Mum-Weather reports the loss of hull plating. May-Meshobbab brings them about and fires again at the alien pirate ship. The Jolly Roger's engines seem to flicker out, and Helmsman Tattle-Pants reports that the pirate ship's weapons are gone as well. Capt. Bro-Weather opens a channel and tells Dread Alien Roberts that maybe he and his kind will think twice before attacking another Earth vessel. Capt. Bro-Weather hangs up and tells May-Meshobbab to re-dock with the cargo and get them out of there. "Aye, Captain," May-Meshobbab agrees. Mum-Weather smiles at her two sons.
There's a world where he can go and tell his secrets to. In his room. In his room. In his room, May-Gilfoil packs up his stuff. Capt. Bro-Weather comes in for one last brotherly kiss-and-make-up session. May-Gilfoil offers to speak to Reed and get the alien beacon removed. Capt. Bro-Weather is appreciative. Just make sure the weapons officer goes to the bathroom before he gets into his EV suit. Desperately trying to find something to talk about, Capt. Bro-Weather's eyes fall on the handmade star-chart, and he asks May-Gilfoil if he ever got to Trelkis III with all the multi-centric rings. "We haven't traveled quite that far," May-Gilfoil admits. "Well, when you do, how about sending me a sub-space postcard?" Capt. Bro-Weather asks. "You can count on it," May-Gilfoil promises. They clasp hands, and Capt. Bro-Weather thinks he should get back to the Bridge: "See you in another four years." May-Gilfoil hopes it's sooner, and Capt. Bro-Weather says he'd like that. And the fuzzies put themselves into a 325-degree oven.
Enterprise. Quantum welcomes May-Snavely back. Whatever happened to asking "permission to come aboard"? I always thought that was sort of keen. Quantum asks after May-Snavely's family. "They're okay," May-Snavely non-committals. "We spotted some damage on their port cargo modules," Quantum notes. May-Snavely brushes it off as an old meteor impact. Quantum furrows, "You sure everything's all right?" May-Snavely looks down, thinks a moment, and smiles, "Never better, sir." Well, that all makes for a pretty ending, but what about the fact that May-Snavely is going to have Reed remove the alien beacon from Horizon's hull? Is he going to go back to Quantum and say, "Okay, well, I didn't tell you everything but here's the deal"? It just seems that more questions will arise from the fact that he wasn't completely honest with his captain off the bat.
week: Everyone do the Phlox Trot!