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Trip and Quantum are bound (but not gagged, sadly) and on their way to some penal spa on an alien Alcatraz. There's a slight mutiny, which puts even more unsavory characters in charge, but Quantum manages to wangle his way out of his non-padded handcuffs and into the driver's seat where he's in position to save the day. Trip is seated to an acne-ridden teen alien who doesn't know that silence is golden-pressed latinum and is at the mercy of a curiously well-spoken Nausicaan. Elsewhere, T'Pol and the rest of the crew spin their wheels trying to rescue their beloved crew members from a death insensitively akin to Columbia. Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Ladies and gentlemen, I present you with an exhibit of crap -- an assortment of dull dialogue and pointless plots that share one thing in common: you won't find them on the average network or basic cable channel. Each scene a collector's item in its own way -- not because of any special artistic quality, but because each scene captures on a celluloid canvas, suspends in time and space, a frozen moment of Keckler's nightmare. I welcome you to The Spite Gallery.
Empty shuttle. Tricorder floating in the empty shuttle so we really know it's an empty shuttle. Hoshi calling the empty shuttle to ask if all the rumors about it being an empty shuttle are correct. Dance Of The Reed Flutes gives the final word in empty shuttleness by reporting that there are no bio-signs. Ergo, the shuttle is empty. You know what's not an empty shuttle? That which holds my Post Road Pumpkin Ale.
Insert intense song hatred here.
The remaining crew listens to Quantum's log entries about his and Trip's successful first contact with the Enolians, the squeezing in of some R&R, and the mention of an alien form of water polo. GOD! Go to The Mall of America and buy yourself a new facet, Quantum! Phlox finds traces of Trip's and Quantum's blood in the sh'pod and announces that Dance Of The Reed Flutes thinks they were abducted. Did he come to that conclusion all on his own, or did the traces of blood and shuttle emptiness give it away? May-onnaise makes his patented annoyed face until T'Pol orders up a Trip-Tick for the Enolians' home world.
Alien ship. A humanoid alien pilots the ship while the other pulls a rifle out of a cabinet and says he'll be right back. Okay, you know what? I'm going to make this easy on myself. The ship they're on is a prisoner transport ship, and the people running it are Enolians -- I'm not going to wait for the "plot" to tell us those drabs of information, because it's really annoying. And boring. Have I mentioned how BORED I am? Bore, bored, boring. Passing a second Enolian guard with a rifle, the first Enolian paces up and down a catwalk and surveys the rows of prisoners. They all look like they should be holding onto oars stuck through the side of the hull like an old Viking ship. Quantum is hunched over, fidgeting with his restraint, which seems to be a bike lock with two holes for the wrists. A little red light lets us know these restraints do more than play a role in alien bondage films. Across the catwalk from Quantum, Trip alerts his captain that the guard is coming by. Both Trip and Quantum look a bit bashed in the face, although I think Trip's blood is a little pink to be real looking. Unless, of course, they're trying to make him out to be a Klingon-human hybrid. Quantum tries to get some answers out of the guard but gets his bikelock-built-for-two-wrists zapped for bothering. In what I hope is severe and monumental pain, Quantum falls against his seatmate -- who really resembles a latex nightmare of Clem, The Master, and Sloth from The Goonies all smushed together. Lex Latex irritably shoves him off. Heh. Mathra thinks the wrist restraints look like those "guards" people used to twist together on their Swatches. Remember Swatches? In fifth grade, I wanted one so bad. I begged and pleaded with my mother, but all she did was get me a pink and yellow imitation from Target. I got the guards, though.
An Enolian prisoner sitting in front of Quantum informs him that the guards don't like to be bothered, and Quantum seizes upon this fellow restrainee as a font of information. He asks where they're going, since he heard someone mention "Canamar." The font seems to have dried up as quickly as it gushed, because the Enolian prisoner disdains to answer. However, Trip's seatmate -- a dread-locked alien with a teenage voice and fluttery scales around his jowls -- tells him, "It's a penal colony!" before turning away again. Hee: penile colony. Trip asks Terence Trent D'Alien about their justice system and finds out that there's really no justice to the system; guilty or not, they're all being sent to Canamar. If you ask me, Canamar sounds like a place where top-flight pilots get sent to fly against the best of the best. Maybe it's not such a bad place -- Quantum could end up with "Furrow" painted on his helmet. Although I don't think I'd like to see Terence Trent D'Alien or the Nausicaan dancing around to Miami Sound Machine. Trip tells him he thinks they are being accused of smuggling, and Terence Trent D'Alien seems to think that's a particularly bad thing. "They'll probably make an example of you," Terence Trent D'Alien finishes. Trip and Quantum exchange looks. Quantum looks at the guard and then looks at his seatmate, who growls at him. Heh.
Enterprise. T'Pol talks to the Enolians and tries to get info out of them. They profess to know nothing about the abduction. T'Pol tells him she'll send him Trip and Quantum's descriptions.
Prison Transport. Ignoring the Enolian prisoner sitting in front of Quantum, the Enolian guards dish out gruel. You know, I've never understood why gruel is served to prisoners and orphans. It's not like it's that easy to make. I mean, you've got the dried cream of wheat or oats or whatever the chaff of choice is, and you have to boil water and then mix it all together. In my opinion, that's too much work for some prisoners you don't really care about. Why not just throw dried fruit and beef jerky at them? They keep forever and there's no prep time needed. Yet they always use gruel to show just how cruel the prison or orphanage is. Of course Trip has to be a smart-ass and say, "Anything else on the menu?" Well, at the touch of a button, you could have Deep-Fried Trip, so just shut your big yapper. Some Nausicaan in the back tells Trip that if he's unhappy with his prix fixe, he can hand it over to those who would better appreciate its subtle bouquet of mush on mush. I find it really singular that the Nausicaans of this century seem to speak much more eloquently than the "Play Dom Jot Hu-MON!" of Picard's youth. Trip says he likes his gruel "jest fine," and the Nausicaan tries to be all intimidating about how he wasn't asking for Trip's food; he was insisting. After Trip sasses him, the Nausicaan jumps to his feet with a roar, only to be wrist-zapped back to his place by the Enolian guards. Trip thanks the guard, and gets some wrist-zapping of his own for even bothering with Southern niceties. Quantum glares ineffectually at the Enolian guards. Well, it's better than furrowing ineffectually. Terence Trent D'Alien warns Trip to be wary of the Nausicaans' and their nasty tempers. Although he neglects to mention it, Trip is actually well acquainted with Nausicaans and their moods. Trip tries to tell his curious seatmate who he and Quantum really are, but Terence Trent D'Alien doesn't believe him one dom-jot.
Awesome new shot of Enterprise hovering over blue ocean and green land. The Enolian T'Pol spoke with earlier is now aboard Enterprise, telling them what exactly went awry. Apparently, some patrol vessel thought Trip and Quantum were carrying contraband, so they were arrested. Dance Of The Reed Flutes questions the Enolian methods of pulling people over on the super-highway. The Enolian Ambassador tries to make it up to the human and the Vulcan by giving them the coordinates of the transport vessel and telling them that the guards are now aware of Quantum and Trip's innocence. T'Pol bullies the Enolian Ambassador into coming with them to ensure that there are no further complications.
Prisoner Transport Ship. Quantum and Trip discuss their chances of escape. An Enolian guard comes in to tell Quantum that he's being released. The Nausicaan whines about that and asks how much the Enolians were paid to release them. The guard tells the Nausicaan to shove it. "I'm innocent too -- I'll pay you," the Nausicaan says in a deadly quiet voice. The Enolian guard tells him to shut up again and makes like he's about to activate the wrist-zapper. The Enolian prisoner in front of Quantum gets out of his cuffs just as the Nausicaan gets zapped into submission. "That's enough!" the Enolian prisoner shouts, advancing on the Enolian guard. The Enolian prisoner knocks out the guard and then releases the Nausicaan. All the other prisoners clamor to be freed as well. Trip and Quantum look like they've got Tick Underoos wedgies that are just out of reach.
The Enolian prisoner and the Nausicaan (we'll call them Frick and Frack, respectively) menace the other prisoners and put the K.O.'d guard in the Nausciaan's restraints. In a hostile takeover, Frick and Frack gain control of the cockpit and thus the ship. Frick and Frack argue over the fact that Frack knocked out the pilot when they needed him to operate the ship. Some other prisoners bitch about being released, but Frick tells them that good things come to those who shut up. Did you hear that, Trip? Quantum languidly offers himself up as someone who knows how to handle a warp ship, especially when handling the anti-matter containment field and the plasma manifold. Apparently, those are things you don't want to screw around with. "You're a pilot?" Frick (or maybe Frack) asks. "A damn good one -- I'm a smuggler, remember?" Quantum answers. Frick releases his wrist-zapper and orders him into the cockpit, ignoring his pleas to get his engineer released as well. Although I really do like their jeans and pigment-dyed t-shirt look in this ep, I could do without Trip's maroon leather jacket, and I really don't know what's going on with the faux fur on Quantum's leather lapels. As Quantum strides off to the cockpit with Frick, Frack stands guard over the uneasy prisoners. I'm sure they're safe as long as no one has a hankering to play Dom-Jot.
In the cockpit, Quantum gets his bearings while an impatient Frick hovers. Once Quantum lists off all the controls, Frick orders him to set a course for a binary system. Quantum obeys with a few words of contention.
In the prisoners' suite, Frack zaps the conscious Enolian guard when the guard suggests that getting the unconscious Enolian guard medical attention would be a good move on the mutineers' part.
Cockpit. Frick wants to know why Quantum was about to be released by the Enolians. Quantum plays the game of being a smuggler who is kept in circulation because some of his customers are paying off the Enolians. You may be better in tonight's role, Quantum, but Hans Solo in tight leathers you ain't. Quantum makes smalltalk with Frick and learns that Frick managed to wriggle his way out of his wrist-zapper with the aid of a subcutaneous implant. He bares his wrists to Quantum and shows a scar, explaining, "They depolarize triburnium alloys." Quantum wonders at his preparedness, and Frick tells him that he outstayed his welcome once on Canamar and has no intention of returning. "So, I left prepared," Frick tells him. Quantum once again tries to make a soft play for releasing Trip, saying that "his partner" could be helpful if they run into "trouble." Frick wants to know what Quantum is currently fiddling with on the con, and Quantum tells him it's a subspace transceiver. "I hope you're not trying to send a message," Frick threatens. Quantum laughs and assures him he's disabling it, since it leaves a traceable subspace signature even when it's not transmitting anything. Frick busts the transceiver with the butt of his gun: "Now it's off-line." Why didn't Quantum just lie and tell him it was something other than the transceiver? Obviously Frick wouldn't have known the difference.
Enterprise. Hoshi picks up an automated distress signal that the Enolian Ambassador identifies as one of their frequencies. However, since they have hundreds of ships, he can't definitively say whether or not it is coming from one of their transport vessels. Hoshi gets no response from a hail, so T'Pol order their speed increased. The Enolian Ambassador mentions that they have patrol ships in that area, and T'Pol orders him to contact them.
Transport ship. Terence Trent D'Alien talks Trip's ear off. At one point he asks if Trip's ever tried something that sounds to me like "toejam." Trip is obviously annoyed with his seatmate's nattering and does his best to be rude. Terence Trent D'Alien doesn't take the gentle hint and goes on and on about having his face surgically altered, losing three toes to frostbite, walking with a limp, and Orion slave girls. He even suggests that Trip could have his face surgically "fixed" as well. Heh. Trip calls out to Frack and asks if he can change seats. Snort -- Trip's an idiot, but at least he's a funny idiot. The Nausicaan chuckles evilly -- perhaps he's thinking what it would be like to make Trip his bitch -- and Terence Trent D'Alien pouts, having just realized he's blown his chances at Trip making him his bitch.
Cockpit. Frick wonders why he and Quantum haven't run into each other before. Quantum bullshits his way out of that one, but is stupid enough to mention that their homeworld is Earth. A beeper goes off, and Quantum reports that two ships are coming up from behind them. Frick looks at them on the mini-viewscreen and determines that they're Enolian patrol ships.
Cockpit. Frick is starting to doubt Quantum's honesty. Imagine that -- he's actually wondering if an arrested "smuggler" on his way to this year's answer to Rura Penthe might perhaps have concealed ulterior motives. Quantum challenges the accusation, saying, "You think I sent a distress call?! I told you we should've gotten rid of this ship -- it's too easy to track!" Maybe I was drunk, but I don't remember Quantum suggesting they get rid of the ship. Once the patrol ships charge their weapons, Quantum and Frick loudly debate whether or not they can take the two ships in a firefight. The transport ship shakes from being fired upon. Quantum refuses to return fire on the grounds that their guns are no match for Lord Vorlock -- I mean, "for the patrol ships" -- but says that with Trip's help, he can get them out of their present conundrum.
Outer space. At one point it looked like the transport ship was actually returning fire, but I guess that couldn't be right. In the Prisoners' Suite, Terence Trent D'Alien wishes he's brought his Dramamine as he wonders what's going on. I'm thinking of popping a few myself, because the tipsy camcorder work throughout this ep is making me a little nauseous. The shackled Enolian guard triumphantly tells Terence they are being attacked by patrol ships and all the prisoners are going to be recaptured. Frack bellows, "The person who speaks is going out the airlock." He then adds protectively, "He needs to concentrate!" Aw, he really does imagine Trip as his little soap on a rope! We see Trip fiddling with some panels. Terence Trent D'Alien whines that he doesn't want to die tied up like an animal. Frack wrist-zaps him, and Terence takes it pretty well. Trip fiddles some more and tells Quantum, "Ready when you are." In the cockpit, Quantum nods at Frick, who tells the patrol ships to stop firing as they surrender. Frick acknowledges some orders from the patrol ships and nods back at Quantum. From the viewfinder, Quantum watches the patrol ships draw closer and finally says to Trip: "Now!" Trip pulls some levers and announces that the plasma vents are open. An indigo cloud pours out of the transport ship and slowly envelopes the patrol ships. The transport ship takes off and also seems to ignite the plasma, buffeting away -- but oddly not destroying -- the patrol ships. Frick orders Quantum to target the patrol ships' warp reactors, but Quantum refuses, arguing that he's just wanted for smuggling and doesn't want to up that charge to murder. Frick finally agrees, and Quantum jets them away.
Prisoner's suite. Frack straps Trip back into his restraints as Trip complains that after all he did to help, he's being treated like a common prisoner. Frack ignores him as he finds reasons to touch Trip's hand repeatedly while adjusting his restraints before walking away. "Aw, the least you could do is say 'thanks,'" Trip mutters. The Nausicaan pauses on the catwalk and bends down to Trip's level. "Thanks," he drawls sarcastically. Wow -- a Nausicaaan drawling sarcastically; this race really must have an anti-Renaissance in the few centuries. "That was nice!" Terence Trent D'Alien offers as Frack walks away, and then starts in with the reminiscing. Trip glares at his quivering gills and barks, "Shut up!" Terence Trent D'Alien descends into a deep sulk.
Enterprise. The Enolian Ambassador recounts to T'Pol what transpired between his patrol ships and the transport vessel, and finishes by saying that his patrol boats now have orders to destroy the transport vessel. T'Pol argues with him about killing two innocent humans, but the Enolian Ambassador identifies Frick as a particularly unsavory convict who has been on Enolians' Most Wanted so many times, he actually reaps residuals whenever the show airs. Apparently, Frick's real name is something that sounds like "Corona Lauren," and Mathra wonders if he's related to Sophia while I wander into the kitchen looking for beer and a few limes. The Enolian Ambassador says his people are determined to destroy Frick while Dance Of The Reed Flutes clamors that they intend to get Trip and Quantum back. "Then I suggest you find them before our patrols do," the Enolian Ambassador says.
Transport ship cockpit. Frick commends Quantum on his trick of igniting the plasma, and Quantum feeds him some crap story of outrunning a patrol ship the same way near Devil's Island. Except that by no tortured stretch of the imagination is he Humphrey Bogart, nor is Reed Hoagy Carmichael. Frick wants to know how such a clever fellow is now on his way to Canamar. Quantum drums out some stiff yarn about their capture outside the Enolian homeworld. You know, the rest of this episode, Bakula was actually doing a good job of not calling upon the Kirk, but now? He's lost me. I'm so disappointed in him. Frick thinks Quantum and Trip should join his band of Merry Marauders as they spin about the galaxy doing naughty things. Quantum admits that his schedule does seem to be wide open for the nonce, but insists on knowing where they're going if they are to be partners. Frick tells him, but since it means to nothing to me, I'm drinking. Heavily.
Prisoner's suite. Terence Trent D'Alien blathers, annoying everyone with an auditory canal, until Trip finally flips out on him: "Enough!" Terence Trent D'Alien is agog with confusion: "Is something wrong?" "No. I love hearing how delicious Melvaran mud fleas are or about the time you spent two hours with an Orion slave girl [BARF!] or the miracles doctors can perform these days getting rid of Fluvian fungus!" Trip pants. Terence Trent D'Alien asks what makes him think he wants to hear Trip's stories. "I haven't told you enny!" Trip jumps at him. "You won't let me get a word in edgewise! I can't even put mah fingers in mah ears!" Trip thrusts his shackled wrists at him and pleads for ten minute of silence. Terence Trent D'Alien barely pauses before saying he didn't realize he was being so annoying and he thought they were getting along so well and that it would be nice to have some pleasant conversation before spending ten years in a penal colony. "Penile," heh. Terence plays with his gills and pouts. Wait -- if he can lean over and play with his gills, why can't Trip lean over and stick his fingers in his ears? Trip tries to apologize for his PMS, but Terence Trent D'Alien sniffs at him and angles away as best he can.
Cockpit. Quantum assesses damage from the patrol ships and makes a play for getting Trip to take a look at it. Frick stonewalls him and reminds him they will be meeting up with another ship soon, so it won't matter if the transport ship works or not. Frack walks into the cockpit and holds out a bowl to Frick. "I'm not hungry," Frick tells him, holding up his arms. "You haven't eaten for two days," Frack growls in concern. Frick insists he can wait for normal food instead of eating prison slop, and smacks the bowl out of Frack's hands. Considering how close they seem to be, I wonder how Frick's going to react when he finds out that Frack has formed an attachment with Trip. Maybe he already knows, and his refusal to eat is a way of showing his displeasure at Frack's philandering. Frack gives Frick A Look and storms out of the cockpit. "Prison rations!" Frick sniffs. Quantum finds out that Frick was unfairly imprisoned at fourteen, and thus began his long and unfortunate career as a criminal. Did you know that the Boston Pops is putting on a special solo performance of the universe's smallest violin tonight? Frick blithers that he learned a lot in prison: "If it wasn't for the Enolian guard my life would have been quite...dull." Whoa! An unexpected and blatant delivery of three pounds of Corned Beef Slash just fell out of Darwin's delivery truck and is within the ten seconds rule! Should we partake? It's damn good beef, let me tell you! Quantum ponders how hungry he really is.
The transport ship drops out of warp within sight of two stars, and Quantum asks Frick where his friends are. Frick informs Quantum his friends will be docking with them, and Quantum wonders what will happen to the rest of the prisoners. "Before we leave, you're going to set this ship on a decaying orbit." "It'll be incinerated," Quantum provides for us. "As far as anybody will be able to tell, we crashed trying to land," Frick tells him. Okay, that makes me sick -- they could have moved this ep to a later slot, because it's not even a month later and the parallels are just too glaring to be ignored. And let's face it, just like last week's ep, nothing of consequence even happens in this whole excruciatingly uninteresting hour of lukewarm UPN programming, so they could have just stuffed it in at some other point in the schedule without worrying about continuity. Not like that keeps them up at night, anyway. Quantum doesn't understand why Frick wants to kill all the prisoners, and Frick says, "No one will be looking for us if they think we're dead." Sensing Quantum's squeamishness, Frick invites Quantum to join those who are about to die and says that while he can't fly the ship, he sure can crash it. Quantum furrows out of his travel-size Weight Of The World Window.
Enterprise. May-shroom tracks the renegade transport ship. Dance Of The Reed Flutes manages to isolate Trip and Quantum's bio-signs, and puts in a bid to use the transporter once they're in range. No! That's the one of the only good things about this show -- they haven't needlessly used the transporter to get them out of sticky situations! Thank goodness the Enolian Ambassador nixes that idea by reminding them how heavily shielded the ship is.
Transport ship. Quantum enters the Prisoners' Suite and tells Frack that Frick wants Trip to fix the docking hatch that was damaged by the patrol ships. Quantum releases Trip, and Frack follows them to the docking hatch. With Frack standing right behind them, Quantum stage-whispers, "He's taking us off on a shuttle, then he plans to crash the ship." Trip hopes Quantum has a cunning plan in the works. Quantum thinks they have to take control of the ship themselves and not wait for Enterprise to save their hides. "Think you can handle him?" Quantum asks, looking back at Frack. God, if their whispering alone weren't suspicious enough, that sure was! "Piece of cake," Trip tells him. Now, would that be Lady Baltimore Cake? I'm just curious.
Enterprise. May-caroon reports that a ship is dropping out of warp, and Dance Of The Reed Flutes reads (hee -- Reed "reads"! When he dies and is therefore of the past, do you think we can call him "Red"? Oh, lord, am I scraping the barrel of lunacy or what?) four Enolian bio-signs aboard. The Enolian Ambassador doesn't recognize the ship. May-nicotti announces that the ship is heading for the fourth planet (gasp -- just like the prison transport ship!), and Hoshi reports hail-fellow-well-mets going out to the prison transport ship from the unidentified vessel. Like to see how Frick and Frack are going to respond, considering that Frick destroyed their comm system. Hoshi reports that there is no response forthcoming from the prison transport ship. Oh. Well, okay then. Glad I didn't have to work myself into a rant over that one. T'Pol hypothesizes that they came to rescue Frick, and asks about the rescue ship's guns. Dance Of The Reed Flutes thinks they can hold their own against it.
Transport ship. Frick orders Quantum to lay in a descent course for the transport ship, and Quantum tries to argue for bringing all the prisoners aboard the rescue ship. Frick yells at him, so Quantum shuts up and punches in the coordinates. Quantum asks Trip how the "docking port is coming." Trip sighs, grunts, and looks back at Frack, saying, "I need uh minnit -- itsa big job." See, because "docking port" is code for "beating up the hulking, but curiously verbose, Nausicaan." Clever, these Starfleet boys are. Trip presses Frack to help him with the docking port by commenting on how well-built Frack is. His vanity thusly stroked, Frack steps into the recess that contains the docking port. "That one," Trip points out, "if you could turn it counterclockwise." Oh, come on! A Nausicaan -- or any other alien for that matter -- is going to know what "counterclockwise" is? As he gives more directions, Trip reaches back and grabs a set of wrist restraints from a rack showcasing several different restraint sizes. And here I was thinking the prison saved money on a "one size fits all" model. Trip bashes Frack over the head, and the Nausicaan falls like a souffle. I think Trip just blew his chance at becoming Mrs. Frack. As Trip grabs Frack's gun, the prisoners protest at the shift of power. "They said they were going to let us go!" Terence Trent D'Alien whines. Trip runs up the catwalk and spins back to say, "They lied! They're planning to kill you -- all of you!" The prisoners appear to be staging a sit-in, but Trip tells them to shut up and activates an alarm. The very fact that Trip told them to shut up and didn't wrist-zap them should tell the prisoners that they're now in better hands. Better manicured ones, too.
Cockpit. Frick hears the alarm and decides to check it out. He enters the Prisoners' Suite, and Trip takes aim at him. Terence Trent D'Alien shouts out a warning to Frick. Trip fires, and is hit by Frick's return fire. Quantum jumps out of his seat, only to be confronted by Frick's gun. No, his actual gun, gutterminds. Quantum talks fast about Frick needing someone to repair the docking hatch before they enter planet's atmosphere, adding, "Shoot me and you'll die with the others!" Frick tells Quantum to get to work on the docking hatch. "You don't have to kill these people," Quantum comments. Frick just shoves him down the catwalk while taking care to display Calvin Klingon's latest line of hard-labor prison attire.
The rescue ship catches up to the prison transport ship.
Prisoners' Suite. Terence Trent D'Alien watches as Trip -- once more in restraints -- groans awake. "You should thank me!" Terence quips. Trip doesn't know what he's talking about, and asks after Quantum. Terence natters, "He's with them, repairing the docking hatch! They said there's a shuttle coming for us! I'm sorry I had to intervene but you didn't give me much choice! You're lucky they didn't kill you -- [Frick] was furious! But everything's fine now! They're going to set us free!" Beat. "You're welcome!" Trip gives Terence a baleful look. Terence doesn't notice. The transport ship rocks. Quantum announces that the rescue ship has docked, and goes to open the air-lock door. He stares at Trip as he walks by. The door slides open to reveal Dance Of The Reed Flutes's security detail! With guns! Guns that are firing! Frack is hit right away, and falls to the deck. A firefight between the four security officers and Frick ensues. Frick uses the prisoners as alien shields, but is finally hit. May-scarpone comes from nowhere to check on a downed crewmember. Since when does he get to go on rescue missions? "I see my message got through," Quantum states. "Loud and clear, sir," Dance Of The Reed Flutes responds. Trip asks to be released from his restraints, and Terence Trent D'Alien wants to know who the hell all these people are. Quantum tosses the remote control for the restraints to Dance Of The Reed Flutes and tells him to use it. The set shakes as the ship's orbit starts to rot, and Quantum orders his crew to get everyone on the shuttle while he runs off to the cockpit. There's mild anarchy with May-rinate urging, "Let's go! Let's go!" as people get released and fall into the shuttle. No one bothers to pick up Frick, and I wonder who dragged Frack off.
Cockpit. Quantum attempts to save the transport ship's orbit, and tells an inquisitive Trip that he's almost ready to evacuate. Trip leaves. A few things spark, and Quantum leaves. There's this hysterical shot of Dance Of The Reed Flutes running back into the transport ship where he ricochets back and forth off the walls four times. I rewind it quite a few times. He yells at Quantum to shake a tail feather, and Trip appears to drag Frack off. Maybe now Frack will forgive him after all. Quantum struggles to save Frick, who suddenly wakes up and decides he's not ready to leave yet. Quantum and Frick fight. Frick closes the door between the transport ship and the shuttle and orders Quantum to break orbit. Quantum tells him it's a bit late to have regrets, but Frick doesn't believe him. Quantum tries to open the airlock, but Frick throws him against the wall. I guess he doesn't want to share him with anyone else. They fight. The docked ships careen toward a blue and white planet. They fight some more. Why the hell hasn't Dance Of The Reed Flutes or May-shed-potatoes come back for him yet? They fight some more. Frick takes a couple of swings at Quantum with a wrist restraint until Quantum finally grabs the wrist remote and zaps Frick. Quantum opens the airlock just as Dance Of The Reed Flutes comes cantering back. Frick staggers off to the cockpit. Quantum tries to plead with him to consider the preciousness of life. "I won't go back!" Frick yells. Quantum makes like he's going to go after Frick, but Dance Of The Reed Flutes saves us from any more of Quantum's selfless acts and tugs on his shoulder, saying, "It's now or never, sir!" Frick locks himself in the cockpit, and Quantum looks anguished as Dance Of The Reed Flutes drags him off the transport ship. The shuttle undocks from the transport ship and takes off to a higher orbit.
In the cockpit, Frick plays with controls he doesn't understand. You know what makes this scene that much more creepy? The fact that they just recovered part of the tape that recorded Columbia's re-entry. I know it would have been too late for Bermaga to pull it once that tape was made public, but it's still not sitting all that easy with me. Frick finally gives up on the controls and sits back to embrace his fate.
Enterprise. The shuttle docks. Quantum walks aboard with Trip and gives T'Pol a dirty look. Oh, just bite me and suck the wound! What the hell was that for? She's his second-in-command, for chrissake -- I cannot get over what an ass he is sometimes! Quantum tells Phlox that he has some patients on the shuttle. "And you?" Phlox singsongs. "I'll be fine," Quantum stalwarts. The Enolian Ambassador tries to apologize to Quantum and tell him that he needs a full report on what happened. His ramblings fall on deaf ears. Quantum calls to Trip, and they walk away from the fidgeting Ambassador. The Ambassador follows and pesters them some more. "I'll give you [a report] right now. [Frick] is dead and the other eleven prisoners are under guard. As you're aware, my engineer and I were falsely arrested. We almost wound up in Canamar -- makes me wonder how many others don't belong there. You wanted a re-PORT? You've got one!" Quantum spits all over the Ambassador and stalks off with Trip. T'Pol edges around the Ambassador and follows the two men.
Free at last, free at last! Thank the UPN gods almighty, I'm free at last! Well, at least until April. See you around.