Enterprise S02E13

The anticipation. The ingredients. The patience. The timing. The moment. It's like one of those damn Turning Leaf wine commercials. However, unlike the time I made the mistake of actually trying a Turning Leaf Chardonnay, Nemesis did not leave me disappointed or enraged, and I certainly wasn't guzzling olive oil to repair my stripped palate and lacerated throat.

Like good Trek fans, we get there an hour early -- it's on Screen 13, how kick-ass is that? -- and we aren't the first people in the theatre. Of course I didn't really expect us to be the very first people in the theatre, but I sure as hell didn't predict that we'd be the second and third! Because of the ridiculous expense, we don't go to movies often, so I had this glorified idea of sailing past the Vulcan ears and Klingon breast plates, pointing at Mathra's Tubey hat, and saying, "I'm press." But where are the throngs of costumed fans who have camped out all night -- nay, all month -- waiting to be seated for the first show of the even-numbered installment of Trek on the silver screen?

So much for drama.

As the opening credits begin, I hear the music and get teary. I don't know how that bodes for an objective and even-handed review.

In our retro-happy days, people revere Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan because it takes the aspects of Star Trek: The Original Series that people love and smushes them all into a movie: it is campy, allusion-heavy, and makes people wonder what kind of Sex Wax Ricardo Montalban used on his pecs. 1987 comes along in all its feathered and Aqua-Netted glory, and Star Trek: The Generation takes the franchise to an entirely new level. The episode storylines are far more complex, character-driven, and philosophical, and they make you think in a way Kirk and his alienette of the week rarely did. It is because of that success as a series that we as an audience have come to expect much more from the movies that feature the TNG cast. We expect Cpt. Picard to be the Picard of "Darmok," Data to be the Data of "The Most Toys," and Worf to be the Worf of "Redemption," and when we take those expectations into the darkened THX surround-sound theatre, we are most likely going to be sorely disappointed.

It might be because, as I mentioned above, we don't go to a whole lot of movies and there's that whole magic thing that works on me when the lights go down, the screen gets slightly bigger, and surround sound takes over, but I was not disappointed by Nemesis.

I will concede that the plot conflict with Shinzan as Picard's clone and nemesis -- his Khan, as it were -- is nothing more terra-shattering than an elementary reversal of the Darth Vader/Luke Skywalker relationship. Only this time around the wormhole, you get the "good" father figure butting bald heads with the "evil" son-type. And with the whole psychobabble of revenge flying back and forth between Picard and his DNA, it does become painfully apparent that Shin-Khan has his own personal demons to deal with. No, seriously, he does. They guard the awesome William Morris glass doors at the Romulan Senate house for him. Joking aside, the whole getting a "message" across to us is definitely very much in keeping with the preachiness of most of TNG, and because of that, I don't have a problem with it in Nemesis. What I do have a bit of a problem with is that the motivation of Shin-Khan turns out to be nothing deeper than a tantrum-throwing little boy who feels he's been wronged his whole life and wants to take it out on everyone and everything around him. Considering that it was the Romulans who cloned him from Picard's DNA and then threw him to his death in the dilithium mines on Remus, it is not entirely clear why he chooses to destroy Earth before Romulus.

When it comes to the monobrowed Vulcan cousins, I'm not sure I entirely like how this movie transmutes them into fluffy kittens -- the sudden champions of Picard and his cause. I would rather the Klingons come to their rescue, a la "The Defector," rather than have this sudden and seemingly unexplained reversal on the part of the Romulan cabal that has been supporting Shin-Khan all along. I mean, in the opening of the movie, this little band of dissenters is cold-blooded enough to turn the entire Romulan Senate into coal with one of those radioactive Bloomin' Onions under Shin-Khan's orders, yet a few days later they turn tail and run to Picard's rescue, all because Shin-Khan starts sprouting Evil Willow veins?

And speaking of the deadly dish from Outback Steakhouse, a lot of people are getting bumptious over the all-too-convenient introduction of Thaleron -- a previously unknown deadly weapon that Shin-Khan has discovered or created. They don't think it's cricket to suddenly come up with something we've never heard of in order to give the baddies the upper hand. Me? I shrug that off. It's a movie; they have to create new foes (like the Remans) and dangers, and I don't have a problem with that at all. The Genesis device that was coveted by Khan and used to bring Spock back to life was also an invention we had never heard of, yet no one really bitches and moans about that. I do have a problem when a series set in the past alters facts that affect a future we've already watched -- or invents things back then that are never going to exist, or even be spoken about, in two hundred years. But the introduction of Thaleron and the Remans sits fine with me. Furthermore, the Remans are inconsequential enough to the overall plot that we could look forward to seeing them again, even if the Romulans succeed in re-enslaving them in the dilithium mines.

For baddies, the Remans are deliciously horrid-looking -- I love their make-up and costuming. I'm glad we only hear a minimal amount of Shin-Khan bellyaching about his Oliver Twist-y childhood on Remus -- it preserves the mystery of his viceroy's and the other Remans' backgrounds. How about that, though? The boy's got himself a viceroy. I don't think it's even possible to be a viceroy and not have a soul that's pussing with evility. As soon as you hear Shin-Khan's got one in his pocket, you just know he's gotta be a big bad. Of course, the blue-black make-up and boar's teeth might actually give that secret away. Maybe that's something Wesley should have looked into -- hiring himself a viceroy. As it is, the poor kid barely shows up onscreen at the wedding. If you look quickly, you can just see him on the edge of the action, nodding and smiling along with Picard's speech, trying desperately to look as though he fits in. I had friends who emailed me about Paramount not hiring enough copyeditors to catch snafus like keeping Wil Wheaton in the credits when he wasn't even in the movie.

The cast is aging. It's sad, but it's to be expected -- I'd be scared if they all looked as though they had started using Dick Clark's formaldehyde face cream. Yet I expect what really bothers us about their aging is the inevitable conclusion that we, the audience and fans, are also aging. I bought Clearasil when I first started watching The Generation; now I buy Coenzyme Q-10.

By far, Patrick Stewart looks the best. I don't know if it's the baldness or the bone structure, but the man looks as tasty as he ever did. Tastier, even, because the passing years have brought a leanness to the round face that first stepped onto the bridge in 1987. All big things considered, Jonathan Frakes also doesn't look so bad. It could be the strategic blocking and dark lighting, but it also could be the rest of the cast's tendencies to puff that make him look not as large and in charge as he did in the series.

As is my wont, I barely notice Gates McFadden, but I will say that I think she looks fine. I vehemently disagree with those who think Marina Sirtis looks awful, though. In my opinion, she looks much better than she ever did on the series. Her cheekbones, the dramatic make-up, her hair -- all these things contribute to her looking quite lovely and luminescent. No, she's not a size one, and thank god for that! She looks like a real woman. A real, beautiful woman -- in fact, I sure as hell wouldn't mind looking that good when I reach that age. If she looks haggard by the end of the movie, so she should -- everyone who whines that the cast doesn't react enough to Data's death might want to take another look at Troi.

With all the makeup and cranial hull-plating, it's really hard to tell how Michael Dorn looks, but from what I've seen in interviews, he's held up pretty well. Thankfully, his voice will never age. However, the years have not been kind to Brent Spiner. I'm not entirely sure if it's the grey-white makeup or the really tight collar on his uniforms, but for an android, he's certainly showing an excess of flabbing skin. I could say the same about LeVar Burton -- his face has definitely fleshed out some more since Insurrection -- but again, these people don't live in hermetically sealed bottles, so I don't know what more we could expect. Hell, even Spot needs to cut back on the Fancy Feast!

And the elephant in the room: Data's Death. Of course, this was not a surprise for me, since I long ago spoiled myself for the good of my posters. However, expected or not, I knew I would still shed a few tears. Also? I did think it was entirely possible that Data's death might not be the only one. For a few horrible minutes, I scooted to the edge of my seat, thinking Worf's surely on his way to meet Kahless. After all, he comments to Riker, "The Romulans fought with honor," which shows he might have forgiven them at last for the murder of his father, as well as getting in the whole Klingon "it is a good day to die honorably" thing. I'm not sure if I agree with the complaints that Data's death doesn't seem to shake up the cast too much. It could be the fact that he's "died" in other episodes that lessens the effect on everyone, including me.

B-4 -- the alleged Dr. Soong "prototype" of Data and Lore -- spends his goldenrod-jumpsuited screen time sounding like Ruprecht the Monkey Boy in Dirty Rotten Scoundrels. I do think the Jar-Jar Binks-ing of the android character is going to piss a lot of people off. Not so much with me; I saw where they were going with it. Here is an incarnation of Data that isn't evil and emotional like Lore, but it isn't perfectly functional and operational like Data, either. Instead, it's a child -- a child that is not nearly as mechanically or positronically sophisticated as its more developed, albeit younger, brothers. This is to drive home the fact that Data really is gone, and though there might still be a chance for him to come back, it will not be exactly the same. One cannot help but draw parallels to the fact that before Spock sacrificed himself for the good of the ship in Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, he pressed his hand to McCoy's face, saying, "Remember." Data doesn't necessarily foresee the same sacrifice in his future, but his actions are as close to identical as you can possibly be without being exact. As for the criticism that, when they first find B-4, there is no discussion of Lore, I assume it's because everyone knows Data deactivated him and probably has him stuffed away in a closet somewhere.

I'm glad to see that my cynicism as a consummate television watcher and bileful critic has not ruined me for the simple pleasures of amazing visual effects, good strong acting, and movie popcorn (but what the hell did they do with that fake butter I loved so much?). But the recapper in me did get her hackles up when Picard sits B-4 down to discuss his late brother. Picard says, "He embraced change because he wanted to be better than he was," which struck me as Berman forcibly trying to speak directly to the Enterprise viewing audience through the mouthpiece of the revered Jean-Luc Picard. See, I don't have a problem with change, and I fully espouse the idea of making each new thing better than the last, but I am just not seeing that in the torpid storylines filled with soporific dialogue they keep cranking out every Wednesday night.

You can only get better if the change you're aiming at is an improvement on what has gone before. We are not seeing that with the new series, and if they're really serious about saving this thirty-four-year-old franchise, I suggest it's high time Rick Berman and Brannon Braga take their ego-blown heads out of their corpulent Executive Suite asses and start listening to what their fans want. Consider this, Bermaga: it was the fans whose unflagging interest in a failed series turned it into the behemoth meal ticket it is today, and as we can see by Enterprise's ebbing ratings, it will be the fans who take it all away.

That said, do I think this should be the last Star Trek movie? Hell, no! With each new movie, with each new series, more generations get indoctrinated into the rich, complicated, and thoroughly entertaining Trek history, and that is as it should be.