In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close. Hey where did Trip go,
Days when this dame came
Down in the shuttle,
Playin' a new game,
Pushing and a shoving, hey hey
Butting and a-snooping
In the misty morning fog with
Your hearts a thumpin' and you
His bug-eyed girl,
You, his bug-eyed girl.
Whatever happened
To make
Quantum so slow
Looking for a meddlin' time
With a transporter
streamline flow
Skulking in the shadows sneaking,
Hiding behind a
bulkhead wall,
Blasting and prying
Listenin' to Trip's fake-ass drawl,
with you
His bug-eyed girl,
Youuuuu, his bug-eyed girl.
Do you remember
when I used to scream?
Sha-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la, la-la-ti-da.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Captain's Private Dining Room. Trip gnaws on a bread roll and winces, saying, "I thought Cajun food was hot." Quantum nonchalantly takes a mouthful of food and Dramatically Pauses. T'Pol watches him placidly. He swigs some iced tea and says, "D'Marr?" The bluish-whitish alien at the table looks up. "What did you call that spice?" Quantum asks. "Hajjlaran. The warlords on Preenos use it to test their courage," D'Marr tells him, and asks T'Pol if she's sure she doesn't want to try it. T'Pol tells him her courage isn't in need of testing. "I have other items to trade. I can get you some Triaxian silk for, say, another protein resequencer?" D'Marr asks, looking at Trip and Quantum. "I'd bet you'd look good in Triaxian silk," Trip comments suggestively to T'Pol. Now, we just had a mandatory "Good Touch, Bad Touch" seminar at my work in the AOL coal mines, and I'm pretty sure that comment might fall in the "bad touch" region. T'Pol glares at him slightly, and I can't say that I blame her. If my managing editor, Itchy McNastyFace, said that to me during a production meeting, I'd be pretty pissed as well. Probably vomit on his attempting-to-be-New-York-hip shoes as well. Quantum ignores Trip's loutish behavior and tells their alien trader that they are really in need of engineering supplies. Trip corroborates his captain's statement by listing a few items on the technobabble shopping list. D'Marr tells them he can't help, as he "prefer[s] to deal in more exotic goods." The alien trader goes on to tell them about a small system a two days' journey from their present course, indicating that they might find what they need there. T'Pol says they weren't aware of any inhabited planets in that direction. "It's not inhabited," D'Marr says, "Not exactly." Quantum's curious. D'Marr drinks from his coffee cup and says, "Mmm! This is excellent! What is it again?" Quantum tells him that it's coffee, and that their chef can wrap up a few kilos for him. "If you wouldn't mind telling us where we can find those supplies," Quantum says. It's just like the marketplace of Agrabah. "Captain, please, this isn't a matter of negotiation. I'm thinking of your safety," D'Marr tells him. Trip looks concerned, but Quantum continues to look indulgently amused. "Ten kilos?" Quantum offers. "It is pure luck that I even found it," D'Marr begins. "Found what?" Trip asks. "A ship. Crashed on one of the inner planets. There were no lifesigns aboard so I landed to claim my rights of salvage." D'Marr rolls his eyes as he says this -- almost self-deprecatingly. I only mention it because it was a nice sliver of acting by this character. Trip asks what he found, and D'Marr tells him he found a transport vessel, "largely intact. I could have stripped it bare and made a fortune." T'Pol asks why he didn't do just that. "The, uh, crew objected," D'Marr tells her. "You said there weren't any lifesigns aboard," Quantum points out. Do you have any lifesigns aboard, Quantum? "There weren't. There wasn't anything alive," D'Marr says, leaning forward. Trip looks at Quantum, snorts, and looks back at their guest to ask, "What are you saying -- that the ship was haunted?" D'Marr just stares at him.
A soundtrack for Enterprise is coming out soon. That just makes me so sad.
Bridge. Reed's located the ship and puts it up on Bridge TV. It looks like a triangle in some misty mountains. T'Pol reports finding no power signatures and opines that the ship "appears to be deserted." "What? Are your sensors calibrated for ghosts?" Trip asks. Quantum smiles indulgently at his Mini-Me. "So far, D'Marr's battin' a thousand. I'm readin' duratanium, beryllium and dilithium," Trip reports. Hoshi wonders what caused the crash, and Quantum says there's no way of hypothesizing without examining the thing bow to stern. "Well, let's git down there," Trip says. May-something-that-rhymes-with-feather asks, "Are we sure that's a good idea?" Hoshi asks him if he's really afraid that it's haunted. Mayweather says, "We don't know what happened to the crew. That ship could be a tomb. You really think we should be picking through it for spare parts, sir?" I really don't think you should question your captain, Mayweather. He'll take all your lines away and demote you to an extra. "D'Marr didn't say anythang about bodies," Trip says. Well, that's comforting. Quantum looks at him. "Captain, we've taken more damage out here than we ever expected to. There's enough duratanium down there to patch a lot of hull fractures." Quantum makes a command decision: "Let's pay her a visit." Now, that line was delivered pretty naturally, but he flubs the second part of it by wandering into John Wayne's corral when he says, "If we feel the spirits don't want us there, we'll leave." Who are you trying to kid, Cpt. Buttinski? Anyway, back to my critique. Other than placing a period after every word, there's really no good way to represent on paper how Bakula screws up these lines. He seems to deliver each word as though it were a complete thought. "If. We. Feel. The. Spirits. Don't. Want. Us. There. We'll. Leave." I wish he would stop it. Quantum tells Reed he's on bridge duty and says, "Travis, you're driving." After months and months of virtual anonymity, Mayweather gets to be the captain's chauffeur again. You gotta wonder, though -- is Quantum dragging Mayweather along because he expressed some squeamishness about pilfering the ship? He does seem to do that. Hoshi and the upside-down ugly bags of mostly water in "Fight or Flight," for example. It's like he's trying to make them do stuff for their own good or something.
Deserted triangular ship. The away team, carrying flashlights, forces open the doors and splits up, Trip and T'Pol to Engineering and Quantum and Mayweather to another dark place. Mayweather pauses in one particularly poorly-lit corner. Quantum asks him if he's okay. "Yes, sir. I was just wondering if that trader left in such a hurry, why did he bother to close the hatch behind him?" Quantum meditates on this as the creepy music attempts to swell into something creepier. We know that you're trying to make the most of your role on this mission, May-June-July, but not everything has to be meaningful. I think it's pretty fair to assume that others have actually been there to investigate the deserted ship since the trader and maybe, just maybe, they didn't spook as easily.
Deserted triangular ship's engineering. Trip fiddles with stuff, as T'Pol swings her flashlight around. She pauses, and Trip looks behind him. "What is it?" he asks. T'Pol says she heard something. "Rats, maybe?" Trip suggests. T'Pol scans and says, "No." "Well, then you probably imagined it," Trip tells her, going off to fiddle with more stuff. Vulcans don't imag-- "Vulcans don't imagine things," T'Pol interrupts me. God. I was kidding. Trip tells her it's nothing to be "ashamed" of. "Spooky ship, missin' crew, thangs goin' bump in the night -- it'd give anyone the creeps," Trip reassures her. "'The creeps'?" T'Pol repeats. "Yeah. Willies. Heebie-jeebies," Trip says by way of non-clarification. T'Pol just looks at him. Trip asks if she ever gets frightened, and T'Pol answers with a flat negative. "Not by anythang?" Trip asks. "No," T'Pol repeats. "That's too bad," Trip says, putting his flashlight under his chin so it shines up over his face. Heh. "Nuthin' like a good skeer," Trip drawls. Nothing like a good heart attack, either.
Trip and Quantum speculate around the ship. "What do you think that trader really saw down here, sir?" Mayweather asks. "I dunno. Maybe someone else wanted to salvage this wreck, and they were trying to scare him off," Quantum suggests. "That makes sense," Mayweather starts to say, then changes tacks: "Except scavengers would have stripped this ship to the keel." Except that keels only exist on water-faring vessels. Their reason for being is to provide sufficient weight so that a ship has a hard time tipping over. Last time I checked, spaceships weren't really concerned with tipping over. Of course, it could just be a turn of phrase, but I still don't understand why it would be in his lexicon if Mayweather was reared in space. "This isn't turning into one of your famous ghost stories, is it?" Quantum asks. Silly captain -- nothing about Mayweather is famous. Mayweather comments that it would make a good ghost story. The two chuckleheads go to investigate a piece of technobabble, and the captain's chauffeur confirms that it's a computer terminal with no power. "But the data modules look intact," Mayweather says, scanning. Quantum says they should take it back to the ship so they can attempt to figure out what happened to the ship.
Team Tri'Pol scans something else. Trip confirms it's dilithium and then says, "Huh." T'Pol asks if there's something wrong. "No," Trip says, "the crystals are in perfect shape. It wouldn't be that hard to get this ship flyin' agin." While Trip fiddles, T'Pol catches sight of an alien face reflected in the glass of the power module. She spins around and shines her flashlight behind her. "There's someone here," she tells Trip. "You said there weren't any biosigns," Trip reminds her. "There aren't," T'Pol tells him, walking toward a corner. "If yer tryin' to skeer me, I appreciate the effort, but --" Trip breaks off as a shadow flits by. Trip comms Quantum and tells him, "We're not alone down here." Quantum says they're on their way, right after they stop in front of a mirror and say "Bloody Mary, Bloody Mary" ten times. Trip and T'Pol continue to investigate, and continue to find nothing. They get to the end of the corridor and T'Pol says, "There's a space behind this bulkhead." Trip uses his phaser to cut through a section of the bulkhead, which they remove and step through to another area. T'Pol presses a panel, and a door slides open to reveal an overgrown greenhouse. It's not scary anymore. Eighteen minutes into the episode, and it's not scary anymore! As they skulk around the forest of Arden, Trip wonders why it didn't show up on their sensors. Scanning, T'Pol reports a dampening field in the area generated by an unknown power source. They keep tiptoeing through the tulips. Trip rounds some fronds and sees a bug-eyed humanoid chick. "Hi," he says cautiously. She goggles at his weapon; he lowers it quickly and assures her he's not going to hurt her, but she dashes off anyway. T'Pol and Trip run after her, right into a room full of other humanoids in onesies. Humanoids in onesies with weapons pointed directly at them. T'Pol and Trip sheathe their phasers, and the camera cuts to a shot of Odo in the background.
They must've all made with the nice-nice with the Onesies, because later that night, one of them -- who kinds of looks like C.C. Capwell from Santa Barbara gone to seed -- tells the Enterprise crew how they happened to crash on the planet. They were attacked while on their way back from their colony on Kotara Barath. Quantum asks who attacked them. "They didn't introduce themselves, they just opened fire," the C.C. Capwell Onesie tells Quantum. Odo says, "We're a supply ship. We don't carry large weapons. We tried to defend ourselves." A female Onesie speaks up, saying, "The captain was able to make a crash landing. It's a miracle we all survived." Mayweather asks if they sent out a distress signal, but C.C. Capwell tells him that they didn't want to be detected by their attackers. "So you set up this dampening field to hide," Trip states. The other Onesies nod. T'Pol asks how long they've been there, and Odo says, "Nearly three years." Quantum comments that they've "made quite a home for [themselves]" in three years. C.C. Capwell says they didn't have much choice. "Well, you do now," Quantum tells him. "Our ship is big enough for all of you. We can take you home." C.C. Capwell says, "You're very generous, Captain, but our world's over a year away."
Mayweather steps forward passionately and says they can't just leave them there. "As you say, we've made a home for ourselves," C.C. Capwell reminds him. Quantum -- and I can't believe I didn't broker a deal with Bunting to get paid a buck every time I type this -- FURROWS HIS BROW and asks his Chief Engineer how the Onesies' engines are. Trip reports, "Their dilithium matrix is stable. They've got plenty of anti-matter reserves. I think we can git this ship flyin'." Odo stands up and says they've already tried. "We have resources you may not have," Quantum pesters. "It's worth a shot." Odo nods and thanks him. Now, it would be at this point that Troi would say, "I sense they are hiding something, sir." Although I did notice that she went from being extremely intuitive with every creature they came across -- almost to the point of knowing what they had for breakfast -- to just being able to "sense that something isn't right."
Trip does some stuff to their systems. In an anemic attempt to recreate mysterious creepiness, Trip is made to hear a noise. He investigates a dark, dark corner but doesn't see anything. When he turns around, he sees the bug-eyed girl he met in the forest of Arden. He jumps and makes startled noises. I can see why she might scare people. Those eyes, dude. "You startled me," Trip tells her, just in case his startled noises didn't get the point across. "That's twice in one day." Bug-Eyed Girl doesn't say anything. "You ever say anythang?" Trip asks. Still nothing from Bug-Eyed. "Unless yer unable to say anythang," Trip hypothesizes, "in which case, I apologize." Trip edges around her and goes back to his workstation. Bug-Eyed follows and watches him work. Suddenly she blurts out, "Don't touch that!" Trip stops what he's doing. "The power's been routed to our living area through that relay -- it's very dangerous," Bug-Eyed tells him. Trip says, "Well, I'm glad you finally decided to speak up. Thanks." Yeah, good thing Trip was just mucking about in there, not really knowing what the hell he was doing. Trip gives her his million-dollars'-worth-of-Edam smile and asks if she knows a lot about her ship's systems. Bug-Eyed tells him that her father's the engineer, and he taught her how things work. I love those books. Trip tells her, "Stick around, then. You can warn me about whatever else I need to keep my hands off of." How about her dinners for two? The female Onesie from earlier appears and says, "He's busy. Don't bother him, Liana." Bug-Eyed Liana looks disappointed, and Trip assures Female Onesie that she's no bother. "My daughter has other responsibilities," Female Onesie says. Bug-Eyed Liana leaves, but manages to cast a come-hither look over her shoulder at Trip. Do you know how we know the Onesies are aliens? They have little nearly imperceptible dots congregating around each temple. It's a way to make them not-human but still attractive enough in case one of the crew of Enterprise wants to have a fling.
Trip and T'Pol work on the grounded ship's systems. T'Pol notes the cross-circuitry, and Trip explains that Bug-Eyed and her engineer father rerouted power according to their needs. "Efficient," T'Pol comments, "but I'll need to reconnect the bridge systems." Trip says he'll get Bug-Eyed to help her. T'Pol tells him it's unnecessary. "It'll go faster," Trip argues. "I can take care of it," T'Pol states, getting up. "She knows the ship's system inside and out. She kept me from getting fried on a live plasma feed," Trip says. "Perhaps she can help you then," T'Pol says pointedly. "What's that supposed to mean?" Trip whines. "By the way you keep talking about her, you obviously appreciate her 'technical' expertise," T'Pol explains. Bamp-chicka. Trip crosses his arms and says, "She's very competent." "So was the female engineer on the Xyrillian ship," T'Pol says. Wah wah. "Yer never gonna let that go, are yeh?" Trip snits. "I'm simply noting that the last time you found someone this competent you wound up carrying her child," T'Pol reminds him. A lot of people seem to think that this was a scene of simmering jealousy on T'Pol's part. I couldn't disagree more. First of all, need I remind everyone that she's a freakin' Vulcan and doesn't experience jealousy? Second of all, I see T'Pol playing the exact same role with Trip and Quantum and their dalliances that Spock did with Kirk and his. She's merely calling them on the obvious and raising her eyebrow at it. Just because she happens to be female doesn't automatically mean that the exact same observations which Spock, a male, made are now stemming from a feeling of sexual competition with every female any of her male crewmembers happen to take a personal interest in. Jeez, give her a little more credit.
Bug-Eyed arrives with a tray of food and asks if she's interrupting anything. "Not at all. Commander Tucker and I were just discussing his ...repair experience," T'Pol tells her. Bug-Eyed offers T'Pol some sustenance, which T'Pol refuses; she leaves the room to continue with her work. Bug-Eyed timidly walks over to Trip and asks if he's hungry. Trip thanks her, and she sets the food down. It looks like a gourd with the top sliced off. Trip starts eating tentatively. "Mmm, it's delicious, what is it?" he asks. Bug-Eyed tells him it's "lorella," grown in their airponics bay since nothing will grow outside. Trip comments that he's surprised they were able to survive. Bug-Eyed watches him eat until he asks, "Why do I feel like it's feeding time at the zoo?" Bug-Eyed gets even more so and says she didn't mean to be rude. She sits down, and Trip tells her he wished more women paid attention to him that way. Bug-Eyed bugs out some more and asks, "Do you know a lot of women?" Trip says, "Well, nearly a third of the crew is female." Bug-Eyed asks if he knows a lot of women on his home planet. "I've got lady friends back there ['Lady friends'? What is this? Petticoat Junction?], but nobody special, if that's what you mean. Not anymore. What about your world?" Trip asks. Bug-Eyed wants to know what about it. Trip points out that she'll be going home soon to see her friends, and she must be excited at the prospect. Bug-Eyed doesn't say anything. Odo, C.C. Capwell, and another random Onesie interrupt their tête-à-tête. "I hear you've been making progress," C.C. Capwell says. Trip tells them they're "gittin' there." C.C. Capwell tells him there's something else he might be able to help them with.
T'Pol and Trip are ushered into a room that looks like big tanning booth. "Your computer core?" T'Pol asks, circling around the large console in the middle of the room. "It controls all the ship's vital functions. Environmental systems, main power -- you might say it keeps us alive," C.C. Capwell says. Yeah, you might say that about any ship's computer core; it's not novel. T'Pol looks at him sharply and says, "These are optronic relays." C.C. Capwell agrees, and tells her the system is starting to break down and could crash at any time. "I've worked on something like this -- on the Xyrillian ship," Trip says. "Then you can fix it?" C.C. Capwell asks. Trip says he can try, but he'll need some diagnostic equipment from the ship, and extends the offer to the Onesies -- Bug-Eyed in particular -- to come along and take a tour of Enterprise. Bug-Eyed bugs with delight, but C.C. Capwell answers for all of them that they'd rather not. "Oh, you've been marooned for three years, a change of scenery for an hour or two couldn't hurt," Trip presses. Why don't he and Quantum EVER take a gentle hint? They have to be beaten over the head before they stop being so pushy! "Another time," C.C. Capwell says. Trip finally lets the matter drop and says he'll be right back. T'Pol has barely left the room when Bug-Eyed appeals to Odo, asking why she can't go. "You know why," Odo tells her. Bug-Eyed wants to know what's wrong with seeing their ship and meeting their crew. "I think you've met enough of their crew already," Odo says. Bug-Eyed insists that "they're good people" who just want to help them. "I promise not to say anything," she pleads.
Enterprise Situation Room. Reed, Quantum, and Mayweather discuss the situation. Reed deduces that the engines only sustained impact damage, not damage incurred by weapons fire, and he's also not buying that they've simply been hiding for three years. "Just because they're a little skittish doesn't mean they're up to something," Quantum says. "And there's also their airponics bay," Reed starts to say. Quantum wants to know what about it, and Mayweather tells Quantum that it's not big enough to feed everyone on the ship. "How are they surviving down there? It doesn't make any sense," Reed says. They're insects. Quantum asks if they still have the downed ship's data module. Mayweather tells him it's in the sh'pod, and Quantum tells him to get Hoshi on downloading duty. Mayweather "aye sirs" him and leaves his captain to furrow away.
Trip gives Bug-Eyed a tour of the ship. Bug-Eyed asks many pointless questions: How many people aboard the ship? Are they all human? Can she meet Dr. Phlox? What's a dog? And Trip answers them: eighty-three; all humans, save the Vulcan, the Denobulan doctor, and Porthos the dog; Dr. Phlox would never forgive Trip if he didn't introduce him to Bug-Eyed; a dog is a pet. Bug-Eyed wants Porthos put on her show-me list as well, and Trip asks if she going to have any time left for him. "I don't know, it sounds like I'm going to be very busy," Bug-Eyed flirts. Trip wants to know about Kentare, her home planet, but she assures him it's boring and asks him what places he's visited. "Our mission's really just getting started," Trip says. "We haven't been to many planets yet." Bug-Eyed asks where their port of call is, and Trip tells her they have no idea: "That's the fun part." "What's your favorite planet?" Bug-Eyed asks, gamboling to him. "If I had to choose right now -- I'd say this one," Trip says. Well, that's one for keeping continuity of the episodes. He certainly wouldn't choose Planet of the Psychedelic Rock People. Just as they're getting warmed up for a mating dance, Quantum throws some ice on them and orders Trip to his Ready Room. Trip hands Bug-Eyed over to some red-shirt named "Billy" and asks him to continue "this lady's" tour. "Oh, they gave you a name, now you're gonna die, Billy!" Mathra crows. Trip tells Bug-Eyed that he still owes her lunch and will meet her in the Mess Hall.
Quantum's Ready Room. "I hear you've been spending a lot of time with Liana?" Quantum says. Reed looks at Trip with interest. Not one bum question out of your mouth, buddy. "Did T'Pol say somethang?" Trip whines. "Sir, I swear, I've been nothing but a perfect gentleman." Quantum tells him he's sure he has, but that's not what he's getting at. "Oh," Trip says, looking uncomfortable. Quantum asks if he's noticed any "strange behavior" from her or the other Onesies. You mean besides the fact that they're actually good actors? Trip asks, "'Strange behavior' -- what's going on?" Yeah, you know, strange behavior, Trip. Like wanting to be left alone, not welcoming others meddling about in their daily lives, having -- god forbid -- a way of life different from the one the crew of the Enterprise leads. Reed explains that the Hoshi-translated data module reveals what happened to the ship right before they crashed. "Yeah, they already told us what happened," Trip says. "According to this, they weren't attacked. There was an accident on board," Quantum says. Trip wants to know what the accident was. "There are some gaps in the data, but it looks like some kind of catastrophic malfunction. There was a massive depressurization when the ship went down," Reed tells him. Trip suggests that the data module got damaged during the crash. Anything! Anything other than the fact that the love of the last forty-eight hours of his life is lying to him. Quantum tells him it's not just the data module. Trip looks at Reed. "When their story didn't check out, the captain asked me to run some detailed scans of the ship. According to the oxidation rate of the hull plating, that ship's been sitting down there a lot longer than three years," Reed finishes, showing Trip his data. "It went down nearly twenty-two years ago, Trip," Quantum says. Trip argues that it doesn't make sense, and Reed offers to let him check the scans himself. "Why wouldn't Liana have told me?" Trip wonders. Sure, because on the strength of your TWO-DAY acquaintance, she should trust you implicitly with all her deepests and darkests -- right, Cletus? Reed tells Trip that his data shows that the ship launched a number of escape pods right before the crash. "Malcolm found one," Quantum says. "We're bringing it on board."
Shuttle bay. Phlox joins them, saying, "This is obviously someone's final resting place. What do you hope to accomplish by opening it?" Seriously. Phlox is so my close and personal friend. Malcolm, Quantum, Trip, and the good doctor circle the pod. "I'm not quite sure," Quantum says. Well, then. By all means, let's open it and disturb the dead. The captain nods at Reed, who pushes some buttons on the pod. Hold on! Didn't they learn anything in their Ferengi first contact? Shouldn't they open this thing in DeCon? Air hisses and the front panel clicks. Okay, they just pinpointed their location on the learning curve. Reed forces the panel open to reveal a slightly flattened and thoroughly desiccated body. "I don't believe you'll be needing my services," Phlox comments. Quantum makes a face. Yeah, it's probably pretty stenchy in there. Trip looks in and says, "It's Shilat, Captain. I saw him on their ship an hour ago. Alive!"
Onesie ship's computer core. T'Pol reads some data and acts startled.
Enterprise Mess Hall. Trip finally joins Bug-Eyed, who's eating a solitary lunch of vanilla ice cream. Trip tells her there are hundreds of ice cream flavors, and his favorite is Rocky Road. "That sounds terrible. Why do they call it that?" Bug-Eyed asks. Trip sits for a moment and admits, "I never really thought about it. [Just look at the surprise written all over my face.] I guess it's because it's got nuts in it. It's also got marshmallows but I don't think that has anything to do with it," Trip says. Wow. Incredible conversationalist. This leads into a discussion of what marshmallows actually are, which Trip doesn't feel equal to explaining, and I don't feel equal to describing. After Bug-Eyed gives him a guilt trip for being late for their lunch date, Trip tries to ask her some probing questions about her ship and the other Onesies -- especially regarding the dead guy in the pod. Bug-Eyed gets freaked and insists she be taken back to the planet.
Onesie ship. T'Pol investigates some dark places and is apprehended by some Onesies who just come out of nowhere. "You were looking where you shouldn't have," C.C. Capwell tells her. One of these days, T'Pol is going to show how much ass she can kick and when that happens, I'm going to be in the front row with popcorn. I guess they must be still training Jolene in the finer points of Tae Bo.
Sh'pod lands to the Onesie ship. Quantum, Reed, Trip, and Bug-Eyed enter, and Quantum orders Reed to find T'Pol while he looks for Cpt. Onesie. Reed suggests they stick together, and Bug-Eyed tries to convince them that they aren't in any danger. "That'd be easier to believe if you weren't hiding things from us," Quantum tells her. "Can't you just fix our systems and go?" Bug-Eyed asks. "Is that what you really want?" Trip asks her. "How old were you when this ship crashed? Five? Six? Do you even remember what your home looks like?" Bug-Eyed insists that this place is her home, and all the other Onesies appear. "I didn't tell them anything," she insists. Quantum verifies her story and adds, "But if you want any more help from us, we're going to need some answers." The dead Onesie in the pod aboard Enterprise tells Quantum that they don't owe him any answers. He's just worried about giving away his secret for how he keeps his skin from looking so dead and decayed-looking. Other armed Onesies appear to relieve the Enterprise crew of their weapons. "Please, just let them leave. That's what you wanted in the first place," Bug-Eyed pleads with C.C. Capwell. "When the repairs are completed," C.C. Capwell tells her. Trip gives his lady love a look as he's manhandled away. "Make him stop, he'll listen to you," Bug-Eyed says to Odo. Quantum says he won't go back to his ship without his officers, but C.C. Capwell tells him it's not a negotiation. Reed and Quantum leave. Bug-Eyed starts after them, but Odo calls her back.
Onesie's computer core. Trip's shoved into the room and told to get to work. He asks where T'Pol is. "Don't worry about her," Odo tells him. Trip says he needs her help to do the repairs, but Odo tells him to manage on his own. "I'm not doing a thing until I see her," Trip says. Odo does him one better: "Do as I say or you'll never see her." Trip wants to know what's so important about the computer core. "You'd really kill us to keep it running?" he asks. Odo tells him he wouldn't understand. "I don' keer whatcher big secret is. It dunnit matter if yuh've bin here three yars or thirty. But you gotta think about Liana. We can help you take her home," Trip says, his "accent" coming out when provoked. Odo tells him to fix the stuff. "Yew gotta lot to larn about makin' frends," Trip says. Ouch. Oh, how that hurts. Don't say anything else, Trip. I don't think I can take the severity of your language. Odo tells him he's got more than enough friends, and leaves.
In the Onesie's Birnam Wood, Bug-Eyed tells her mother she's sick of hearing that "he's doing this for [her]." Apparently, she doesn't buy it anymore. Bug-Eyed's mom reminds her willful daughter that none of them would be alive if it weren't for her father. "He still should have told them the truth," Bug-Eyed insists. "You know he can't do that," Bug-Eyed's mom says calmly. "He can do whatever he wants, he's not like you," Bug-Eyed says. Her mother tells her she shouldn't have gone to their ship. "You think this is my fault?" Bug-Eyed asks. "I saw the way you looked at their engineer. Are you sure you didn't say anything?" B-E's mother asks. Bug-Eyed promises that she kept her big yap shut. Her mother strokes Bug-Eyed's cheek and says, "They'll be gone soon and everything will be fine again."
Enterprise. Quantum, Reed, and Mayweather plan an ambush. The only thing relatively important that comes out of that discussion is that they can't use their transporter because of the Onesie ship's dampening field. Big whoop.
Onesie computer core. "That's a pretty neat trick," Trip says to his Pod-Dead guard. "Here you are, watching me with a gun in your hand while at the same time your corpse is up on Enterprise. What do you do for an encore?" Pod-Dead is silent as the grave. Bug-Eyed enters and asks Pod-Dead to wait outside. "I'm not supposed to leave him," Pod-Dead says. "It's all right," Bug-Eyed says. Pod-Dead leaves. "They do what I ask them to," Bug-Eyed explains, in case the bleeding obvious wasn't. "Then why don't you ask them to let me go?" Trip grumps. Bug-Eyed tells him she wishes she could do that little thing for him. "Maybe you can tell me how I'm being guarded by a dead man," Trip says. "Do you think it's possible to tell a lie so many times that you begin to believe it's the truth?" Bug-Eyed asks him. Trip refuses to look at her. "You can," Bug-Eyed says, answering her own question. She says she never really understood that until Trip came. That gets his attention, and he looks up at her. "Remember when you said you thought we were ghosts? In a way, you were right," Bug-Eyed tells him.
Somewhere on the Onesie ship, the Ambush Away Team walks around. Loudly. Quantum gives directions to Mayweather to go somewhere else, but to comm him if he stumbles over their Vulcan science officer. Suddenly, Reed gets hit with green phaser fire in the back. He goes down, and Quantum drags him away before returning fire. His red phaser beam passes clean through their attacker. Quantum drags a hopping Reed after him.
Computer core. "That's why your father needs to keep this running," Trip says, slowly. Bug-Eyed agrees. They hear sounds of combat outside, and Trip tells Bug-Eyed she can stop "this." Bug-Eyed bugs some more.
Fight Zone. Quantum drags a now-grunting Reed after him as more green phaser fire follows them. They reach a dead end, and Quantum puts Reed down. "You all right?" he asks. "Yeah," Reed gasps. "Where'd he come from?" "Good question," Quantum says, and fires behind them. Again their phaser fire passes right through the zombie. "You have to get them off the ship," Odo tells C.C. Capwell. Reed and Quantum scuttle around some packing cases and fire at C.C. Capwell and his flunkies. No damage done.
Computer core. Trip pleads with Bug-Eyed not to let his friends die. Bug-Eyed bugs and puffs her lips. "Please," Trip says.
Fight Zone. More zombies appear from nowhere -- through walls and bulkheads -- to have Quantum and Reed's phasers pass right through them. A zombie throws himself at Reed, and Quantum throws the zombie against a wall. He seems solid enough.
Computer core. Bug-Eyed pulls a metal disk out of the computer.
Fight Zone. Several zombies disappear into thin air. Okay, those of you who haven't figured out by now that they're holograms, well, you're just stupid. Computer core. Bug-Eyed pulls out another disk; more zombies disappear, their very real weapons clattering to the ground. Finally C.C. Capwell disappears, as does Pod-Dead, who's giving Quantum and Reed such trouble. It's like when Buffy stakes vamps, but without the really good dusting effects. Odo, Reed, and Quantum are the only ones left. Odo looks worried.
Computer core. Bug-Eyed shows a metal disk to Trip.
Previously The Fight Zone. Quantum darts out, weapon leveled at…nothing. Odo steps out to show he's the only one there. Luuuuucy! I think you got some 'splaining to do!
Quantum asks Odo what happened to his real crew. "Ah. They didn't seem real to you?" Odo asks, referring to the zombies. "I created them. Wasn't easy. Took time. You could touch them. They could make you laugh. Surprise you," Odo says, looking at Bug-Eyed. "They were holograms," Trip says nastily. "They were our friends. Our family for over twenty years," Odo says, indignant. Bug-Eyed tells Trip they were the only people, besides her father, she ever knew. Until they came. Quantum asks what happened to the flesh-and-blood crew. "I buried them out in the hills. The ones I could find after the crash," Odo says. "I killed them, so I buried them." Maybe this episode has creepiness potential after all. Bug-Eyed jumps up to say, "That isn't true!" She says it with such earnestness that I have just as quickly given up on the creepiness potential. Odo tells her that she was just a child when it happened, so she doesn't remember.
Then Odo explains that they were on their way home, but they ran into an ion storm, which overloaded their plasma conduits. "I was the Chief Engineer -- it was my responsibility to start repairs but it was worse than I thought. Leaking plasma burned through the hull. We were losing atmosphere so Captain Kuulan set a course for this planet," Odo says. Quantum says it sounds like he did all he could to save his ship. "They're all dead," Odo says. "Apparently, I didn't do enough." Bug-Eyed steps forward and says, "They died because of me." Odo contradicts her, saying it was his decision. "She was in our quarters on the lowest deck, I knew she'd never survive a crash landing down there. So I went to get her," Odo rasps. Bug-Eyed looks limpidly at her father. "Any father would have done the same thing," Quantum says, rather confused by all the self-flagellation. "I left my station! The plasma leak grew, there was an explosion. Half the crew died instantly, including my wife. A few made it to the escape pods, but…" Odo trails off. Quantum gets his teacher's hat on and says, "I can't imagine what making that decision must have been like but it was a long time ago -- you need to consider your daughter now." Odo gasps his indignation and says, "Why do you think I did this? To retreat into some fantasy? Pretend it never happened? For two years I tried to repair our ship and I watched my daughter grow up alone. So I decided to bring them back. Her mother first, then Captain Kuulan and the others. I did everything I could to make it like it was for her."
Trip decides he needs to get in on the judgment-passing instead of letting Quantum have all the fun: "She deserves more." Would you be included in that "more," Trip? Odo tells him angrily that he's given her everything she needs. "And when you're gone?" Trip asks. Bug-Eyed tries to get Trip to shut up, but he's not listening to anyone. "Are you going to let her bury you out in the hills? And live the rest of her life with these people you created? What if the relays burn out again? Then she'll really be alone," Trip says. Odo tells him, "She's my daughter, it's not your concern." Trip keeps picking at the wound and asks what will happen if ol' Bug-Eyed gets hurt. "What'll you do then? Program a holographic doctor?" Trip asks. Will no one rid me of this troublesome anvil? Actually, considering how advanced Odo's holographic technology appears to be, I don't think it would be such a stretch for him to program up Robert Picardo to do the honors. Odo tells Trip that they've gotten on pretty well for a long time now. "Maybe you have. Ask Liana how she feels. Ask her if just surviving is enough," Trip says. Odo looks at his daughter, who bug-eyes at Trip. T'Pol and Mayweather walk in, and Quantum asks the Vulcan if she's all right. T'Pol nods and looks at Odo. Quantum tells Odo they'll finish working on their holographic systems. "If that's what you want. But you should be sure that's all the help you need from us. It may be a long time before anyone comes by here again," Quantum says -- more severely than necessary, in my estimation.
Quantum's Ready Room. Odo pays the captain a visit and tells him that Trip is "a very plain-spoken man." Quantum snarks, "That's one way of putting it." Odo muses a bit and tells Quantum that he never kept any secrets from his daughter, she was well aware that there were worlds beyond their "little oasis." And we have episode title. Odo goes on that Bug-Eyed never expressed any desire to leave their home. "Now your engineer thinks we should just pack up and go. Twenty-two years, Captain. I've lived here for twenty-two years. And that ship down there may seem like nothing more than spare parts to you, but to me, it's home. I don't want to leave. I'm happy here. Comfortable," Odo says, showing how well Rene Auberjonois can act. Quantum nods. "But Mr. Tucker wants me to believe that I'm being selfish. He says now that I have the opportunity to leave, I should, that Liana deserves more," Odo says, walking around the room. Still Quantum manages to hold his tongue. Masterful self-control. I wouldn't have thought he had it in him. Odo concedes that he thinks it's time he stopped being afraid of change, and asks Quantum to help him take his daughter home. "We'll stay as long as it takes to get your ship flying," Quantum promises. "Thank you, Captain, but all we need are these components," Odo says, handing over an e-pad. "I've got my own crew to do the work. Some of them are pretty fair engineers. I saw to that." Odo smiles sadly.
Onesies' ship. Onesies run around fixing the ship. A particularly corpulent Onesie walks by. Man, you'd think Odo could have programmed him a little slimmer, or maybe with more complimentary clothes? Yellow is all wrong for his figure. I wonder how they feel about going from being programmed to resist all ideas of changing their situation to now suddenly getting the ship ready to leave the planet. Definitely deep, dark holographic rights being exploited here. EMH would have a field day. Also, kind of creepy for the non-holographic humans, who are really unused to holographic anything, to be working alongside them. Trip delivers a protein resequencer to Bug-Eyed. "I figured you must be tired of eating the same food all the time. I programmed it for makin' ice cream -- only five flavors, but they're good ones," Trip tells her. "Rocky Road?" Bug-Eyed asks. "You dinnit think I'd send you off without Rocky Road?" Trip asks. Bug-Eyed thanks him, and Trip asks if they're sure they don't want Enterprise hanging around a little longer. "You've got more places to go," Bug-Eyed tells him. "So do you," Trip says. They smooch. I really hope he remembered to pop his Ortho Tricyclen today. "Maybe I'll see yuh out there," Trip says in her ear. "I'd like that," Bug-Eyed simps. They grin ridiculously at each other. Yep, we're never seeing her or her kind again.