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Eeeee, it's the AB Chao episode! And appropriately titled, since I've been holding my breath for this one all season! Okay, Eli goes in for a pre-op exam with his surgeon, and his surgeon counsels him to draft a living will. Eli goes to Matt to prepare the document, which states his desire to be permitted to die if he's left in a vegetative state. He also has a vision of the earthquake that's been taking its sweet time, seeing himself in a cab on the Golden Gate Bridge as it collapses, only now he knows when it's going to happen -- in three days. Luckily for him, there's a scientist who's been going on TV saying the exact same thing, so he and Chen go to see him and find that he's turned his house into one big seismic detector, and he's calling the epicenter of the quake as Silver Terrace. Eli files a writ with Judge Graham from My So-Called Life to get the Golden Gate Bridge closed on the day of the earthquake Patti gets Eli an engagement present to give to Maggie, and Maggie gives him the news that her fiancé Scott is moving out there -- on the exact day of the earthquake. What's more, Eli sees a picture of him and realizes that he was the driver of the cab in his vision. Marci has apparently been lobbying for Jordan's ouster, as in addition to the defection of many of their clients, Beutel and Zyer Motors are drafting malpractice complaints against WPK. Jordan doesn't think Marci has the votes to get rid of him, but when she gets wind of Eli's stunt with the bridge, Taylor gets worried that Eli keeps giving Marci ammunition to use against her dad, and asks Eli to drop the case for her dad's sake. Eli, however, goes to Jordan, who tells him that he's believed in every case Eli has taken, and he won't be dropping this one, either. Also, Matt suggests to Taylor that she might want to go easy on Eli at this juncture, and she soon finds out why, as Eli asks Taylor and Patti to witness his living will. Marci manages to become the attorney of record for the city, and picks Maggie as her second chair in taking on Eli. Eli has to tell Maggie that Marci only picked her because of her relationship with Eli, but she's too dumb to see the connection, which means she should immediately be killed. Marci, however, after spilling the beans that she and Jordan used to hit the sheets together (that one, I figured) and letting her know that she thinks she and Eli are an item, pumps her for information about Salinsky and Silver Terrace, and before you know it, Maggie's on the stand telling everyone that Eli had a vision of an earthquake. This is enough for the writ to be thrown out, so Eli begs Maggie to tell Scott to stay off the Golden Gate. Meanwhile, the chief aide to the Mayor calls and requests a meeting with Eli and the scientist, and tells them that they're going to close the bridge regardless of the ruling. Marci pitches Jordan's ouster to the full board, and Jordan gives an impassioned speech to them in defense of Eli. Eli stakes the last of his reputation by asking everyone in the firm to evacuate to Golden Gate Park, but the only significant one who does is Patti. The board votes to remove Jordan -- right before the earthquake hits, prompting Jordan to awesomely ask for a re-vote. In the park, it turns out Maggie, Nate, and Scott are there too -- in time to see the Golden Gate collapse. Damn you, AB Chao! Want more? The full recap starts right below!
Man, it's hard even to get my thoughts in order for this one. Fittingly enough given the title, all season long, I was looking forward to this, the AB Chao episode, with excitement, and yet of course a small, irrational part of me was afraid it wouldn't be good and I'd have to say mean things about it and I'd never, ever be invited to Chao Camp again. I'm sure AB's thought process about seeing it air was similar, if you substitute "L.A." for "Chao Camp." Anyway, I've got to get on with it, but when we talked on the phone a couple of weeks ago, she told me in no uncertain terms that I'd better give her an A. I hope she can forgive my disobedience.
Oh, one other thing: I know AB co-wrote the episode, and I hope Oscar Balderrama doesn't hate me for this, but since I haven't played Celebrity or watched Honey with him or sung along to The O.C. theme song in his car yet, I'm going to gush over AB just a little more. Still, Oscar: awesome job!
Eli's watching some fish in a large tank, which just so happens to contain a plastic replica of the Golden Gate Bridge. Good thing the fish are too dumb to pick up on the foreshadowing -- they might as well enjoy the time they have left before they end up asphyxiating on the carpet. Eli's surgeon enters, as it's his office, and tells Eli that his pre-op exam looks promising. Eli sits, and this is where if I'm him, I drop this guy as my doctor right now. I don't care how highly recommended he is -- a surgeon who can't afford chairs made of something more tasteful than wicker is no one I'm going to let poke around in my brain. The doctor mentions his test result in some more detail and says they're all set, and Eli breathes, "To take out the aneurysm." The doc tells him he thought Eli was up for gallbladder surgery, and behind Eli, the fish roll their eyes all, "He tells that one every time. At least mix things up and say 'spleen' once in a while!" The doc notices that Eli seems nervous, like, no kidding, and tells him that given the risks, he recommends that Eli get his affairs in order -- specifically, he should draft a living will, so they'll know what to do should the surgery render him a vegetable. "I'm sure you know a few good lawyers." Given Eli's vocation, said document will probably contain instructions for suing the pants off Dr. Giggles here.
Eli hops in a cab to go downtown and busies himself with his phone, so he doesn't notice when he seamlessly gets thrown into a vision. He's still in a cab, but the driver is a much younger guy, and, as he tells someone named "Macaroni" via the phone in his hand, they're on the Golden Gate Bridge. This wakes Eli up, and after he unsuccessfully tries to get the driver's attention, he realizes he's left reality. I had a joke all ready about the driver's failure to use a hands-free headset being the cause of the impending disaster, but he hangs up well before it happens. Well, anyone who called his girlfriend "Macaroni" was someone I was likely to hate. The radio announcer tells us it's 5: 13 PM on Thursday the 24th, and Eli mutters that it's actually the 21st, but that's all the griping he has time for as, in a well-done effects sequence, an earthquake hits and the bridge starts to sway. One of the cables comes loose and snaps right into the car's windshield...
...and then Eli's coming to in the back of the cab, with the driver asking where he's going. In Eli's defense, he did actually give the driver an address, but the guy's inattentiveness allows Eli to revise his destination to Chinatown. He barks, "And stay off the Golden Gate!" Speaking of which, couldn't we have gotten rid of the fugly Bay Bridge instead, at least in the Stone-verse? That earthquake has no taste.
Eli tells Chen that the aneurysm faked him out once, and now that he's having it removed, "it's trying to scare me with big-budget sequels!" Having seen the third installments in both the X-Men and Spider-Man series, I'll have to ask you if you know a better way to scare someone. Chen notes that "personifying" his aneurysm is weird, and I would have given him many extra points if he'd said "anthropomorphizing" instead. How often do you get to use that word in a sentence? Eli compares himself to Jonah, and Chen's like, "Jonah may have been skeptical, but he was actually a prophet, you idiot." When Eli tells him about learning the exact date and time of the quake, though, Chen urgently tells him he has to make the information known. Eli points out, however, that he can't actually stop the quake from happening. "And if I barely believe me, who else is going to?"
We move over a hill into a lovely shot of the bridge in question, taken from the Marin County side. I have to mention, though, that in all the many, many stock shots used on this show, there's never the slightest trace of fog, when in fact more often than not, the city looks like a cargo ship exclusively carrying dry ice capsized nearby. I mean, I'm not looking for absolute vérité in my establishing shots, but I feel obligated to warn anyone unfamiliar that this city isn't quite the photographer's dream it's being made out to be.
Jordan enters a conference room at WPK to find Marci telling her ostensible S.O. to get someone to babysit someone else, as she needs him on a plane that night. "I am not asking." I'd also slurp down some oysters and pop a Viagra on said flight, mate. Jordan all but sneers that he sees she's made herself at home, and Marci actually seems the slightest bit hurt as she says she is home -- they built the firm together. I will not make a big deal of this, as I'm sure it's due to scheduling or budget concerns and couldn't be helped, but I do think there should at least have been some mention of the fact that during this landmark battle for control of the firm, the "Posner" in "Weathersby, Posner, and Klein" is nowhere to be found. Jordan says it's true that they were a team, "which makes it all the more disturbing to me that you've been lobbying for my ouster." He asks if she thought he wouldn't find out, but she counters that she wasn't really concerned either way, given that their top corporate clients have been jumping ship. Jordan sits and says there will be new clients, and some of the old ones will return, but Marci snaps that Beutel and Zyer Motors have their new attorneys drafting malpractice complaints instead. Well, nothing against the firm, but I'm still glad to hear that its actions in those cases resulted in some negative consequences. It was way too easy otherwise. Jordan and Marci stare at each other for a moment, and Jordan notes that Marci talked to the Beutel and Zyer CEOs without his prior approval. She ignores that, instead pointing out that there's a common thread running through the "biggest blunders" the firm has made -- Eli -- and she'd fire him, but she can't because of the agreement Jordan signed. Jordan smiles with not a little satisfaction at the fact that her hands are tied on the Eli matter, and then tells her she doesn't have the votes to get rid of him. Marci: "Be sure of that." She goes back to her laptop as Jordan leaves, and you probably don't need me to tell you just exactly how on it is.
Matt comes in to see Taylor and informs her that they're going to dinner on Wednesday night, as he got them the reservation at Le Petit Table she wanted -- he offered them a "sharply discounted" billing rate, and they're now clients of the firm. Taylor compliments his success, but I have to not for the first time wonder this: Can he do that? I mean, seriously, when a partner finds out about this, how is Matt going to respond? Especially if that partner happens to be "ParentCo"? Matt tells her that obviously, she's not used to dealing with men "as capable as The Dowd." Okay, I said it before, but now I'm sure: There's a Scrubs fan on staff. Or maybe just a fan of The Todd, which, having seen the actor, I can certainly understand. Eli pops in at this moment and asks Matt if he can schedule some time with him on a "personal legal matter." Matt's typically kind of jerky about the whole thing (although I did laugh when he asked Eli what was on his "structurally defective mind"), so Eli asks him just to tell Patti when he might be available the day. He leaves to let Matt and Taylor get back to talking about the four-digit meal to which he'll be treating her.
Sassy Patti: "Did you fall down and hit your aneurysm?" Heh. Eli's trying to get her to leave town for a few days, but Patti doesn't pay him any mind, instead handing him a ribboned box, which she says contains an engagement gift for him to give to Maggie. Well, if she's going to blow off all the legal work she's asked to do, I'm glad she at least took the initiative on something important. Eli asks what he got her (always good to know, seriously) and Patti tells him, "An apology, for being such an ass last week!" She hands him the receipt, and he notes, "I am either very sorry, or I'm very happy for Maggie." Patti gives Maggie a surreptitious side-eye and then stage-whispers, "You're both." Hee. I don't know how, but she's kind of amusing me this week. Although I'd wonder what Eli did to Maggie last week that was so bad, if I cared in the slightest. Anyway, Patti takes off, so Eli hands Maggie the present, and she smiles that he didn't have to do that. Jonny Lee Miller's little fake "I know, I know" nod is priceless here, in case you had any doubts. The present is a nice little picture frame, and Eli shows off his lawyerly quickness by saying that he figured while Scott was in Ohio, he should also be in a frame on her desk. And this may be the first time I've wished for more of Sassy Patti, but I would have loved to see her "Mm HMM" look as Eli spewed out that load. Anyway, Maggie tells Eli that Scott is moving out to S.F. on Thursday. Eli's face falls momentarily, which isn't lost on Maggie, although I'll give Eli the benefit of the doubt that he's more worried about the "Thursday" part than the "moving out here" part. Eli recovers and says that that's great and he can't wait to meet him, and then his phone rings. It's Chen, who tells him to turn on the TV, and soon Eli is seeing a rather agitated man telling reporters how there's going to be an earthquake. Eli pegs him as a nutjob, but Chen tells him he's actually a scientist, and he might be what they need to get the word about the disaster out -- and just then, the guy goes on that the quake will hit on Thursday. This gets Eli's attention, and he mulls the new development over into the title card.
Chen parks his old convertible on a residential street as Eli grouses about being chaperoned. You won't be as testy when he pulls your vision-clouded ass out of oncoming traffic, my tiny petunia. Eli continues to bitch, however, saying that this "scientist" has predicted five earthquakes that never came to pass, and Chen replies, "Obviously he's gotten the kinks of his prediction system worked out!" Somewhere, William of Occam is all, "You'd think I'd be able to ignore shit like that by now, BUT NO." Eli basically says the same thing, and then, having reached the right house, calls to a "Doctor Foote," who's up on a ladder toying with some wiring. Hey, production team? Maybe time, park a car in front of the house, so it's not so obvious that they stopped down the street just to be able to have this little chat on the way. Anyway, Dr. Foote (it's hard not to think of him as "Dr. Scholl," but I'll do my best) babbles about his earthquake-proofing, and whee! There's AB's writing credit! Aw! I'd totally screencap it if I even knew what that meant. Anyway, after some extreme skepticism from Foote that they actually believe him, Eli tells him that he's interested in his method of earthquake prediction, and Foote brightens and corrects that to "seismic prognostication." Geek. Eli asks if he has a seismometer, and Foote chuckles: "You're looking at it." He invites them in...
...and inside, we see some massive equipment that's taking up almost the whole room, and Foote explains that "the entire house is basically one big seismic station." It's kind of too bad Queer Eye is dead, because I would have loved to see those queens swoon in horror at this sight. Eli notes, however, that despite the impressive equipment, Foote has yet to successfully predict an earthquake. Foote complains about the choice of word: "It implies psychic powers. Clumps me in with palm readers and fortune tellers." And with, you know, people who are sometimes right. Eli, seeing a picture on the wall, then asks Foote what his family thinks about his conversion of the house, and as gratified as I might be to find a believer were I in Foote's shoes, I'm pretty sure this is about where I'd be telling Eli to blow it out his ass. (Much as you are probably telling me now in regard to "Foote's shoes." I am very sorry.) Foote, however, tells them that his wife moved the fam down to Cupertino, and it's safer for them to be away from San Francisco anyway. Eli then asks about the epicenter, and Foote beckons them over to a map of the area he's marked up, and tells them that he thinks it'll be inland, most likely in -- you guessed it -- Silver Terrace. Chen's like, "Hear that, Aneurysm Boy?" Foote goes on that the magnitude will be at least 6.5, and that the shock waves could destroy things like... "...the Golden Gate Bridge," Eli finishes. He asks how far Foote is willing to take this, and Foote basically tells him that he's lost his family and his job and even the people who hang out on Mission think he's crazy, so pretty damn far...
...which is good, as a harried female lawyer is noting that he's asking the court to close the Golden Gate Bridge. Eli clarifies that he's asking the court to order the city to close the bridge, and I know semantics is important in law but I think I'd still kick him in the ribs for that one. Hey, the judge, as I mentioned in the recaplet, is played by Tom Irwin, Angela's father Graham on My So-Called Life! I'm glad enough to see him, but it makes me a little wistful, because he wouldn't be playing this bit part if that show had gotten the eighteen seasons it so clearly deserved. (I think Rickie and Jordan would have opened a bar together by now, don't you? ["And Rayanne would have written the Academy Award-winning movie Juno, yes." -- Joe R]) Anyway, Eli has filed a writ of mandamus (referred to as "mad anus" by Judge Graham, for which I suppose he can be forgiven, since we're in San Francisco), and the opposing counsel complains that it only applies if the city isn't meeting its legal obligations. They argue back and forth for a while, with Eli saying that the city is obliged to protect its citizenry, and the opposing counsel basically sneezing "CRACKPOTS!" into her hand. However, Judge Graham tells them that if he dismisses the case at this point, he immediately has to start a three-month trial on accounting practices. "I'll do anything to put that off for a day or two." Ladies and gentlemen, the machine of justice at its finest.
Taylor comes in to see her dad, and bites out that two people who we can infer are board members are around, and she knows "when some bitch is trying to orchestrate a palace revolt." Ooh, I'd pay to see that fight -- Marci and Taylor both have a lot of hair available for the pulling. I'd be sure not to sit near Matt, though -- the drooling might get kind of irritating. Jordan's both amused by and proud of his daughter's protective ire, but tells her that Marci is hardly the first lawyer who's tried to get rid of him. "Your father's made of Kevlar." Cue the entrance of an armor-tipped bullet in heels. Marci seethes that Jordan's "favorite son" is at it again, and asks if he knows what Eli just did. Jordan doesn't, so Marci says she's not surprised. "As managing partner, you manage to turn a blind eye where Eli Stone is concerned." But against that, he counters the...well, wordplay isn't really my specialty. Sorry, Jordan! She tells them about Eli's suit against the city, and Taylor looks pretty blown away, but Jordan completely maintains his equanimity, saying that he's sure Eli had good reason for filing it. He says he'll talk to him, but Marci says it's covered. "I just wanted to see if you were in the loop, since you don't seem to be." She stalks off, and after making a Wicked Witch Of The West reference, Taylor asks if Jordan is going to talk to Eli and order him to stop giving Marci ammunition to use against him. Jordan tells her it hadn't occurred to him, so Taylor responds, "It occurs to me." That's less fun -- Eli's practically bald.
Eli goes to Maggie and tells her he's got another gift for her -- he wants her to be his second chair on the case, and they'll save tons of lives and be "like superheroes." Maggie, however, says she can't do it, although I'd think a career in which aggressive optimism and black-and-white morality are the norm would appeal to her. Eli asks why, since Scott isn't getting in for a week, even though THE EARTHQUAKE IS SUPPOSED TO BE IN THREE DAYS HELLO. Anyway, Maggie says that she's working for Marci on something, and almost before Eli can refer to her as "Medusa Klein," the snakehead herself shows up and asks if Maggie filed some paperwork, and just like that, Marci is the "attorney of record for the city," with Maggie her second. I'm...pretty sure that's not how that works, but Marci informs Eli that she and Maggie will be taking him on pro bono. Eli fixes Maggie with a look, but doesn't dwell on it, because he notices that Maggie filled the frame he gave her. When he sees Scott's picture, however, he recognizes him as the driver from the flashback, and we hear the "Macaroni" greeting again. Now that nickname makes sense, because I smell Velveeta every time Maggie's on screen.
Foote and Eli are waiting for the elevator when Matt catches them and pulls Eli away. Eli says he's late for court, so he gives Matt the short version about the living will. Matt at first thinks this is a ploy to get him to back away from Taylor, but Eli gets him back and tells him he needs the document to be ironclad, drafted without sympathy or sentiment. Matt: "I am fairly unsympathetic." Hee. Eli says that's what he's counting on, and gives Matt a friendly clap on the arm before rushing into the elevator. Despite all the assertions to the contrary, though, Matt looks a little concerned.
Foote is on the stand listing his numerous accreditations, adding that he was poised to become the leader in his field, but all that fell apart when he developed an Ahab-to-Moby-Dick-like obsession with, as Eli calls it, "predicting the big one -- the San Francisco earthquake." Foote doesn't get snippy about the use of the word "predict" this time, so I'm guessing part of their strategy prep session was devoted to Not Sounding Crazy. Too bad about the Ahab thing, then. Eli points out that he hasn't yet been successful, but while he admits that, Foote says that inventors on the scale of Edison and the Wright Brothers struggled for long periods of time before they came through. "Failure is merely a road to success." And Maggie's on the other side from this guy? He says that he can say with ninety-eight percent certainty that the earthquake will occur in two days. Marci then gets up and moves that Foote's testimony be stricken, as it doesn't meet the Daubert standard. Through cross-examination, she establishes that not only do no members of the scientific community believe him, no journalists or other laypeople do either. Foote points out that Eli believes him, but Marci moves on to Foote's wife, and quickly learns that she left him on the day of the last earthquake he predicted. Apparently the road to success didn't agree with her!
Taylor is berating Eli, saying that she's always supported him, "except, I guess, when it comes to earthquakes, where you seem to have a pronounced blind spot!" Eli asks what that might be, so Taylor informs him that Marci is using Eli's quixotic behavior to try to take Jordan down. Eli looks chagrined, and Taylor goes on, saying that if Eli keeps pushing this, "the man who's been like a father to you takes the hit." Eli watches her go...
...and then he's in Jordan's office, offering to recuse himself from the case and get his client another lawyer. Jordan mellifluously opines that Eli will have a hard time finding another lawyer in San Francisco as eccentric as he is, and I know Jordan's making a point here, but Eli doesn't even scratch the surface of "eccentric" in the Bay Area. There have to be some lawyers out there who wear hemp pants and live and breathe the Utne Reader. Jordan goes on that it's not like Eli to "bail" on a client, so Eli tells him he's worried, and he's heard rumblings. Jordan: "And did you hear them from a tall, female associate who has my eyes?" Hee. I feel like I'm going to be transcribing every word out of Victor Garber's mouth in this episode. ["As well you should, because seriously? A+ episode for that guy and the lucky so-and-so who gets to write his dialogue." - Joe R] Eli acknowledges that he's heard of the potential "political consequences" of him soldiering on, and Jordan notes in response that Eli's decided to come to his rescue. Eli points out that Jordan's been there for him, so he wants to return the favor, but Jordan says that it's not for Eli to decide to recuse himself. "Every case you've tried or ever will try at this firm has been and will be done so at my pleasure. If I hadn't wanted you to represent Daniel Foote or, for that matter, Beth Keller, or Arvin Salinsky, make no mistake, you wouldn't have. And while I appreciate your newly-located sense of loyalty, you started this case. It's not finished yet. My lawyers finish their cases. Understood?" Eli does not respond, "Hell YES it's understood," which is too bad, because then I would have been able to yell, "Jinx!" More seriously, though, Jordan's speech is very interesting -- on the one hand, it seems like it might be a little revisionist, since Jordan certainly didn't seem supportive of Eli taking the Beth Keller case. But if you come at it from the point of view that Jordan has been part of Eli's newfound journey by design, it makes an intriguing amount of sense. Jordan may have had to make it look good when he took Eli on, but the most important thing about the Keller case was not that Eli won, but the agreement that came out of it that protected his job. I don't think it's too much of a stretch to think that Jordan has always been on Eli's side, despite how he sometimes represented his feelings to Martin and others, especially in light of the Jordan-vision Eli had so long ago. Anyway, Eli nods and looks happy...
...but outside, he runs into Maggie, who chirps that she can't believe she's going to beat him. My God, she's dumb. She goes on that Marci told her she has big plans for her, so Eli has to ask her why she thinks Marci picked her as her second chair. Maggie actually says it's because of her work in the St. Vincent's trial, so Eli, with more patience than most saints, tells her that was actually his work, and Marci easily would know that. Maggie's still not getting it OH MY GOD SHOOT HER IN THE HEAD WITH A NAIL GUN, and she calls herself "spunky" I HATE SPUNKY PEOPLE AND ALSO PEOPLE WHO DESCRIBE THEMSELVES AS SUCH, so Eli points out that Marci didn't exactly choose an experienced associate here, so it's reasonable to conclude that she picked Maggie because she knows more about him than just about anyone else at the firm, and she'd be a good source of information on him. Maggie takes offense, and with this little brain activity she's the one who ought to have a living will. Eli appeals to the do-gooder in her, pointing out that if Foote's right, a lot of people could die, "or...a person you know." He asks her to please, when Marci comes to her, "don't be...you," and the only thing wrong with that request was the qualifier about Marci. Maggie, however, spits something about Eli alienating people and stomps off. Maggie, I like your moxie! If you'll meet me on the Golden Gate Bridge at 5:13 PM on Thursday, I'll tell you more!
Eli calls a rebuttal witness -- Foote's wife. Marci objects, but Eli points out that she brought Foote's wife into the equation the day before, and Judge Graham agrees. Moira Foote is played by veteran actress Molly Hagan, whom I recognize both as Miles's daughter Caroline from The Golden Girls, and Eris, the first Vorta ever seen on Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. No wonder I forget my wallet so often. ["Also? Matthew Broderick's wife in Election among a billion other things." -- Joe R] She talks fondly about her husband, saying she loved the way he'd eat bacon and eggs for dinner. "He never understood why certain foods were rigidly considered only for breakfast." Foote obviously didn't do a lot of partying in his twenties, or he would have run into a lot more people eating breakfast foods in the evening. Eli says that the day before, they were left with the impression that Moira left because Foote was crazy. Moira considers this, and tells the court how Einstein filled his closet with multiple pairs of the same shirt and pants, so he wouldn't have to waste a thought on what to wear, which was a quirk of genius that would today be labeled OCD. Well, be that as it may, such lack of imagination will at least have the effect of keeping you off The Fug Blog. Eli asks if Moira thinks Foote's machine can predict earthquakes, and she smiles that she's not sure, but she didn't leave him because she thought he was wrong. "I left because being right was more important to him than I was." That, and sleeping on a seismograph is a lot less comfortable than it looks. Eli passes the witness, but Marci has no interest: "Given that Mrs. Foote offered no relevant testimony, I have no cross-examination." Maggie looks confused, which doesn't say much about what just happened. SHE'S MAKING A POINT, YOU SIMP.
Eli's in with Matt, and, referring to the language in the draft, comments that it's kind of like "To be or not to be" for the brain-dead. Aw. Matt tells Eli that if it's any consolation, that's how he already thinks of Eli, and Eli comes back that he appreciates that. They may not be friends, but that little interaction is very reminiscent of Eli's relationship with Nate, and given Nate's absence in this episode, it's a much-needed touch. Also, as I said about Keith last time, it's nice to see Matt directly involved in Eli's journey. Eli reads on, establishing that the document is very clear in expressing his wish that he be permitted to die if left in a vegetative state, and eventually signs. Matt looks uncomfortable and sympathetic, although I'm sure the latter is causing the former, and Eli tries a little levity, saying it's not even noon and he's already made his end-of-life decision. "What have you done so far today?" Matt can only manage a small smile in response, and Eli apologizes, admitting that the whole situation is depressing. Matt acknowledges that...
...and then he's on his date with Taylor, who's bitching about Eli and the case. She gets a noncommittal reply, prompting her to ask if he knows what she's been on about for the last ten minutes. Honey, with the money he's shelling out for this dinner, you should be glad he didn't shove a dinner roll in your mouth. Matt doesn't reply, so Taylor chews him out, throwing in some unnecessary insults while telling him that he's expected to pay attention to the woman he's with. Yes, because if there are two things a guy can't get enough of, it's hearing his date talking about her ex-boyfriend, and hearing her talk about her father. Matt, however, simply apologizes, and Taylor exhales her anger and says they're obviously a little off, and, redeeming herself somewhat, asks what's on Matt's mind. He steels himself and tells her that maybe she should go easier on Eli, and then smiles, "See, I was paying attention!" Hee. Whatever Taylor might have expected, this isn't it, so she sputters for a bit until Matt tells her that he thinks Eli's been focused on other stuff lately. Taylor asks if this has to do with the legal thing he asked Matt about, and Taylor, I'm a fan of yours, but you already know he's having the aneurysm out, so put it together before I'm forced to ask you if your middle name is "Maggie." Anyway, Matt protects Eli's privilege, despite Taylor's assertion that she and Eli used to tell each other about their cases all the time, and changes the subject by crassly hitting on her. Taylor: "It's almost hard to believe you'd botch the one evening you had to prove you're not all pig." I've mentioned my Matt-love many times, but...it is?
In a conference room, Maggie finishes something up and asks Marci for new orders, but Marci says she can go home. Maggie points out that it's only ten, so Marci leans and tells her that whatever she may have heard, she's not a monster. Someone caught that Medusa crack. Maggie starts to pack up, but Marci casts an appraising look her way and offers that she knows how hard this case must be on her. Maggie "plays" dumb, so Marci goes on that she and Jordan once "had a thing," before he was married. I expected that, but only because the actors played the tension so well. She overshares that they used to take each other on in court, "and outside of court," and I'm betting Maggie's going to get a lot more efficient at packing up her stuff in the near future. Anyway, Maggie's FINALLY figuring out which way the wind is blowing, and tries to get out of there, but Marci's in full flight now, wanting to know why illegal aliens and kids get such great representation from Eli, while their higher-end clients seem to get his B game. Maggie blurts that in the Salinsky case, Eli did everything he could to evacuate Silver Terrace, and that's all Marci needs -- she knows the difference between "evacuate" and "evict," and also that the epicenter of the alleged upcoming earthquake is supposed to be Silver Terrace, and she orders Maggie to sit and tell her everything she knows about Eli, Silver Terrace, and "imaginary earthquakes." Maggie tries to say that those things were told to her in confidence, but Marci tells her she's obligated to reveal them now. I'm not sure that that's true, but if it is, it's just too bad Maggie couldn't have anticipated this move!
Marci, with Maggie in tow, enters the court and tells Judge Graham that she'd like to call a rebuttal witness herself -- Maggie. Eli objects, as Maggie is an attorney of record, but Marci points out that this is a hearing, not a trial, and besides, Maggie hasn't said a word in court so far. I don't know about this -- it seems wrong in several conflict-of-interest ways -- but I'm not going to argue with Marci, so Maggie gets on the stand, and Marci asks if, since she's been working with Eli, she's noticed a change in his legal practice? Eli objects, saying that he and his practice aren't on trial, but Marci points out that he's opened the door here by seeking the mandamus writ personally, and Judge Graham agrees. You should have tried objecting on the grounds that Maggie isn't qualified to evaluate legal practice, Eli -- you certainly can speak to that with plenty of expertise. Maggie desperately says that Eli is trying to represent "more individuals and less corporations. There's nothing wrong with that!" Except that it's "FEWER" COPORATIONS YOU DINGBAT HOW DID THIS GIRL GRADUATE LAW SCHOOL? Marci asks how Eli tried to help the Silver Terrace residents in the Salinsky case, and quickly establishes that Eli's reason for wanting the residents out was different from that of Salinsky. Eli objects to her leading the witness, so Marci asks for permission to treat Maggie as hostile, prompting Judge Graham to inquire mildly, "Your own co-counsel?" Marci: "I don't get along with my co-workers, Your Honor." At least she has a sense of humor about it. Anyway, the questioning is allowed to proceed far past the point it seems like it should be stopped, and eventually Maggie has to tell the court Eli wanted to evacuate Silver Terrace because there was going to be an earthquake, and he thought that because he could see the future. Foote rolls not just his eyes but his whole head at that revelation. When it's Eli's turn, he simply asks what Maggie said when he told her about the earthquake. Maggie: "That I believed you." We don't get to hear Foote's internal monologue, but I'm guessing it's going "That makes me feel sooooooooo much better."
Judge Graham takes a lot of words to deny the writ, and Marci gloats, "Excellent second chair, Ms. Dekker." Maggie looks over at Eli, who doesn't return her gaze...
...and then Eli is trying to catch up with Foote, who's berating him: "If I wanted to be laughed out of court, I would have just represented myself!" Heh. He goes on that the only reason Eli believes him is that he's "cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs," and huffs, "At least I have a machine!" Hee. Disillusionment is working wonders for his ability to entertain. Eli offers to file an emergency appeal, but Foote tells him that if he tries, he'll get a restraining order. Foote's on fire, and not in the bad way. (I'm sorry! Really!) He rushes off, and Maggie uncertainly approaches as Eli sighs, "Another satisfied client." Maggie starts to say it's all her fault, but Eli chooses to focus on what he can change rather than what he can't, begging her to tell Scott to stay off the Golden Gate. She's skeptical, but he tells her about knowing the "Macaroni" nickname. Maggie thinks she must have mentioned it to him, but Eli counters, "You didn't tell me. I'd remember being that bored." I'd think he'd also remember the projectile vomiting, but I can understand him being diplomatic here. He begs her again to call him, "for me," and Maggie gives a little nod before walking away. Eli's phone then rings, and it's Patti (she's being a lot less sassy this episode) calling with the news that the Chief Aide to the Mayor would like to meet with him and Foote. Eli asks if that's the Mayor of San Francisco, and Patti responds, "No, the Mayor of Munchkinland." He probably just wants to urge Eli to come home. Patti says that the guy is waiting at City Hall.
The board has apparently convened, and Marci, at the opposite end of the table from Jordan, says she'd "like to be anyone other than the person leading this charge." Okay, how about Amy Poehler? She's super-funny and married to Will Arnett! Marci goes on that she, Jordan, and Martin Posner (who? Exactly) founded the firm on a new standard of legal representation, with the idea that their clients would be the smartest and the most successful. Sounds like good work if you can get it. Marci says that now, though, the clients are leaving, and they won't be back until they've received a clear signal that WPK seen the error of its ways, and that signal needs to be the ouster of the man that's letting Eli Stone run loose. She sits, and Jordan tells the board that Eli hasn't damaged the firm's reputation. He stands and says that Eli's claim in the Foote case was legitimate, and if it hadn't been, the court wouldn't have entertained a three-day hearing. He goes on that Marci's problem with Eli is that he applies "his considerable talents" to underdogs. I agree with Jordan's general argument, but I do have to point out that Eli's last two cases were entirely pro bono, and it's legitimate to point out that he might be hurting their bottom line in that way alone. But ultimately, that's irrelevant, because Eli made it clear to Jordan that he'd fall on the sword for him, and Jordan wouldn't let him. Jordan goes on that Eli reminds us that even in business, there is room for humanity. "He reminds us of the best parts of ourselves." He wraps up by saying that he's protected Eli because he thinks every company, indeed everyone, needs an Eli Stone, and if they disagree, "this place has become something that I don't want my name on anyway." I'm applauding with my feet so as to be able to keep typing. Jordan leaves as Marci watches him with interest.
The aide breaks the big news: The Mayor is closing the bridge despite the judge's ruling, as for one thing, he actually finds Foote quite persuasive. But really, he says, it was Eli who convinced him (not exactly sure how, there, but we'll go with it), and he adds that they felt like they couldn't really risk doing nothing, which is not the worst point I've ever heard made. Eli and Foote laugh as Eli notes that the one person who believes them in the whole city is the Mayor. "Talk about dumb luck!" The fact that we cut out of the scene right there makes me want to meet this Mayor and see if dumb luck actually had anything to do with it. For now, though, I'm guessing "no."
Patti comes in to see Matt, who's already got Eli and Taylor in his office. Eli tells the women that before going in for his surgery, he wanted to make sure he didn't get "Terri Schiavoed." Matt somberly tells them that he drafted the living will, and Eli offers that he would have asked Taylor, but he needed someone "without conscience or sympathy." Taylor wonders if there's any need, as she's sure "these surgeries" usually work out fine, and am I the only one that remembers that exactly ONE DOCTOR out of everyone Nate approached didn't think surgery was a bad option for Eli's condition? I mean, I know it's not like Taylor's been following the ins and outs of his condition since they broke up, but she definitely heard the word "inoperable" at one point or another. Anyway, Patti chimes in that she's been reading up, and the operation has a fifty percent chance of leaving Eli a vegetable. And really, I have to say, especially with the way the episode ends, I do not get Eli doing this, nor do I get everyone not trying to talk him out of it. He's got every reason to believe that the aneurysm is part of a grand plan, which makes it seem a lot more likely that his life will be a long and meaningful one. Why take the risk of throwing it all away? Does he want to do that to his family? To Jordan, Taylor, Patti, and even Maggie? Things have built in a satisfying direction on almost every single other front this season, and there have been developments that have been wonderfully unpredictable and resonant, but I just really can't buy this coming to pass with almost no discussion, and I think I'm going to have a real problem with the season finale. Anyway, Eli needs two witnesses for his living will, which does not thrill Taylor at all, but she signs. Patti asks if he drafted his actual will, and he tells her he left her his George Michael CDs. "It seemed appropriate." Aw. Taylor turns to Matt and smiles that since he was Eli's attorney in this matter, privilege would... "...prevent me from bringing it up on a date," Matt finishes. Eli then gets up and asks them to go to Golden Gate Park, as it'll be the safest place during the imminent quake. Taylor starts to voice her skepticism, but Eli asks her just to please do it for him. "Consider it a last request if you have to." I should probably make a last request myself, considering how you all are KILLING ME HERE. Eli rushes out...
...and in the lobby, he yells out, getting everyone's attention. He tells them he has it "on very good authority" that in about an hour, there will be an earthquake, "the big one," and he's leaving, and he hopes they'll join him. Jordan and Marci watch from the balcony as Eli goes on that he knows most, if not all, of them think he's crazy, and he has no empirical evidence to offer them, but could they please, with everything at stake, take something on faith for once and believe him? (Last interruption, but the message of this speech is TOTALLY at odds with his decision to have the surgery.) He lets that hang in the air, but seeing only stony or uncertain faces, asks who's with him. Taylor looks down, but Patti makes up for a whole heck of a lot when she grabs her purse (and the plant she threw on the floor a couple weeks ago!) and follows. Also, hilariously, some random just takes off for the elevator at a dead run. He did say you had an hour, honey.
Back in the conference room, Marci says she's tallied the votes (er, no independent audit?) and Jordan's out as managing partner. Marci says she's truly sorry, but Jordan counters that he's not. "I can live with the partners' decision. I hope they can." Nice little parting jab at Marci there. Or it would be, if the earthquake didn't hit right at that moment. Everyone just sort of looks around in disbelief at first, and then the windows blow in and a support beam collapses, splitting the conference table Marci picked out in half, which is an awesomely bitchy little touch from above, if you'll pardon the turn of phrase. Most of the partners cower in fear on the floor, but Jordan just stands tall and watches. As Marci gets unsteadily back to her feet, Jordan addresses her: "Marci? I'd like a revote." Now, I don't know that this is quite the victory it seems -- just because Eli was right about this won't necessarily get their clients back. Frankly, I don't even know how they'd broach the subject with them, and the partners may see that. That doesn't change the fact, however, that that was the most satisfying line of the season. I mean, it's not often that you get to hear Victor Garber say something that translates directly to "How do you like me now?" The answer is: LOVE.
In Golden Gate Park, Foote is excitedly jabbering about how the quake measured 6.8 "on the Richter scale," and dude, even a three-year-old in the Bay Area would roll his eyes all, "I know what scale earthquakes are measured on, dude." Eli runs into Maggie and hugs her, and then shakes Scott's hand. I'll give the girl this: She attracts cute men. Referring to Scott's presence, she says, "Told you I believed you," and as if to punctuate that, there's a loud crash, and the group (including Nate; nice of you to show up) rushes to the wall, over which they can see the middle of the bridge rather spectacularly collapse. I wonder how this public vindication is going to change things for Eli and everyone connected to him, but we'll have to wait and see. In the meantime, I'll say it once more: DY, AB!