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By Couch Baron

In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close. So, like, have you guys ever wondered if we recappers sometimes write these recaplets, like, piss-assed drunk? Well, I'm not saying that happens as a matter of course, but it's seventy-five degrees here tonight, which is margarita weather, and I'm just fast-forwarding through the American Idol results show before I do anything else, but yeah, I'm at least half in the bag here. OK, Desperate Housewives previews, Nicolette Sheridan looking about seventy-five somehow, previouslies, trolleys, some newspaper guy babbling at Eli as he has a vision of the year 2018, people shouting "Live Brave" over and over again for some reason, some African-American named "David Mosely" for some reason, Sassy Patti and Maggie bonding and forcing Eli to take a case involving gay chimps, which as I remember was a Will And Grace plotline if you replace "chimps" with "penguins," a MILF from the London office who's apparently the missing partner and is played by Peg from Married With Children showing up with concerns about Eli, Matt going to Eli for romantic advice about Taylor and Eli getting him and Taylor to represent the gay chimps, Eli realizing that Mosely is a former client of Keith's who led hunger strikes in prison and pulling Keith into the case, Taylor bitching Eli out for being jealous of Matt, Mosely getting attacked in prison, Eli and Keith deploying the whole team of associates to help in a class-action suit on behalf of prisoners in Mosely's prison and Peg The MILF busting their chops, Asian Judge I love agreeing to hear the gay-chimp case, Maggie pretending she has a fiancé named Scott, Sassy Patti rightfully (!) ripping a strip off both Taylor and Matt, Eli having a future vision of Keith, himself, and Maggie…with his child (baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarf), Taylor falling in love with a chimp, besides Matt I mean, some witness betraying Keith and Eli, Maggie disgustingly saving the day, Pete the chimp taking the stand and warming our gay hearts, including that of Awesome Female Asian Judge, Eli really kicking dirty ass and taking douchebag names, Peg The MILF making sure she's going to be a thorn in Eli's side for the duration, Keith teaching Mosely the ins and outs of the law, Taylor, Matt, and Sassy Patti bonding over the reuniting of the gay chimps, Taylor throwing Matt a challenge, and one more vision, in which Mosely lauds Eli for being a champion of the people. I…kept drinking while I was writing that. Did it show? Want more? The full recap starts right below!

Eli, however, tells him that he's been getting that help already, and then asks if he's okay, and Mosley says he'll live -- he's just got a few broken ribs. Keith, not particularly wanting to hear the answer, asks how he got them, and Mosley replies, "The warden knows how to make a point." For someone who complains about the lack of optimism, he's not exactly helping to foster it. Eli says he's not the only one, and asks Keith if they should pursue a writ of habeus corpus, but Keith has his eyes on a bigger prize, and they agree to file a class-action suit on behalf of the entire prison population -- they'll sue for denial of parole hearings, violation of civil rights, and prisoner abuse. Mosley chuckles, and when Keith asks what's so funny, he tells him, "I just like the way you boys roll."

Keith and Eli have assembled a bunch of associates in a big room full of boxes, and Keith tells them that they have forty-eight hours to go through hundreds of them, all filled with Department Of Corrections records, in order to discover a pattern of abuse that they can link to Tipton Bay's warden. Just then, however, Marci and Jordan appear, and when they learn what's going on, Marci sneers, "Prisoners' rights class-action? This should get our Fortune 500 clients running back into the fold." Leaving aside general philosophy, if Keith and Eli are going to appropriate this many man-hours for this case, doesn't it seem like maybe they should have had to clear it with a partner? Marci demands that they recuse themselves from the case, but Jordan opposes her. Thwarted but unbowed, she informs the associates that their commitment to pro bono work is gratifying to see, but their time spent of the case won't count toward the seventy-five hours a week they're expected to bill. Well, I think they should still be able to find that many...wait a minute. She means seventy-five hours each, doesn't she? Does this woman know how many hours there are in a week? Anyway, she asks how many people are now interested in assisting Eli, and of course Maggie puts her hand in the air, but it's the extras that are cracking me up with their studious examination of the floor. Hey, you've got to make the most of what they give you.

Yay, it's Female Asian Judge! I think she's my favorite bit character on the show. I can see on her nameplate that her first name is "Marcia," so she'll be Judge Marcia until I get a more informative camera angle. Oh, wait, IMDb lists her as "Judge Phelps." That's more dignified. Anyway, Judge Phelps disbelievingly asks Taylor and Matt, "You brought me a gay chimp case?" If that isn't indicative enough, she's skeptical of the merits of the case, so Matt asks her if she's heard of the theory of chimpanzee tort protection.