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Watson kicks things off by digging through Holmes's big trunk of unsolved cases and settling on the murder of Doug Newberg. But the first Holmes knows about it is that there's a geologist named Gay in his house. Watson has spotted an unusual rock that has a white line on it that suggests that it's from the Cretaceous Era. So she and Gay go off to investigate and steal the rock in case it has a fossil in it. And it turns out to have a nanotyrannus, which is like a tiny baby T-Rex. It ought to be adorable, but it's really just a skeleton. And we don't even get to see the skeleton because it's a CT scan of a rock.
The step is also due to Watson, who determines that Doug Newberg had a buddy named Diego who's almost certainly in the business of moving stolen goods around the city. When Diego's brought in for questioning, he seems pretty sincere when he denies killing his best friend. And while he's doing so, the fossil gets stolen from the evidence room. Did I mention that it's worth around $100 million? Well, it is. So you can see how people who get annoyed by it being stolen.
Holmes decides that it must be in the hands of an important fence. So he meets up with "C," a lady with whom he exchanges prurient correspondence. It's not strictly necessary to the plot, but it's a fun detour. C tells him of "The Magpie," so Holmes forges a rough draft of Martin Luther's 95 Theses to lure the Magpie out into the open. But when he and Watson get to the Magpie's place, he's been murdered. And the fossil has been destroyed!
Then the story takes a detour into paleontology nerdery. It seems that there's a theory called "Dead Clade Walking" that alleges that dinosaurs continued to live on after a giant asteroid or comet hit the planet, and it's very controversial. So Holmes decides that the fossil was destroyed because it could have been evidence for the theory. A bunch of prominent paleontologists are interviewed, and one of them has DNA that matches some found at the Magpie's murder. But he has an ally. It turns out that it was that guy's writing partner, who works at the New York museum and bought some dimetrodon bones from the Magpie. He was involved early in the episode to confirm the fossil.
The subplot involves Holmes attempting to mentor Randy. As you may be aware, no version of Sherlock Holmes is an entirely warm, open human being. But this one is trying to be better, and he honestly tries to help Randy with his problems. He doesn't know quite what to say, though. He finally recommends that Randy cut off ties with his drug-addict ex-girlfriend because she is not a healthy roommate. Randy doesn't take this advice well, and he leaves without a word. But he comes back at the end of the episode to admit that he got high, and Holmes immediately takes him to a meeting. It's a very low-stakes story involving an ancillary character, but I like what it showed us about Holmes's growth.
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Holmes has an old-timey medical textbook and a drill. A text from Randy momentarily interrupts his foolishness, but he prepares to drill a hole in a mounted skull anyway. I will be honest with you: I would be happy with an entire episode where Holmes learns all about trepanation. But he's interrupted again by a text that says "Feel like I might get high".
Holmes goes into the living room to tell Watson where he's going, and he's surprised to see a woman he doesn't know. She introduces herself as Gay, and then clarifies that she is, in fact, gay. Wordplay! Holmes manages to tell Watson about Randy, and she's working on one of his cold cases. She's looking into the murder of Doug Newberg. The police never found a match for the DNA that was found at the scene, and Holmes thought it might have been a cuckolded husband. Watson is digging through Holmes's pictures of the scene, using black coffee to remove the black marker that he covered them with in a drugged-up haze. Gay is a geology professor who says that one rock has striations that suggest that it's interesting, so they're going to go check it out. Holmes wants to join them, but Watson reminds him about Randy. When you're a mentor, you have to interrupt your plans sometimes.
Holmes meets Randy in a diner. They have twenty minutes before the meeting, and Randy would like to talk to Holmes about his situation and state of mind. Holmes talks himself into listening. Randy's problem is his ex-girlfriend Eve, who wants him to help her get clean. She wants to live with him again, but she was around the last two times he got high. Holmes clarifies that Randy wants his advice and admits that he's familiar with "the allure of a dangerous woman." He recommends cutting her out of his life and turning his back on her entirely. Randy astutely asks if that's what Sherlock did when he was in a similar situation. Well, Sherlock's situation is a lot more complicated.
Gay is uncomfortable with prowling around in someone's backyard, but Watson says the homeowners aren't home. The rock is still in the backyard where it was sitting in the picture. Gay says the white lines mean it's very old marine limestone, probably from the cretaceous era. Watson takes a picture with her phone and Gay says the rock was probably cut out of the ground as an archaeological specimen. Holmes, via text, recommends stealing it.
Holmes meets Watson at the morgue. Gay decided not to get involved in stealing the rock, so she's not there. Randy is still sober. They're at the morgue because they have a CT scanner that they'll apparently run on demand. And the results are in! Looking at the computer screen, Holmes admits, "The dinosaur in Doug Newberg's backyard did indeed escape my notice." There's a little skeleton inside the rock!
Holmes and Watson go to the museum (I don't know which one. New York has a lot of museums. It's the one with dinosaur skeletons in it) and look at a complete dimetrodon skeleton, which this guy named Jerry Thomas is very proud of. He seems a little skeptical about their claim to have found a fossil, but the picture convinces him. It's apparently a full skeleton of a nano-tyrannus. The marine limestone suggests that it's from Mongolia, but that would mean it should belong to Mongolia. If it was smuggled into the country, he estimates that it's worth "high seven figures, low eight." Heavens. Watson suggests that whoever killed Doug Newberg was looking for it when they ransacked his place.
Brownstone. Holmes has made one of his crazy-person picture layouts on the wall, which Watson calls a collage. There's nothing in Newberg's history to connect him to the world of dinosaur smuggling. Watson asks if it's weird for him to get back into a case he first worked while he was using drugs. He admits that he accepted payment and was not giving it his best efforts. Randy texts Holmes that he couldn't cut Eve off. Holmes complains that he has become a confidant and can no longer stay out of it. He texts Randy, "You'll do better time." He tries to get back on subject, but there's another text. He complains about working with addicts, but off he goes. He also complains about Watson calling his detective process a "collage," but that's basically what it is.
Watson wakes Holmes on the couch. That's probably fun for her, because he's always waking her up. She's going to go get ice cream in the dead of winter. This piques Holmes's interest, so she explains that Doug Newberg was the best man at the wedding of Diego Salcedo. Diego's criminal record includes three cases of owning stolen property. He has current permits for three ice cream trucks, which aren't usually maintained in the winter. They have routes that include industrial areas and ports. So far, Watson has done all the investigating and deducing on this case.
Gregson is on the stakeout with them. Holmes isn't positive that Salcedo was involved in Newberg's murder, but he figures they might at least get useful information. Customs will be taking the nano-tyrannus, to Holmes's sorrow. A suspicious black car pulls up to the ice cream truck and someone hands off a huge wad of cash for a silver metal box. The police pounce! The guy in the truck tries to play it casual, asking, "Hey guys. What gives?" But he has trouble claiming that this box of Cuban cigars is unsold inventory for an ice cream truck.
That guy turns out to be Diego Salcedo, and even though he's in the interrogation room, he doesn't seem that scared. Really, he just seems to find it weird that he's accused of killing his good friend Doug Newberg. Bell leans on him, but he insists he didn't kill Doug. He doesn't even know if he has an alibi for that date. Who remembers, right? But he admits that he took delivery of a rock and the buyer dropped out. Gregson gets word that two federal customs people are here to take custody of the rock, but he says they'll have to wait. Diego asked Doug if he could keep it at his place, and the day Doug got killed. He always assumed the rock was taken by the murderer. He seems sincere to me. Holmes wants to put the rock on the black market to see who wants it. And now somebody is here from customs for the rock, which seems weird because we were already told there were two people here a few minutes ago.
The guy in the evidence locker tells Gregson that the two federal guys signed for the rock and left. He did not scrutinize their credentials. The guy in the evidence locker doesn't seem to understand why he's in trouble, so Holmes explains: "You just presided over the theft of a piece of evidence, which also happens to be a priceless archeological treasure." Yeah, you probably don't want to do that.
Security footage shows the thieves getting away with the rock. Gregson talked with the actual federal people, and they'll help with the investigation. Holmes is impressed that the thieves knew about the recovery of the fossil rock, forged some convincing documents, and timed their arrival perfectly. Watson wonders how you fence something that specific. Holmes wants to find "the biggest game in town" for antiquities. Luckily, Diego Salcedo gave them a list of people who knew about the fossil back when Doug Newberg was killed. But that won't come into the story at all, so let's pretend it didn't happen.
Holmes is taking Watson to see a woman he knows only as C. The reason he only knows her by an initial is that it's a convention of their mutual hobby of engaging in prurient correspondence. Watson interprets that as "dirty letters," which Holmes calls "uniquely prudish." He met C online when she was analyzing the letters of DH Lawrence. This sounds great. Holmes is living his best life. And C works at a high-end auction house. Watson asks if they should be looking for someone carrying The Story of O. Holmes spots a scarf that looks familiar on a nice-looking older lady. He asks her if he looks like she'd imagined, and she answers, "The parts of you that keep my imagination occupied are fully clothed at the moment." I like the way she talks. Although I was kind of hoping she would turn out to be Gay. She points out that she's an auctioneer, not a smuggler. But there's a mythical smuggler that everyone in the business talks about. He's called "The Magpie." How can Holmes find him? He can't; the Magpie finds you.
Back to the Brownstone. Holmes is clearly counterfeiting an ancient tome. It's a process that involves hanging individual sheets of paper from clothespins and artificially aging the paper. He's creating a fake rough draft copy of Luther's 95 theses. His claim will be that he recently inherited it. He's spraying the pages with something that I suspect to be a strong tea mixture. The first few pages are Latin, then they're a bunch of goofy jokes in English. Holmes gets another text. He tracked Randy's ex-girlfriend Eve, and he could have her arrested with a call. And that would get her out of Randy's life, but he can't do it. He's upset because this compassion is ruining a "perfectly good solution." He asks Watson, "Your expression, what does it mean?"
Watson goes into the room, and she's mad at Holmes. His guess is that Randy needs to learn to deal with stressors. Watson suggests that Holmes not talk about it with Randy anymore, but Holmes doesn't want his sponsee to relapse. It's vanity, really. He thanks Watson for the interesting discussion, although she was largely ignoring him. She could be helping him out more than this; he's not really experienced with this sort of thing. Holmes sets the drill to the skull, and he gets another text.
The diner. Randy apologizes. Holmes cuts him off and emphasizes that his ex-girlfriend is a practicing drug addict and he needs to cut her off. He insists: "There is nothing else for us to discuss!" Randy gets up goes to the bathroom and Holmes gets a call from Watson. He assures her, "If I need to end the conversation, I will just hang up!" She says that many people have been in touch about the fake 95 theses. But only one guy sounds like he's with the black market, and he's connected to a network of high-end buyers. Holmes authorizes her to respond, and then he hangs up abruptly. He asks for a cup of tea, but the waitress says his friend just left. Randy has gone AWOL!
Holmes and Watson walk along the sidewalk. He blames her advice, of course. Randy isn't answering his phone. They go into up to a fancy building with the door ajar. It's very fancy in there! And there's a dead body, which I guess brings the tone down a little. Watson checks the pulse and starts texting. Holmes notes a broken-up rock nearby. The fossil has been destroyed!
The police swarm over the place. The Magpie was named Malcolm Turner. He was shot, and then clubbed to death. The killer's DNA should be on the rock, which was also clubbed to death. Holmes wonders why someone would destroy the fossil. Right? It's pretty valuable.
A sleepy Watson stops the opera record that Holmes is playing. Gay is asleep on the couch because Holmes "worked her hard." Not like that; he just needed a geologist. He also believes he knows why the killer destroyed the fossil. He goes on about the KT Boundary, which is rich in asteroid and comet traces. Most dinosaurs are found below the boundary, which supports the theory that they were killed by an asteroid. But, a new generation of paleontologists says there are a few fossils above the KT Boundary. The theory is called "Dead Clade Walking" and it's very controversial among the sort of person that likes to argue about dinosaur extinction. The rock they've been investigating appears to have been above the KT Boundary, and it would be the first complete skeleton found there. So someone destroyed the fossil and killed the Magpie to keep Dead Clade Walking from being proven!
All the local paleontologists who have strong objections to Dead Clade Walking are in the NYPD interview room. Watson describes what happened as someone hands out cheek swabs. Bell emphasizes that giving DNA evidence is strictly voluntary. One man theatrically refuses, and he's not quite Christoph Waltz. He's very close, though. Ivan Kershavin is the character's name. He leaves. Watson thinks following him and hoping for a discarded tissue is unlikely to work. But Holmes figures it's worth a try, because sometimes people make mistakes. Holmes checks for a message from Randy and claims he'd be relieved if Randy got a different mentor. Bell says there's a match: Andrew Donnelly's DNA was found at the scene of the Magpie's death. Donnelly is "The guy in the wheelchair," which everyone finds kind of odd.
Donnelly is not talking without a lawyer. Gregson isn't completely buying the idea that a paleontologist in a wheelchair successfully shot and killed a career criminal like the Magpie. Holmes tries to defend the theory, but kind of half-heartedly. Donnelly is the leading Dead Clade Walking denier. Bell says the DNA from the Doug Newberg scene doesn't match, so they're now looking for two murderers. Donnelly lawyer calls them over to report Donnelly's alibi: her client was leading a tour of a museum when the murder took place, and plenty of millionaires can vouch for that. Holmes admits that he couldn't have done it.
Back to the Brownstone. Holmes is carefully cutting up the Magpie case file into strips. He has an irrelevant anecdote about planarian worms to imply that he's going to eat the file. They got some DNA from Ivan Kershavin and it didn't match the Magpie scene either. So he's at a loss. Watson suggests looking at the Magpie's list of customers. Holmes, of course, also thought of that and has a big ledger. The Magpie identified his customers by pseudonyms like "Snipes Houlihan." One person bought four bones with odd notations.
Watson is in bed, and she rolls over onto an introductory textbook about archaeology and paleontology. There's a map of the museum with an X on it.
At the place marked by the X, Holmes is holding a sign that says "This is a fraudulent dimetrodon" because he's trying to lure out Snipes Houlihan. The bones were dimetrodon bones, so this "complete" skeleton was augmented. Jerry Thomas (the museum guy from earlier) said he personally oversaw the dig and cataloging. But he bought the fill-in bones, and he therefore knew the Magpie. And Donnelly wrote this textbook with Thomas. Holmes thinks Thomas used a tool that he shared with Donnelly, which is how Donnelly's DNA ended up at the scene. Thomas denies all this, Holmes threatens him with DNA and upcoming searches and offers "the opportunity to confess."
Watching the television news at home, Holmes learns that Donnelly was charged. Success! Then he puts his hand on the skull and sighs. He prepares his drill, and Watson comes in. There's a package for him. It's the rubble from the nano-tyrannus. Neat! He admits that Watson was essential to this investigation, and offers to release her evil humors with the drill. She declines. There's a knock on the door. It's Randy! He comes into the living room and admits that he got high with Eve last night. But this morning, he told her it was over. Holmes asks, "Do you want to go to a meeting?" He does. And they do. I like sympathetic Sherlock so much more than the sociopathic versions.
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.