In a hurry? Read the recaplet for a nutshell description! Finished? Click here to close.
The good news is that it isn't really just a rip-off of the Benedict Cumberbatch show. Because instead of taking classic Arthur Conan Doyle stories and adapting them to the modern day by replacing pocket watches with mobile phones, Elementary is just a regular crime-of-the-week show with a main character who happens to be named "Sherlock Holmes."
Mr. Holmes had some sort of problem in London that led to him being sent to rehab in New York. But now he's out and his vague, off-screen father is putting him up in a brownstone with a minder named Joan Watson. And he keeps himself occupied by predicting the future and investigating crimes.
In tonight's exciting episode, a woman has been murdered! The deal is that her husband wanted her dead, so he used his position as a therapist to trick another guy into doing it. The key clue was the rice!
Want more? The full recap starts right below!Hello! We've got ourselves a Sherlock Holmes show here. Some people find this a little suspicious, since there's already a modern-day Sherlock Holmes show on the BBC, and it's really, really good. It's made "Benedict Cumberbatch" a household name! But it's not like Mr. Cumberbatch was the first Sherlock ever. Sherlock Holmes has been done in a million different versions, and it's usually pretty successful. Have you ever seen The Great Mouse Detective? My point is that if Sherlock Holmes can be an animated mouse and still work, then there's room for Jonny Lee Miller.
And if this show turns out to be terrible, we can pretend it's just a sequel to Trainspotting. Or Hackers! Okay, now I'm excited. Let's go!
It starts with a slow-motion glass hitting the floor and breaking and a woman being choked by a blurry figure. As she hits the floor, her arm gets cut against all that broken glass. Then she's running up a staircase being pursued. She screams and cries. This is going to be one of the less cerebral adaptations of Sherlock Holmes.
An alarm clock goes off at 7:00. Lucy Liu jogs though New York. She's actually going a little faster than jogging, I guess. Maybe "trotting"? This is probably not the spot to get bogged down. She answers her phone to find that someone's escaped from a place. In the course of the discussion, we learn that she's "Joan Watson" and then she arrives at "his house" where some lady is putting on clothes and leaving. I personally am not outraged at the idea of a female Watson, by the way. There used to be a theory among Sherlock fans that the canonical Watson was a woman, although that was eventually ignored when fanfic writers discovered that characters don't have to be different sexes in order to have sex.
Watson enters the brownstone and calls out, "Hello?" There's a shirtless, tattooed, muscular weirdo standing and watching several televisions at once. He pauses them. She introduces herself as having been hired by his father as his sober companion. He asks if she believes in love at first sight, and goes on to claim that he's never loved anyone as he does her, in this moment. Then he unpauses one of the televisions and shows it has a character saying that same line. He introduces himself as Sherlock Holmes and says they won't be here long. That's the spirit!
The deal is that she's his "addict sitter" and if he uses or refuses her help, he's out on the street, because his father is putting him up in the brownstone. And he introduces the traditional obnoxious Sherlocking by telling her he knows she hasn't had trouble with drugs. She asks why he escaped from rehab the same day he was meant to be released? His answer: "Bored." I'm a little distracted by the bookcases behind Watson, which are full of criminology books. I have friends whose libraries look exactly like this.
Watson asks about the fit young lady she just saw leaving the place while purring her clothes on. Holmes claims that although he finds sex repellent, what with the sounds and smells, he sometimes needs to indulge. There are handcuffs on a ladder, so this Sherlock is a kinky, tattooed, muscular, weirdo. That doesn't leave a lot of room for fanfic writers to expand on things, but I expect they'll come up with something. Let me suggest that Sherlock's addiction was to heroin in Scotland. For example. He might also be a brilliant computer genius with a penchant for rollerblading everywhere. Or presumably Jonny Lee Miller has been in some other movies. You know what I'm going for here.
He also knows she used to be a surgeon and has a car. He decides they'll take "the tube." One of his quirks is that he talks like someone who just got back from a two-week trip to London and now uses British lingo everywhere. I find it very funny.
In the subway (excuse me, the "tube"), he tells her he used to be a consulting detective for Scotland Yard. She gets a call (according to her iPhone screen, from "Mom & Dad") but would rather talk to him about London. He deflects by saying it was nice of her mother to take his father back after the affair. Watson is again amazed at his perspicacity. Anyway, he's resuming his work as a consultant in New York. Obviously.
Oh, it's one of those shows with a super-short title screen. It lasts about as long as it takes to say "ELEMENTARY."
When we come back, we're at a crime scene. That'll happen, I guess. Holmes wants to know what Watson was told when she got this job being his helper monkey. She prefers the term, "companion." The policeman in charge is Captain Gregson, and Holmes introduces Watson as his personal valet. Gregson doesn't want her to accompany Holmes into the crime scene, but she's allegedly essential to his process. Because she's apparently supposed to watch over him 24 hours a day? I think Holmes's father has some unrealistic expectations for his employees.
The case! Dr. Richard Mantlo came home and his wife, Amy Dampier, was missing. He had an emergency that kept him out until 5 am. There was no ransom demand. Holmes takes notes on his phone. Well, I assume he's taking notes. I guess he could be playing Qrank or something. He seems to see something in the room and studies the photos on the mantel. The police do have Amy's cell phone, and Holmes flips through it so he can compare the pictures of her with the ones on the wall. He announces that she's either lost a tremendous amount of weight or has gotten plastic surgery. He concludes this from the fact that the phone has no pictures of her from more than two years ago, but it has lots of pictures of other people that are older than that.
Watson and Gregson chat while Holmes sniffs the carpet. Gregson worked with Holmes a few times years ago when he was in London.
Holmes studies the blood smear on the floor while Doubting Cop sneers at him. Holmes tells him that there are two broken glasses, which means that she knew her attacker and was offering him a glass. He finds the other base of the glass under the fancy refrigerator to prove his point. And on his phone, there's a picture of a heel print that (he's certain) will have the blood of the victim. It's the boot print from the front door, so the door was kicked in as the bad guy left. And also, the attacker took something from the living room. The two sides were symmetrical, and something's missing. Dr. Mantlo tells them it was a ring box.
They go to the master bedroom, and Holmes is now considering this a murder, because, "Kidnappers don't take trophies." Holmes prances about in the bedroom and says, "She's in the saferoom." "What saferoom?" asks Doubting Cop. "The one behind that wall." The weight of the wall makes the floor slope, see, and Holmes drops a marble on the hardwood floor so it can roll toward the wall. He finds the button to open the door. The marble stops in the pool of blood.
Holmes: "Sometimes I hate it when I'm right."
After a commercial, we're in an interrogation room. Dr. Mantlo protests, "For the last time, I loved my wife." Is that really the last time he'll ever say that? Seems a little harsh. He claims he didn't even know there was a safe room, which sounds sketchy. His wife oversaw the construction, but you'd think she'd tell him about it. The button that opened the door was right to the bed! What was going to happen if she used it? "Hi, honey. There are burglars in the home. Oh, and I'm in a secret room I never told you about." I think his story has already fallen apart.
Holmes-Watson. Holmes is Holmesing: "I don't guess. I observe. And once I observe, I deduce." That's what he says, anyway. He elaborates, saying that knew she was a surgeon because she had one soft hand that smelled of beeswax. Surgeons wash their hands with beeswax, you know. That's a ridiculous stretch, but it's also the kind of stretch that Doyle's Sherlock would use all the time, so I approve of it. And he figures she stopped being a doctor because she had someone close to her with addiction. Watson asks, "How did you know my father had an affair?" Holmes: "Google. Not everything is deducible."
Okay. Remember that line.
Holmes tells Gregson that Dr. Mantlo didn't kill his wife. His feet are too small to make the boot print and his hands are too small to make the bruises on Amy's neck. Watson reluctantly confirms this. The New York Police Departmnet should consider getting themselves a medical examiner in case every murder doesn't involve a consulting detective whose minder happens to have a medical background. Holmes goes into the interrogation chamber and demands to know the tall men in Dr. Mantlo's life.
Elsewhere, Holmes talks to a man (who is not all that tall) who denies having made a pass at Amy. He says he has pictures of her from before her plastic surgery. Holmes and Watson silently note his shoe size from a convenient shoebox. And what about the stalking charge against this guy? He says that a neighbor overreacted. Watson asks where he was last night, which gets a sideways look from Holmes. He was at home. Nice alibi! And we're firmly in the "Law & Order" format of having a number of random scenes of the heroes interrogating passersby.
Back in the brownstone, Watson notes that honey is dripping from the ceiling and joins Holmes on the roof. He's got bees. Mystery solved! He claims he's writing a book called "Practical Handbook of Bee Culture With Some Observations upon the Segregation of the Queen." But only in his head. And he's up to chapter 19. Anyway, you will be pleased to know that this is a reference to the Arthur Conan Doyle story, "His Last Bow," in which Sherlock Holmes writes a book with that name. I mean, some other things happen too. It's not just a description of a man writing a book about bees.
Holmes rejects the last guy as a suspect: "His body language said sub, not dom. I don't see him having the berries to take another life." Then he moves on to analyzing Watson, accusing her of hating her job. Well, she's only had it for one day. His theory is that she has two alarm clocks, and that no one who does that loves their job. She could just have trouble waking up, couldn't she? Anyway, he knows Watson is on the job for six weeks and assures her that he won't be using drugs. So he recommends a six-week holiday.
Watson wakes up. Her clocks are unplugged and de-batteried. She has a voicemail from "S. Holmes, Police Station" which makes no sense. The call came in at 9:50.
She meets him at 10:37 at the station and says she'll need his saliva. Woo woo! Except she gets it by sticking a swab in his mouth instead of something more... slobbery. He tells her that he, who loves what he does, got up early. He thinks their killer has killed before, partly because of the souvenir. That's a serial killer trait. Also, there's another woman who got attacked the same way and looked a lot like Amy Dampier. But there's a difference: she survived.
And she says she can't help them. They're at her house talking to her now. I could have said that at the beginning of the paragraph, but I wanted to do one of those sudden scene-shifts you get in shows like this. She can't remember anything about him. Specifically, denies him having a scent. And what about the mask, asks Holmes. "Ski? Mexican wrestling? Paper plate?" She says it was a ski mask, and he presses her for a description of his eyes. He makes a big deal out of the idea that if someone has their hands around your throat, they can't be more than a couple feet away. And he knows that she's lying because she's fiddling with her crucifix. Watson protests ("Sherlock!") and eventually throws him out to go wait in the car. Watson tells her she's really sorry.
Out at the car, Watson joins Holmes and tells him the guy's name (Peter Saldua) and job. Holmes claims that he knew that if he started a row, Watson would come to her defense. Holmes calls Gregson, who is already at Saldua's apartment. And he's dead! He appears to have shot himself.
So, unlike Sherlock, we don't seem to be doing classic Sherlock Holmes stories that have been transplanted to the modern day. It's just a regular crime show with a guy called Sherlock Holmes and a lady called Joan Watson. And incidentally, Holmes hasn't done anything useful to the investigation, because the police would apparently have gotten to Peter Saldua's place without him.
Saldua's place. The mailman saw the body through the window. Doubting Cop tells Holmes to watch out for the blood splatter, which is probably not necessary. Holmes looks at the crime scene and asks what happened "over there." at the washing machine. It's a little wrecked, but nobody knows what the deal is. Saldua's phone is missing, although there's a charger. There's also a bottle of Xanax, which Holmes looks at with an interesting little flourish.
Back to the Brownstone! Holmes reflects that Amy loved her mole, which is always pointed at the camera in her pre-surgery photos. So why did she get it removed? And Peter Saldua used his phone constantly and then suddenly stopped. And he wrote several checks to a psychologist who dropped dead in 2010. Holmes doesn't buy the story. Watson tells him that his father sent opera tickets, then accuses him of making things more complicated than they need to be. Just as she's accusing him of having been wrong about her, he tells her that he knows that she made a mistake during surgery that cost a patient his life. He made up the other story to spare her feelings. His logic: Surgeons are only forced out by malpractice. He knows she killed the patient because her parking ticket was at a cemetery, and her parents are both alive. And she has no siblings. And it's a cheap cemetery with no parking, hence the parking ticket. Watson accuses him of solving people and then points out that he doesn't have any mirrors. "It means I think you know a lost cause when you see one." Then she leaves.
Okay. That's all very impressive and Sherlock-Holmesy. But! Remember that line earlier about how he used Google on her? Wouldn't that tell you everything right away? If Doctor Joan Watson killed a patient and lost a malpractice suit, all you have to do is type "Doctor Joan Watson" into Google and you've got the whole story. And we already know Holmes has done that! As soon as you admit that he can Google, all of his Watson-analyzing is ruined as a character trait.
Live music! Holmes is at a bar! I was hoping he was here to get drunk and high, but no such luck. He's here to meet some guy (Woo woo!), who gives him a file on Peter Saldua's dead shrink. It's the records of their sessions, which seems inappropriate. Peter told him about the attempted murder. Peter had also taken to recording his own sessions on his phone. Weird. Up on the bar television (which is surprisingly audible, considering the live music) a wrestler cuts a promo. Holmes says, "He felt rage!" and leaves.
Watson is watching the opera. Holmes comes in and causes a disturbance to get her attention. You know when an obnoxious character runs up and down the aisles and whispers loudly during a live performance? That really bugs me. Although the house lights are surprisingly bright. He has to tell her about how Peter had some measure of control with Amy Dampier. He also needs to know what Xanax looks like, and she tells him they're small, white, and ovulat. Holmes calls Doubting Cop. On his phone. Right there in the opera audience. I hate this guy.
Doubting Cop confirms that the pills are round and pink. For a guy whose only character trait is "Guy who scoffs at Sherlock Holmes," he was pretty quick to rummage through the evidence at Holmes's request. Watson won't give him a ride to the police station. Holmes admits that he didn't know that Saldua's victim would react that way. He would have gotten the information, but, he admits, "You got me there faster." Watson smirks.
They're at the hospital. He just needed a ride? So he went from the Brownstone to the opera to get one? This guy doesn't understand the New York subway system at all. Maybe if he stopped calling it "the tube," he'd understand that it can get you places pretty quickly.
Where were we? Right: at the hospital. He stops Dr. Mantlo, who he knows is Peter's latest therapist. Holmes explains to Dr. Mantlo that he encouraged his wife to change her appearance to match Peter's pre-existing obsession. And then he gave Peter steroids instead of Xanax. Mantlo denies it. Holmes says he arranged flowers to be delivered by Peter. This is a pretty elaborate murder plot. Mantlo says, "Hypothetically, Mr. Holmes..." and then admits that there was a pre-nuptial agreement that gave him all the money if Amy died. Stop talking, dummy! Don't describe your pre-nuptial agreement! Mantlo leaves, confident that nothing could ever be proven.
Holmes tells Watson that they don't have any proof, then he demands her car keys. He gets in and drives directly into the doctor's car. "Yes. Better," he sighs.
Holmes is now in jail. Watson visits him. They have those phones to talk to each other through the glass. He apologizes for both the car and the way he talked to her earlier. He guesses she's told his father about this, which she has. But she got him to give his son another chance because the hospital incident didn't have anything to do with drugs. He thinks Watson has hope as an investigator. She wants to know more about the plan. Oh, there was no "Drive Watson's car into Mantlo's car and then get arrested" plan. It was just a temper tantrum. She wants to know what happened in London. He denies having meaningful connections and she decides it was a woman. Because he's trying too hard. She says, "You can connect with people. It just frightens you." He says his hearing is the morning at nine.
Watson goes home to the Brownstone and flips through files. Luckily, she knocks one on the floor. And music starts! And this picture on the corkboard must be important! She's found a clue!
Holmes walks down the fancy marble stairs of the courthouse (or wherever they book you for smashing cars into each other) and she meets him out front. She has Peter's medical file. He was allergic to rice. And in this picture, there's a big bag of rice in his pantry. That doesn't add up!
Gregson's office. Gregson thanks Dr. Mantlo for giving him a chance to apologize face-to-face. Mantlo is probably going to sue the department because Holmes is a consultant and smashed up his car. Gregson asks directly if he ever treated Peter Saldua as a patient. The doc denies it and says he's late for an appointment with his attorney. Holmes comes in to report that Miss Watson noticed that rice thing. And there's a credit card receipt that showed Saldua buying it three days earlier, the same day he stopped using his credit card. Turns out Saldua accidentally left his phone in the washing machine, wrecked the machine with his anger, and then bought a bag of rice. Which is a desiccant! The phone was in the bag, drying out!
So, since Peter recorded all his sessions, let's listen to Peter talking to Dr. Mantlo about how he wants to murder Amy. And Dr. Mantlo offering some drugs. Oh, that's awkward. Case closed!
Brownstone. Watson and Holmes watch the Mets. They seem to only have one television, so I don't know where the other ones are. Holmes is cranky and wants to go to dinner. Watson tells him, "Just because you don't understand something doesn't mean it isn't awesome." Holmes says he likes the statistical analysis. He claims it's going to be a popup to center, intentional walk, and a double play. That's exactly what happened, so now Sherlock Holmes can predict entirely random events. Great.
Okay. So I can't help but notice that Watson was the one to spot the rice thing. I'm not saying I insist on a Watson who never says anything but, "My word, Holmes! You certainly amaze me with your intellect!" but in this pilot episode for a new Sherlock Holmes series, Sherlock Holmes was practically useless. The police found Peter Saldua without him, and that would have led them to the idea that Peter killed Amy Dampier. I guess Holmes was necessary for Peter's medical record, but all the actual deduction was done by Watson. If you're going to have a Sherlock who's this big a jerk, you need to make him more relevant to the story.
Follow Monty on Twitter at @monty_ashley and read his blog, Mysterious Exhortations.