With the hurricane bearing down on Miami, Dexter, Hannah and Harrison are desperately trying to get out of the city. I mean, not so desperate that Hannah will consider dyeing or cutting her hair, apparently. And just driving out of Miami to fly out from a less conspicuous place doesn't appear to be an option, at least until Elway shows up at the airport. Dexter puts Elway at the center of an airport bomb scare, but naturally that grounds their flight too. So the option is to get on Fleeing The Hurricane bus lines, only Harrison and Hannah wind up going without Dexter, because he has to settle things with Poor Man's Ryan Gosling, a.k.a. Daniel Saxon.
Saxon gets himself sewn up by a veterinarian and uses him -- by cutting out his tongue -- as a distraction at the hospital so he can get to Deb, but is arrested moments before a battle with Dexter. Deb, who appeared to be out of the woods, suffers a blood clot and has a massive stroke and is now essentially a vegetable. Dexter gets to Saxon in jail by administering a gunshot residue test, and then kills him with a pen to the throat after enticing Saxon to try to do it first, thereby ensuring it looks like self-defense.
Except as Bautista and Quinn watch the video, it looks less like self-defense and more like the work of a cold-blooded psycho. Quinn and Bautista both look like the video stinks, but in the end, it's "Enjoy Argentina, Dex," anyway.
Elway shows up on Hannah and Harrison's bus due to his matrix of "contacts" across Miami, a late confrontation that seems pointless when Hannah just knocks him out with a tranquilizer and continues on her merry way. What she doesn't know is that Dexter has decided that he is toxic to the people he loves and is not coming to Argentina. In the midst of hurricane hospital chaos, Dexter unplugs Deb's life support, and then carries her lifeless body out to the Slice of Life. I know it's a hurricane and everything, but I still think a civilian carrying a sheet-covered corpse and leaving with it in the back of his boat might attract attention.
He dumps Deb's body overboard and then sets his controls for the heart of the hurricane. Eventually, the coast guard find a piece of the boat, and it's "Well, Dexter's dead," which is basically the headline on the banner above-the-fold newspaper story that Hannah reads over Argentinian wifi.
And then Dexter has a beard and is a lumberjack.
Daniel is a writer in Newfoundland with a wife and a daughter. Well, at least it was a better finale than Under the Dome's. Follow him on Twitter (@DanMacEachern) or email him at danieljdaniel@gmail.com.
Wow. What an utter train wreck. I've watched worse hours of television, but I'm not sure I've seen a series finale that had such little idea what it was doing before. Aside from the first season, the show on balance has been only a grade or two higher than shit, and I expected very little from this team given the last few episodes, but I'm sorry for anyone who was still invested in the show, because I can't imagine this not having been a colossal disappointment. But it does have the benefit of being over…as soon as I finish this, so I'm not going to put it off any longer:
We open in the airport with Dexter hustling Harrison to the gate despite the kid's protests that he wants some Oreos. Can't blame him -- the number of those things I scarfed down as a kid would probably fill the room I'm sitting in and then some. When they reach the appointed spot, though, Dexter looks around and realizes Hannah is nowhere to be seen, and the reason why quickly comes in the form of a phone call from her telling him that she's holed up in the restroom because Elway is in the boarding area. Dexter takes cover behind a large sign and then looks around and spots Elway. (You'd think Elway wouldn't have taken his eyes off the gate, but such minor contrivances should probably be beneath my notice in an episode with so many bigger issues). Dexter realizes that not only are they not going to be able to board but Hannah's not even going to be able to get out of the bathroom unless he does something about Elway, so with the plane boarding, he hangs up and asks Harrison if he wants some Oreos after all. Harrison's like, oh, I see, I only get Oreos if they fit into your twisted machinations, and if that's the only way I can have them I'd rather go without! Or "yay," depending on whether you want what actually happened on screen. It's not hard to imagine you wouldn't. They head to a stand, and while Harrison busies himself picking out a toy at Dexter's behest, Dexter grabs a backpack and a few sundries.
Then heads up to the gate, flashes his MM ID, and tells the woman behind the counter he just saw a guy leave "that bag" (we get a shot of the backpack underneath some nearby seats), and it sure looked like he left it behind on purpose! No doubt having sat through more security meetings than she cares to remember, the woman looks warily at the ironically cheery plaid bag as she asks Dexter if he saw where the owner went, and he points at Elway. The woman gets on the horn, and within a few seconds Elway -- who's just left yet another message for Dead Clayton -- is smoothly corralled by airport security. Once he's led away, Dexter calls Hannah and gives her the all-clear, and she emerges so they can triumphantly board the plane. Only, Dexter's little stunt catches them in the fallout when an announcement comes over the PA that the area is being evacuated due to a security concern. Well, live by the plaid backpack, die by the plaid backpack. Somewhat despondently, they head for the exits, and the fact that Harrison has not bitten through the cellophane to get at those cookies yet shows, yet again, that this is not real life.
Back at the hospital, Masuka tells Batista that Clayton must have bled out quickly (yes, given that he was stabbed in the HEART) as the paramedics get Deb strapped onto a gurney. Batista makes noises about calling Dexter, but between gasps of pain Deb tells him not to, as Dexter will stay if he does. This being Batista, he won't question it, but anyone with half a brain might wonder why Deb's so set on Dexter leaving town. From an outsider's point of view, it would be a no-brainer for Dexter to stay and deal with the minor inconvenience of rescheduling his trip to be by the side of the sister no one's sure is even going to make it. Anyway, Quinn gets in the ambulance with Deb, and after they've started moving, Deb tells Quinn she thought she was dying and that she was getting what she deserves. Quinn wonders what she means, and it looks like she considers telling him something real, but she limits it to saying she's done stuff she isn't proud of, and Quinn assures her he has too – but as cops, they get to make up for it. He goes on that she's a good person and is going to get a million chances to do good things, and I'm sure that's meant to be touching irony, but all I can think of is how it's yet another example of Quinn being wrong.
Cut to the hospital, where Deb manages to woozily tell Quinn that she loves him, and it's unclear if Quinn doesn't quite hear her or just is taken aback that she said it, but it doesn't matter and who cares. After Deb gets wheeled off to surgery, Matthews appears and after getting the latest information is like fuck this, I'm calling Dexter, which THANK YOU. But of all the ten billion missed opportunities to do something interesting on this show, wouldn't it have been cool if it turned out Matthews knew about Dexter all along? He semi-stonewalled LaGuerta and knew Vogel back in the day; it would have been such an easy storyline to pull off. What a shame everything LaGuerta did was completely dropped, both from a story perspective as well as a police one. They should have finished the series last season with Deb killing LaGuerta, then Dexter, and then herself. It would have been an ending, at least.
Dexter, Hannah, and Harrison are only now walking out of the airport because apparently it takes two hours to exit Miami International (not that that's impossible; it takes at least that long to get out of Hartsfield-Jackson in Atlanta) when he gets the call. Actually, it looks like he had to retrieve his car first (and so I don't forget, good luck Astor in getting your hands on it anytime soon), and as they load in with Harrison. Dexter tells Hannah what happened, and they have a quick strategy session, with his suggestion that she leave from another city. Like, WHY WASN'T THAT THE PLAN ALL ALONG WITH A US MARSHAL SNIFFING AROUND MIAMI? Dexter resolves to take Hannah back to the hotel, whereupon he'll go to Deb.
Then we cut to a market's parking lot in which Daniel is walking, blood squirting liberally out of his left hand from the wound up in his shoulder. Holding Clayton's gun in his palm, he decks the unwary owner of a pickup truck who was just about to leave, and after taking his keys, he gets in the vehicle and drives off. The guy's not going to be happy, but as we'll see soon enough he got off pretty easy.
Dexter and Harrison show up to the hospital, and Jamie and Harrison are excited to see each other once more, which leaves Dexter free to ask the MM boys how Deb is. Batista admits they haven't heard anything yet, and Quinn adds that they weren't able to speak to the doctor before they went in. So, as usual, they know nothing. Matthews tells Dexter that Deb is tough just like Harry was, and given that Harry killed himself rather than deal with Dexter that probably isn't actually too encouraging for Dexter, which as it happens is just as well. More obligatory words about Deb being a fighter are uttered.
We then cut to Elway leaving his bazillionth message on Clayton's phone. Of course you'd think his voicemail would be full by now, but if that were the case we wouldn't get to hear Elway blather about how he pays tons of people so if Hannah "walks into a hotel lobby" he'll know about it. Except, I suppose, for the two hotels she's been in since she hooked back up with Dexter. He doesn't pay people who know about those hotels. He also mentions car-rental agencies, trains, and buses, though, so the point is that Hannah's going to have a tough time getting out of town. NOT IF DEXTER FUCKING DRIVES HER, she isn't, but again, it's this show. He then calls the field office and gets the news Clayton is dead.
Then we cut back to Deb, who comes to in a hospital room to find Dexter sitting there. As someone who has been under the knife more times than I'd like, I can tell you she is faaaaaaaaaar too energetic for just waking up from anesthesia, but she manages a smile and asks Dexter why he's not in Argentina. Rather than tell her he absolutely would be were it not for Elway, he's like, "Why do you think?" Deb then seems to lose focus and starts talking about hiking and mountains, but recovers to note the concern on Dexter's face. Deb asks what's wrong, and Dexter breathes that he never should have left Daniel alive. Despite her gut wound, Deb practically jumps to absolve him of any blame as she mentions Clayton's bungling, but Dexter tells her it's more than that. That ever since she found out the truth about him, he's screwed up her life. Deb is like, "It's not yours to screw up", like that makes any sense, and tells him not to feel guilty about this or anything else. I wonder if she'd amend that if she knew he was going to dump her body in the ocean, but knowing what an apologist she's become for him I'm guessing it wouldn't matter.
She tells him he was meant to be happy -- which WHY? -- and then the doctor enters to check her stomach and ask how she's feeling. Deb babbles about wanting to go hiking again, and I think most laymen would guess that confused and inappropriate statements like this from someone who's been through physical trauma are an indication that something might be wrong. But this "doctor" is like, "Haha, no hiking for you yet!" Dexter asks for Deb's prognosis, and the woman tells him that while the bullet bounced around a lot, it didn't hit anything vital. Dexter asks if that means she's going to be all right, and the doctor says there will be a lot of recovery time, but she's optimistic. Recapping it as closely as I do, I'm fairly certain she doesn't use the expression "out of the woods" or the equivalent even though someone present will seem to have heard that.
When the doctor's gone, Deb wonders if Hannah likes Argentina, but Dexter tells her she didn't go either because of Elway. Deb, lying in a hospital bed with her insides in shreds because of Dexter, beats herself up about putting Elway on Hannah. This is hard to watch, and not for the reasons the show thinks. Dexter at least tells her not to blame herself before confiding that he's thinking of sending Harrison on with Hannah and catching up after he's taken care of Daniel. Deb's like, "You heard the doctor, I'm fine", and I heard the doctor and THAT'S NOT WHAT SHE SAID, and she urges him to go and leave Daniel to MM because they'll catch him, which at least injects some hilarity into the scene. She gets him to say goodbye, and he heads out.
When he emerges, Jamie sees him and sends Harrison over. Harrison asks if he can see Deb, but Dexter tells him she needs to rest. He then informs his son that he was born in this hospital, and he was with Deb the first time he saw him.
Then we head into a flashback. Obviously, since Harrison's birth happened between seasons, this is not a scene we've viewed before, but they have Deb in a shoulder-length wig (or maybe they just styled her hair hard) and lots of girlish (well, for Deb) excitement. Inside the nursery, a nurse points them to the right baby, and Dexter looks typically befuddled (his robotic nature at least prevents this from being too schmaltzy) while Deb beams.
We're then back in the present as Matthews appears and Dexter thanks him for calling. Matthews asks if there's anything he can do, so Dexter takes the opportunity to ask for some police guards for Deb. But Matthews is like, "Way ahead of you", and on cue, two uniforms appear and move into position as soon as Matthews actually snaps his fingers, which I kind of love. However, I'm sure we're supposed to take this as an example of Matthews' special concern for the Morgans, but let's not forget Deb shot a desperate serial killer who's still at large. Wouldn't this be standard procedure?
Dexter's leading Harrison out when a breathless Elway appears and asks about Deb. Dexter is like, "I really gotta go", to which Elway replies, "In a hurry to get back to Hannah McKay?" Once again, Harrison remains silent (I applaud the kid even if I don't believe this would actually happen) but Dexter gets a dangerous look on his face even as he says he doesn't know what Elway's talking about. Elway starts to babble about Clayton and to place partial blame on Dexter for his death, whereupon Dexter shoves him up against the wall and tells him to stay away from him. Elway, however, is unfazed as he points out that the storm is coming, and as such it's going to be tough to find a way out of town. As Dexter gathers Harrison and heads out, Elway calls for him not to go down with Hannah. How about "instead of"?
We see people hurricane-proofing their windows on a busy street, while inside his truck, Daniel sees a sign for a veterinary clinic. He then looks down at his sleeve, out of which blood is still liberally dripping, and after hours of this wouldn't he at least be losing consciousness or show some signs of wear and tear? I realize I'm making a lot of medical pronouncements for someone not in that field, but I have watched a lot of much, much better television.
Inside, a thirty-something man (played by Eric Ladin, who's worked quite a bit but probably is best known for his series regular role as Jamie Wright on The Killing and his recurring role of Betty's brother William on Mad Men) is soothing the caged dogs. Daniel marches in and unceremoniously draws his weapon: "Stitch me up." The guy, with forced calm, tells him he'll do whatever he needs, but if he could see what's going to happen I wonder if he'd just go for the gun.
Harrison's playing at a safe distance as Dexter and Hannah discuss their plans in hushed tones; showing him a schedule (?), Hannah tells him that evacuation buses are being lined up, and they could hop one to Jacksonville and fly from there. Dexter says they should leave soon to make the bus but then seems to hesitate, so Hannah asks if he's still worried about Deb. Dexter tells her the doctor said she's out of danger, which NO SHE DIDN'T, really, but Hannah offers that they could stick out the storm there and then leave when it's over. Dexter, however, thinks Elway makes it too dangerous, and this is ONE MAN in a city of millions. They really couldn't find an acceptable hiding place in the entire city of Miami for a lady with half a million bucks to play with? Even one who apparently has a death allergy to hair dye? Hannah then offers to take Harrison with her, but when Dexter pauses, she takes it as reluctance on his part and says she can go alone. Dexter, however, is like "Oh no, that's no problem, I get rid of my kid at the drop of a hat – I just don't want to lose you, even for a couple days". Like everything else in this episode, it's a sentiment that will prove irrelevant.
The veterinary guy is still working as Daniel tells him to hurry up. He finishes the last stitch and then begs Daniel to go, saying he won't tell anyone about him, but as apparently is the law in Miami, the local news is playing in the background, and wouldn't you know a story comes up about Deb. When Daniel sees it, he puts his shirt back on in a time-to-take-care-of-business manner and tells the guy to get his car keys. The guy, who clearly seems to have figured out who he is, asks if he can't just let him go, but Daniel tells him to do what he says and he won't get hurt. I know he's done many worse things, but that's a lie!
Time to check in on the Orderliest Evacuation in History. Everything seems fine until Dexter pulls Hannah out of line and tells her he can't leave until Daniel's been caught. Hannah tells him it's okay, so Dexter asks her to take Harrison, as he'll be safer with her (the point could be argued, but I'll give it to him), before asking her to call as soon as she's set to make her flight. She assures him she will, so Dexter kneels down to say goodbye to Harrison, who pointedly tells him he's going to miss him. (If we're supposed to take this as prescience from the kid who can't think of actual names for his stuffed animals, I must invite the show to fuck right off). Dexter assures him it's just for a bit, and they embrace, whereupon Harrison whispers that he loves Hannah. Here's a spoiler for you, kid: Good. Dexter says he does, too, and then attempts to demonstrate by sharing a passionate embrace and kiss with Hannah before she takes him onto the bus. She looks back one more time, and then they break away.
And then the vet guy is pulling up to Deb's hospital with Daniel in the passenger seat. He asks Daniel to let him go, promising he won't say a word to anyone, where Daniel -- with an evil smile -- says he knows as he produces a small but very sharp-looking knife. Dude, there are dozens of people milling about. Roll down the window and yell for help while you still can!
But no, we cut to the guy staggering into the entrance looking like he's going to vomit. He convulsively spits out a mouthful of blood onto the floor. Look, if we're going to be subject to the grisly aftermath of this guy's tongue having been cut out, might I point out that the tongue is one of the toughest and strongest muscles in the human body? Even with an extremely sharp knife it'd be quite a chore to pull off with an unrestrained victim, and no, I'm not counting the guy's seat belt, although perhaps I should. Anyway, everyone's too grossed out to notice Daniel walk in (I guess if Hannah can't wear any kind of disguise, why should he), but when Dexter enters only moments later and sees the scene in front of him, he smells a rat and rushes off. And speaking of smells, Dexter, that shirt must be ripe by now. If you do go to Argentina, take a shower first, okay?
Upstairs, Daniel is marching around with his parade-ground psycho posture, and there's still blood all over his clothes. I mean, it is a hospital, but you'd think someone would at least ask him if he has insurance. The place is suspiciously empty, but Daniel doesn't seem to mind as he checks the book at the nurse's station for Deb's room, unaware that Dexter is on his way, armed with a fork from a discarded food tray. Just as Daniel finds the right number and looks at Deb's room, Dexter appears, and the two of them lock eyes before Daniel raises his gun. Dexter takes several steps forward, not sure what the plan is there. He clearly wouldn't have reached him in time to grapple for the piece, but out of nowhere, Batista appears and puts his gun to his neck, and Daniel goes quietly. Once Batista and the units have taken Daniel away, Dexter rushes into Deb's room, but she's not there – not even her bed is still inside. Looking for answers, he heads out.
Elsewhere, he finds Quinn, who turns toward him to reveal he's been crying. He gets out that Deb was taken to the ICU after she stopped breathing, and they're working on her now.
Then we cut to the two of them looking through a window at Deb, who's now on a respirator. The doctor comes out and explains that they believe a clot formed during surgery that triggered a stroke, and the oxygen deprivation Deb's brain suffered produced the outcome in front of them. Dexter fairly barks the question of whether she'll recover, but the doctor tells him that while it's possible she might eventually breathe on her own, she'll need a feeding tube to eat and her higher brain functions will never return in the slightest. Although he seemed to be pretty expectant of this eventuality, Quinn pipes up that Deb's a fighter, and you hear about miracles all the time, but the doctor gently demurs: "That's just it, I'm afraid. It would be a miracle." Dexter, backing away, grits that he's never seen a miracle.
We then, ironically, cut back to Deb and Baby Harrison. Deb picks him up and holds him for a bit before asking if Dexter doesn't want to, and Dexter clearly has no idea how to do it, handling Harrison like he's a heavy salami. But the baby, who I will readily admit is adorable, smiles at him anyway. Dexter nervously tells Deb he doesn't know how to do any of this, and I love how even though she was alive at this point they don't even pretend like Rita ever mattered. Deb assures him he'll be great, and she knows because he's always taken care of her. "Don't you remember the monsters?" Deb, with the last episode title! If only it seemed like an honor. Dexter doesn't know what she's on about, so she reminds him that she used to be scared of the shadows on her wall after their mother turned the lights out, but he came in and explained what they were "in your dorky little voice" and made it so she wasn't afraid anymore. He even slept on the floor in her room, which made her feel safe, and it'd be hilarious if he actually watched her sleep while plotting six different ways to kill her, but this is actually one of the only decent moments in the entire episode so I won't step on it with both feet. Deb reiterates how he's such a great brother, but when we cut to the present, Dexter's sitting in the hospital café as DVO seethes that she was so wrong. As always!
He purposefully rises while on the least-crowded evacuation bus in history, Hannah is telling a sleepy Harrison about Argentina when a hand grasps her arm. It's Elway (they're at a stop, so somehow he caught up with them) who tells her one of his contacts came through, but they can be civil about it and not upset Harrison. Without removing his hand from her arm, he tells her that they're going to sit quietly until they arrive at the stop -- Daytona -- whereupon they'll all calmly disembark and he'll take them to the Marshals' field office to turn her in and hand Harrison over to Child Protective Services. Because that won't upset him. Hannah's mind races as she stares straight ahead.
Which Daniel is also doing in the MM interrogation room, accompanied by that ironic good-boy clasped-hands habit of which he seems to be so creepily fond. Batista and Quinn then appear at each of Dexter's sides, and the former assures Dexter that they're going to "nail this asshole to the wall," and Dexter looks like he'd like at least like to believe there's more than a zero percent chance of that. Unfortunately, there isn't, as Batista's threats that it would be best for Daniel to cooperate are ignored in favor of Daniel admitting nothing, asking for a lawyer, and pushing Quinn's buttons by disingenuously wondering "Who's Deb"? Quinn flips out, prompting Batista to remove him, and great work. (It took all of thirty seconds for you to lose fifty percent of your crack team). Batista, however, proves more effective at dealing with Daniel as he handcuffs his wrist to the chair behind him and shoves his face down into the table, and seeing him manhandled by Batista's meaty paws reminds me that Daniel isn't exactly the most physically intimidating guy. Dexter's got his jujitsu, at least, but how did Daniel overpower all these able-bodied dudes? Even Zack should have been able to take him if he hadn't had to get over to Homeland.
The bus is now in the Daytona area, and Elway has consented to release his grip on Hannah, but he does get all "Hey hey hey" when she reaches for her bag. She assures him she's just getting her Thermos of tea before pouring some into the top and offering it to him, and he disdainfully asks how stupid she thinks he is. Well, if it's a high level, it's entirely accurate, as the move with the tea was designed to distract him from seeing that her other hand was reaching for a hypo she had on her seat, I think (she probably had her weight on it so Harrison wouldn't see it). She injects Elway with it right through his pants leg. Well, Dexter borrowed one of her poisons, so it only seems right she take a page out of his playbook. As Elway gasps, she triumphantly tells him that the horse tranquilizer she just gave him will kick in imminently, and he'll wake up in Tallahassee with a slight headache and a bigger bad mood. Rather than hear any more about how she bested him, he passes out, and Hannah takes Harrison off the bus. Not sure how they're going to get from Daytona to Jacksonville, but they'll do it without an enemy at their back.
Some elevator doors open to reveal a close-up of Dexter's face, his eyes closed in preparation for what he's about to do. He then gets off and is all casual business as he tells a guard that he's there to do a GSR (Gunshot Residue) test on Daniel. After the guard has him sign in, she asks if he'd like an officer with him, like I'm not sure how that's optional when you're dealing with a serial killer, but Dexter's like, "I'm just a mild-mannered forensic tech up against a guy who delights in cutting out the juiciest human parts while his victims aren't even dead, so of course I'm totally great with going in alone!" Preposterous, and as we'll see, Daniel's not even restrained, even though he was cuffed when two actual police officers were interrogating him. She gives him what looks like the prison version of Life Alert to press if he needs them, and then he goes in.
When Daniel sees him, his eyes light up, and Dexter, after noting the security camera on the wall, sits down and goes through the motions of preparing the test before telling Daniel he wishes he could blame him for what he did to Deb. But he knows it's his fault when he looks at himself -- as Daniel has forced him to do -- he sees a trail of blood and body parts. Daniel psycho-smiles that that's a pretty picture, but Dexter isn't playing as he deliberately places a ballpoint pen on the table and informs Daniel he took away his "foolish dream" that he could have a happy life. Daniel asks if he came to tell him that, but Dexter says, "No, he actually came to kill Daniel with the pen on the table". Daniel's eyes go to it, and despite having been adept at eluding traps before he completely takes the bait by grabbing the pen and stabbing Dexter. But Dexter anticipates the move and slides to his right so he takes the blow in the arm, and he belts Daniel in the face and then grabs the pen and punctures Daniel's carotid artery with it. Daniel's eyes stay fixed in hatred on Dexter for a moment, but then he falls to the floor and blood seeps up toward his face in this show's trademark way. Only now does Dexter press the alarm button, and when the door slides open and the alert buzzer sounds, he feigns being shocked and overwhelmed, which given that the icy precision with which he killed Daniel is on video seems a little late and only will appear more suspicious on the recording. But, God forbid the viewer might have been confused as to whether he was faking it if he turned on this performance earlier. When the guards come in and see Daniel, they're like, well, that's a thing, and then Dexter gasps that Daniel tried to kill him, like WHO COULD HAVE SEEN THAT COMING FROM A SERIAL KILLER?
Sometime later, Dexter is sitting in the corner of a room as Quinn and Batista review the video, and it looked like Daniel stabbed Dexter pretty good, so why is there a bloodstain the size of a dime on his shirt? While Quinn looks like he thinks justice has been served, Batista is frankly horrified, although I think it's more that what he's seeing flies in the face of everything he believes about Dexter. Maybe if you'd LISTENED TO LAGUERTA FOR LIKE FIVE MINUTES you wouldn't be so shocked now. He asks what Dexter was doing in there given that he doesn't even work at MM anymore, so Dexter feeds him a cock-and-bull story about how he's "officially" there until the end of the week and he wanted to do the GSR test himself to make sure everything with Daniel was handled perfectly. "And I wanted to look him in the eye."
Quinn, at least, looks like he believes Dexter went in there to kill Daniel as he conspiratorially and approvingly nods that it was "obviously" self-defense, and Batista, even though he still doesn't seem happy about it, signs off and tells Dexter he should go. Not that it would lead to a different result, but Batista's only the Lieutenant; shouldn't Matthews be consulted on this? An already-resigned tech with motive for revenge kills a prisoner bloody under suspicious and poorly-managed circumstances, and that doesn't even require someone's signature? Before Dexter goes, Batista brokenly tells Dexter he's praying for Deb, and his affection for her has been constant so I can understand him just being overwhelmed here.
Dexter heads out and then, as the storm finally looks like it's really coming in, he's standing on the shared balcony outside his apartment (so much for it moving like hotcakes, I guess). DVO says that "for so long" he just wanted to be like other people -- which is BULLSHIT -- but now that he has feelings, he just wants them to stop. Cut to him taking his boat out, which he then docks in front of the hospital. As lightning strikes in the distance, he heads inside, where a desk nurse takes the time to tell him certain patients have been moved to consolidate space and power. Like are you telling him this because YOU'RE HAVING VISITING HOURS DURING A HURRICANE? This show, my God.
Dexter makes his way into Deb's private room with the blinds tastefully pulled. At least here we get some decent acting as the enormity of the situation finally hits him and he takes a couple of slow, grief-stricken gasps of breath before telling her he'd change everything if he could, which is not true in the slightest but I suppose he believes it at this moment. He takes her hand and kind of whisper-wails that he's sorry… but, after a moment, he goes on that he can't leave her like this, "I'm your big brother." With that, he takes another moment to feel the pain and then systematically starts shutting off her life support, quieting the alarms for good measure, and her life starts to drain away. Once he removes her breathing mask, the heart-rate monitor to her ticks down, and after he leans in and whispers that he loves her, the telltale sound of flat-lining comes from the machine. Bye, Deb. You were frustrating and hard to like at times, but you were still the strongest character on the show by far, not to mention the fact that Jennifer Carpenter always put so much into her performance no matter how shit the writing was. You deserved better, both of you.
Unstopped by any hospital personnel or security, Dexter wheels Deb through the hospital and outside. He covers her with a sheet (might have done that earlier), picks her up, and takes her onto the boat. As contemplatively mournful musical cues play, he drives out a good distance from shore and then stops, pulls out his phone, and calls Hannah. In contrast to the storm around him, Hannah and Harrison are in sunny Jacksonville, and she excitedly tells him they're going to make it. He says he's still in Miami but will be leaving soon, and she excitedly talks about the length of the Argentina coastline and how they can keep going until they find the perfect spot. Then Hannah puts Harrison on so Dexter can tell him how he wants him to remember "every single day" that he loves him, and Harrison's like, "Awesome, later!" Then Dexter chucks his phone into the ocean.
With the sky now pretty black in spots, he unveils Deb and caresses her face before picking her up and dropping her overboard. What a dick! There are people who actually cared about Deb; you're going to deny them a funeral and keep them up at night wondering what happened to her? This finale has shown more than anything else that Dexter is a selfish, weak man who's skated by on luck and the kindness/stupidity of other people. He got off scot-free from the LaGuerta investigation, the only thing that's ever really threatened to bring him a day of reckoning, and now he's going to abandon his son and the woman who loves him because he's having FEELINGS that will probably pass within a day anyway, if history is any indication. Speaking of which, DVO boo-hoos that he destroys everyone he loves, and he can't let that happen to Hannah and Harrison. "I have to protect them…from me." He starts the boat again and drives straight into the storm.
Then we cut to a Miami bathed in sun yet again with news-broadcast VOs letting us know that Hurricane Laura (that was Dexter's mother's name, right? Sure the writers thought that was clever for some reason) has passed. Out on the water, the Coast Guard finds the wreckage from the Slice Of Life with no apparent survivors, and then we see Batista get a call informing him of the news. In Buenos Aires, Hannah and Harrison are at a little café when she sees on her iPad equivalent a story about Dexter apparently having been lost at sea; she looks overwhelmed, but keeps it together for Harrison's sake and leads him off to get some ice cream.
As much as I hate this episode, I wouldn't have given it an F were it not for this coda in which a bearded, hard-hatted Dexter is working in a lumberyard somewhere. Later, he walks to a small nearby cottage, sits a desk, and stares into the camera, and that's a wrap on what was really an incredibly stupid show. If he'd actually killed himself, it at least would have ended with a little flair, but this faking-his-own-death-so-maybe-there-will-be-a-movie thing is the final insult. And speaking of which, I will personally donate to any Kickstarter campaign devoted to making that film not happen. Thanks for reading and suffering along with me. You can now catch me covering Marvel's Agents Of S.H.I.E.L.D..
John Ramos is a writer and film producer living in Los Angeles. His new film, a documentary on online privacy and the exploitation of personal data called Terms And Conditions May Apply, a New York Times Critics' Pick, is now on iTunes here. You can get news on it from the film's Twitter accountor website, or check out trackoff.us to learn how to protect your privacy. Also, you can email John at couchbaron@gmail.com, follow him on Twitter at https://twitter.com/couchbaron, or check out his blog, "Pull Up A Chair," which he'd just love for you to stop by.