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MAVO opens the show by explaining that Mrs. Kravitz had waited her entire life for "something exciting" to happen to her: "As a child, she hoped to be kidnapped by a band of pirates.� Well, who doesn't? Pirates rock. "As a teenager, she dreamt of being discovered by a Hollywood talent scout. As a young woman, she fantasized that a handsome millionaire would sweep her off her feet. But the years had gone by, and still nothing exciting had happened to Martha Huber. Until the night she was murdered." Yeah, I guess that was pretty exciting. If only briefly. We cut to Paul helping Mrs. Kravitz with her groceries and then strangling her on her kitchen floor. I don't remember the strangling, especially the part where she seems to be conscious. Didn't he at the very least knock her out when he conked her with the blender? So. That doesn't really work for me. But anyway, MAVO continues, saying that, as she got the shit choked out of her, it occurred to Mrs. Kravitz that "in addition to being boring, life could also being very cruel."
"But luckily, death was far more merciful," MAVO intones, as the cops finally find Mrs. Kravitz's dead body. The sheriff compares her face to the flyer, and looks up in time to see the media arrive. He tells his deputy to make sure that no one contaminates the crime scene and takes off. The deputy kneels down for a little chit chat with the dead broad. "Lot of people looking for you, you know that?" he says. "Your face is going to be on the front page of every paper in the state. How's that for excitement?" As the officer blanches, MAVO explains that it seemed, for a brief moment, that Mrs. Kravitz's corpse smiled up at him.
So, the police roll up to Casa Kravitz and tells Felicia -- who's out watering the lawn --that they've found her sister's body. She drops the hose.
Meanwhile, Susan heads over to Mike's house, and squeals at him that she's finished her book -- the one she's illustrating, I presume, not the one she's been reading -- and she thought he could take her to lunch to celebrate. Her voice trails off when she sees Edie in Mike's kitchen. Mike explains that he and Edie are going over the plans for her new house, and Edie exposits that she's finally getting her insurance check. And there's only one plumber she wants. "You shouldn't expect to see him for a few months," she sings to Susan. "I'm gonna be riding him hard." "Well, if anybody can go the distance, he can. I should know," Susan retorts. The combined age of the women in this room is about fifteen. Susan then sticks her tongue down Mike's throat. "Mike? Mike? We're on the clock," Edie says. I hate Susan sometimes. Act like a grown-up, babe. Edie's phone rings: it's Felicia. Her news is not good. Edie looks devastated. "They found Martha," she tells Susan and Mike.
Across town, Lynette makes Pinwheel blow his runny nose, and then swings into her yoga studio. I am sure the rest of the moms will be thrilled that she brought her sick kid in to infect their perfectly healthy offspring. If he's too sick to be in school, he's too sick for you to drag him to yoga, lady. Gawd. Anyway, Lynette notices that the sign-up sheet for the studio's day care center is full, so she just sticks her name at the bottom anyway. She is so selfish and self-centered. She stopped her car in the middle of the road the other day, now she's forcing her sick kid into day care. All so she can get what she wants. Lynette is the most self-centered character I have ever come across and I RECAPPED DAWSON'S CREEK. Anyway. Lauren, the receptionist, tells Lynette that day care is full. The class is in full swing behind Lynette, so she's clearly late. ["My biggest peeve! Yoga has a very specific warm-up period, not to mention that you get there early so that you can roll out your mat with enough room around you, and then people come in late, both breaking your concentration and crowding you (like the woman who showed up late one time and unrolled her mat behind me, hitting me in the head while I was trying to deep-breathe. If you're late to yoga, you're missing the class. End of story." -- Wing Chun] Lynette brats that the class is always full: "The other moms come early." "All I can tell you is plan ahead time," Lauren tells her. And I guess we're supposed to find her just terrible for saying that, but it's true. You want to get into a busy class? Get to the goddamn gym early and stop acting like you feel so entitled to everything, Lynette.
But Lynette starts her usual Pity Party litany about how she's a mother of four and she got up at 5 to make breakfast and lunches and her life is so hard and I would feel worse for her if she didn't just FIRE HER NANNY. Besides, I thought she just called the agency and asked for an ugly dude to come watch her kids. What happened to that? Oh, right. We're supposed to forget anything that happened in any episode other than the one we're watching. Lynette: "Telling me to plan ahead is like telling me to sprout wings, and it's things like being told to plan ahead that make me so crazy that yoga is the only thing that relaxes me, except I show up late and I can't get in and you tell me to plan ahead. It's a vicious cycle." Wah wah wah. You're not the only lady who every pushed out a baby, Lynette. Lauren points out that if she breaks the rules for Lynette, she's going to have to do it for everyone: "And the moms who actually follow the rules would get all pissed with me and I'd have to get pissy right back, and before you know it, I don't have time to read my magazine. See how that works?" "I hope someday, you have lots of children," Lynette says. You know what, Lynette? If she does, I bet SHE'D BE ON TIME TO MAKE SURE THEY GOT INTO DAY CARE. Because she's had to enforce the rules, she's more likely to follow them in the future. Anyway, Lynette gets a phone call. It's Susan. "What?" Lynette gasps.
“ Lynette tries to do yoga at home, and looks miserable. Suck it, bitch. Karma is going to rock your world and not in the hot way. ”
Elsewhere, Mike tells Frank he's real sorry about the shoving. Frank apologizes for questioning him, because he knows better. Mike finally takes out an old photo of himself with a blonde woman: "To remind me when I'm there." "If it turns out someone hurt her, I want them dead," Frank says. Mike just says that he wants to be sure before he gets all stabby with it. Frank says that he knows he can trust Mike to take care of it. "After all, you already killed for her once." DUM DUM DUM DUUUM! (I'm just pretending that I have any clue how this plot is tracking. I don't, of course. All of those revelations are meaningless to me at this point.)
Casa House Arrest. Carlos vacuums cheerfully as Gabrielle leaves. Carlos then calls the pharmacy and asks for another set of Gabrielle's birth-control pills -- a couple months' worth. And then he replaces her pills with sugar pills, and I'm fine with them delivering the prescription to his house, and all, but where the hell did he get the placebos? Can you just order a bunch of placebos? That seems very suspicious to me.
Edie and Susan get home. Susan is slightly less ashy. "Edie, please talk to me," she says. Nothing. "I've been thinking about this for the last ninety miles and you don't have to forgive me. You can go to the police, kick me, burn MY house down. You just have to know that I am so racked with guilt that I don't think it's possible for me to suffer more than I'm already suffering." Silence. "Boy. I'd like to put that theory to the test," Edie finally says. And so Susan tells her again to do what she wants, but to know that she's sorry. She gets out of the car and starts up her front walk. "I'm not going to the police." Edie calls after her. She doesn't want to screw up her insurance check. But she wants something in return. She wants to come to poker: "I'm not saying I'll go, and I'm not saying that you and your little friends have to be nice to me, but yeah. Once in a while it'd be nice to be asked." Susan, of course, agrees to this: "We meet Tuesday and it's pot luck lunch. Everyone has to bring something." "I'm not bringing anything," Edie tells her. "Oh, you don't have to," Susan perks, and thanks her. She's going in to shower, but Edie stops her: she doesn't want Mrs. Kravitz to go down some common drain. She'd like to hose Susan off in the front yard. That way, Mrs. Kravitz can look at her own house for all eternity, and keep an eye on the neighborhood. And so she blasts Susan with the hose, right there in the yard. Huh. I kind of like Edie now. Who could possibly have predicted?
Time for the final MAVO montage. Felicia looks at her sister's "missing" flyer, and then crumples it and throws it away. MAVO blabs about death and life and yammer yammer yammer. Across town, Carlos and Gabrielle make out. Lynette tries to do yoga at home, and looks miserable. Suck it, bitch. Karma is going to rock your world and not in the hot way. Mike looks sadly at his photo of the Mystery Dead Chick. So does Frank. And George sits down to dinner and pops in a videotape. It's the security footage from KimberBree's most recent visit to the pharmacy. Why, that's not creepy at all!