Bree and Orson are divvying up the stuff in their house -- or rather, Bree is, while Orson sits and looks miserable and begs her to forgive him. He offers to do anything to prove how sorry he is, and Bree says all Orson has to do is turn himself in and go to prison. But since that's the one thing Orson isn't willing to do, he ends up leaving again. Bree's expressions are quite moving and heartbreaking, which is why it's so irritating to listen to Mary Alice faff on about how this was just a cynical play for Bree to keep some pewter cat. Shut up, Mary Alice.
Gabby and Carlos are taking on a renter by the name of Ellie, played by Justine Bateman. She claims to be an art student, and after five minutes of watching to Gabby and Carlos bicker, she hands over the first and last month's rent in cash. Obviously we must be immediately suspicious.
Tom and Lynette have figured out how to punish the twins for arson: make them do extra, extra chores. Tom doesn't think they're handling this right and maybe the kids should have, you know, some therapy or something, but Lynette won't hear of it. "Fine, we'll try it your way," Tom sighs, before assigning his own household jobs to the little miscreants. Might as well get something out of losing the argument.
A sweatshirted Susan and her giant chimichanga get dropped off at Lamaze class by Julie, because Mike's got some "rehab thing" tonight. No sooner has Julie left than she comes rushing back in to say that she just ran into Karl and his new girlfriend in the hallway, "And there's something you should know." Somehow, sitting in a Lamaze class, Susan doesn't get the clue until Karl walks in with his hot, blond, young new wife, who is sporting short-shorts and a prominent baby-bump. "One more thing -- they're married," Julie adds before scampering off. Karl comes over and is rather smarmily rude to Susan about his and his wife's perfect life, before leaving Susan to her Mexican mess.
Dylan is heading out for a "date," and when she protests Katherine's school-night curfew of 10 o'clock, Katherine offers to be a bit more flexible if only she can meet this guy Dylan's going out with. Oh, Katherine, you already met him once, from what I understand, and you didn't seem to care for it. Suddenly 10 sounds just fine to Dylan, and she heads out to meet her dad. Or at least the guy being played by Gary Cole who claims to be her dad. Taking nothing for granted here.
At bedtime, after being totally rude to Carlos for being blind and therefore unable to tell her where her nail file is, Gabby goes to Ellie's room to ask to borrow one. Except she kind of forgets about the nail file when she sees there's a guy with a suit in Ellie's bedroom. Gabby blows it off, but goes right back to Carlos to report that this is the second guy she's seen in or exiting Ellie's room tonight. "So we have two tramps living in the house," Carlos says, getting his little revenge. Hearing the front door close, Gabby decides to go to apologize to her , but thinks better of it when she sees Ellie coming up the stairs, counting a sheaf of cash. Before Ellie sees her, Gabby ducks back into the bedroom and reports that only one of the tramps in the house is getting paid. Advantage: Gabby.
While the twins take a break from mowing the lawn to tip the mower up and work on clearing away mulch from the razor-sharp blade, Lynette stands behind them and smiles smugly that they could lose a finger at any moment. That'll learn 'em to burn down restaurants. Meanwhile, they're complaining about how much they hate "her," which Lynette thinks means herself, which of course make her smile even more. But when she hears them talking about how the fire they're being punished for was "her" idea, Lynette suddenly pays attention.
Cut to Lynette entering Kayla's room to confront her. The little demon seed disavows any responsibility for the actual fire, even while admitting that she suggested matches to the twins. Lynette freaks out, saying that setting a fire is "a very serious crime!" Punishable by many household chores! So Kayla smugs that she's glad Lynette's punishing the twins. "They're really bad kids. They need to learn." Lynette looks horrified at having taken in her husband's child and she turned out to be such a totally obvious actress.
At the Lamaze class, Susan and Mike are all dressed up. Mike has no idea why, until he spots Karl across the room and realizes Susan's trying to impress her ex. Which she didn't want to tell Mike about before, because she's three years old. Susan complains to Mike about Karl's behavior last time, and says she just wants to show Karl that they're doing well too. Mike wants no part of this, until Karl spots him and calls out, "Hey, plumber! Somebody clog a toilet?" "I'm in," he snarls to Susan. So they go over and talk to Karl, and things are going pretty well for the two of them, to the point that Karl's wife is kind of complaining that their life isn't as cool as Mike and Susan's. Karl defensively points out that at least he didn't ditch his wife on the first day of Lamaze class. So Mike kind of goes off script, whipping out the 30-day chip he was getting the night of the first Lamaze class. Karl's wife congratulates Mike on being clean, but Karl whispers something snotty to Susan. And then Susan's going to complain to Mike and Mike will be all righteous and blah blah blah and we all know where this is going.
It's bedtime at the Scavos' (you can tell by Lynette's wiglessness) and she's just broken the news to Tom that Kayla was the mastermind behind the restaurant fire. Tom's all about putting her on dishwashing detail with the twins, but Lynette's thinking therapy. Which Tom thinks is simply Lynette having different rules for his kid than theirs. "Well, yeah," Lynette allows, "after all she's been through." But instead of quitting while she's ahead, she points out that Kayla's mom was "kind of a psycho." "Apple? Tree?" Well, that wasn't the way to win him over. "My daughter is fine. No therapy," Tom decrees. Which I'm sure will be the end of it.
You know drunk-dialing? Orson has done some drunk-dropping-by. Bree arrives home to find him waiting on her stoop. He offers to go to the police, like she asked, because he's figured out that he can plead sleepwalking. Bree shoots that down, and Orson flings himself into her arms, begging to come home. Edie just happens to drive by at that moment, and as she goes inside to cut the babysitter loose, Bree sloughs Orson off on Edie, asking her to give him a ride back to the hotel. "Don't make me go back there," Orson pleads to Edie. "The other divorced men are trying to start a book club." So Edie offers to let Orson sleep it off on her couch. All perfectly innocent, as things always are with Edie.
Gabby has decided to catch Ellie in the act by engaging a decoy john. So who has she gone to? Bob and Lee, of course, who we haven't seen in a while. Solid thinking as always, Gabby: when you want someone to pretend to hire a hooker, ask a gay guy. The two of them argue about which of them could pull it off -- that is to say, which of them is more butch -- until Gabby leaves it up to them to decide between themselves. "And...don't wear that," she adds.
On the way out of Lamaze, Susan predictably complains to Mike about being inappropriate and embarrassing her in front of Karl. So he waves his 30-day chip in her face and says he doesn't give a rat's ass what Karl thinks. I think we've all learned something, don't you? Well, except Susan, obviously.
Lynette has decided to bring Kayla to a shrink after all, by herself, without telling Tom. He should just start ordering her to always do the opposite of what he actually wants, and then his life would go a lot smoother. "I forbid you to paint the garage!" he could bark at her. "I refuse to watch the game, and you can't make me!" And so on. Anyway, Kayla's resistant to the idea of talking to a psychiatrist, until Lynette says something snotty about her not knowing the difference between right and wrong. Kayla seems to let it go, but it's only about five seconds before she figures her way out of this -- after she talks to the doctor, they can talk to the police. So Lynette decides they don't have to do this after all. Nice job, Lynette, getting outmaneuvered by a tween. That totally trumps the feat of getting an appointment with a psychiatrist in one day.
Ellie sits on a chair in Gabby's front yard, which is weird, while Gabby talks on the phone to Bob, saying, "Target in place -- we're a go." Right on cue, Lee comes out of the house dressed like a shorter version of Fonzie, and reminding me of nothing more than that old Kids in the Hall sketch where Scott Thompson keeps coming out of his house in progressively butcher outfits while the same kid ride by on his bicycle yelling, "Fag!" Gabby complains on the phone to Bob about Lee's look, his comportment, everything, and the thing you know, she's watching Ellie smack Lee to the ground and commence kicking him in the ribs. OK, getting your ass handed to you by Mallory Keaton is not even remotely butch. Gabby runs out, asking what's going on (like she doesn't know), and Ellie angrily tells Gabby about Bob soliciting her. "Gabby, tell her," Lee chokes from the ground. "He did the same thing to me," Gabby tells Ellie, adding a boot of her own. Fortunately for Lee, Bob comes out and tells Gabby to come clean. Which Gabby does, and then invites everyone in for margaritas to smooth things over. Surprisingly, there are no takers.
Inside, Ellie is pretty upset, and when Gabby asks her what's really going on with the guys and the money, Ellie confesses that she's been doing some freelance tattooing, trying to earn enough money to open her own shop. She offers to move out, but Gabby decides to let it go, as long as Ellie forgives her. Ellie does, and they're all good again. But as soon as Elle goes upstairs, she yanks a credenza drawer open and drops her stuff in, leaving the drawer open so we can get a good look at the massive stash of drugs inside. Oh, my God, I'm shocked; Gabby can't be keeping a boarder who leaves drawers open like that.
Bree drops by Edie's house to thank her for taking care of Orson the night before, and also to ask whether he said when he was coming back to get his car. Edie offers to let Bree ask him herself, after he gets out of the shower. She makes it clear that Orson slept on her couch, but Bree still politely freaks out, saying she's so not cool with this. Rather offended at Bree's tone, Edie asks Bree what she's getting at, and Bree brings up Edie's history with Carlos, Mike, and Karl. Hey, be fair; she's left Tom alone so far, right? Edie informs Bree that she's not into Orson -- "That would be like having sex with PBS" -- but now she's decided to let Orson stay as long as he likes, just to show Bree a thing or two. "Think of our friendship!" Bree flusters. This takes Edie about two seconds before she closes the door in Bree's face.
Tom and Lynette are having the predictable fight about Lynette's attempted Kayla-shrinking. Kayla, in turn, smugly grins at them before going outside with an umbrella. Seeing that the twins have their back to her, Kayla opens the umbrella and jumps off the front porch, claiming that she just used it as a parachute to jump off the roof and they should give it a try. But then she "remembers" that they're in trouble, says, "Never mind," and goes back inside, leaving the open umbrella on the sidewalk like the invitation it is. Inside, Tom and Lynette are still yelling at and over each other, yet somehow they're able to hear Preston hitting the pavement outside and hollering in pain. They rush outside to find him lying on the sidewalk with a hurt wrist and an umbrella nearby, and his brother still up on the roof. Oh, jeez, that roof isn't that high. Wuss. Tom yells at Porter to come down, and they rush Preston to the hospital while Mrs. McC runs over to watch the other kids so both parents can go. As they pull out, Lynette's the only one who sees Kayla looking smugly at her from the front porch. Well, Kayla has clearly learned her lesson, right?
Susan's back at Lamaze class without Mike, and Karl's there without his wife too. We won't get to see him practicing pushing by himself, alas. He mocks her for a bit, until she finally, pathetically, folds and confesses all her problems and fears and insecurities to him. Poor showing, Susan. But Karl takes pity on her, understanding that she doesn't want to have another kid with another unreliable guy like himself. He even says that Mike will be there for her in a way that Karl never was. Aw. That's not the payoff I was expecting, but I guess we can always find out that his "wife" is in fact his landlord's daughter and he's doing this for a break on rent or something week.
Mrs. McC is looking for Ida's cat, going door-to-door. The door in this case is Katherine's. Bree is also there, offering to help look as soon as they're done there. After Mrs. McC leaves, Bree and Katherine talk a bit about Bree's situation with Orson, as Bree admits that she'll probably let him come home eventually. Katherine doesn't know what Orson did (and doesn't even ask), but she coldly warns Bree, "Some men say they're going to change, but they can't." Wow, it's almost as if she's speaking from experience. Dylan comes down, ready for another "date" and acting all coy with Katherine about this boy she's seeing that she doesn't know of she likes yet. Bree wants to get back to work, but Katherine wants to blow work off for tonight. "I just need to go spy on my daughter," she breezes. Which of course is something Bree can help with: "The key is to keep one car between hers and yours at all times. Have fun."
Wayne and Dylan are at dinner, and he suggests telling Katherine the truth. "That way I could tell your mom how sorry I am," he says. "Maybe she could at least see I've changed." He makes a big show of leaving it up to Dylan, and she takes his hand. Which is what Katherine sees from outside the restaurant window, as she considers how exactly to flip shit in this particular situation.
Orson is ready to leave Edie's house for a new hotel room in Mount Pleasant, but she offers to let him stay another night and make her another martini and, presumably, ogle her in her glam hair and makeup and dress that's a bit fancy for an evening in. As he wrangles the shaker, Edie asks what's up with him and Bree and when Orson says Bree can't forgive him for a mistake he made, she thinks Bree is too unforgiving. She asks if he's sorry, and when he says he is, she calls him worthy. That almost starts him crying, and they have a tender moment that ends in a drunken kiss. Wisely, they think better of it, and Edie gets up to close the drapes to Orson can go to sleep on the couch again. But Bree, outside cradling Ida's cat who she must have found in Edie's bushes, doesn't hear that, and drops the cat in shock.
Dylan has decided to come clean with Katherine. Since she already knows that Wayne's back, she's not exactly shocked, which allows her to pretend to be cool with it. It's totally unconvincing, but it's still more than enough to fool Dylan. Even though Katherine's hands are hidden behind the kitchen counter. "Can I go get him, then?" the idiot child asks. When she comes back in with Wayne, Katherine asks Dylan to go upstairs so they can catch up. She does, even though Katherine's hands are still out of view. Wayne makes a little small talk before plowing in and telling he's changed. We finally see Katherine's hands, which are just kneading dough. The gun must be hidden inside somehow. She keeps kneading as she says she's changed too; she's not scared of him any more, and indeed, she's the scary one as she runs down his list of past abuses. He's kind of slowly coming around the counter, ambiguously asking if she's trying to make him mad. But then he decides to back off, apologizing for springing this on her and saying goodnight. As he leaves, Katherine finally lets her face move, and she closes the open kitchen drawer to her -- the one with the gun in it. Oh, good -- hiding a gun in dough is not a reliable technique.
As Ida's cat finally comes home to Mrs. McC, Mary Alice talks about how letting people into or house means letting them into your life, with all their attendant secrets. Meanwhile, Gabby and Ellie say goodnight; Lynette and Tom close Kayla's bedroom door at night, yet unwisely fail to weld it shut afterwards; Orson and Edie share some more martinis; And Wayne drives away from his parking spot in front of Katherine's house, as Mary Alice warns us that some of the people we allow into our homes may refuse to leave. Jesus, Mary Alice, he just left. Do try to keep up.