“ She expositions that women go for artists and nice guys like Travis, contrary to Oil Derrick's typical man-slut behavior. I think women also go for men who shower and don't look like they're recovering from a three-day bender. ”
Props to Rae Dawn Chong. Just because.
Techno music throbs. Credits scroll across the screen in Random Computer Monitor Font #775. A voice whispers things you can't hear. And what better opening shot could there be for a movie titled Gossip than an overhead pan across desks in a college library, where people are studying intently and pointedly not talking to each other?
A thirty-year-old woman studies at a desk. She flips through the pages of a book, uncovering notes stuck to the pages warning her that she's late. She smiles and rushes out. Back in her room, she gussies herself all up in a vain attempt to hide the fact that she's not really the same age as traditional college students. In fact, when she teases her black hair out and puts on a red mini and stiletto heels, she looks every inch a thirty-three-year-old pop-art-museum habitue.
She heads off to some pretentious underground club full of thirty-somethings posing as twenty-somethings posing as characters from Bright Lights, Big City. This film came out last year, right? Not 1987? I'm casting about for cameos by Bret Easton Ellis and Tama Janowitz here. Hey, look! Poe is performing. Shut up, Poe. The woman slinks up to the bar and joins two male friends, one of whom was responsible for the little notes in her book. Since they seem to be taking their sweet time finding ways to tell us these people's names, I'll just do it myself. The woman's name is Cathy, but everybody calls her by her last name, Jones. One male friend, who looks like a surly British music star, complete with stubble and unwashed hair, is named Travis. The friend who left her the note is Derrick, played by James "Ally McBeal's Chew Toy" Marsden. Derrick is an appropriate name for him, as he looks very, very oily. Oil Derrick can't believe that Jones still studies, because he's a spoiled rich brat and Jones isn't. Obviously not, if she can just afford to go to college now that she's thirty. Travis notices a young woman named Rebecca who he thinks is pretty, and Jones encourages him to go talk to her. She expositions that women go for artists and nice guys like Travis, contrary to Oil Derrick's typical man-slut behavior. I think women also go for men who shower and don't look like they're recovering from a three-day bender.
Jones convinces Travis to go talk to Rebecca. She is polite, but standoffish. Back over with Jones and Oil Derrick, the bartender mocks Travis's lack of social graces. Oil Derrick gets an oily little gleam in his eye, then tells the bartender that Travis can't help it. He's the really the son of a famous rock star who ignored him, and he was essentially raised by hotel staff. The bartender thinks Travis's father is Mick Jagger, but Oil Derrick will neither confirm nor deny that. Travis, meanwhile, is getting shot down. He returns to the bar and asks if they want to leave. The bartender, impressed with having the son of a celebrity in the house, gives them a free round of drinks.
Gossip
“ My money shouldn't, of course, guarantee me a good grade, but it damn well better guarantee some good manners. I once shouted down a professor who tried to belittle me. And I won. I bet my alma mater is glad to be rid of me. ”
The night goes on, and apparently the bartender has passed the rumor along, as the other rich, spoiled club kids whisper to each other and speculate as to who Travis's daddy is. If his scarf is any indication, I'm inclined to believe it's Dr. Who. Eventually some guy wanders over and tells Jones that he'd love it if Travis would "do a set," though there was nothing in Oil Derrick's rumor that Travis was musically inclined. Guess it's that "Telephone Game" trick. Later, the three of them stumble of out of the bar laughing. Oil Derrick made up the whole story, of course. He points out that they got free drinks out of it, but Travis whines that he didn't get laid. Perhaps, instead of having your friend tell elaborate lies about you, you might consider bathing and shaving, Travis.
We cut back to some room in a loft or studio apartment where Travis is vaguely fiddling with images of them on television monitors. Oh, he's one of those kinds of artists. The kind who aren't. Jones wanders in and asks him if he slept last night, which I think is a subtle way of asking him if he intends to shower. He says he had "an idea." So I'm guessing that's "no" to both. Jones tells him they're going to be late to class. She leaves the room to escape the scent of eau de Travis and -- good heavens! These guys are living in an airplane hangar! No, seriously. This loft is huge. It's got two floors, and I swear it's the size of my entire apartment building. Jones wanders up the stairs, across a time zone or two, and knocks on Oil Derrick's door to wake him up. As they're leaving, Travis tells Oil Derrick that he'll have the rent soon. Oil Derrick expositions for us that it's his apartment and he gets to make the rules and Travis doesn't have to pay rent. Well, isn't that nice? It's like being on The Real World. Actually, that loft is big enough to host a season of the show.
Unfortunately, unlike Travis, Eric Bogosian must have to pay his own rent, as I see little other explanation for his appearance here as the lecturer for Mass Communications 2155: Pointless Bitching About The Sad State Of Today's Media. Our trio walks in late; Bogosian has already started his lecture. Oh, terrific -- it's a discussion of O.J. coverage. I would have turned right around and walked out to go complain to the custodian about the stench of dead horse coming from the classroom. The discussion focuses on the fact that The New York Times referenced information published in a tabloid magazine in one of its stories "without apology," and Professor Eric wants to know what to make of that. Well, was the information correct? Just because it appeared in a tabloid doesn't automatically make it untrue. Even a broken clock is accurate twice a day. But that doesn't seem to be an important part of this discussion. Rather, it's about the blending of news and entertainment and how it makes it harder to tell what's the truth anymore. He asks a student about her opinion, and she stutters for a moment, so he interrupts her and makes fun of her and suggests that she spends too much time on her hair and not enough time thinking. I would never have taken that crap from a professor when I was in college. My money shouldn't, of course, guarantee me a good grade, but it damn well better guarantee some good manners. I once shouted down a professor who tried to belittle me. And I won. I bet my alma mater is glad to be rid of me.
Gossip
“ Jones gripes at how snobby it is for Naomi and Beau to arrive at a club in the meat-packing district in a Towncar. Yeah, whatever. Like you reject material excess by living in Oil Derrick's gigantic, overly decorated loft, Madame Proletariat. ”
Oil Derrick speaks up in defense of the wronged student. Oil Derrick argues that news and gossip are the same thing and always have been. He goes off on some pointless tangent about contradictions in the Bible. He concludes, "People are people. We do what we do. And then we gossip about it." Wow, A+ for you, young man! "People are people." I think he's just stumbled across The Reflexive Property Of Sociology. People aren't rocks or trees or anything like that. People are people! That explains everything! ["Hey, if it was good enough for Depeche Mode, it's good enough for Oil Derrick." -- Sars]
The trio exits post-lecture (no doubt Professor Eric ended the class early so the students could ruminate on Oil Derrick's provocative theory), and they discuss some project or paper they need to do for his class. Jones suggests that they work together. They happen to pass by Rebecca, who actually says hello to Travis and asks how he's doing. Now that he might be related to somebody famous, I guess she's willing to overlook the hygiene issues.
Night falls, and the trio arrives at some other dance club. Jones sets the plot in motion by suggesting to the guys that they start a rumor and track it to see what happens and how it grows. Why the hell would their professor give a crap about that? Do you even really need to do a study on that? Are there people out there that are confused about how gossip works? Okay, so you tell somebody some secret about somebody else and then they buy war bonds? Recycle old car batteries? Switch to Daylight Savings Time? Oh, they tell other people. Okay, I think I understand this mysterious "gossip" now. Could you explain that whole "People Are People" theory to me again? Oil Derrick ups the sexual tension by suggesting they start a rumor that Jones is sleeping with both him and Travis. Jones says nobody would believe that because Oil Derrick doesn't sleep with a girl long enough for her to move in with him. Oil Derrick flirts that he might, if Travis took weekends. He probably means that. Jones takes a picture of the Travis and Oil Derrick on the stairs.
The club is another mid-eighties pop-art fantasia. Travis and Oil Derrick hang together. Some girl moves in on Oil Derrick, totally ignoring Travis and his ridiculous scarf. The girl's in Oil Derrick's class and says she was impressed with his complicated theorem on the nature of people. About them being people and all. Meanwhile, Jones is down on the street, taking pictures of club-goers for some unexplained reason. Oh, the reason why is so that she can get interrupted when a car pulls up beside her and bumps her with the car door as people get out. It's Kate "Academy Award Non-Winner" Hudson and Joshua "Justify My Recap" Jackson. They're playing Naomi and Beau, and they've come to the club together as a couple. The car has a driver, so obviously these two are wealthy. Jones calls Naomi's name, and as she turns to look, Jones snaps the couple's picture. Mysteriously, actress Marisa Coughlan is hanging around Jones. I think that, between this recap, the Teaching Mrs. Tinglerecap, and the Wasteland recaps, Mighty Big TV has covered nearly Marisa's entire career. Whatever vague introduction Marisa's character, Sheila, might have had didn't make it on film, so we're just thrust into a brief exchange between the two of them as Jones gripes at how snobby it is for Naomi and Beau to arrive at a club in the meat-packing district in a Towncar. Yeah, whatever. Like you reject material excess by living in Oil Derrick's gigantic, overly decorated loft, Madame Proletariat.