Late

Previously on Dawson's Creek: Pacey and Drue toasted to the future; Joey thanked Jen for bringing her to New York, which blew Joey's mind (the New York part, not the Jen-bringing-her part); Doug called Pacey "a moron and a failure," and Pacey lunged at him; Gretchen refused to sleep with Dawson; the snake convinced Eve to eat the apple.

Fade up on the living room of Expectant Estates, where Mitch "The Flash" Leery, attired in blazer-over-black-tee Stallone-wear, complains about how long Gale "Any Day Now" Leery is taking to get dressed. On the couch, "We Have Met The Enemy, And It Is" Dawson Leery and Gretchen "Old Faithful" Witter snack on popcorn. Unfunny sexist jokes about Gale's 65-inch waist and how that's "so not what to say" to a pregnant woman; expositional wisecracking about the fact that the baby's two weeks overdue. From upstairs, Gale bellows that "we have to go -- now!" As light-hearted guitar noodlings signal wackiness on the horizon, Gale waddles down the stairs, holding her pregnancy pad and doing the clenched-teeth-groaning woman-in-labor thing in case we don't get it. Mitch asks how long she's "been contracting," and she snaps, "Long enough to hurt," and as another contraction comes over her, she wilts onto Dawson's shoulder. Gretchen holds Gale up on the other side, and the four of them hurry down the front hall, accompanied by resolutely non-amusing back-and-forth about Gale's suitcase and calling the doctor and bringing the "birthing music," and the Flash assures her that he's "got Enya, John Tesh, Kenny G," and Gale snarls back that she's having a baby, not "going into a coma," and as they clatter off the porch, we hear the Flash offering to "sing for" Gale and Gale kvetching about a cell phone, and Dawson watches them go and smugs that that pretty much "does it" for their evening, and Gretchen nods, "Pretty much," and then they both make "she's in labor -- eeee!" faces, which made me laugh.

Credits. Cat going into labor.

At the hospital, Gale complains, "It's not happening?" A doctor explains that "they're called Braxton-Hicks contractions -- false labor," and Gale gripes that "there is nothing false about these contractions," like, did your water break? No? Then it's not labor.

Sars: Dude, quit walking in front of the TV.
Contrivance: I can't find my wallet.
Sars: It's on the table. The other table. No, the other other table.
Contrivance: I can't --
Sars: Dude, the table, now move.
Contrivance: Okay, got it. Sure you don't wanna come out with me?
Sars: And watch Deus Ex Machina slobber all over some subplot in a halter top? I'll pass.
Contrivance: Okay, then. See you later!

More exposition from the doctor, more grousing from Gale, and then Dawson comes in: "So I take it there's no baby yet?" Gale and The Flash shake their heads in irritation. Oh, please. It's not an appointment with the cable guy; it's a baby. Babies come when they want to come. You've already done this once, so you should know that. Simmer down. ["Of course, it's been so long since they had a kid that the first one's balding, so maybe they've just forgotten." -- Wing Chun] The doctor expositions that the baby may not show up for a few more days, and "normally" she'd have no cause for concern, but given Gale's age, "there's a significantly increased risk of complications." Dawson gets up in the doctor's face and wants to know what kind of complications, and Gale and the Flash look worried, and again I say, "Oh, please." First of all, Gale's not that old, and second of all, I think she and the Flash would have discussed any possible age-related concerns with the OB well before she came into the hospital to give birth. Like, say, at her first appointment. Anyway, the doctor says that if the baby doesn't come on its own in a few days, she'll induce labor, and if anything goes wrong, they've got "a great facility here to do an immediate C[-section]." "Oh my god," Gale dramas. Shut up, Gale. The doctor tells Gale to chill. The Flash asks if there's anything they can do to help the baby along, and the doctor recommends talking to the fetus: "What's your baby's name?" Guilty looks from the parents and a smart-off from Dawson let us know that they haven't picked a name yet. The doctor writes Gale a prescription and takes off. What's the prescription? "Name your baby." Like, ha ha. Not.

Tutoring center. Jack's tutoree, Will, bulldozes another line reading, complaining that the story he's reading doesn't have a hero and blah blah blah. "Give Me Liberty Or Give Me" Tobey tries to jolly Will along, talking about how the most interesting heroes have problems they can't overcome despite themselves, and as Jack "Forsake This" McPhee bustles in all late, Tobey cracks, "Like pathological tardiness." Jack, hanging up his jacket, says that many heroes do overcome their flaws, and Tobey grins that he'll believe it when he sees it, and there's more banter about heroes getting stuck in traffic. Boy, that Tobey has a lovely smile. Will interrupts, "If you two don't mind -- I'm trying to pass the fourth grade here?" Good line, awful delivery. The actor who plays Will is an adorable kid, butdude. He's terrible.

PB&B porch. Joey "Crown Royal" Potter leaves a message, presumably for Pacey, saying she thought she'd see if he'd gotten back yet, and to call her when he gets in. "Good Queen" Bessie Potter comes out and teases her: "It's official. You've become the neurotic girlfriend." "Become"? Joey starts to say that "it's weird," but Bessie interrupts to exposition that there's nothing weird about it: "He's away on a fishing trip with his brother." She leads Joey inside to show her the little yellow onesie she bought for the little Leery -- aw, it's so teeny and cute! -- and asks Joey to help her wrap it, but Joey freezes, then bolts: "I'm going to Pacey's."