When Mighty Big TV wasn't even a glint in the milkman's eye, Sars and Wing Chun launched dawsonswrap.com, and traded off recapping Dawson's Creek on alternate weeks. When the lovely Liz (not the same Liz from the official site, as far as we know) sent tapes of the first season, Sars recapped one tape, and Wing Chun recapped the other. Season Three came and went, with both chicas alternating episodes of Dawson's Creek and ER, and all was well until 'round about late March, when Wing Chun hesitantly told Sars -- flying in the face of a two-year-old tradition, mind you -- "I don't want to recap Dawson's Creek anymore, because I can barely stand to watch the show once through, much less many, many times, as recapping it requires. Please don't be mad." And Sars said, "I'd been waiting for the right time to tell you that I don't want to cover ER anymore, because the sixteen-page recaps are giving me tendonitis." "Well, that's handy," said Wing Chun. "But maybe we can trade back -- like, for sweeps and such," Sars suggested. Since sweeps were so far off, Wing Chun agreed.
Fast-forward to about a week and a half ago.
Wing Chun: Hey, do you want to trade shows for sweeps, like we'd talked about doing?Repeat this conversation every other day from then until...well, two minutes before the latest episode of Dawson's Creek aired, and you should have an idea how conflicted we were to haul ourselves out of our sole-show-recapping grooves. So you all better appreciate it, bitches!
Sars: Uh. I guess.
Wing Chun: Do you not? Because I --
Sars: No, it's fine.
Wing Chun: Are you sure?
Sars: No. But let's do it anyway.
Just kidding.
But, not really kidding, at all.
God, what have I done?
Previously on Dawson's Creek: Sars was woman enough to recap the whole season, to date, all by herself. I love her recaps -- which are better than ever, and a million times better than mine ever were -- and I love not recapping this scrapy-ass show even more. Oh, wait. That was "previously on Mighty Big TV." On Dawson's Crack, Andie stole Jen's Ecstasy and keeled over at a "rave"; Jack bitched at Jen; Drue told Jen that her Capeside friends would never see her as anything but the "bad girl" and that, therefore, she and Drue "need each other"; Jen pretty much told Drue to get bent.
At Capeside High, "Shoeless (and Spineless)" Joey Potter sits in the office of the way-too-perky-and-glib guidance counselorette. Katie Holmes does her best to portray Joey's stress and anxiety by raking her hands through her hair a bunch of times, but I'm not convinced. GC makes a bunch of tired "deer/headlight" jokes about Joey's college-application anxiety and tells her, basically, that she shouldn't worry, and that her applications are all in order, except that for Williams College. Hold up. Joey's applied to the alma mater of Wendy "A Return to Modesty" Shalit? Please, please let her get accepted there, and let her trade her strappy tank tops (on Cape Cod. In November) for the full-length skirts and high-necked collars that Wendy insists we women should wear so as not to inflame the indiscriminate and ungovernable passions of men. (By the way, that book sucked ass, and Williams should be ashamed of having produced such a lazy thinker. But I digress. I know it's hard to believe.) Anyway, this plot line is so utterly predictable, at each stage of its "progress" (and I use the word very loosely) that I'm going to give it the short shrift it deserves. GC tells Joey that she needs to solicit a peer recommendation from "the person who knows [her] best." Joey looks distant and conflicted. Who, who will she ask? Duh, it'll be Dawson, and he'll be all snitty when she asks, and she won't tell Pacey, and he'll be snitty that she didn't tell him, and then Dawson will have an epiphany and realize that he has no choice but to write the recommendation, and Pacey will realize for the fiftieth time this season that Joey really, honestly, loves Pacey as a man, and Dawson as a friend, blah blah blah blah BLAH.
You know that Levi's ad with the dude walking through the woods in those (rather smurfy) baby-blue cords? Sars mentioned it last week. If you watch it with the captions on, it transcribes the sound the guy's cords make: "vvt, vvt." That just strikes me as terribly cute.
Oh, fuck, the goddamn stupid show is back. [Sigh.] "John Wayne" Pacey Witter stops by The McPhee Institute For Cryogenic Reanimation Research to deliver Andie "Claire Arnold" McPhee's homework. He makes some good-natured crack about what a drag it is to keep bringing her assignments by, and she replies in kind that she's "not in a rush" to go back to school and be "stared at like some kind of social leper." We're to believe that "pariah" wasn't one of the SAT words Andie learned? Hey, Andie: I'll bet Jen "Pariah Carey" Lindley could tell you in graphic detail what it means. Andie is wearing a yellow-and-baby-blue-horizontal-striped tank top that makes her boobs look really, really big. Oh, and that song from Poo It Forward is playing in the background. How appropriate.