Previously on DC: Jen and Henry kiss, FINALLY; Dawson feels "very lost," and if I had a hairdont like his, Id feel lost too; Pacey waxes philosophical on falling in love again as we see scenes of tenderness between him and Joey.
Fade up on the Pottermobile. In a flagrant lift from the Jordan-teaches-Angela-to-drive scenes in My So-Called Life, Dawson "Alls Forehead In Love And War" Leery gives condescending driving tips to Joey "Tude Indigo" Potter. Despite the fact that the truck cant be going more than five miles an hour, Joey manages to grind the gears and bring it to a screeching halt, and when Dawson gently tries to review correct use of the clutch, Joey glares at him and balks at doing any more learning to drive, calling it "too hard." Whatever, Stick-Shift Barbie. From the bed of the truck, a voice trots out the oh-so-non-fresh car-trip line, "Are we there yet?" Pacey "My Bloody Valentine" Witter sits up and observes that theyve barely gone halfway down the driveway. Dawson mutters something about how friends shouldnt teach friends to drive stick, and Joey sneers that Dawson is "not exactly Lloyd Dobler," and when Dawson wants to know what that means, Joey reminds him of the part in Say Anything where Lloyd teaches Diane how to drive and says that, in contrast to Dawson, Lloyd was "quite the patient tutor," and Dawson points out that Diane "listened to [Lloyds] tutorials." Joey gets all pissed off, but before she can think up a withering comeback, Pacey breaks it up by suggesting that they "try and [sic] find the love up there, shall we?" He jumps down from the back and suggests that he and Dawson take Joey out on the town that night -- unless, he adds, Joey has plans with AJ. Joey says no and refers to a "massive mid-term crisis." Oh, please. Leave it to AJ to take mid-terms in February, when the semester has scarcely begun. Pacey wants to know "what kind of moron would rather shove his nose in a book than take his girl out for Valentines Day?" Good question. Answer: the last guy I went out with. Which is why I dont go out with that guy anymore. Anyhow. Joey says that it might come as a surprise to Pacey, but "some people are actually dedicated to the pursuit of academic excellence." Dawson ignores this jibe and urges her to come, "itll be fun." Joey turns up her nose and says, "Depends on what Goofus and Gallant are up to this evening." Okay, that made me laugh. Pacey mentions that a guy named Matt Caufield is throwing an anti-Valentines bash. "Caufield"? I mean, the captioning says "Caufield," but I sense a mangled reference to Catcher In The Rye here. Ugh. Joey rains on Paceys parade by asking disdainfully why hed want to go to a Matt Caufield party; Dawson asks, "After everything weve heard about him, why wouldnt we?" Joey expresses surprise at Dawsons response, describes Caufield as "not exactly of [Dawsons] tribe" and "a creep," and says the guys parties "are infamous for complete and utter debauchery." Pacey interrupts to ask why Joey wants to stop Dawson from having fun for a change; Joey throws around words like "depraved" and "bottom-feeders" and asks why Pacey wants to drag Dawson down to his level. Dawson tries to observe that they have to get to school, but Joey finishes by saying loftily that shed love to watch them make fools of themselves, but shell have to pass "on the whole party thing, and make it a Blockbuster night." As the sound of a cat receiving an unwanted flea dip cues up on the soundtrack, Pacey says very condescendingly that that sounds like a great idea, but "who are you gonna get to drive ya?" Joey glares at him.
Just a quick note: I had to recap this episode standing up, because every time I tried to sit down, a trailer for The Beach kept sucking my ass.
Capeside High. The camera focuses on a guy, presumably The Notorious Caufield, who looks about forty-five years old, while Dawson and Pacey speak admiringly of his lifestyle -- "urban legend has it" he once nailed six cheerleaders in one weekend, blah blah blah playa-cakes. Pacey says they "gotta" go to that party. Dawson expresses reservations. Pacey: "Is this doubt Im hearing, young Skywalker?" More back-and-forth on how Dawson needs to get out more. Dawson: "Pacey Witter, the poor mans Yoda." Can I please declare a nationwide moratorium on the use of Star Wars-related pseudo-witticisms? Because they stopped being funny in the autumn of 1992. Evidently, I cant, because Jar Jar -- I mean, "Pacey" continues on in this vein, comparing himself to Han Solo and greeting the entrance of Jack "Vidal Sassoons Revenge" McPhee by calling him "Chewbacca." Pacey then asks Jack if he had "any luck." Jack relates, with much eye-rolling, that he asked a few of the guys on the football team, but the partys location "is completely confidential." As opposed to "partially confidential." Jack drones on about Caufield not wanting the cops to find out, but as Pacey and Dawson wilt in disappointment, Jack says with an evil grin that he got "the password." "Nice!" Pacey shouts. "What is it?" Dawson asks. Jack does a weird head movement and whispers dramatically, "I know kung fu," following it with this totally out-of-character Jeff-Spicoli noddy-smiley thing. But hes still my boyfriend.
Oh, man. Okay, cut to a medical technician telling Henry "Under" Parker that he can only donate plasma every seventy-two hours. Henry insists he feels fine, although nobody who "feels fine" would willingly have submitted to that hairstyle. The tech spreads a bit of cheese about Henrys huge heart supplying blood to all of New England, but says she cant allow him to donate any more. Henry begs, adding that he has "a date with an angel tonight." What a coincidence -- I have a date with a Big Gulp of Maalox. Henry yammers to the tech about how hard hes worked to pay for the date, reservations, best table, on and on, and says if he can just sell "one more pint" hell have enough to buy Jen a gift as well. One more pint -- of plasma? I dont have a degree in medicine, but that seems like a lot. Or a screw-up by the writers. Duh, of course its a screw-up by the writers. The tech says she cant bend the rules. Henry brings out a plate of crackers and serves still more cheese to "Nurse Nicole" regarding a guy out there somewhere who thinks about her every night and sells blood to buy her stuff, and instead of getting a restraining order, Nurse Nicole gives in.
Waterfront. Pacey jogs up to a police cruiser driven by "Deputy" Doug Witter. Doug is blasting a pretty awful R&B song. Doug thinks Pacey wants something; Pacey denies it. Pacey comments on the "satanic racket" coming from the radio; Doug uses the word "diva," and Pacey threatens to start in with the "gay-stereotype humor" again. Then Pacey sucks up by asking to do a "ride-along" with Doug, and Doug says no and says Pacey would just get bored because Doug has stake out the golf course, and Pacey gets a knowing glint in his eye and asks why, so Doug explains that a concerned citizen called in about a party that might happen out there. Long story short, Pacey tries to throw Doug off the trail by saying he heard about a "rager" happening on Witch Island, then goes about his business.
At McPhee Manor, Jack wanders down a hall and hears Andie "Perk Diggler" McPhee on the phone to a friend named Kate, insisting that she come to "take her mind off things." He stops at the doorway of Andies room as she hangs up and wants to know Kate who, and Andie chirps, "Kate Douglas!" and adds that Kate is coming up from Rhode Island for the weekend. Jack says incredulously, "Kate Douglas, as in my ex-girlfriend?" "And a very good friend of mine," Andie says, and Jack takes Andies head off for inviting Kate up without asking him first. Andie explains that its Valentines Day and Kate just broke up with her boyfriend and "needs a change of scenery"; Jack sighs gustily and asks if Kate mentioned him. Andie basically says "uh duh," and Jack wants to know what Andie told her. Andie: "That youre great!" Jack: "And?" Andie: "And?" They "and" at each other a few more times before Andie finally says no, she didnt tell Kate that Jack switched teams. Jack cant believe Andie. Dude, neither can anyone else. Andie suggests that, when Kate arrives, Jack "ask her if she wants a glass of water, and then you, you know, kind of mention that you like boys." Ha! I have to say, this new Phoebe-from-Friends incarnation of Andie sort of cracks me up. Jack gives Andie a wah-wah-wah look.
Jen "No Scrubs -- Oh, Wait, Scratch That" Lindley asks Grams "Je Suis Le Boot, Le Boot Cest Moi" Ryan if she should wear red or black. Grams snorts that its Valentines Day: "Red, of course." Grams reassures Jen that its okay if Jens nervous, because "Valentines is a very exciting day." Yeah, if "exciting" means "loathsome and icky." Fortunately, Im not bitter this year. Moving right along -- Jen says she isnt nervous, its just another date, just another day. Grams corrects her that its not just another day, but the day St. Valentine gave his life rather than "stop marrying young Christian lovers." Sars corrects Grams that St. Valentine a) got booted from the hagiographic register in the sixties, because b) the cardinal college found evidence that his taste in Christian lovers ran more in the little-boy line, so you can address that mail to MISTER Valentine, Ossining State Prison. Jen busts on Grams a bit, and Grams tells Jen shes "far too young to be this jaded." Word to that.