I would like to preface this Wrap of the series premiere by saying two things. First, I could pretend like I dont already know what happens in the second season, but that strikes me as sort of ridiculous, so I wont. Second, dont kid yourself -- the writing and hairstyles havent gotten any worse since the first season. If anything, theyve improved.
Fade up, as usual, on the Sanctum Dawsonorum, where Joey "The Once And Future Backbone" Potter and Dawson "Lucky Charmless" Leery lie on Dawsons bed and raptly watch the end of "E.T." E.T. intones, "Ill be riiiight heeeere," and as Elliott watches E.T.s ship take off, Joey asks, "This won the Oscar, didnt it?" Dawson hits stop and replies grimly, "Gandhi. Spielberg was robbed. This was before he outgrew his Peter Pan syndrome." "Peter Pan syndrome"? For those of you playing at home, you can mark your Sars Maalox Scorecard at "45 seconds." Joey wonders why the Academy would "give an Oscar to a movie you cant even sit through," and Dawson says, "Thank you," and clicks over to the news, where Gail "Charo" Leery is just winding up a story on flight cancellations. "New do?" Joey asks about Gails hairstyle, which must have walked off the set of Hairspray because it has so much styling product in it that it stands away from her head like a wimple. "She likes big hair," Dawson chuckles indulgently. Joey, while putting on her shoes, comments that Gails hair must weigh a lot, and wonders how Gail walks upright. Word. Dawson wants to know, "Wherere you going?" Joey: "Home." Dawson: "Spend the night." Joey: "Cant." Dawson: "Come on, you always spend the night." Joey: "Not tonight." Dawson expresses confusion, and Joey says she doesnt think its a good idea if she sleeps over anymore, and Dawson still doesnt get it, pointing out that she has slept over every Saturday night since she was seven years old. Joey responds that doing so has stunted her growth and dashed her chances for a normal social life -- oh, wait, she doesnt say that, but she does say, "Things change, Dawson, evolve," and Dawson wants to know what that means, and Joey says that sleeping in the same bed was okay when they were little, but theyre now fifteen and they start high school on Monday, and Dawson still doesnt see her point, so Joey sputters, "And I have breasts!" Dawson starts giggling, "What?" Joey: "And you have genitalia!" Dawson: "Ive always had genitalia." Joey ignores my anguished howl of "in the name of all that is holy, dont go there" by clarifying, "But theres more of it!" Dawson teases her, "How do you know?" Joey says, "Long fingers," and heads for the window, but Dawson calls after her, "Whoa, Joey, dont hit and run, come on -- explain yourself." Joey stops and tells Dawson that their "emerging hormones" will change their relationship and she wants to "limit the fallout." Dawson stands up and smirks, "Your emerging hormones arent developing a thang for me, are they?" Oh, for gods sake. Joey sneers, "A thang? No, I am not developing a thang for you, Dawson, Ive known you too long," and then proceeds to list the reasons why, and methinks the lady doth protest too much, but whatever.
Dawson wants to know why, if she isnt crushing on him, theres a problem, and Joey basically says that the two of them are changing, and if they dont recognize that, "the male-female thing" will get in the way. Dawson says that that "doesnt apply to us -- we transcend it." "Transcend"? Joey asks how. Dawson: "By going to sleep. Im tired." Joey, turning to leave again: "Thats avoidance." Dawson, reclining on the bed: "No, its proof -- proof that we can still remain friends despite -- any mounting sexual theoretics." "Theoretics"? Joey doesnt "think it works that way." Dawson says, "Come on, dont get female on me, Joey -- I dont want to have to start calling you Josephine," and Joey takes the bait and pounces on him, and they tickle each other all stagily, and Dawson pins her and she gives up, and Dawson says, "Were friends, okay? No matter how much body hair we acquire? Deal?" and Joey nods and says, "Deal," and Dawson makes her promise that they dont have to talk about this again, and Joey says, "You got it. Cool," and shrugs out of her jean jacket, but her face doesnt look like shes "cool" with it. They both crawl under the covers fully clothed and bid each other good night, and Joey scoots all the way over to the edge of the mattress and looks perturbed, and as the camera pans up to show Dawson hogging three quarters of the bed, Dawson asks, "Whyd you have to bring this up, anyway?" I wonder what took her so long, myself, but anyway, fade out.
Credits. Still accompanied by Paula Cole strangling a cat in her throat, the first-season credits feature mugging by the cast as they sun themselves, attempt to chuck one another into the water, wander around on the beach, and generally give the khakis advertisers the most for their product-placement dollar.
Capeside outdoor scenes. Sailboats cruise past a dock where Joey tans herself to the accompaniment of Jaws-esque music. The camera zooms in, and a few seconds later someone in a reptile outfit surfaces and pulls Joey into the water, deck chair and all. Dawson yells, "Cut, cut, cut!" and blathers stage directions as Pacey "Coo Coo Ka Choo" Witter flounders to the edge of the dock, only to get dunked again by an irate Joey. As they straggle out of the water, Pacey wonders, "What was that all about?" and Dawson tells him he needs to establish the shot "or its not scary," and Sars thinks Dawson should step in front of the lens since it doesnt get much scarier than that forehead, and Joey snarls at Pacey, "You did it again, you grabbed my ass," and Pacey waves a dismissive hand and says, "Like you even have one." (Snerk.) Dawson reacts to this by -- what a surprise! -- running his hands through his hair in dismay, complaining that hes way behind schedule and wont "make the festival." Hey, Dawson? Rocky from Mask called, and he wants his forehead back. Oh, and could you shut up? Great, thanks. Anyway, Pacey blames Joey, saying that "its Meryl Streeps fault, okay? Im doing the best I can." Joey snaps, "Bite me." At that moment, Dawson gets distracted by a yellow cab pulling up to the house door.
After the movie, Dawson walks Jen home. He offers to take her right to the door, but she says he neednt bother, what with "Grams waiting to pounce" and all. Thus begins the awkward kiss/non-kiss moment, as they both stand there shifting their weight and saying "so" and "uh" and "yeah." Dawson says, "It was a really repulsive evening," and Jen chuckles lamely. Dawson leans in for the kiss, but Jen loses her nerve at the last minute and starts babbling as Dawson jerks his head back in frustration: "You know, this is, this is all my fault. I know I dont possess much power in the universe, but I feel completely responsible for tonight, Dawson." Dawson says, "No, no, I pulled the pin, I tossed the grenade," and then makes an "L" sign on his forehead with his hand. Word, word, a thousand times word. Jen starts laughing and tells him, "Youre not a loser, Dawson, youre very sweet, and smart, youve got a great sense of humor -- youre cool, without being really obnoxious about it," and I agree, except that he isnt cool, and he is really obnoxious, about everything, but other than that I think Jens got something there. She also calls him "talented" and mentions his "clear skin -- big plus." Yeah, most twenty-two-year-olds have gotten past the acne, but whatever. Jen thanks Dawson, referring to things in New York as "not so great" and things here at Gramss as "kind of scary," and Dawson considers leaning in again, but the porch light goes on and Grams appears under it, so Jen says she should go but "thanks for everything," and Dawson flails, "But, um," and Jen says, "Im just gonna pretend we kissed, okay?" and heads inside. Dawson and his Ethan Hawke hair smile but dont know quite what to make of it.
Over at the waterfront, a dejected and black-eyed Pacey scuffs along, hands in pockets. He comes upon TaMAHra staring out at the marina and mutters to himself, "What are the chances?" When she sees him, TaMAHra gasps, "Pacey! Are you okay?" Pacey tersely says hell live, and TaMAHra says, "Wait, talk to me a second." Pacey snaps, "About what, The Graduate or The Summer Of 42, which would you rather discuss?" TaMAHra wants to "clear up this misunderstanding," and Pacey bitterly comments that he understands "perfectly well, Miss Jacobs," and she tries to apologize but Pacey accuses her of lying and wants to know how she can say she was "just renting a movie," and she says, "Because its the truth." Pacey doesnt buy it: "The truth is youre a well-put-together knockout of a woman whos feeling a little insecure about hitting forty." TaMAHra doesnt like the sound of that, but Pacey is on a roll, continuing, "So when a young virile boy such as myself flirts with you, you enjoy it. You entice it [sic]. You fantasize about what it would be like to be with that young boy on the verge of manhood, because it helps you stay feeling attractive, makes the aging process a little more bearable," and if Pacey uses that phrase one more time, I dont know what. TaMAHra looks beaten down by the force of Paceys contempt, but he hasnt finished with her yet: "Well, let me tell you something, you blew it, lady, cause Im the best sex youll never have." She looks at him as he fumes and says, "Youre wrong about one thing, Pacey. Youre not a boy," and she kisses him, and he kisses her back, and she pulls away and says, "Oh god, Im sorry, oh god," and runs away down the dock, and Pacey chuckles almost drunkenly, "Ill see you in school, Miss Jacobs." As if hed act so nonchalant.