Phew. Sorry this is late, kids. My VCR decided some time last week to stop recording anything, but I didn't find that out until Sunday, when I sat down to write my recap. So Sars mailed me her copy. And it got to my door all sort of, like, smashed and shit. But I sat down with a common dinner fork -- a fork, people! -- and sort of reassembled it! I am the MacGyver of recappers!
So, here we are. The end. At long, sweet last. My thanks to Sars, for giving me this assignment and then for listening to me complain about it, like, a lot. And for being a great editor. ["An honor and a pleasure, my dear." -- Sars] And to the readers for being so kind to me, when I stepped into her big shoes. And to Diet Coke, for getting me through the long nights. And tequila, for getting me through today.
So, you read Part One, right? Okay. Let's finish this thing.
We open at Capeside General Hospital For Untimely Deaths. "I'm sure Mimi Rogers is somehow responsible for poor Jen's mysterious illness," my Mulder action figure comments. The Scully, for once, is in complete agreement with him. A banner day in action figure land. Jack confronts Joey, Pacey, and Dawson in the hallway, backed by Grams, who's cuddling Baby Amy. Jack's all, here's the deal: she doesn't want you to be all mopey and shit, even though she's got the consumption. No crying! Joey sniffles that she can't promise to remain tear-free. "Who could?" Dawson asks, sort of flippantly. "Then leave. Jen's rules," Jack tells them curtly, and Grams tells them that Jen wants them remain upbeat. "One at a time," Jack says. Joey snuffles that she can't believe Jen is dying when she's so busy trying to decide between Pacey and Dawson for the nine hundredth time. "Who wants to go first?" Jack asks, and everyone looks at Pacey, who just sort of chuckles. "Send in the clown, huh?" he asks.
Pacey appears in Jen's room with flowers and a wide, fake smile. "So, they sent you in first," she announces, and he responds that he's the opening act. "You can start by wiping that fake smile off your face," she says. What do you want, Jen? Crying or not? Pacey does, and sits on the bed and gives her a proper, genuine smile. "Say something," she says. She's awfully demanding on her deathbed. "Well, Jack tells me you're dying. But other than that, everything's okay, right?" he smiles, and Jen chuckles. Good old Pacey. If I had to die, out of all of them, I'd most want him by my bedside. Naked. Oops, did I say that?
Out in the waiting room, Joey is haranguing Grams about getting Jen on a transplant list. Apparently, it's not a good option, since her lungs are all jacked up. As Grams explains that modern medicine has no cure for Jen's mysterious (and apparently legitimate) ailment, Deputy Doug arrives with flowers. Jack greets him tersely, and Doug sort of shoves the flowers at him. "Tell her I came by," he says. "I will," Jack says. They exchange a series of Meaningful Gay Glances until Pacey sticks his head out of Jen's room and calls Joey and Dawson inside. Doug just makes a sad face.
Jen waits, lying back against her pillow like Beth in the final scenes of Little Women, but minus the dolls and piano. Enter the Triangle. Joey puts on a fake smile and asks Jen how she's going. Pacey and Jen exchange amused glances. "What's wrong with these guys?" Pacey asks. "I don't know. What's wrong? Somebody dying?" Jen cracks. Joey looks appalled, so Jen has to explain the concept of gallows humor. "It has to be funny, or else I'm going to get angry and bitter and I don't want to," she says. Wow, I'm angry and bitter already and I'm in the best of health (well, allegedly). Think of the time I've saved! Joey continues to look appalled. "She gets very crabby on her deathbed," Pacey says, smiling at poor dying Jen.
Later, Joey arrives at the B&B, where Bessie is waiting for news of Jen. "She's more brave than she'll ever know," Joey says, embracing her sister. Bessie explains that she's on the way to the hospital herself, and asks Joey to keep an eye on Alexander, because Bodie is dead. (Don't email me and ask me if that's true: I just made it up on the spot.) Joey agrees, as her cell phone rings. She looks down at the caller ID and hangs it up. Bessie cocks a critical brow. "You're avoiding," she says, explaining to the slower members of the audience that Joey's too busy to break up with Creepy Jesus. Joey sits at the table and reflects that she's not entirely sure if it's over between her and Our Lord. "You're still in love with your ex-boyfriend," Bessie says. "I am NOT still in love with my ex-boyfriend," Joey snickers. Bessie throws her a classic "girl, please" look. "No, you're still in love with your ex-boyfriends. Plural," she says. Joey laughs that this is totally ridiculous. Bessie hands her sister the phone and instructs her to call Creepy Jesus and break it off now. "I hate you," Joey retorts. "You're welcome," Bessie sings.
Over at the Ice House: Now With 90% Less Arson, Pacey putters around in the kitchen. Joey arrives at the door and tells him that she was just walking around in a fog. "And realized I hadn't eaten today." Or in the past four years. Pacey remarks that she's come to the right place, and the two of them head back to the kitchen, where he cooks and she observes. I have to say, there's nothing I enjoy more than watching a man who can cook prepare a meal for me. Okay, maybe not nothing. Joey reflects that cooking really is Pacey's calling. He's where he's supposed to be, she says. "A man in an apron, his roots cemented into Capeside?" he asks, wearily. Joey furrows her brow and wonders what's up with "the life ennui." I wonder what's up with her use of the word "ennui." Pacey stirs the pasta sauce and explains that all the rest of them got out of Capeside. "Why couldn't I have a restaurant in Hollywood or New York?" he asks wistfully. Joey looks sad and tells him not to be so hard on himself. "You have got a great life here." He says nothing for a long beat. "I just wish that I could feel that," he says. And then he tells her that he hasn't felt much…until she came back to town. She makes him remember what he's capable of feeling, he tells her. They stare at each other for a long beat. And she throws some food at him. I mean, it felt a little more organic in the moment than it looks, there on your screen.
This devolves into a full-on food fight, and Joey finds herself right up against Pacey, holding two handfuls of pasta. "I want you to think thing very carefully about the thing that you do," he warns her. So Joey just grins at him and eats it. They give each other a long, kissy stare. "Here we are again. What is it between the two of us?" Pacey asks. It's called chemistry, kid. Joey makes light of the moment, and says she can "fly right out of there" if she needs to, but Pacey assures her he doesn't want that. They smile at each other, and he takes that moment to take a handful of pasta and toss it down her shirt. She laughs and tosses it right back at him. "What are you going to eat? That's your dinner," Pacey tells her, laughing, and Joey laughs right back at him. I heard that line was an ad lib, but it certainly works here. Joey wonders if they ought to be laughing, you know, at A Time Like This. Pacey thinks. "I would say, at a time like this, yes, now more than ever," he tells her.
You know what's neat about getting this tape from Sars? New York commercials. Apparently, they're trying to hike subway fares! That's a travesty!
Back to Capeside General, where Joey is beautifying Jen. It's important to look good on your deathbed. While she brushes Jen's hair, Joey tells her about the big break-up with Creepy Jesus. Apparently, his only comment about the failure of their relationship was a quote from Pablo Neruda. Jen sort of chuckles and wonders what she's going to do with Joey. "Your heart and your head have always been in constant conflict with each other," she says. Joey shakes her head, and swears that she's "all out of conflict" and has been for years. Jen snorts that if Joey ever wants to revisit her conflicted years, she can just watch Dawson's show. "What about that girl that they cast as me? I've often thought about getting a lawyer and suing his ass," Jen adds. Joey retorts that at least Jen gets to have sex. All her character ever does is mope around and not make any decisions. It's sad, she says, that it took a TV show to make her see that. "The only decision left is the one that I need to make with myself. Stop running. Once and for all. I mean, I know who I'm supposed to be with. I've always known," she says. "Really?" Jen squeals. It's nice to hear that you don't lose your taste for gossip even when you're dying. I'm serious. Gossip is practically the only thing keeping me alive right now as it is. Joey gazes off into the distance and reflects that "the fear takes over" and she has to run. "Jen, I am completely comfortable running. I really don't know any other way," she says. Jen thinks about this, and announces that she can help. "I demand that you make that decision. No more running. I'm going to make it my dying wish," she says, pretty cheerfully for someone who legitimately has a dying wish. Joey just looks sad. "My death will serve a greater purpose. It's your ultimate motivator," Jen continues. Although, she says, she does need to know which boy Joey has chosen. Joey smiles and opens her mouth…as Dawson enters the room. He announces that he's there to kidnap Jen. Joey's face falls.
Dawson wheels Jen out to…some gardens somewhere. Jen breathes that it's so beautiful outside, and then yammers some more I'm A Dying Woman stuff about how you can feel the power of the sunshine changing the earth or some such. "Okay, Mrs. Dalloway," Dawson says, as he parks her wheelchair in front of a pond. "Thank God, your humor has returned," Jen says. Because Mrs Dalloway? FUNNY. Is it wrong that all this Locking The Wheelchair Hoo-Ha reminds me of that time on Passions when Ivy threw herself and her wheelchair down the stairs to frame Theresa for murder? It was really hard on Theresa, because she had just escaped from death row and faked her own death, and that had all been really draining, so, understandably, she didn't want to go back to prison.
Anyway, Dawson sets Jen up in front of the video camera and she makes this video for her baby and…well, I totally cried. I'm not made of stone. Dawson listens and watches and looks sad as Jen records her last words to her daughter. "Hi Amy, it's Mom," she begins. "Well, by the time you see this, I won't be here anymore, and I know how much that sucks. For both of us. So, seeing as how I won't be around to thoroughly annoy you, I thought I would give you a little list of things that I wish for you. Well, there's the obvious: an education. Family. Friends. And a life that is full of the unexpected. Be sure to make mistakes. Make a lot of them. Because there's no better to learn and to grow, all right? And I want you to spend a lot of time at the ocean, because the ocean forces you to dream and I insist that you, my girl, be a dreamer. God. I never really believed in God. In fact, I spent a lot of time and energy trying to disprove that God exists. But I hope that you are able to believe in God, because the thing that I've come to realize, sweetheart, is that it just doesn't matter if God exists or not. The important thing is for you to believe in something, and I promise you that that belief will keep you warm at night, and I want you to feel safe always." She takes a deep breath. Dawson looks awfully blue, standing behind the camera. "And there there's love. I want you to love to the tips of your fingers. And when you find that love, wherever you find it, whoever you choose, don't run away from it. But you don't have to chase after it, either. You just be patient and it'll come to you, I promise, when you least expect it. Like you. Like spending the best year of my life with the sweetest and the smartest and the most beautiful baby girl in the world." Sniffles. What? Shut up. I'm weak. I'm a weak, sappy, hormonal woman. "You don't be afraid, sweetheart, and remember to love is to live," Jen finishes. She smiles sadly up at Dawson, who looks mildly perturbed. Michelle Williams is doing a great job in this episode.
Back in her hospital room, Pacey and Jen have some quality time. He takes a tape that he stole -- or, er, "borrowed" -- from Dawson back in 1998, and pops it into the VCR. It's a video of the two of them and Joey and Dawson fooling around -- it's actually footage from the original credits -- set to "Hand In My Pocket," which I believe was the original theme song. Jen and Pacey wistfully watch their younger selves frolic. "Oh God, we were so cocky. You, anyway," Jen says. She was so much prettier than I realized at the time. "Such a long time ago," she says. Pacey, staring at the monitor, agrees. Jen smiles at him. "I recognize a Joey trance when I see it," she says, and asks if he can still feel the sparks. Pacey grins that he could never really deny the sparks. Which is, as anyone who's felt them knows, is the beauty of the spark as a concept. "When she's around, I just feel more alive," he says. "People underestimate how important that is." Jen smiles, and says that they overestimate it, too. "You can't rely on someone else to make you feel alive." It comes from within. Like gas. "So do you plan on borrowing her or stealing her from your best friend?" Jen asks, although not snidely. Pacey says that it's different now, mostly because, this time, he totally hates Dawson. Jen says that she just wants them to stay in touch, and never forget what they mean to each other. "Because friendship can really never be over- or underestimated," Jen says, then starts to wheeze and cry. "Oh, god, I hate this. I'm so angry," she grits out. "I'm so angry, I don't want to do this. I don't want to die. I hate this. Remind me never to do it again. That's not funny. I'm losing my sense of humor," she wheezes. Pacey just looks at her sympathetically. "I don't want to leave my daughter. I don't want to leave her alone," Jen sobs. Pacey looks her right in the eye and promises that Amy is not going to be alone. "Saturday night has me and Amy's name written all over it. We will take care of your baby, I promise you," he assures her. Pacey is so dreamy and responsible. And I am old, because I now think that "responsible" is super-hot.
Gardens. Dawson sits and thinks. Joey comes over and sits to him, asking how the videotape session went. Dawson admits that it was "incredibly hard." He shakes his head. "I'm so out of touch, Jo. I wasted so much time living in my Hollywood bubble," he says, explaining that the office keeps calling. He doesn't even have an ending for the season. And, worst of all, he even forgot that Jen had a baby. Wow, that is self-involved. "I forgot I knew that. What's wrong with me?" he asks. Wow, where to begin? Joey tells Dawson not to feel guilty. "It's called life and you just have to deal," she says. Then Dawson starts yammering something about how he's no Spielberg. "The guy won't even take a meeting with me. Why would he?" he whines. Yes, but you're also the executive producer of a network show at twenty-five, and a millionaire. Bite me, wunderkind. "She's dying, Jo. She's going to die. And all I can think of is a stupid blah blah me me blah learn from Jen's death me me blah martyr blah." Joey nods as Dawson yammers on and on about how he's lost touch with her, and the two of them is the only thing that ever made sense to him. And they're not even together and yadda. "Do you even watch The Creek?" Joey asks. "We're together every Wednesday night at eight o'clock. Total strangers argue about us. Three women in two countries have contemplated suicide as an alternative to transcribing our dialogue. Doesn't that MEAN anything to you?" Dawson's all, "My life isn't even real!" Joey's all, you're so lucky. "You're a writer. You get to live life twice. Who else can do that?" Um, actors? And other writers. And Buddhists. Dawson just flares his nostrils.
Back at the hospital, Jen cuddles with Amy and talks with Jack about the paper he's grading. He calls it "pedestrian and rushed," telling her that the student "is capable of more." Jen wistfully announces that they all are, and then Jack has some darling business with the baby. "Speaking of capability, can I bring up the as-yet-unspoken subject of Amy here?" he asks. Jen leans against her pillow and tells him that she doesn't want him to feel pressured. "I am her godfather," Jack says. Jen points out that he didn't exactly sign up for parenthood. "Jen, I want her, but I don't know what you and Grams have discussed," Jack tells her. Jen smiles, and says that they think Jack would be an excellent father. They look at each other for one long moment. "One request. Can you please help Amy find a place to be? I feel like I never quite fit," she says, haltingly. Jack looks down at her, and says that not quite fitting in made them who they are. Jen sort of nods, tearfully. "From the second that I stepped out of that cab and onto the Creek, I was the instigator, you know?" She doesn't want Amy to be all marginalized, the way she was. "I want her to belong. I feel like I never really did," she says. Jack looks down at her sadly. "Jen, you belong," he tells her. "You belonged to me. Don't you get it? You're my soulmate." Shut up. I am not crying. A tear runs down Jen's cheek, but she chuckles. "Amy's going to know love, every day of her life. She's going to know how much her mother loved her. I promise you that, okay?" Jack forces out. Jen sighs, and closes her eyes. I have to say, Kerr Smith is doing a great job here, too. Both of them should be proud of themselves.
In the waiting room, Joey and Pacey rest their heads and hands on each other. Alex and Lily play as Gale and Dawson watch. Amy plays with Grams. Joey reads to the children. Dawson and Pacey toss cards at a chair. Sweet montage, a recapper's one true love.
Later, Grams sleeps in Jen's sun- and flower-filled room. Jen opens her eyes for a moment and glances over at her grandmother. Jen's breathing is pretty labored. She looks for one long moment at Grams, and then softly closes her eyes. Grams soon opens her own eyes, and looks at Jen. You can tell, from her face, that she knows. But she gets up anyway and checks Jen's pulse. Poor Jen. Poor, dead Jen. Grams purses her lips and looks at Jen's peaceful face. She takes a deep, shuddering breath and kisses Jen's head, resting her cheek on her granddaughter's forehead. "I'll see you soon, child," she whispers, and kisses Jen one last time. "Soon," she says. And I just bawl and bawl. I'm crying as I type. DAMN YOU, GRAMS! Damn you, and your very effective deathbed farewell!
Jewel sings in the background as we cut to the Icehouse, where they're having the wake. Grams feeds the baby a peach, as Jack watches, his eyes full of tears. Amy reaches out and grabs his finger, and he manages to smile at her. Pacey and Doug sit and watch Jack and the baby. Pacey tells Doug to go talk to Jack. "Now's not the time," Doug mutters. Pacey nods that this is fair enough, but…"[something totally unintelligible but probably sort of supportive]."
Later, Pacey and Joey are working in the kitchen. She asks how he is, and he says he's okay. "What's going on in that head of yours?" she asks, and he just looks at her. "You're off the hook," he says, and I can't not laugh at that, because someone on the forums recently said that she thought he meant that in the slang terminology, you know, as in "you're hot," and that's just a funny idea to me, Pacey talking like that. Anyway. Joey is all, "Wha?" So, Pacey explains. "You're off the hook. I've never really put much faith in that If You Love Someone, Set Them Free crap, as evidenced by everything I've ever done in my life up to this moment, but I am determined to be happy, Joey, happy in this life, and I love you. I mean, I always…I have always, always loved you. But our timing has just never been right. And, I figure, time is no man's friend. So I have to get right with that and be happy now. Because this is it. This is all that we get. That's one thing I've learned from losing Jen. That's what I've learned." Joey tries to interrupt, but he won't let her. Pacey tells her that he wants her to be happy. "It's really important to me that you be happy," he says, whether with Dawson or "New York Guy" or someone else. "I want you to be with someone who can be a part of the life you want for yourself. I want you to be with someone who makes you feel like I feel when I'm with you. So I guess the point to this long run-on sentence that's been the last ten years of our lives is that the simple act of being in love with you is enough for me. So, you're off the hook." Joey looks like she's about to cry. She tells him that, "for the record," she doesn't want to be let off the hook. "Everything in my life that I've done has led me here," she says. "Pacey, I love you. You know that. It's very real. It's so real that it's kept me moving -- mostly running from it. Never ready for it." Pacey just smiles at her, wistfully. "And I love Dawson. He's my soulmate. He's tied to my childhood. It's a love that is pure and eternally innocent." Oh, gag. "I can't be let off the hook, because I might just get the notion that it's okay to keep running." Pacey, his heart clearly in his throat, asks what, exactly, she's trying to say. She opens her mouth to tell him that she lurves him, when Gale comes in and announces that she needs a plate. Way to read the room, Gale. They're so clearly in the middle of something. She finally leaves, and Pacey tells Joey that she was clearly about to say something really important. Joey opens her mouth again, but Bessie comes running in and drags her off to help serve. And Joey goes with her! Pacey just stands there all, "Dude."
Jack sits on the beach with Baby Amy. Enter Doug, who sits to his lovah. Jack says he's thinking about moving to New York or Boston. Doug doesn't think this is the best idea in the world. Jack admits that he's worried Amy will be all stigmatized if she has a gay daddy. Doug tells Jack that, no matter where he goes, he'll be a gay parent. And every kid faces rejection. "I just want to be a good parent, Doug. I have to be," Jack says. Doug nods, and says that being a good parent involves helping your kid get up after she gets knocked down. Jack just looks off at the ocean. "What do you know about being a parent?" he asks. "Not much. Hoping to learn quickly," Doug tells him. Jack looks at the sand and says that this is a sweet gesture and all. "I'll be damned if we get back together over a sense of obligation, or, worse, pity," Jack tells him. "Screw pity. I love you!" Doug says, and it doesn't sound nearly as bodice-rippery as that looks. "I love you, Jack. I love that you're the bravest person I know. And the kindest. " The Gay Piano Of Take THAT, Kerr Smith plays in the background. "I love that no matter what you do, your life is going to stand out. I want to stand out with you and your daughter. If you'll let me," he says. Jack just smiles. And they mack. When they pull away from each other, Kerr Smith totally wipes his mouth. Nice acting, dude. And I was so pleased with you after that scene with Jen. An old couple walks past them. "Evening, Mr. and Mrs. Dudley! I was just, ah, kissing my boyfriend," Doug calls to them. Mrs. Dudley smiles. "That's sweet, dear," she calls. The boys giggle at this and hug. Aw, gay love! At last!
So, Dawson sits on a bench in front of his house and looks sad about the dead chick who relieved him of his virginity. He has a brief flashback of Jen climbing out of the cab the day she arrived in Capeside. Michelle Williams looks lovely in that shot. Not the least bit like a pig, really. Although her skirt is cut up to her crotch. Poor Dead Jen wanders out of the frame, and Dawson looks thoughtful and wistful. Behind him, Alexander and Lily play. Joey comes up the dock and takes a seat to The Head. She reflects that it's been a long day. Dawson, wiping his eyes, agrees, and tells her that he still hasn't written the ending for the The Creek yet. Joey tells him to "make it a happy one." They look out at the water. "Save me from the life and death of it all," she asks. Dawson sighs, and reflects that life isn't the opposite of death; birth is. Profound, Leery. "Life has no opposite," he says. Joey just looks at him. "Leave it to me to overthink it," he says. "You are the writer," she says, taking his hand. He admits that he doesn't care how the show ends. "Because fiction is fiction and for the first time in a long time, my life is real. It doesn't matter who ends up with who, because in some unearthly way, it's always going to be you and me." Joey smiles and nods. I like to think that she looks a little pained. "Soulmates," she agrees. Dawson tells her that what they have "goes beyond friendship." And into dangerous obsession. "Beyond lovers," Dawson continues. "It's forever." Joey smiles, very sadly. "Yes, it is," she tells him. "I love you, Dawson," she says. They sniffle, and then are distracted by the kids. Alexander climbs the ladder into Lily's room behind them. Oh, spare me. Joey looks back at Dawson, tears in her eyes. "You and me, always," she says. "Always," he agrees.
And, on The Creek, "Joey" climbs into "Dawson's" room. "I can't take it anymore, Colby," she says. "I don't want to wait for my life to be over. I want to know right now. What will it be?" she asks. Snerk. Back in her enormous New York pad, the real Joey watches as "Dawson" kisses "Joey." "You and me, always," he parrots on the television. The screen fades to black, and Dawson's credit flashes on the screen.
The camera pans across her huge old apartment. "That was perfect. Absolutely perfect," Joey says. "Are those tears? Are you crying?" she asks Pacey, who sits to her on the sofa. "He got me, he got me," Pacey admits. They kiss, very affectionately. "Let's call him," Joey suggests, grabbing the phone...
…which Dawson picks up at the office in Los Angeles. "It's us!" Pacey and Joey squeal, offering him their congratulations. "I can't wait until season," Joey says, and Dawson tells them that he can't wait for the day. Because he's meeting Spielberg. Whatev. Pacey and Joey, like good friends (and unlike me), are thrilled for him. The three of the yammer about what he ought to wear to the meeting, as the camera pans to framed photo of Pacey, Joey, Dawson, and Jen, framed on Dawson's desktop. "Say goodnight, not goodbye," the soundtrack sings.
And that's it. We're out. Thanks for coming along for the ride. It was long and occasionally painful, but I don't regret a second of it. See you around.