The recap is later than usual. The recap is later than usual because I procrastinated, and I procrastinated because I couldn't decide whether I found the episode dead boring or highly offensive, and in lieu of making up my mind, I prepared my corporate tax return. Do you know what that means? Do you understand the significance of my choosing to commune with a stack of IRS-related paperwork instead of writing the recap? Do you know how much I hate math, even when armed with a calculator? And do you know what I said to myself when I got up at eight in the morning on a Saturday to get to a meeting with my New Jersey accountant, and when I slept through my stop on the train and had to beg and plead with the conductor to let me off on the tracks instead of making me wait until New Providence to get off, and when I had to walk up to my parents' house lugging a duffel bag full of forms and receipts, and when my parents had taken all of the cars and I had to walk back down to my father's office to steal my car back from him and my business-like shoes gave me a blister on the bottom of my foot that burst and filled my shoe with gucky stuff, and when my accountant looked over the prep and told me that I'd calculated everything incorrectly and would have to start over from scratch and make a tracking chart in Excel, a program that hates me? I said to myself, "Well, it could be worse. I could be writing the recap for 'Mind Games,'" and I sat there at a conference table, crippled, uncaffeinated, surrounded by the detritus of my fiscal life, and I smiled, I tell you, because I would rather have sawed my own foot off with a grapefruit knife than write the recap. The point in the season had arrived at which I truly believed that I could not go on. No more nicknames. No more sidebars. Only sorrow.
Then I got home and caught Contrivance in the act of trying to convert one of the cats into a bong, forcing me to postpone my retirement for a least a week in order to dispense with The Deception That Could Come Between Everyone.
Previously on Dawson's Creek: Sars's new boyfriend Tom Frost busted out the mind science on Jen and won her over; Pacey and Joey squabbled over not telling "the whole world" about their sex life, and Pacey said Joey just didn't want Dawson to find out, and Joey made a "busted…uh, I mean, fuck you!" face; Dawson asked Joey if she'd slept with Pacey, and Joey's face melted, and then she lied and said no; Mr. Peepers dried Sars's tears of exhaustion with a banana peel.
Fade up on the Capeside High caf, where "I Swear To Tell The Truth, The Whole Truth, And Nothing But The Truth, So Help Me" Joey Potter and Pacey "All-Day Sucker" Witter canoodle and try to come up with a plan for more sex-having. Pacey proposes checking into the PB&B under assumed names, but Joey nixes the idea exposition-style, saying that they have no vacancies because of "some arts festival over in Wellfleet." Nice one, writers -- Wellfleet is an actual town on Cape Cod. Tourism highlights include an operational drive-in theater, an awesome flea market, and a seafood shack situated across the road from a cemetery. We used to pass the seafood shack every day on our way back from the beach, and every day, we saw an ambulance parked outside, so between the graveyard and the paramedics, the whole family started calling it "Al's Food Poisoning Hut -- we put the 'salmon' back in 'salmonella.'" But we did eat there once, and it's fine -- they make a mean chowder. Aaaaanyway, Pacey suggests that they head to the boiler room right then instead. After a moment's hesitation, Joey says no, and Pacey needles her for actually considering it; she mock-glares at him, and they smooch. Then she says flirtatiously that "it is second semester senior year, I guess these grades don't really count for anything," and Pacey leers delightedly at her, and they kiss some more before Drue "Night Of The Iguana" Valentine busts into the frame, yelling "coming through" and muttering to Joey and Pacey that they need to "break that up" before he charges admission. Word. Then Drue announces with much expositional fanfare that he has the results of the Capeside High Class of 2001 senior poll. Shot of Joey and Pacey clowning around. The denizens of the cafeteria pretty much ignore him, so Drue gets up on a chair and blathers on about cutting to the chase with class couple, calling it "not much of a contest" and describing the winners as "the two people so much in love they make the rest of us wanna puke on a daily basis" (word). Another shot of Joey and Pacey mooning at each other before Drue announces the non-startling winners: Joey Potter and Dawson Leery. Joey whips around to glare at Drue. Pacey shakes his head and chuckles ruefully. Joey shoots Pacey an "I don't believe this" look, and we dissolve to the credits as Contrivance speed-dials Domino's.
Credits. Cat drowning in a vat of lye.
Back from commercials, Joey slams Drue up against a wall; Drue appeals to Pacey: "Ohhhkay, now how is this a fair fight? What do you want me to do, hit her back? She's a girl." Actually -- go for it, Drue. Maybe a swift uppercut will knock some sense into her. Pacey smirks at him; Joey sasses, "Sucks, doesn't it? One of the few cultural advantages to being female." Oh, right -- so taking advantage of a bullshit double standard like hitting a man because he "can't" hit you back makes you a strong woman? Whatever. If you start a fight, you'd best know how to finish it, boy or girl, so shut up, Joey. Pacey says it looks like she's got the situation "well in hand," so he's going to class, and Drue sarcastically thanks him for his non-help and makes a light-years-out-of-date dimpled-chads joke which prompts Joey to slam him into the wall again. Drue looks genuinely intimidated and tells her to chill: "Have you no sense of humor about this?" He goes on to say that he thinks it's funny that a majority of their classmates "still care after all this time" -- and so do I, but not in the "ha ha" sense of funny -- and cracks on the fact that she and Dawson only went out for, like, five minutes anyway. Joey sneers that it's obvious Drue rigged the poll. Drue issues a non-denial denial, and asks if she voted. Joey snorts that of course she didn't: "Most popular, best-looking, who cares?" Drue sniffs that, clearly, she does. Joey makes to get the slamming-into-a-wall hat trick, tightening her grip on Drue's lapels and snapping that it isn't a joke, it's her life, she and Dawson "are not a couple, [they're] not anything resembling a couple -- [they're] just friends!" She refuses to let Drue hurt Dawson or Pacey "by dredging up the past," and she wants him to fix it. "Fix this, Lame-a Bovary," Drue grunts, slamming his forearm into her nose and breaking -- oops, sorry, Drue just interrupts her to point out, "Oh, look, it's your 'friend,' Dawson." Joey releases Drue as Dawson "Bad-Hair-iet The Spy" Leery walks up and asks if the beatdown is "by invitation only." Heh. If only his hair didn't look like a scoop of rotten ice cream. Dawson says he heard about Drue's "practical joke" and calls it "pretty funny, actually." "You think this is funny?" Joey whines disbelievingly. Dawson gets to carve another notch in his meta-statements-about-the-show bedpost when he dismisses the whole thing as "patently absurd," adding that "[they're] just friends." Joey shoots Dawson a look like she's disappointed that he doesn't care more. Whatever, Princess. Get over it. "There's that word again…'friends,'" Drue smarms. Dawson points out that Drue's just trying to "get a rise out of" them, and they have to get to class anyway. Drue bolts. Joey rolls her eyes, and she and Dawson head down the hall together.
Cut to Gretchen "Rode Hard And Put Away" Witter sputtering, "You want me to go drinking with Doug?" That sounds kind of fun. Well, more fun than this, anyway. Pacey, seated on the other side of the bar at the IHOF, yammers on about her not having to come home at any "specific time," and she can crash on Doug's couch if she wants, blah bling blah. Gretchen smells a rat, and Pacey protests that he has purely innocent motives -- i.e. "drinking and driving is a no-no" -- but Gretchen leans on her elbows and asks gleefully, "You did it, didn't you?" Pacey dissembles that he didn't say that, but Gretchen says that he didn't have to say it -- he did it, and now he wants to do it again, and that's why he's trying to get rid of her and why he's "been in such a good mood ever since [he] got back from the ski trip." Pacey continues to shine it on, but Gretchen says she can't believe she didn't notice before, and she busts out a little more of her patented Men Are From Mars-vintage wisdom by observing that only two things "make a man this happy, and the other one is free beer." Shut up, Gretchen. Pacey sighs that that's not why he came to see her; Gretchen thinks it's sweet, but Pacey, so whipped by Joey's passive-aggressive moodiness he fears confiding even in his own sister, says that "sweet" would be not telling anyone. Gretchen reassures him that he didn't tell her: "I pried it out of your cold, dead hands. And, uh, you have my solemn word I won't tell anyone." "Anyone," Pacey repeats. "Anyone," chirps Gretchen, reminding him that she used to "be a high-school girl too." Yeah, twenty years ago. "And in the spirit of those days, why don't I just fail to come home tonight?" Pacey, grinning, asks if she's sure; she's sure, but Pacey owes her "big time." Pacey runs off all happy. Gretchen watches him go, then shakes her head and mutters fondly, "Freak."
At Tom Frost's office, Jen "Suicide Blonde" Lindley tells Tom why she's friends with Jack: he's a good listener, they have fun together, and she feels she can really trust him. "And if he were straight, you couldn't trust him?" Tom asks. Jen didn't say that. "What about girls?" Jen, thrown off: "You -- you mean sleeping with them?" "Trusting them," Tom laughs. Jen laughs too, and Tom asks if she finds it easier to make friends with guys than with girls. Jen expresses the opinion that "girls suck," and at puberty we all get lobotomies, and one day everyone's "milling around FAO Schwarz in the Rainbow Brite section, and the day somebody gets breasts, and after that it's all about getting boys to like you, and whoever dies thinnest wins." Ouch. Did Jen want boys to like her? "Teenage sluts aren't born, they're made -- that kinda thing." Huh? Tom prompts her to talk about decisions she made "when [she was] younger," decisions she regrets. Jen looks away and smiles mirthlessly, mentioning the "whole sex-before-the-thirteenth-birthday" thing and rubbing her hands nervously. "You told me you were drunk the first time you had sex." And the second, and the third, Jen says, "but I think we've already been over this," and she looks at her lap. Tom regards her sympathetically; after a moment she looks up and continues, "Unless you'd like to share some embarrassing details about your first sexual experience, huh?" Tom smiles all "sorry, access denied." There's discussion of the fact that, every time Jen asks Tom a personal question, he wants to know why it's important to her, but he didn't do it this time. Tom says he doesn't have to; he knows why it's important to her. Yeah, so do we, but they'll drag us through the wacky subplot underbrush regardless, so let's just get on with it, shall we? Tom smiles, "I'm much better at this than you think I am." Then he tells her their time is up. Jen leaves, kind of reluctantly.
IHOF. Enter Dawson, carrying a take-out coffee; the coffee figures in later banter, all of which I refuse to transcribe on the grounds that it's stupid, irrelevant, and recycled from yet another Cameron Crowe opus. Gretchen expositions that the IHOF is short-staffed, and she has to wait for reinforcements to arrive. The phone rings; it's Gale, calling to further the contrivance. Traffic on I-95 is "a bitch." "Where In The World Is" Bodie "Sandiego" gets a name-check. Gretchen makes faces. After she hangs up, she harangues Dawson about not telling her that his parents had gone out of town for the weekend. Dawson admits that he's "busted," but says that if he'd told her, it would sound "like the world's worst come-on." Good point. Dawson is actually fairly bearable in this scene. Gretchen offers to come by later with videos and popcorn. Dawson's down with it. Gretchen gives him a smooch on the cheek.
Excessively long scenes-of-Capeside filler before we see Joey come up on the porch of the Witterschloss. Pacey greets her, and she tackles him onto the couch. Niiiice one! Also, bamp chicka bamp bamp. Pacey mock-protests that it's not even nighttime yet, no hello how are you, we never talk anymore, blah dee blah. Heh. Joey points out while gnawing on his face that they "spent nine months talking." (Wah wah wah wahhhh wahhhh.) Pacey pretends to complain about her treating him "like a sex object," which reminds me of that line in The Last Seduction where Mike makes the same complaint, and Bridget's all, "Live it up." Except for the part where Bridget isn't a soul-sucking emotional freak show with split ends. Anyway, Joey suddenly sits bolt upright and asks when Gretchen's coming home. She's not. Get serious, Joey says; Gretchen lives there, eventually she'll come back. Yeah -- to pick up some stuff and skedaddle so Pacey and Joey have the whole place to themselves. Pacey looks all pleased with himself, and Joey starts to look pleased too, but then realizes that Pacey must have told Gretchen about the alpine boinkfest in order to procure himself and Joey a night alone. Joey's face starts to melt: "So she knows?" Pacey, cringing mentally, admits that she does, then says hastily that she figured it out on her own; Pacey didn't tell her. Joey looks annoyed. "Are you mad?" Oh, Pacey, for god's sweet sake -- slip the leash! Joey decides -- really flagrantly, as usual, and I seriously don't understand why people haven't caught onto her awful, unconvincing lying style yet -- to say that she's not; she's a little embarrassed, "but it'll pass." Pacey asks if it's a problem, and says he'll do "pretty much anything in the universe" to make sure that it isn't a problem. Joey says that it isn't, and tackles him again, and they smooch and hug, and we cut to the patented "Joey, her chin on a man's shoulder, stares all conflicted into the middle distance" shot. Whatever.
Okay, you know in the Coke commercial when the stocky guy in khaki shorts is bugging out to the music? I love that guy. I don't know why.
Oh, brother. Jen and "Billy's Hollywood" Jack McPhee sit in a coffee shop; Jack asks about therapy, and Jen stares absently out the window. Jack busts her for stalking Tom Frost. Jen tries to deny it. Jack ain't buying it. Jen explains that Tom knows everything about her, stuff she hasn't even told Jack, and she doesn't know anything about Tom, and that bugs her. Jack asks how she expects to find that out by "sitting in this window," but just then, Jen spots Tom exiting the office building and pulling on his gloves, and she gets up, and Jack wants no part of it, but Jen starts stammering about how they have to follow him and "this is exactly what friends do for each other -- I've seen it in the movies" (heh), and she runs outside and presses her face up against the glass, and Jack is all "all right, ALL RIGHT" and says he liked her better "as a matchmaking nudge [sic]," and he grabs his coat.
Witterschloss. Pacey is ordering a pizza when Gretchen blows through, saying she's "not really" there, she's just grabbing some stuff; Joey looks panicked. Pacey grabs Gretchen to ask how you say "cheese" in Portuguese, and Joey asks to talk to Gretchen for a second. They walk into the room, and Joey murmurs awkwardly that she knows Gretchen knows, and she hoped that Gretchen could…"That I could keep my big fat mouth shut?" Gretchen finishes dryly. Joey nods. Gretchen tells her not to look "so serious," and who would she tell, anyway? Joey stutters that "certain people" don't need to know, because it would just bring up "painful memories," and that's not "what I want this to be about." Yeah, no kidding -- so stop making it about that, Joey, and furthermore, stop talking to Dawson's current girlfriend about it, because it implies that he sits around thinking about you all the time, and even if he does, that's a shitty thing to say to Gretchen, so fucking SHUT UP already! Criminy. Gretchen remarks a little sharply that "you two are just friends," and Joey agrees, but says they aren't the type of friends who tell each other everything right away and blah, and if Dawson heard something like that, something about Joey, Joey would want it to come from her. Gretchen interrupts to say that "[they're] in complete and total agreement here." She won't say anything to Dawson, but she does want to warn Joey, "as a friend and as a vaguely older and wiser sister-type figure," that it isn't all that hard to guess. Joey smiles sadly that she knows. "I mean, you look happy, Joey." Gretchen goes to get her stuff. Joey fakes a smile and looks bleak. Pacey gets off the phone, saying that he has no idea what kind of pizza is going to show up, and Gretchen blows through again on her way out. Pacey asks where she's going, and Gretchen says matter-of-factly, "Dawson's. See ya," and heads out. Joey fakes another smile, this time in Pacey's direction; he returns the smile, but he's watching her face. They both shrug awkwardly. Oy vey. Just break up, you two.
Bookstore. Jen and Jack spy on Tom Frost in an unfunny fashion. From the fact that Tom is checking out Interview With The Vampire, Jack deduces that Tom is gay. Banter about straight people reading Anne Rice and partying all night with the undead…or, you know, something like that. I had to pick all the pineapple off of the pizza Contrivance ordered, so I might have missed something there. Jack mentions that he watches Sex and the City. More spying. Then of course they run snack into Tom, and Jack is pretending to read a book, but it's upside down. Introductions. Tom is amused, and totally onto them, and there's more Three's Company-script-reject humor about a poetry reading by Robinson someone, "I love his work," he's a she, blah blah blah fishycakes. Maybe Tom will see them at the poetry reading. Tom leaves; Jack makes fun of Jen. Nnnnnnnext!
Witterschloss. Pacey and Joey eat their pizza while seated at a really cool fifties-space-age table, and Joey is babbling on about how she's sure Gretchen's "just stopping by Dawson's" before spending the night at Doug's: "So what if Mitch and Gale are out of town?" Joey? Stop talking about it. Immediately. Pacey swallows a bite of pizza and repeats, "Mitch and Gale are out of town?" Last pre-baby trip, Joey reports, and then assures him that it's probably nothing. Yeah, like Pacey's the one who's all worried about it. Pacey says he hopes it's nothing, because "the alternative is just too horrifying to contemplate." Amen, my brother. Joey says that Gretchen's his sister and Dawson's their friend, so "it's weird." Pacey, ignoring my shouted plea of "don't go there," asks, "How weird would you say it is?" Joey tries to play it off with a joke, but he's serious: "Do you care?" Joey, taking entirely too long to answer and deliberately not meeting his eye: "No. You?" Pacey: "No. [pause] Are you sure?" Joey thinks it over, then nods emphatically that she's sure; it's none of their business, and it "ruins the mood," which she won't let happen. Uhhhhh huh. Smooching.
On the couch at Pregnancy Pavilion, formerly Reconciliation Ranch, Gretchen snuggles on Dawson's shoulder and says, "Oh, come on, it was sweet." Dawson objects to "all that crap" about soulmates (yay!). When Gretchen starts rummaging through her bag to find the other movie she brought, Dawson spots her toothbrush and jammies and asks if she brings them with her everywhere she goes. She laughs that no, she just likes "to be prepared" for whatever possibility might arise. "And your spending the night is a possibility?" Dawson asks softly. "Do you want it to be?" Dawson: "Uh…?" "This is really awkward," Gretchen announces. They both laugh. Gretchen says that they should talk about it and "get it out in the open," and then they'll feel "a lot better." "Okay," Dawson says, and then just sits there. Heh. More awkward smiling before Gretchen bursts out, "You're not talking." "And neither are you," Dawson titters, and they both crack up again. Finally, Gretchen agrees to start, and she tells him who she lost her virginity to, and Dawson remembers the guy as "that moronic basketball player" whom he hated, and whom he now hates even more. Gretchen says encouragingly that "this is good," that "[they're] laughing," and she says that now it's Dawson's turn, and he says that it's "totally unfair." Gretchen asks why. "Because I've never had sex." Gretchen gets the save with, "So? I've never been to the Middle East, but I still have feelings on the topic." Snerk. Dawson doesn't laugh, though. Gretchen prompts him, saying he's obviously thought about it, and he says that obviously he has. "And?"
Dawson launches into his dating history: with Jen, it wouldn't have occurred to him to ask. Um, whatever -- you got all judgmental because she'd had sex and you hadn't, and then you expected to have sex with her and that freaked you out, so she dumped you, and good on her. Nice rewrite of history, Rock-Hard Abstinence. On to Joey, when he thought "everything was perfect, but she wanted to wait, which was fine." And then there's the reference to What Went Down Last Spring, although he doesn't use those words, thank god; Dawson does choose to skip right over The Skeeve Incident. Then he blathers on about feeling relieved when Pacey and Joey got back and they still hadn't done the humpty-hump, and he knows that's lame, but he thinks part of him "was still clinging to the insane notion that Joey and [he] were destined to lose [their] virginity together." Gretchen looks a little squicked out by this, but says that it doesn't sound all that insane: "I mean, she was your first serious girlfriend." Dawson could still save himself at this point after yawing into Joey territory, but instead of getting quickly back to the topic of his own sex life, he sighs wearily that he wishes they'd just done it on the boat, or that they'd do it now and get it over with, so he wouldn't have to think about it anymore, and while I don't find the sentiment itself utterly unsympathetic -- we've all felt that at one point or another -- it's totally inappropriate for him to obsess over his ex's virgin status in front of Gretchen. Gretchen chokes out, "How do you know they haven't?" "She told me," Dawson says. Gretchen literally draws back at this. "Pretty adult, huh, especially for us," he goes on with a hint of pride. "I asked her and she told me." I cannot believe that even Dawson would think it's okay to tell his current girlfriend that he ASKED his EX whether she'd SLEPT with his current girlfriend's BROTHER. What. The. Fuck? As if Dawson didn't suck enough already…poor Gretchen. Anyway, Gretchen doesn't know what to do with that information, and she just smiles tightly at Dawson as we go into the break.
"Fllllluffay!" That guy is my boyfriend. That guy, and Stocky Bugging-Out-In-The-Woods guy.
It's later. Gretchen is on the opposite end of the couch from Dawson, a hand to her forehead; her body language says "seething." Dawson looks over at her, terrified; when she turns to stare back at him, he quickly looks away. She sighs, "What's this movie about, anyway?" "I have no idea," Dawson confesses, and points out that, every time Gretchen goes to get a glass of water, she sits further away from him on the couch when she sits back down. "You're right," she snips, "which is why I should go." Dawson calls that "a drastic solution to [their] problem," but Gretchen tells him not to start, and she's got to leave. She heads for the door, and Dawson scrambles to stop her, saying that "this is silly" and it's obviously a misunderstanding; Gretchen, putting her coat on over her shoulder bag (?), says she knows that, but she still has to go: "I was really wrong about something…very…wrong, so just don't ask me any more questions, okay? Just let me go." I don't know what she means by that -- what exactly is she wrong about, Dawson's readiness to have an adult relationship, or Joey's motivations for wanting her to keep quiet? I don't think she's wrong to leave; if anything, it's long overdue, but I don't get the whole "wrong" thing. Dawson makes a "zuh?" face as she leaves.
Witterschloss, the morning. Joey, attired in Pacey's bathrobe (awww yeah), looks through the kitchen cabinets. Pacey materializes to announce that, since the invention of the Cartoon Network, there's really no reason to get up early on Saturday morning. Saturday…"morning"? Joey wanted to make him breakfast. There's gooey banter about that. Pacey comments that she should wear his clothes more often. "You like it?" He does. "When was the last time you washed it?" There's unfunny men-are-such-slobs banter about that. Schmooping. Joey gives him a shopping list and sends him out the door -- finally, after more non-cute badinage -- for pancake-makings.
, we see Pacey coming out the back door and spotting Dawson, who's headed for the front door. Pacey, mildly panicked, speeds up to catch him before he goes inside, and Dawson apologizes for coming by so early, but he wanted to talk to Gretchen. Pacey is surprised that she's not with Dawson; Dawson in turn is surprised that she never came home the night before. Pacey reassures Dawson that she's probably over at Doug's, slings an arm around Dawson's shoulder, and hauls him off of the porch, but Dawson is worried and wants to find out for sure that she's okay. Pacey tries to get rid of him by promising to call over to Doug's and then call Dawson, but Dawson nags, "Can we do it now?" Pacey relents, hesitantly, and they head inside.
Indoors, Joey's just coming out of the bathroom; when she hears Dawson's voice outside, she grabs her bag and scuttles back into the bathroom to hide.
Downtown "Wellfleet." Jen and Jack arrive at the poetry reading to stalk Tom Frost some more. Jack wants to leave; Jen is adamant. Jack tries to talk sense into Jen, and fails. Jen remarks that Jack doesn't "have the highest opinion of psychiatry." "With my family history?" Jack snorts. Somewhere in the French Alps, Continuity mails a postcard as Jack goes on to say that Jen will forgive him if he doesn't think therapy is "foolproof." Not all therapists know "what they're doing," and any therapist who dates his patients is not a good therapist. Jen shushes him, whispering that she's not "trying to date him." Jack confirms that she "absolutely" doesn't have a crush on Tom. Jen says she doesn't, and wants to know why Jack is "asking me all this," and Jack PSAs that it's "not uncommon" for people to develop "a thing for their shrinks." "That's not what's happening here," Jen sniffs. Jack asks why they bothered to come, then: "Why do you need this guy to like you so much?" Jen says, not very convincingly, that she doesn't need Tom to like her. Jack doesn't believe her.
Pacey gets off the phone with Doug; Gretchen did stay there the night before. He asks Dawson, "Problem solved?" and Dawson says yes, and he tells Pacey to tell Gretchen he stopped by, but then changes his mind and says not to tell her; Dawson will just "see if she calls." Pacey eyes Dawson, then offers to intercede with Gretchen on Dawson's behalf if they had a fight. Dawson sighs that they didn't have a fight: "I just think she's seen the light. But, uh, thanks." He slumps out. Pacey sighs himself, then turns around to see Joey staring at him all worried. "I'll be right back," he tells her. "Great," Joey smiles fakely. Pacey leaves. Joey rolls her eyes and looks nervous. Shut up, Joey.
Poetry reading. Jack gives Jen shit about Tom not coming, and how Tom isn't there and "never was gonna be" there, and Jen snaps that okay, Jack wins. Jack wants to leave. "You know, would it kill you to sit and listen to some poetry?" Jen hisses. Jack pretends to think that over before saying, "Yeah. Yeah, it would." Hee hee! Jen rolls her eyes and starts to get up, but no sooner have their butts left couch orbit when Jen looks up to see Tom Frost. "You saved me a seat," Tom snarks. Heh. Jen and Jack pretend that they were just moving over to let Tom sit down, and Tom settles onto the couch and shoots Jen a friendly look; Jen shoots an about-to-start-giggling-hysterically look back. The reading begins, and we pan over to Jack, who has a truly hilarious expression of annoyed boredom on his face. He glares at Jen, who smiles sweetly back at him.
A café somewhere. Dawson, whose head as a unit is the exact same shape as a forty-watt lightbulb right now, reads the paper. Drue joins him uninvited, saying that "these places can be so lonely." Dawson waxes all Hemingway-in-Paris with, "That's one of the attractions," and Drue asks if he's still mad about the poll prank, and Dawson snorts that he has bigger things to worry about. Drue says he can't unfix the poll, because letting Joey and Pacey win as class couple is "too boring -- where's the conflict? Where's the drama?" Dawson smugs that there's not supposed to be any, and Drue informs him that attitudes like that "keep high-school yearbooks mired in mediocrity." That's an excellent point, actually, but it's one covered with far more skill by My So-Called Life. Dawson isn't impressed either, making a self-righteous comment about the truth. Drue responds with a non-pithy gem about how the truth is "somewhat lacking in the fun department," and Dawson asks levelly, "And you don't care who gets hurt?" Drue says that Dawson's denials only prove his point more, and Dawson didn't know that Drue had a point, so Drue needles him about "this whole 'friend' dance you guys do, as if you were actually over each other," and how it makes them "the far more compelling couple." Whatever, Drue -- why do you even care? Heaven knows nobody else does. Dawson gets up, makes a snarky comment, makes a veiled threat to avenge himself, and leaves. What. EVER.
Filler scenes of the harbor and of seagulls flying in formation before a dissolve to Gretchen brooding on the Witterschlossportal. Joey comes out to greet her, but Gretchen is cold, so Joey takes a seat and asks, "So what's the deal?" "Meaning?" ices Gretchen. Joey got the impression that "everyone was worried about" Gretchen. "'Everyone' meaning Pacey and Dawson -- that would pretty much be everyone, now, wouldn't it," Gretchen snarks. Joey looks confused. Gretchen wishes she'd been around the year before, because "[she] would really like to know how you guys got into this mess to begin with." Um. No, you wouldn't. Trust me. Just read the recaps.
Joey furrows her brow as Gretchen continues that the whole group all worries about hurting each other's feelings, and acts "so nice all the time." "Except…you?" Joey asks hesitantly. Gretchen agrees that she's "not feeling too nice at the moment." Joey says she knows Gretchen had a fight with Dawson "or something, and I know you didn't spend the night at his house last night…" "Did you want me to?" Gretchen asks, trying to bait her, and when Joey doesn't have an answer, Gretchen tells her angrily that all the lies they tell to protect each other "aren't gonna solve anything." "What lies?" Joey asks, and Gretchen reminds her that she lied to Dawson about sleeping with Pacey. Joey retorts bitchily that she made "a very private decision about [her] life," and she doesn't want everyone to know about it, but Gretchen sneeringly corrects her, "No, you don't want Dawson to know about it." "Well, it's the same thing," Joey sulks. "No it isn't, Joey!" Gretchen shouts, repeating that it won't solve anything and adding that it's not fair, either to Dawson or to "somebody who's trying to have a relationship with him." "Meaning you," Joey says, with an expression on her face so smug and self-important that it recalls Dawson at his nostril-flaring worst -- like, way to communicate your total lack of consideration for anyone except yourself, Joey. It's not sick enough that Dawson is still fixated on Joey, and it's not sick enough that she's fixated on his fixation -- she's actually LORDING IT OVER Gretchen! God, I loathe Joey right now. Anyway, Joey tells Gretchen in a tone of catty condescension that no, Gretchen wasn't there last year, and she doesn't know what it's like, "so there's no way [she] could possibly understand." Gretchen says that Joey has to tell Dawson the truth. Joey rolls her eyes and looks away all "you don't get it," and Gretchen says meanly, "If you won't do it for him or for me, then just do it for Pacey." Go, Gretchen. That hits Joey where she lives; she whips her eyes over to Gretchen and shoots her a defensive glare. Pacey turns up with the groceries seconds later, and when he gives the girls a cheery "what's up, guys?" Joey jumps off of the porch swing and takes off, inventing an excuse about Bessie having "some sort of a meltdown." Gretchen looks at her lap regretfully -- although, in her position, I'd only regret not bitch-slapping Joey till her face turned red -- and Pacey watches Joey race-walk off, then makes a "oh, now what?" face and heads inside.
Long tracking shot up to the Witterschlossportal, where Pacey pads out and asks Gretchen, "All right, so what'd I miss?" "Nothing," Gretchen chirps innocently. Pacey says that she and Dawson had "some sort of a fight," and Gretchen sighs, "Since when do you care, Pacey?" but Pacey doesn't take the bait: "What, I can't take an interest in your life?" "No," Gretchen snaps, and I understand her not wanting to deal with him, but out of the three of them, he's the last one she should take her frustration out on. Anyway, Pacey starts to get annoyed, asking what she and Joey were talking about, and why Dawson showed up at the Witterschloss first thing that morning, if Gretchen and Dawson didn't have a fight. "Dawson was here?" Gretchen says, puzzled. Yes, but Pacey isn't supposed to tell her that, so she didn't hear it from him, but Dawson is "under the impression" that he and Gretchen had a fight. Gretchen, impatiently: "Pacey, you don't want to hear about me and Dawson, so just stop, okay?" Stop what? Stop asking. Gretchen's refusal to divulge anything makes Pacey all the more curious; Gretchen tells him he doesn't want to know, "believe me." Pacey gets the "horrifying feeling that it somehow involves" him. Gretchen gives him an "uh duh" look, heaves a sigh, and walks off of the porch.
Pacey follows her with a victorious, "Ahhh -- no comment." Gretchen snipes that he should ask Joey. "You want me to ask Joey about the problem you and Dawson are having?" "Yeah," she snaps, and then snaps, "No," and then says she's "not in the best of moods right now," adding that maybe Pacey's right about her and Dawson: "Maybe he's too young for me." "My goal is not to be right," Pacey huffs. "My goal is to figure out what's going on, especially if it involves me and Joey, so I think that you should just tell me what's going on!" She just did tell you, Pacey; you don't want to hear it, but it's all right there. Pacey adds that, "whatever it is," he won't mention it to Dawson and Joey. Gretchen looks conflicted, then snorts, "Great, more lies, that's really gonna help." Pacey splutters that he doesn't know about any lies except the ones she, his own sister, is telling right now. Pacey, wake up, will you? Gretchen looks sad, but the guilt trip works -- she gives in and tells him that Joey lied to Dawson, and she doesn't know why, or "what it meant," but Dawson asked Joey point-blank about whether she and Pacey were having sex, and Joey lied. "And that's the truth, Pacey." Pacey stares grimly at Gretchen.
Poetry reading. Afterwards, Tom Frost approaches Jack and Jen: "So, which one was your favorite?" Non-comedic stammering to cover the fact that they didn't really listen to the poetry. Enter the poet herself, who makes some "don't ditch me" comment to Tom before meeting Jack and Jen. There's more small-talk; Tom and the poet go mingle, and Jen and Jack infer that the poet is Tom's girlfriend, and Jen looks sad about that for some reason.
Capeside High. Joey strolls into the yearbook office to find Dawson fiddling around with Pagemaker or something, and comments on how it's the strangest place he's ever asked her to meet him; Dawson says that he decided to "pitch in -- make sure the right people ended up on the right pages." Joey raises her eyebrows skeptically. "Not buyin' it?" Dawson asks. Joey isn't. Dawson promises that "all will be revealed in good time." Oh, I can hardly wait. Not. I don't care. Dawson rolls his chair over to a coffeemaker and offers Joey a cup, and she's all "you drink coffee?" and he's all self-deprecatingly "I drink it even though I don't like it," and she's all "there's a lot we don't know about each other," like, it's coffee, not a bastard child -- don't make it all heavy when it isn't, people. Joey says sadly, "That's not how it used to be." They used to tell each other everything. Dawson doesn't know if that's a good thing. "Not a very Dawson Leery-like thing to say," Joey says, like, we GET IT. Dawson uses that remark as a segue into a sincere apology for asking her whether she'd slept with Pacey; he should never have asked her that, and he doesn't know why he did, and maybe it's "some masochistic side of" him, the one that's making him sabotage his relationship with Gretchen. Joey, silent thus far, asks if he really thinks he's sabotaging it, and he observes that "mentioning [Joey] every thirty seconds probably doesn't help." No. No, it doesn't. Good insight, Dawson. But…not one you should share with the mentionee, either. So shut up.
Dawson says that he's scared of making the same mistakes he's made in the past, so every minute he's with Gretchen is a "pitched battle" in his head -- does he show her that he's freaking out, or does he "attempt to act cool, be the kind of guy that gets the girl?" Dawson acting…"cool"? Does not compute. "Maybe you are the guy that gets the girl," Joey says. After a moment, Dawson says mildly, "I didn't get you." We know. We watch the show. We don't need every goddamn thing spelled out for us, okay? Joey looks sad. Dawson shrugs, "Anyway." Joey looks up and spots what's on the computer monitor: "Senior polls?" Dawson describes Drue as "evil, but with a short attention span," and says that Drue went to the bother of rigging the polls, but quit the yearbook staff before he could finish the job. Dawson to the rescue: "For posterity's sake, if nothing else, at least let the record reflect the truth of senior year." He cuts and pastes a photo of Pacey and Joey holding hands over a caption reading "Class Couple: Pacey Witter & Joey Potter." Thank you, non-quiet non-hero, for that selfless act of Ctrl-V. Not.
Poetry post-reading. Jen tries to dig for more info about Tom's girlfriend; Tom answers generically, without admitting that the poet is in fact his girlfriend. Tom then busts her for stalking him, but good-naturedly, and when Jen cringingly asks why he didn't stop her, he says that "it was obviously important to [her]…what's less obvious is why, and we will talk about that on Tuesday." Jen asks if she's not allowed to want to know things about him. "About me?" Tom snickers. "I'm not really all that interesting. I think there was some bigger question you needed answered." Yeah, yeah. We KNOW. Get ON with it. Jen asks what. After endless back-and-forth, they finally get to it: Jen wanted to know if she could trust Tom Frost. And now she knows she can. Swell. Nnnnnnext!
IHOF verandah. Gretchen leans on the railing and stares out to sea, and Dawson strolls up and advises her that the IHOF isn't the best place to hang out if she's trying to avoid him. "Of course, if you're trying to break up with me…" She isn't. "But you have been avoiding me." She has. Dawson doesn't want Gretchen to think that he's not over Joey, or that Gretchen's not important to him, or that he doesn't want "this" to work; Gretchen doesn't think that, and tells him he didn't do anything wrong: "All you were was honest with me." So what's the problem, Dawson asks -- "is this about sex?" No, she says, and makes Dawson promise that he'll always be as honest with her as he was the night before, because that's the hardest part of a relationship, much harder than sex; trusting someone is "a gigantic leap of faith," but sex is "just mechanical," like brushing your teeth. Hmm. I think Gretchen needs to start having some better sex, because it's not "just mechanical." Or so I read. Anyway, they both chuckle, and Dawson says it's funny she should mention that, because he brought her something: a toothbrush. There's some banter about whether he'd have given it to her if she'd dumped him, in which case it would serve as a "parting gift," and also, he saw her old toothbrush and "it was really disgusting," and he teases her that that's why they put the color in the bristles, and she says, "Meta-statement!" Oh no, actually she says, "Okay, I get it! Shut up!" and they canoodle a bit before we fade out on the sunlit water.
A lighthouse; reeds waving in slo-mo; Pacey and Joey, walking through the fog on the dunes. "It's a nice thing Dawson just did for ya," Pacey says, leading the witness. It succeeds: "Why just for me?" Joey's the one who got so upset about it, Pacey points out. Joey waits a moment, then changes the subject, saying she's glad they walked; it's really nice out there, and spring is coming soon. Pacey cracks that their new "pastime is much more of an indoor sport." Joey smiles shyly, then wonders aloud if maybe they "should have done it on the boat, you know? When we were alone?" Pacey glibs that they would have "missed all the scenery." Joey asks if he misses the times when they "weren't having sex, when everything and every moment wasn't about sex." Pacey doesn't know that that time "ever really existed," and Joey guesses he's right; before they had sex, "everything was about sex, and now that we have had sex…" "Everything is still about sex," Pacey says, in an even tone that doesn't do justice to the depressing nature of that statement. Pacey looks at his feet as he says, "Do you think we're doing somethin' wrong?" Joey, without hesitation: "No. Do you?" Pacey, still watching the ground: "No. I -- but if you don't think we did anything wrong, I was just…I mean, I don't know why that you would…" He trails off. Joey gives him the furry eyeball and asks if Gretchen said something to him after she left that morning. Pacey takes a page from Joey's copy of The Big Book Of Bad-Lying Techniques and shakes his head a little too slowly, saying "no" and looking off over Joey's shoulder. "Why?" "No reason," Joey fibs in return. They step onto a wooden walkway, and Joey's wearing two-inch-heeled boots. To walk on the dunes. The hell? Joey turns to him and suggests that they walk a little longer: "We never do that anymore." Pacey takes her hand, his expression inscrutable, and they walk into the dunes together.