Raising the roof for Demian, Kisle, the rest of the crew on the Dawson's Creek forums, and Wing Chun.
Previously on DC: Pacey asked Joey what happened in Boston, and she said that "there was another girl"; Ethan told Jack that, to stay in Jack's life, he'd have to do so as a friend, not a love interest; Buzz pestered Pacey about "the girl"; Pacey wanted to know why Joey called him, and then he wanted to know if she ever got tired of talking, and then he planted a kiss on her.
Fade up at the side of the road with Pacey "Unrequite This" Witter and Joey "'Tude Ranch" Potter still in a liplock. A few more seconds of smooching, during which Joey seems to give as good as she gets, and they break the kiss. After a moment of disorientation, Joey gives Pacey a hard shove in the chest, sending him staggering back a step, and gasps, "Are you insane? How could you do that? How could you take some simple declaration of friendship as an invitation to just maul me, Pacey?" She gives him another shove and snarls, "Answer me! What were you thinking? What?" Another shove. Pacey, in shock, stammers that he doesn't know, that "it was an impulse," which earns him yet another push and an incredulous, "An impulse?" from Joey. The camera follows the two of them along the roadside as Joey gets up into Pacey's face and Pacey backs away from her. "Yeah, an impulse," Pacey says, "you know -- sudden, momentary, and believe me, fleeting." Joey sneers angrily, "Do you have any idea of the monumental implications of that meaningless little impulse? The ripple effect that it could create in our small but fragile universe?" Excuse me a moment. I must marshal a workforce of Egyptian laborers to build a pyramid, one with thousands of steps, a ziggurat which we can only hope Joey will climb in order to get over herself. Okay, on with the recap. "You're right, Potter, forgive me for thinking a kiss is just a kiss," Pacey grumbles, embarrassed but beginning to get annoyed. Joey continues to ream him, saying that "a kiss is not just a kiss, not between you and me, and you know why!" When Pacey doesn't respond right away, Joey reminds him with a dramatic wave of her arms (probably meant to evoke Dawson's overwrought arm-flapping), "Dawson? Remember? I mean, he factors into this little -- hormonal meltdown." "Meltdown," Pacey repeats. "I just had a meltdown?" Joey nods sarcastically, and Pacey grouses, "Forgive me if I don't think this is the worst tragedy in the history of humankind that Pacey Witter, in a moment of -- impulsive, compulsive, hormone-induced insanity would have the nerve to kiss Joey Potter." Yeah, seriously. Chill out, Joey. Joey glares at him, then glares even harder as he goes on, "And you let me do it! You did, you let me do it, so what, now I guess the universe begins to unravel, well, excuse me while I get in the car," and he stomps past her and back to the Wagoneer. She turns to watch him go, still glowering, and since she doesn't have a good comeback to that, she turns away again and begins storming along the shoulder.
Pacey orders her to get in the car; she refuses. Pacey starts the car and pulls it up alongside Joey, asking her again to get in the car; again, she poutily refuses. Pacey defends himself some more, saying that he didn't mean to kiss her, and "this is me, Pacey, act first, think later," and he says in his customary babble-in-order-to-gain-approval style that, now that he's had a chance to think about it, "I take it all back, okay? So get in the car." "No," she snits, still walking on the shoulder. Pacey points that "it is at least six miles" to Joey's house, it's freezing out, and if she doesn't get into the car, he'll just have to follow her along at three miles an hour the whole way. Finally, Joey flounces into the car, slams the door petulantly, and goes to fasten her seat belt. Pacey says acidly, "So I guess I'm to take it by your angry silence that you're not speaking to me anymore." Pacey, dude, count your blessings. Joey snips, "Nope." Pacey asks how long she plans to keep that up. "How does indefinitely sound?" Joey snaps. "Fine," Pacey snaps back. They say "fine" a few more times. Pacey peels out onto the road.
Credits. Cat getting fed tail-first into Salad Shooter.
The Potter Bed & Breakfast. At the stove, Bessie "Sister Act" Potter wants to know, "So, are you planning to fill me in, or do I have to die from anticipation?" Joey says with studied casualness, "What?" Bessie asks how it went seeing AJ, and tells Joey to "leave no sordid detail unturned." Joey says, "Well, let's see. We broke up, and then Pacey went insane and kissed me."
Cut to coffee on its way into a cup as Doug "E. Fresh" Witter says heartily, "Heeey, you kissed her, good for you." Didn't they use this same cutting-back-and-forth-between-overlapping-post-kiss-convos technique in the second-season premiere, after Dawson and Joey finally kissed? Yeah, I thought so. God forbid they put the effort into writing a straight conversation between two people. Anyway, Pacey looks grim.
Back to Bessie repeating "oh my God" a few times, then asking, "How could he do this to you?" Whatever, Sisters Potter. Joey allows as how, "technically, I maybe sort of -- let him do it to me, but -- I still blame him entirely."
Back to Pacey sputtering that "the whole thing was her fault. I mean, you know, she told me that I was the one that she thinks about, you know -- me! And then she gives me this look -- what was I supposed to do?" Doug tries to keep a straight face as Pacey continues, "Do you know how long I've been waiting for her to give me that look?"
Back to Joey grousing, in a slightly better-natured tone, "And then he gave me this look, this look like --" "I know the look," Bessie interrupts, and Joey furrows her brow at Bessie, and Bessie looks at Joey like, "Girl, please."
Back to Doug saying, "Look, I don't get it -- she gave you the look, you kissed her, it was a good kiss. So what's the problem?" Pacey observes that "the hitting, punching, and rejecting, that might be a bit of a problem, not to mention --"
Aaaaand back to Joey gesturing impatiently with a syrup pitcher and saying, "Dawson. I mean, if he found out -- I mean, I don't even want to think about what would happen if he found out. I mean, I know one thing, we could kiss our friendship goodbye." She pours syrup on her pancakes.
Back to Pacey doing the same thing, and saying more or less the same thing as well: he can't risk the friendship, Dawson would never speak to him again, blah blah blah fishcakes. Dawson never speaking to him again is a bad thing? How is that a bad thing? Pacey winds up with, "He's the brother I never had." Doug either doesn't get that last part or chooses to ignore it, asking through a mouthful of pancake, "So what you're saying, is Joey's like a bus." Pacey quickly says no, he's saying Joey's like a girl, but Doug tells Pacey to hear him out: "Joey is like a bus that can't go below fifty. Dawson is a bomb hidden underneath that bus, and you are the brave heroic police officer wanting to drive the bus to safety, but can't because of the bomb." Uh. Okay. Let me just scribble that down so I can send it in to the New Yorker for their "Block That Metaphor!" feature. Pacey chews his food and stares at Doug.
Cut to the Potters sitting down to breakfast outside. On Cape Cod. In February. March? April? Didn't Pacey JUST call the weather "freezing cold" in the last scene? Can the writers institute a one-season-per-episode rule and stick to it? Joey asks, "Do you think it was more than just an impulse?" Uh duh, Joey. Wake up and smell the longing. Bessie shakes her head: "I don't know, Joey." Joey grumbles, "Thanks, you're a big help," and Bessie sort of laughs at her and says she can't tell Joey what she wants to hear because she honestly doesn't know, and she advises Joey to "talk to someone about it, someone who can help you figure it out." Joey snorts, "Who? Dawson? Pacey, Andie? This is what you're supposed to help me with." Bessie says she's sorry, but she can't "shed light on this one," and Joey stares at her in disbelief.
Meanwhile, Doug tells Pacey that he needs "to forge ahead. Things can work between you two if you first defuse the bomb." He goes on to say that Pacey has to tell Dawson about what happened with Joey: "Now, the trick is to do it in a manner that makes it impossible for him to hate you." Doug suggests that Pacey take Dawson to a place "that reminds [Dawson] of the strong history" between Pacey and Dawson, a place that will make Dawson think about how much Pacey really means to him. That way, Dawson will still get upset, but he'll remember "that [Pacey's] friendship is more important to him," and in fact he'll respect the fact that Pacey cared enough to tell him what happened, and he'll tell Pacey "to go right on ahead, and you and Joey can just drive off into the sunset." Nice theory, Doug -- very Dale Carnegie -- and it might work on a person whose self-absorption needle didn't dwell in the red zone, but we're talking about Dawson here.
Pacey, dubiously: "That's your advice?" Doug wants to know what's wrong with it; Pacey says there's nothing wrong with it, "it's just very thought out and un-Dougie-like." He adds that, even if Doug's "ridiculous plan" worked, Doug left out a few things, like Joey punching him and bitching him out, and Doug points out impatiently that Joey wouldn't have "reacted so strongly if she didn't feel something for" Pacey too. Pacey mulls this over.
McPhee Manor. Andie "License To Perk" McPhee prances out of the house to join her brother Jack "Out In Left Field" McPhee at the breakfast table. Outside. On Cape Cod. In -- oh, forget it. Obviously, Capeside is part of some large-scale Epcot-esque biodome experiment. Anyway, Andie grouses that they have no hot water, she's run out of shampoo, she has two tests today, blah dee blah, and wants to know what Jack is "so smiley about." Jack confides that "Eazy" Ethan is coming over that afternoon and staying for the weekend. "Do I smell a romance a-brewin', big brother?" Andie needles him, and Jack scoffs that it's possible "for two gay males to be friends without it turning sexual, you know?" Oh, we know, I assure you. Andie says she didn't mean Jack's "orientation," but rather the fact that he "can't wipe that grin off" his face. Jack protests too much about how he's glad to have found a friend, one who accepts him and understands, it's "a gigantic relief" and so on and so forth. Andie wonders what their father has to say about Jack's weekend plans; Jack shrugs that, since "Angry Pants" McPhee (tm Kisle) has a business trip planned for the weekend, he figured "why risk a fight?" Andie cringes. "What?" Jack asks. "Uh . . . Dad canceled it," Andie sighs. Jack groans and rubs his forehead with his sleeve before saying bravely, "You know what? So what. You know, it's a harmless situation, you know, I'm an adult, pretty much, and if I want to have a friend come over to the house, I can, you know? There's not a damn thing he can say about it." Enter Angry right on cue to ask, "There's not a damn thing who can say about what?" Andie leaps into the breach with an nearly incomprehensible comment about Congress and the President and the "tax initiative reform thingie," which Angry appears to buy, and he leaves. Andie and Jack make "phew!" faces at each other.
Capeside High interior. Jen "The Mack" Lindley and Henry "Dog" Parker walk down the hall. Henry asks why Jen is "smiling like that." She demurs, then asks when he'd planned to tell her "that tomorrow's [his] birthday." Henry looks chagrined and asks, "How'd you find out?" like he's turning forty or something. ["No, that would be Andie." -- Wing Chun] Jen says she has her sources, and invites him out for dinner and a movie in honor of the big day, "and then comes your present, which will remain a surprise so don't even try to get it out of me." Okay, I don't like Jen much, and I find her pairing with Henry utterly insipid, but Michelle Williams did a good job with the happy-about-doing-something-nice-for-the-boyfriend's-birthday face. Also, her hair looks fabulous. No, really. A bummed-out Henry says he can't, "not tomorrow, at least" -- he has plans already, and when Jen asks with whom, he says sadly, "You know, it's, it's a family thing; no friends." Jen looks disappointed; Henry apologizes, and Jen says she understands.
Two seconds later, a jockstrap rounds the corner and says, "Heeey, Henry -- see you at your party tomorrow, man," and gives Henry a high-five. Jen mutters furiously, "You're having a birthday party and you didn't invite me?" Henry wants her to let him explain, but Jen can't think of any explanation that would dig him out of the "Grand Canyon-sized hole" he's gotten himself into, "and while you frantically search for a shovel, I'm going to class." She does the eighteen-wheel stomp on out of there as Henry slumps against his locker.
Capeside High cafeteria. Joey stands at the top of the caf, looking for a place to sit. When she sees Dawson "Citizen Forehead" Leery -- or, more to the point, Pacey plunking his tray down beside Dawson -- her face falls. At the table, Dawson hands Pacey a newspaper and tells him to look at it. Pacey reads off it flatly, something about the construction of Capewoods Condominiums, and asks what of it; Dawson sputters, "Pacey, they're gonna bulldoze our woods. Our fort! That's where we did all our pre-adolescent male bonding." Pacey chuckles and refers to their "first furtive glances at Playboy," and to the fact that Dawson watched while Pacey took his first sip of stolen beer. Dawson takes a swig of his product-placed Nantucket Nectar and suggests that they handcuff themselves to the fort. I agree, except that instead of the fort, I think they should handcuff themselves to a large concrete cinderblock and then jump into the ocean, and instead of their both doing it, I think just Dawson should do it.
Andie observes that Joey seems "a little -- I don't know, weird or something." Joey drinks her product-placed Diet Coke and says fakely, "No, I'm fine," glancing over at Dawson and Pacey. Andie asks, "So, how was your weekend? Anything interesting happen?" Looking over at the boys' table again, Joey says, "Um . . . nah." Whatever. She could have at least mentioned that she broke up with AJ even if she didn't go into detail about the thing with Pacey.
At the boys' table, Pacey nervously suggests that the two of them go camping in the woods that weekend "to give the fort one last hurrah," and to make it more appealing to Dawson's chronically overdeveloped sense of nostalgia, Pacey blathers on about "Pacey and Dawson, paying homage to their swiftly disappearing childhood," and he pronounces the "h" in "homage," which really bugged me. Dawson, whose hair looks like a risotto experiment gone horribly wrong, thinks it's "a really good idea. Let's do it. Let's go camping." "Great. Okay," Pacey sort of gasps, taking a large swallow of lemonade to calm his nerves.
Before I can sink into a highly enjoyable daydream in which Dawson and his E.T. sleeping bag become bear kibble, we cut back to the girls' table. Jen joins Andie and Joey with a gusty sigh. Joey asks what's wrong, and Jen grumbles, "Well, my boyfriend is ashamed of me, and a weaselly little liar, but other than that, I'm just peachy," and begins peeling a banana. Coincidence? I think not. Andie and Joey express their condolences; Jen says, "Well, given the pathetic track record of my love life, why would I expect any less?" Andie gets fed up and announces, "Okay, you know what, friends? Other girls don't have these problems like we do, and you want to know why? Because they actually hang out together." Um, WORD. Thank you, writers, for finally, FINALLY acknowledging what we on the DC forums have said a hundred thousand times. Jen asks what she means. Andie, getting her girl power on: "I mean, this mood of yours is in clear need of a little estrogen energy boost. Not to mention that there's this mysterious black cloud hanging over Joey's head." Joey looks doubtful while sipping her Diet Coke. Andie suggests a girls' night out, and when Joey repeats, "Girls' night out?" all skeptically, Andie perks, "Yeah!" before pointing out, "Okay, don't you guys think it's a little abnormal that the two of you never hang out with anybody who doesn't have a penis?" More yammering about female bonding, followed by singularly tired and unfunny repartee about Thelma & Louise, and I'd like to remind the television industry that other films exist in which the female protagonists bond, and perhaps, maybe, just once in a while, you could refer to one of those other films instead of always using T & L -- I mean, I liked the movie, but please, buy a Videohound and broaden your knowledge base, will you? Anyway, Andie continues with her chicks-before-dicks pitch, and Jen looks over to see Henry gazing at her from the entrance to the caf, then taking off all flustered, and she tells Andie firmly that she's in. Joey says she's in too. Andie claps her hands excitedly and tells them that they "aren't gonna regret it."
Ding-dong! It's Ethan, ringing the bell at McPhee Manor. Jack throws open the door, and the two guys hug and exchange good-to-see-yous. A moment later, a car door slams. Uh-oh. "Dad," Jack says, dismayed. "You're home early." Angry, his face devoid of emotion, puts his hands in his pockets and asks to see Jack for a minute. Jack comes down the front steps, and Angry murmurs, "What's the meaning of this?" "No meaning, he's just a friend," Jack tells him. Angry says that Jack should have asked permission first, because now Jack will have to tell "that boy" to go home, and while I don't think Angry should just send Ethan packing, he's got a point about asking to have friends over first. Jack doesn't think so, since Ethan spent two hours on the train to come visit. Angry says that it isn't "a good weekend for guests," and Jack asks if he means not a good weekend for guests, or "for the kind of guests that I would have." Angry says he didn't say that, and Jack sputters that Angry meant that, and Ethan is just a friend, and he doesn't have to "justify" it to Angry. Angry remarks that Jack felt he had to keep it from him, and "it's not a good idea," and Jack retorts that he kept it from Angry because he knew Angry would react "this way." "My answer is no," Angry says, and Jack tells him he doesn't care what Angry's answer is, "because I'm not asking," and he goes on to say that he came back home with the understanding that he could live his life "free of judgment," and Angry tries to counter with the "while you're under my roof" card, but Jack interrupts to tell him that he only came home because of Andie. Angry looks hurt. Jack says he's glad Angry stayed home that weekend, "because if watching me hang out with my friends makes you suffer, then you deserve to suffer." Jack stalks back to the house. Angry broods in the driveway. The Strings Of Father-Son Discord sough in the background.
Okay, the Pepsi Challenge commercial with Ken Griffey, Jr. is cute and all, but for the record, I've seen the guy in action and he really does hit home runs that hard.
Fade up at, apparently, the Buzz Barn, and Pacey comes around the side of the house with Buzz, The World's Shortest Ten-Year-Old, on his shoulders. I cannot abide overly cute child actors, so let's just say that Pacey prepares to go on his way, Buzz tells him not to leave because his friends are coming over and he told them all about Pacey, Pacey says he can't stay, Buzz whines, Pacey says he's going camping, Buzz tries to invite himself along, Pacey nixes that idea, and Buzz sulks.
Ryan Home. Andie perks, "I'll go first. Facials and pedicures, what do you think?" Joey and Jen arrange their eyebrows in "whatever" furrows. Andie, oblivious, squawks, "Great! Okay, I'll go get the stuff ready," and cavorts out of the room. Joey and Jen exchange a look, and Joey goes back to reading. Jen asks, "So what's up?" Nothing, Joey says without looking up. "Really?" Jen prods, and then tells Joey gently that, if Joey's "going through a particular situation" and needs to talk to a less-involved third party about it, "I just wanted to let you know I'm here." Joey asks suspiciously if Jen has any information she'd "like to share" about the particular situation in question. Jen smiles indulgently and refers to the "real incestuous little group" formed by herself, Joey, Dawson, and Pacey, and I thank the writers again for reading our bulletin board. As Joey begins to look disgusted, Jen goes on to say that she knows she's "just standing on the periphery, but it seems like there's a whole world balance that's definitely been shifting," whatever that means. Joey fumes that she'd like to know how "some meaningless, impulsive scenario which was over before it began somehow became public knowledge," and demands to know why Jen thinks Joey wants to talk about it in the first place. Jen assures her that it isn't public knowledge, and that in fact she doesn't know exactly which scenario Joey means, "but it's pretty clear from your attitude that it's not meaningless." Joey closes her eyes and runs her hand through her hair. Jen repeats her offer to listen if Joey needs to talk. Joey, avoiding eye contact, nods grudgingly. Whatever. If these two ever become real friends, I'll eat my hat.
Elsewhere in the Manor, Jack and Ethan play chess; Angry enters with a tray and asks what they're up to. "What does it look like we're up to?" Jack brats. Angry, sporting a camo Cosby sweater, lets that go, asking with forced cheer, "Mind if I join you?" "Actually, yes," Jack hisses, suggesting that his father go over to Jen's with a pair of binoculars and spy on Andie instead. Ouch. Ethan sighs under the weight of the tension in the room. Angry looks like he might cry; he takes his drink, hoists himself out of his chair, and leaves. Jack shakes his head, makes a snide comment about Angry "watch-dogging" the two of them, and apologizes to Ethan, who tells him not to worry about it (of course), because he went through the same thing with his own dad (of course), and he knows "how to handle it." Of course. Because he's the Yoda of gay teens. He's Gayoda.
Hiking trail. Pacey wonders how they "did this" at age ten, and as we pan down from the treetops to Pacey and Dawson with their backpacks on. Dawson observes that, back then, they only carried "a bag of chips and a couple of Capri Suns." Evidently, Capri Suns = Instant Nostalgia. Whatever, Grandpa. Pacey leads the witness with "I guess a lot's changed since then," but Dawson says only, "Yeah, of course." Pacey does the Discomfort Babble again, "change is good" blah blah blah "change that seems like it's bad can end up being good" blah blah blah boom!-I-got-your-girlfriend-cakes. Cut to sunset on the bay, or the creek, or whatever, and then back to the trail, where Pacey spots their old fort, "fruit of an entire summer's labor," and expresses shock that it's still standing. Um, guys? You only built the fort six or seven years ago, okay? It's not like decades have passed, Old Man River, so let's not get all "Ozymandias" about it. Dawson calls the fort "typical," and when Pacey asks of what, Dawson says, "Of me," and adds that "everything we've seen today I remember as being bigger than life. In reality, it's just ordinary. Maybe my whole life was just ordinary." Well, if we lived in a world where "ordinary" meant "pretentious and annoying," and before you break into a chorus of "It Was A Very Good Year," may I remind you AGAIN that you haven't even gotten a driver's license yet? You cannot have a midlife crisis at age sixteen! GET OVER YOURSELF! Pacey basically tells him not to read so much into it, and Dawson intones that recently, "I've been trying to connect with who I was in the past." He calls his former life "simple" and "magical" and says that "maybe I never was that person, maybe I just thought I was," and instead of rolling his eyes so hard that he gets a migraine, Pacey pokes his head through the roof of the fort and looks guilt-stricken. He clambers out of the fort and begins speaking nervously, saying that it sounds like Dawson's "looking for an answer," and that just that morning he breakfasted with Doug and Doug advised him to go to Dawson, because Dawson would have the answer that Pacey needs, and clearly he's trying confess that he smooched Joey, but before he can get it out, Dawson turns toward the sound of rustling, then asks if Pacey heard "that." Enter Buzz and his two brats accompli, yelling, "Yay, we found them!" The kids -- one of whom has a plaid baseball cap on, but turned to the side New Kids-style -- run into the fort as Dawson and Pacey look bemused.
Jen's bedroom. The girls have clay masks on. Almost amusing banter about how they can't move their faces. Andie paints Joey's toenails; Joey compliments Andie on the popcorn. Andie calls it her mother's "specialty" and says it reminds her "of being a child," and asks if the others wish they could go back to being ten years old again. Joey agrees, grousing that she misses climbing trees and rolling around in the mud with the boys without any of "this stupid man-woman stuff getting in the way, and I -- I felt free to just be myself." Jen shoots Joey a glance before saying that her mom never let her be a little girl, that she couldn't play in the dirt (not proper) and she couldn't play dress-up with her mother's clothes (too expensive) and she couldn't pig out (might have gotten fat). Joey throws a piece of popcorn at Andie's head for no apparent reason -- heh -- and expresses the desire just to eat ice cream and forget about "stupid boys." I hear that.
Jen observes that "they're twits," going on in that vein while Andie nods sagely, and adds that "they lie," and Joey sits up straighter with yet another product-placed can of Diet Coke, and says angrily, "Mmm -- they mess with your heads [sic]." Jen winds up by saying, "Yeah, and the worst is when they have feelings for you and they won't even admit it," and she gives Joey another Look Of Great Secretive Significance. Joey looks uncomfortable, then switches gears and says, "You know what? I've decided on my activity. My favorite place as a kid. The roller rink." Andie looks deliriously excited and says in a trembling voice, "Roller skating!" and nods frantically. Okay, sidebar: I know almost nobody will agree with me, but I get a kick out of New Andie, especially in comparison to Famous Original Andie (depressed, seeing things) and Andie: The Generation (bitchy, stealing things), I think because she's not afraid to squeal and bounce and just generally dork out, and on a show where the characters tend to take themselves more seriously than the Torah, I kind of like that. Anyway, Jen thinks that Joey's activity can overlap with hers, and with a bit of fanfare she pulls two pink bags with lots of rustly pink tissue out from under the bed. On the soundtrack, an ovary sings, "Anything you can conceive of, you can do." Oh, hello, anvil.
In the Manor kitchen, Angry programs the microwave as Jack and Ethan put their jackets on in the entryway. Ethan comes into the kitchen and politely invites Angry to join them for dinner. Angry, holding a TV dinner, is thrilled, and says he'd love to if the boys don't mind. A seething Jack clearly minds a great deal; as Ethan says, "Great, let's go," and Angry bustles off to get his jacket, Jack glares at Ethan and Ethan makes a "what?" face at Jack.
Shot of the full moon. Cut to the campground; Pacey tells the kids he talked to their parents, and they said the kids could stay. He adds, "I just want you to know, a ten-year-old with a cell phone is just plain wrong." Yeah, no kidding, although those kids don't look any closer to ten years old than I do; in fact, the one in the middle -- not Buzz or the New-Kids kid -- looks like he's barely graduated from pull-ups. Buzz says that Dawson's going to tell them a story. Heaven help us all. Dawson launches into a campfire tale, which Buzz snottily identifies after maybe five words as the plot of Jurassic Park. Dawson tries again with E.T. and gets shot down by one of the other brats. Lather, Jaws, repeat. The kids demand that Dawson tell them one of his stories. I dump twelve bottles of Maalox into a funnel and brace for the inevitable "a boy and a girl, destined to be together" bushwa, but fortunately Dawson elects instead to tell them a totally not scary story about a guy named Max who lurks in the woods with a bloody axe, and the kids get all freaked out even though no kid who could tie his own shoes would get frightened by anything about the story, unless we count the freakishly large cranium of the person telling it.
Cut, mercifully, to the roller rink. The girls, attired in satiny sleepwear, feather boas, and forties-vintage hairdos and make-up, roll around the rink all holding hands. Fasten your seatbelts -- it's going to be a frumpy night. Barbara Stanwyck, I mean, Andie reminds Bette Davis, I mean, Jen of how she called all guys twits; she says she agrees with Jen, but she thinks "there's more to it than that." Andie talks about "when they give you that certain look, you know, the look that says you are exactly where they want to be right now." Veronica Lake, I mean, Joey smiles wanly as Andie continues in a tone of mock disgust, "And you feel it for them too. And then you just melt, like this big blob of ice cream, even when you don't want to." Jen smiles in recognition too as Andie adds, "Pacey used to do that to me all the time, right before he kissed me. Made my knees weak." Joey blanches. Jen confides that "Henry's got a look like that" -- um, Jen, Henry doesn't have any other look besides that -- and says resignedly, "Does it to me every time." The three of them sail with much dramatic squealing into the side of the rink, but Andie wants to skate more and Jen wants to rest, so Andie grabs Joey's hand and they take off again. Jen watches them go and looks pensive, and over her shoulder we see a group of guys in blue jerseys; then we hear them chanting, "Henry! Henry! Henry!" Jen hears them too, and turns around to see Henry in a party room at the rink, surrounded by jocks and family members and thrashing at a piñata. She rolls over: "Henry?" The chanting stops. A clown snaps a balloon. Henry lifts his blindfold and stares dully at Jen. "Hi," she says uncomfortably. Jocks at a roller-skating party? Did Mr. and Mrs. Parker spike the punch or something? Then Jen and Henry go into Henry's dad's study and start playing with his gun, and Henry accidentally shoots himself in the -- oh, wait, I've gotten this confused with Dead Scott's fatal birthday fete on .
The woman who sings the Kohl's theme song really needs to look into a different career. Like, say, sitting very quietly and not singing.
At a restaurant in Capeside, Ethan enthuses, "You had a '57 Ford Thunderbird? I can't believe it -- that's my dream car!" I don't like Ethan, but I've driven a '57 T-bird, and the guy's got good taste in cars. Anyway, Angry describes the T-bird to Ethan in loving tones and asks Jack if he remembers the picture his mother took of the two of them with the car when Jack was a baby. Jack says sourly that he must have "blocked it out." Angry, taken aback, falls silent. Ethan jumps in to ask why Angry got rid of the T-bird, and Angry says that, with kids and everything, it was an "impractical" car, but oh, how he loved it; Jack seethes in Angry's direction. More car talk. Angry says Jack used to beg him for rides in the T-bird and asks Jack if he remembers that; Jack says coldly, "I think I already said 'no.'" Angry sips his coffee awkwardly before suggesting that they all hit the classic car museum down the road. Ethan says it sounds great. Angry turns to Jack. "Great," Jack says, his voice dripping with sarcasm. Ethan looks down at his plate.
Campfire. Pacey, digging a break around the fire, finds a metal box buried in the dirt. He hauls it up and calls out to Dawson, and Dawson cuts short a brood session by the water and jogs over, chuckling that he "completely forgot" about the box. They open it up and start taking things out, like the ticket stubs for Dawson's first viewing of Jurassic Park, and the second viewing, and the third. Pacey: "That's just sad, man." Dawson: "Tell me about it." Everyone else on earth: "Where would we start?" Pacey finds Deputy Doug's pocket knife, for the theft of which he apparently took a spanking even though his father never found the evidence. Then Dawson unearths a photo of him and "Little Joey Potter." Please stop calling her that, Giant Headed Leery. It's patronizing, it's annoying, and she's not that little. "God, look how beautiful she was, even then. We had no idea," Dawson says wistfully, holding up a photo of two gnome-like children for Pacey's perusal. Pacey says quietly, "You must have been deaf, dumb, and blind not to notice." Then they find The Secret Code Of Pacey Witter And Dawson Leery, which they apparently drew up the day they became blood brothers and swore an oath of loyalty. I had to take cover beneath my desk to avoid a hail of skillets, but I think Dawson said something like, "Isn't it weird how you can just put your friendship with somebody in a box, bury it, and just completely forget about it?" Whatever, Selfish McAbsorption -- like you haven't blown Pacey off a hundred times since this show began. Pacey looks ashamed and mutters, "Yeah."
Back at the roller rink, Henry and Jen skate around as a lousy remake of OMD's "If You Leave" plays in the background. Jen assures Henry that she didn't turn the stalker tables on him; she stumbled onto his birthday party accidentally, "so [he] can stop being mad." Henry says he isn't mad, but rather humiliated. Jen rightly points out that he lied to her about the party, didn't invite her to it, and then she had to meet his family attired in Victoria's Secret-wear, so he doesn't get to play the humiliated card. Henry drones on some more about the babyishness of the roller rink and how he thought she wouldn't understand; Jen blathers on a bit about Henry's innocence, and how attractive she finds it, and how he won't know what she'll understand until he lets her try, and he doesn't have to hide his true self. He asks if she forgives him. She says she doesn't like being lied to. He says he understands if she never wants to speak to him again and skates off. Jen rolls her eyes and mutters, "So dramatic," and skates after him. Heh. Finding him at the edge of the rink, she tells him she would have gotten him "Born To Run" on vinyl as his present, but when he dissed her, she returned it and bought herself "some angry chick music" instead. He says he guesses "it's the thought that counts." She throws her boa around his neck and they kiss. They make up. Pass the amphetamines.
Classic car museum. Angry prating on about the classic cars therein, Ethan nodding politely, and Mt. St. Jack preparing to blow up. Finally, Jack interrupts Angry and asks to speak to Ethan for a minute. Ethan, who can probably tell what's coming, trails Jack a few feet away and asks, "What's up?" Jack lets Ethan have it: he didn't invite Ethan to visit so that they could hang out with Angry, who hates Jack and doesn't try to understand him; Angry would shed tears over a car but not over his own son; Angry "stopped being [Jack's] father a long time ago"; you get the gist. A brief reaction shot of Angry, overhearing the exchange and looking like he just got punched in the solar plexus; cut back to Jack, describing the evening with Angry as "a nightmare." Ethan tries to get Jack to calm down; just then, Angry interrupts, pretending he didn't hear anything and asking with a tremor in his voice if the boys can get home okay on their own. "Yes," Jack says stridently, rolling his eyes. Angry walks past Jack, then turns around and says tightly, "You know, I really thought things were getting better. I was so grateful for tonight. I cancelled my business trip this weekend to spend time with you." Jack has the grace to look a little ashamed of himself as Angry adds, "I guess I'm just not the father you want -- or need," and turns away. Jack looks like he might cry.
Campfire. Dawson asks Pacey if he's awake. "Wide awake," Pacey reports. Dawson announces, as if anyone gives a fiddler's fart, that it's just occurred to him "what in [his] life hasn't lost its luster with time." "Luster"? And for the last time, knock it off with the Methusaleery routine. YOU'RE SIXTEEN! "It's my friendships," Dawson says, adding that he might feel unsure of a lot of things, but he'll always feel sure of Pacey, "and Joey." "Me and Joey, huh?" Pacey asks flatly. The skillet blizzard begins again as Dawson calls Pacey "pure loyalty" and "still the guy who'd do anything for a friend," blah dee blah. Pacey looks disgusted with himself and asks, "And Joey?" "Joey?" Dawson repeats, and everyone in North America steels themselves for the utterance of The "S" Word: "She's my conscience. My soulmate. My inspiration." Pacey closes his eyes, possibly because the sound of millions of people barfing is giving him a headache, and Dawson says, "The point is, I'm really glad to have you guys in my life. I'd be lost without you." Pacey appears to consider copping to the kiss again, but thinks better of it and tells Dawson pointedly that if Pacey personifies loyalty, "it's only 'cause you cast me in the role. You're the storyteller, you know? You see everything and figure out what it means. Did you see the look on those kids' faces when you were telling them that story tonight -- how caught up they were? You're the guy who builds this fantastic world. You just let the rest of us live in it." Yeah -- too bad his head hogs all the sunlight in said world. Dawson adopts his usual smug I-richly-deserve-all-these-ridiculous-compliments-and-many-more face, then comments that it doesn't feel all that fantastic these days. "It will, bro," Pacey says, closing his eyes again.
Wing Chun: "Not! Line."
Sars: " . . . 'soulmates'?"
Wing Chun: "Oh god, I know."
Sars: "I hate this crappy show."
Wing Chun: "Me too."
Sars: "Are you a jean or a khaki?"
Wing Chun: "Huh?"
Sars: "You know the -- oh, no. It's back on."
McPhee Manor. Jack and Ethan get ready for bed. No, not that kind of "ready," or that kind of "bed," unfortunately. Anyway, Jack sulks out of the bathroom in his sleeveless t-shirt and shorts and wishes Ethan a brusque good night. I know Jack is miffed at Angry, and I can sympathize, but he's acting kind of rude to Ethan, his guest, and where I come from, you suck it up until the guest goes home. Anyway, Ethan thinks they should "talk about what happened," but Jack would prefer to "pretend it's all a bad dream." Ethan says sadly that he knows Jack's mad at him, but he only wanted to help; Jack says he isn't mad at Ethan, he's "just mad." Jack goes on to say that that night, Angry had made it look "like [Angry] was the victim in this whole thing" and like Jack is "some kind of malicious ogre, but it's not like that." Ethan shakes his head and tells Jack that "you're both victims here. And it's not gonna get any better unless you start letting go of some of that anger." That sounds like typical patronizing Gayoda-speak from Ethan, but he actually toned down the condescension for this scene. Still, Jack rounds on Ethan and spits that his father's to blame for making him so angry: "I mean, a year, Ethan, a whole year he spends walking around like I'm the worst thing that ever happened to him, and he cancels one trip so he can, he can passive-aggressively throw it back into my face, and now everything's supposed to magically fall back into place?" Jack chucks something across the room, snarling, "It doesn't work like that!" Ethan sadly tells Jack "how it does work," that if Jack stays angry, he and his father will lose another year, and another one, "and before long one morning you're gonna wake up one morning and realize that you need him, or he needs you, and it's gonna be too late." Jack, properly chastised, thinks this over. Ethan adds that "letting go of your anger" has another nice benefit, namely that Jack won't have to carry it around anymore. Jack looks down. "Just think about it," Ethan tells him, and gets into bed. As Demian pointed out, Ethan, it's called "a haircut." Look into it. Jack and Ethan wish each other good night, and Jack crawls into bed, looking pensive.
Ryan Home. Joey finishes brushing her hair and leaves Andie and her WaterPik in the bathroom to join Jen on the bed. "Weird night, huh?" she says to Jen awkwardly, then checks to see if Andie's still flossing before launching into a Byzantine lead-up to the kiss story, which she "can't believe [she's] telling" Jen about. Jen puts her copy of Bright Lights, Big City down -- yeah, yeah, jaded New Yorkers, we get it, cancel the anvil -- and waits patiently for Joey to get to the point. When Joey finally does, Jen says she figured that "this thing would come to a head sooner or later." Heh -- she said "head." Joey says, a little too quickly, that "nothing came to a head, there is no 'thing,'" she's just tweaked out and angry and doesn't understand why Pacey would "do something like this," it came out of nowhere. "If it came out of nowhere, then how come I'm not surprised?" Jen asks mildly, and when Joey shoots her a dismayed "huh?" look, Jen tells her, "You should ask yourself, Joey, if this is really 'nothing,' then why are you so upset and so confused?" Joey continues to stare at Jen before breaking into an embarrassed half-smile. She starts to answer, then settles for slumping back on a bolster pillow. Jen picks up her book again.
Angry taps away on a calculator in his study. Jack materializes in the doorway, wearing a bathrobe. A bathrobe? Did he come downstairs by way of the The Ropers soundstage? Anyway, Angry says coldly, "It's late. What is it?" Jack slumps into a chair and says he wanted to ask Angry why: "Why this weekend, why this trip, why now, when for the past year you've treated me like a leper." Angry removes his drugstore bifocals wearily, gets up, and goes to sit in the chair opposite Jack: "It was just -- time." Apparently, Angry got to talking with one of his co-workers, whose son just failed out of college for the fourth time and has a drug problem and stole a car and a bunch of other bad stuff, and "it just suddenly occurred to me: Jack is a good kid." Jack looks touched as Angry continues, "I have a good kid, and I don't even know him. [Long pause.] But I want to know him. So I cancelled my trip." The lower half of Jack's face crumples into crying position; Angry says briskly, "Look, I don't see what the big deal is. Somebody had to make the first move." Jack gets it in hand and says mildly, "I just didn't think it would be you." Now it's Angry's turn to try not to bawl, and he picks up a pawn from the chess set they're sitting beside and moves it forward; Mark McGwire steals up behind the couch and prepares to bludgeon me with The Baseball Bat Of Belabored Visual Metaphor. Jack moves a chess piece also. Father and son gaze at one another with tears in their eyes. Jack smiles. A familial-resolution-type flute tootles.
Campsite. Pacey finishes packing up and says he'll see Dawson later, and he prepares to herd the young'uns home. Buzz tells Dawson to watch out for "Max and his bloody axe," although I suspect even Paul Bunyan's axe would have a job of work splitting open Dawson's giant head. Dawson sighs a Sigh Of Reminiscence. Whatever, L'il Proust.
At a general store, Buzz announces his intention to get all sugared up on Pixy Stix and cola. Pacey suggests a healthier snack like pretzel sticks. Buzz tries to bargain, but Pacey stops listening, because Joey has just emerged from a nearby aisle. Pacey, hypnotized: "Hey." Joey, unprepared but remaining calm: "Hey." Katie Holmes looks very pretty in this scene; I like the redder lipstick. Buzz, gleeful: "Hey!" Pacey tells Buzz that, if he'll give Pacey and Joey ten minutes alone, Pacey will give Buzz ten sodas and a box of sugar, "what d'you say?" "Done!" Buzz says. Pacey gives him a crumpled bill and Buzz heads for the candy counter. Pacey says "hey" again. Joey says "hey again," and they both start to apologize for "the other night," and Joey tells Pacey to go first; Pacey stammers that he wanted to say that he's sorry, that Joey's right about the ripple effect and pissing Dawson off and everything, that what he did "was monumentally stupid." Joey's face goes dull with disappointment, but she covers it and nods along while Pacey adds that "it was an impulse, plain and simple, one that has left my body. Permanently. Promise," but as he finishes the sentence, his eyes look very sad, and it's clear that he's trying to convince himself as much as Joey. Joey reassures him with a too-broad smile, admitting that "it's okay, I mean -- I totally overreacted, I mean, something isn't a big deal unless you let it be, and, and it's, it's not a big deal. Why get so upset?" We know she's full of it, but still -- ouch -- and Pacey's face treats us to a reenactment of Ralph Wiggum's heart breaking in slo-mo after Lisa dissed him at the Krusty show on The Simpsons. Joey keeps going in the same convincing-herself vein that Pacey did, blathering about how "it obviously meant nothing . . . right?" "Right," says Pacey, in a trance of defeat, "because what I did was a mistake." "Okay," Joey says too brightly, and Pacey tries to shake it off: "Right, well, uh, I guess that puts us back to just being friends." He holds out his hand with a weak smile. Joey takes the hand with a too-wide smile of her own and says, "Definitely," and they shake on it. Both their faces fall immediately afterwards, though, and Pacey makes to get the hell out of Dodge City, saying that once Buzz gets all that sugar in him blah blah blah midgetcakes, and Joey smiles and says she guesses she'll see him later, and Pacey says softly that he'll see her later, and he walks off, and Joey looks down and sighs a sort of Ally McBeal-esque "well, that went well -- not" sigh, and then she watches Pacey leave with Buzz.
Outside, Pacey and Buzz head off with their backpacks. Buzz teases Pacey about the girl he "wanted to kiss," and Pacey denies that that girl and Joey are the same person. Behind them, Joey comes out onto the porch of the general store and watches the boys' retreating backs as she leans on a pillar, and she smiles at them fondly, and then her face falls again. Come on, girlfriend -- it's him or Dawson, after all. Don't let us down.