Props to the Kids in the Hall (oh, you'll see why), and to Sars, even though she didn't watch this episode and really can't appreciate what I went through this week.
Previously on Dawson's Creek: The late, lamented Principatundé sentenced Pacey to be some poor child's mentor; Dawson was annoyed that his parents pretended to be married (for the purposes of deceiving that B & B critic); Pacey bought Joey a wall, and she marveled at his ability to challenge her in new and unexpected ways.
In a wood-paneled SUV, Joey "Rembrat" Potter is telling Pacey "Darrill" Witter that she never thought she'd ever have a practical use for those ballroom dance lessons she took. Pacey is surprised to learn that there's going to be dancing at "this thing," which he thought Joey'd told him was only "self-congratulatory award-giving." While driving, he unfolds a flyer (kids, don't try that at home), and Joey tells him that she's going to a very important ceremony where A.J. will be reading his work in front of professors and other poobahs from his department (and I guess Sars's invitation got lost in the mail, because I know how much she'd enjoy seeing that), and that A.J.'s the youngest student ever to win the -- "Creative Viting [sic] Award?" Pacey reads off the flyer. When I first watched the show (without the closed captions on), I thought he was suggesting that A.J. had won the Creative Biting Award, in which case I would have been able to support his win wholeheartedly; A.J. does bite in new and creative ways no other person could hope to match or imitate. Joey says that Pacey's misreading the calligraphy, which style of lettering Pacey dismisses as "pretentious." Joey glares. Pacey tells her not to mind him, and just to have a good time this weekend. Joey very seriously says, "I will. I mean, this could be the most romantic night of my life. I mean, it's not every day that I get invited to elegant dinners with distinguished guests, accompanied by a friend who --" Pacey takes issue with Joey's describing A.J. as a "friend," and Joey shrugs and stammers for a while until Pacey informs her that she and A.J. are "friends who kiss." As if speaking to a particularly stupid child, Joey patiently explains to Pacey that long-distance relationships don't necessarily follow the same structures and rules as other types of relationships -- short-distance relationships, I guess. As he pulls into a parking lot and walks around the back of his car to open the trunk, Pacey agrees, and says that's why a long-distance relationship is perfect for her -- because it's not real. Joey asks what he means, and he tells her that for her to get to put on a "pretty dress and go to the ball with college Prince Charming" isn't real, but a fairy tale. I'll say; the word "charming" should never appear anywhere close to a descriptive phrase about A.J.
Joey tells Pacey that, "fairy tale or not," she still feels what she feels, though she has yet to tell anyone exactly what she does feel. Which is just as well, because, again, I don't want to hear those words in close proximity to the initials A and J, either. Pacey, without meeting her gaze, says that what Joey has is "an eyes-closed wish." Joey chirps -- all together now: "Sometimes wishes come true." Instead of responding to this truism by projecting a spray of vomit all over Joey's American Eagle Outfitters coat, Pacey agrees that wishes do come true, but ultimately, reality creeps in. Ignoring her sneer, he goes on: "The clock inevitably strikes midnight. And then it's pumpkin city. The fantasy fades." Stop. Talking. Joey shoulders her bag and mutters, "Try to have a good weekend, Pacey. Thanks for the ride" He watches her head into the train station and calls after her, "Have a good time!" As the strains (and I do mean "strains") of the theme song swell, Pacey looks wistful. Gee, I wonder if they'll kiss at some point during this episode. Wait, no, I don't wonder anything of the kind, because I've already seen them kiss four thousand times every time there's a station break on the WB.
I know John Frankenheimer's a good director and stuff, but I don't know why he made Madonna try to deliver lines with two Chiclets jutting out of her mouth. Or maybe she got her front teeth capped. It's hard to tell.
Various establishing shots of morning in Capeside bring us to the exterior of a restaurant, which is sporting a large banner reading "Opening Soon." Some random person unloads some random items from the bed of a pickup truck, and drops one of said items on the ground. Inside, Gale "Weathers" Leery carries a tray with practiced ease and announces, "We could have a winner here." She sets the tray down on the bar in front of Dawson "Anthony Whingella" Leery, who says he hopes she's right. They each take a mug off the tray as Gale sarcastically asks, "Why? Just because my restaurant opens in less than a week and I still haven't found a chef?" "Or waiters. Or menus," Dawson adds. Gale, panicked, asks him if he means that the menus still haven't arrived from the printer. Dawson reminds her that they sent them back yesterday due to a typo. Gale asks Dawson to keep screening the wait staff applicants (because he's qualified to do that), and that she hopes that they've finally found their kitchen talent. They each take a taste from their mugs and make disgusted faces; the consensus seems to be that the chowder sucks. Sort of like -- nah, too easy. Gale suggests that they "steal Bodie from the Potters," and Dawson reminds her that Bessie and Alexander kind of need him more than Gale does. Gale breezily says that chowder is "hard to master" (in which case she may want to re-think the theme of her restaurant, and move...you know...away from seafood -- although I'm really looking forward to the day someone comes in and orders fishcakes) and that she has to go to the printer. She tells Dawson not to worry, that everything's going to be fine.
As soon as she's out of earshot, Dawson scoffs, but gets a break from judging his mother's business acumen due to the arrival behind him of Jack "Invisible Man" and Andie "Cheat and Run" McPhee. Dawson thanks Jack for picking up the sign (which is in his hands) but Jack tells him that seeing it may "exacerbate the insanity" because the sign is only half-finished, and lacks any lettering; it seems the sign dude told Gale he needed the restaurant's name by today, and didn't get it, and now has another job. Andie unhelpfully suggests that they position the restaurant as a place too cool even to have a name. Before Dawson can shoot down this idea, a comical (not) foreigner appears in the door and, in an indeterminate eastern European accent, says he's here about the chef job. Dawson asks Jack and Andie, "You guys hungry?"
Okay. As some of you already know, this episode involved Pacey's spending a lot of time with his young, troubled mentee, played by Jonathan Lipnicki. But I have no intention of dignifying such a sad and outdated attempt at stunt-casting by transcribing any of those scenes, and will instead condense the entire plotline thusly: Lipnicki plays a kid with the improbable name of "Buzz." He has already gone through three mentors who quit because he was such a big pain in the ass. Although he tells Pacey that his dad is dead, the truth is that he left Lipnicki (as who wouldn't?) and his mom (well, she's to blame as well) and started a new family in Nantucket. Although we're supposed to believe that Lipnicki is nine years old, he has not developed physically at all since he starred in Jerry Maguire nearly five years ago, and only comes up to Joshua Jackson's waist, which is alarming. Lipnicki also evinces numerous speech impediments that may have been cute when he was five, but aren't, in the least, anymore. Instead of sending this poor, developmentally arrested child to a talent agency, his parents should have taken him to an endocrinologist and a speech therapist. But they didn't, and because of their negligence I had to watch this homunculus call Joshua Jackson "Pissy." So, because this storyline was so insulting to me, and because I believe that you deserve better than my dignifying it with my notice, I shall instead transcribe a skit with a similar plotline from the second season of Kids in the Hall in place of each Buzz/Pacey scene. You're welcome.
A mom, played by Kevin McDonald, dresses a kid (played by a kid) in a leather hockey jacket. The kid is whining, "Tell him I'm sick!" "Sick with what, John?" asks his mom. "Cancer! Anything! Tell him I'm sick of him!" John's mom, with increasing irritation, says, "John, today is my day. Now, you're the one who wanted the Big Brother, so you're going to get out of the house, mister, because I want one day of peace and QUIET!" The doorbell rings, and John's mom answers it, finding on the other side Darrill (played by Mark McKinney) in a fur hat with earflaps and a bolo tie. "Hello, hello!" Darrill crows, and, checking his watch, congratulates himself for being "right on time." Making air quotes, he asks where his "Little Brother" is. John's mom (Marian) yanks John over by the arm, and Darrill squats and greets John as "you little firecracker," "little soldier," "you old hound dog quarterback rock and roll Dennis the Menace Indian warrior." John passively submits to Darrill's attentions until Darrill gets discouraged and stands up to tell Marian she looks nice. She says, "Thank you, Daryl," and he corrects her: "da-RILL." She tells them to have a nice day, and rubbing his hands together with mock malevolence, he tells her, "Be positive we will!" He opens the door and calls to John to follow him, but John stands catatonically in the foyer and doesn't move until Marian gets behind him and shoves him out the door.
Pan down into the waiting area of a much larger train station. Joey glances about looking, we may presume, for A.J., and spots a hand-lettered sign reading "POTTER, JOSEPH" held high above the heads of the crowd. Joey smiles and waves, and as the crowd parts, we see that the sign is in the hand of a thirty-four-year-old blonde woman we've never seen before. I guess A.J. sent his mom to get Joey. When Joey sees it's not A.J., her face falls but she recovers quickly and introduces herself. The blonde girl introduces herself as "Morgan, A.J.'s oldest friend." Just as I suspected, she is really old. Joey asks where A.J. is, and Morgan explains that he's still trying to decide what to read "tomorrow night." Joey mumbles something about feeling like she fell asleep on the train and woke up "the protagonist in a Kafka story." Morgan grins and says, "Well, there's the wit, just like he said." "'The wit'?" Joey asks, and Morgan replies, "The famous Potter wit." No one, anywhere, has ever talked like that, and if someone said that to you -- even if you had said something witty -- you'd either assume he was taking the piss, and poke him in the eye, or you'd pity him for not being able to say something witty in response, and being forced, due to inadequate resources in his own personality, to simply announce that he recognized your wit. But should we expect more from someone who is (a) friends with A.J. and (b) really, really old? Probably not. Morgan tells Joey that A.J.'s told her all about Joey -- "artist, political agitator" -- and hands her a pair of in-line rollerskates because their plan for the day is to go "blading." Joey smiles broadly, but not terribly sincerely. If I may editorialize just a little bit more: Those who force exercise on those who have just stepped off a mass transit vehicle (and are still carrying luggage) are obnoxious.
Another recap site would tell you that Pacey takes Buzz to a video arcade, where Buzz uses the Wack-a-Mole mallet to beat up other, larger kids, but I say that the camera pans back from a painting of an army on horseback, which is being described in a foreign language (Swedish?) by an old, quavery man (played by Scott Thompson) holding a cigarette with a very long ash. Darrill, standing beside Ash Man, occasionally prompts him in the same foreign language, and John, looking very bored, leans on the glass display case on which the painting is being displayed. When Ash Man stops talking, Darrill translates: "He is saying that this battle took place in 1807, and that, looking at you, he imagines you are one of these gallant young horsemen, riding a big chestnut charger to glory." Dully, John says, "Great." Darrill further translates, "Now he is saying that if we visit him seven more times -- only seven more times! -- he will show us his tin soldiers collection! What do you think of that, eh? Aren't we lucky?" John says nothing. Ash Man laughs wheezily. "Our visit gives him much pleasure," Darrill notes.
"Grade" A. "Dickhead" J. Moller shuffles papers in a café. Morgan plops down in a chair beside him. He asks where Joey is, and Morgan says she showed Joey around town, just like A.J. asked. Warningly, A.J. says, "You didn't," in time for the camera to pull back and reveal Joey, gliding into the café in her borrowed rollerblades. A.J. asks how her trip was, and Joey evasively tells him that it was "a trip." A.J. apologizes for not meeting her train himself (which I happen to think is inexcusable on a boyfriend's part), and she nods and doesn't explicitly accept his apology. A.J. asks, "Do you hate me?" and Joey deadpans, "Completely." Well, that makes 15,784,989 of us. They kiss. Morgan says, "Oh, good God. Get a room." A.J. says he hopes Morgan didn't totally wear Joey out, and Joey diplomatically says that it was very informative: "I had no idea that the Charles River ran through so much of the city." A.J. mildly scolds Morgan for taking Joey on that particular trail, and then tells Joey that he'd asked Morgan to pick her up, not take her "on an endurance test." Morgan tells A.J. that he's threatened because Joey is a better blader than he is. Joey smiles and giggles and generally basks in the reflected glow of A.J.'s and Morgan's comfortable friendship, which is actually nice to see from her; she asks how long they've known each other, and Morgan says, "Pretty much since we were zygotes." A.J. elaborates that they grew up in the same town, went to the same high school -- "Same college?" Joey asks. Morgan says that she got bored with "this geek" (word) and, wanting to make some new friends, studied "last semester at Sorbonne." Not "the Sorbonne"? Okay. Plus she pronounces it "Sore Bone," not even the accepted anglicized pronunciation which is more like "Sore Bun." Anyway. The Paris connection impresses Joey, and she tells Morgan that she's always wanted to study in Paris herself (leaving out the part where she explains what she did instead of going to France -- namely, let Dawson drive his boat back and forth over her). In French, and with terrible, terrible pronunciation, Morgan tells Joey, "Later, I'll tell you all his [indicating A.J. with a head-tilt] faults," and A.J. answers, also in appalling French, "Not if I can stop you." Joey doesn't know what they're saying, and says, "Sorry, my French isn't very good," which only means she's in perfect company. A.J. explains that because Morgan likes to embarrass him, he's not going to let Joey and Morgan hang out anymore. Morgan yelps, "See? Threatened." A.J. tells Joey not to be fooled by the "friendly banter," and that they "really can't stand each other." Morgan tells Joey that A.J. wrote about nothing but Joey in all his letters to Morgan, which news pleases Joey. A.J. smiles, and doesn't deny it. Morgan says, "I'll bet he never told you a thing about me." A.J.'s face falls. Well, Morgan, what's there to say? "I can't wait for you to meet this friend of mine; she's like the aging maiden aunt I never had!" Joey gropes for a polite way of saying, "Uh. No," but Morgan bails her out by saying that she can tell Joey and A.J. need some time together. A.J. marvels at her ability to take a hint, and as she gets up to leave, Morgan says that she's glad Joey's here, because she'd been starting to believe Joey was "one of [A.J.'s] fantasies." A.J. confirms superfluously that Joey is real, and Morgan agrees she is: "Flesh and blood." Joey shyly says, "That's me. Joey Potter: Flesh and blood." What? Some alterna-loser on the soundtrack whines, "And I think it's gonna WORK OUT FINE!" This couldn't be some of that foreshadowing I keep hearing so much about, could it?
"Critics are raving about Amanda Peet"? In the sense that lunatics rave?
Andie and Jack, looking queasy, sit at a table littered with ravaged plates. Dawson sets down some "Spanish mackerel quiche" for them to taste. Oh, God. Jack says that Gale needs "some serious help," and Andie idly wonders "what rock these people have been cooking under." Jen "Exit Strategy" Lindley appears at the door, and Dawson mildly jokes about how little he's seen of Jen lately. Dude, she's been promoting If These Walls Could Talk 2. Give her a break. She claims the reason she's been making herself scarce lately is that she's been spending most of her time with Henry "Trenchcoat Mafia" Parker, and then offers her services as a waitress. Dawson acknowledges that Gale "is in immediate need of assistance," and then right on cue a loud crash emanates from the kitchen. Ha. Ha. H- I can't even finish that one. Dawson asks how soon Jen can start. I've seen this plotline so many times before. So have you all. WE DESERVE BETTER.
A couple of crews row on what I guess we're meant to believe is the Charles, to establish that we're back at non-Harvard. In his dorm room, A.J. uses a tissue to dab at Joey's exposed knee, and whines some more about his inability to choose a reading for his awards ceremony. Joey non-sequiturs, "She's pretty." A.J. looks up and pretends not to know who she means. Joey says that Morgan's really pretty and "so smart." And you're basing the latter assessment on --? Because her ear-bleeding French really didn't get that job done for me. A.J. scoffs at the idea that Morgan is smart, and then dabs at Joey's knee some more, whereupon she gasps and flinches, and then asks why A.J. didn't tell Joey about Morgan. A.J. lamely offers, "I don't know. I guess we have so little time together, I figured I'd just concentrate on the big things." Oh, I get it. Like astronomy. ASS. Joey gently asks why he'd think that his oldest (word) friend isn't a big thing. A.J. deflects by asking Joey how much she talks about her friends to him, and Joey unzips the back of her American Eagle Outfitters sweater the better to yank out her own spine, and murmurs, "I guess you're right." A.J. yammers some more about his reading, and Joey asks if he and Morgan ever dated. Not exactly answering, he tells her, "You have absolutely nothing to worry about." He fusses some more with her knee, saying that he doesn't want to get any foreign bodies on her skin because blah blah something about hemoglobin, and she's like, "I know what hemoglobin is," and he says he thinks he has something better than the (I presume) iodine in his hand, and he very slowly leans forward and kisses Joey's boo-boo. ON HER KNEE, get your mind out of the gutter. Joey kind of tenses up with anticipation of...what, she's not sure. He kisses her again, and she says she's feeling a little light-headed, and she thinks her hemoglobin isn't transporting enough oxygen to her brain, ha ha heh, and they start making out, but are (fortunately) interrupted by the appearance of Morgan barging right in on them. She starts to go but A.J. calls her back (eliciting a look of consternation from Joey) and she hunkers down and calls him "Arthur" and advises him to "go with the 'Nature of Love' piece." "'Arthur'?" Joey asks, but they both ignore her, and A.J. asks Morgan if she doesn't think that piece is too old, but she says it isn't, and talks a lot more crap about A.J.'s no-doubt-shitty writing, and then disses the outfit he's already laid out for the ceremony, and then drags Joey out by the arm. Possessive much?
In one universe, Pacey brings Buzz out to work on his boat, and Buzz lies (though Pacey doesn't know it yet) about the whereabouts of his dad. In my universe, John and Darrill sit on a bench in a snowy park that looks a lot like Christie Pits, not far from my house in Toronto. Darrill leans back with his legs really wide apart and his feet in big, ugly white moon boots. John looks glum, and holds a small orange football on his lap. Darrill checks his watch and briskly says, "Right! 1:15. Now is the time that I think you and I should spend 'quality time' together. Now, I know the concerns of a kid aren't the same as a gouty twenty-eight-year-old's [Darrill chuckles], but still, you can tell anything to this Big Brother, my Little Brother." Darrill grins expectantly. John stares into space. Darrill pokes him jovially and says, "Your turn." John turns to Darrill and says, "Okay, Daryl." "da-RILL!" Darrill instantly corrects him, and John continues: "Darrill. Yeah, I've got a problem. I got a girl pregnant." Darrill sputters, "Holy cow! Holy cow -- but you're only eight! Is that possible?" "No," John admits mopily, and gets up and walks a few yards away from the bench. Darrill starts laughing in a forced way, and says, "Ah! You're pulling my leg. You're pulling my leg. Well, that's good. But as far as that whole ministry of women is concerned, I think you should wait. I am."
In her dorm room, Morgan explains to Joey that A.J.'s dad's name is Arthur, and that "A.J." stands for "Arthur Junior." Well, isn't that...well, twee. Let's not gild the lily, here. Joey perches awkwardly on the edge of Morgan's bed as Morgan putters around. Joey says she can't believe A.J. never told her what his initials stood for (and I can't believe she never asked), but Morgan assures her, "You would've gotten it eventually." Glancing around, Joey's gaze alights on a picture, and she points to it and asks, "Who's that?" "A -- a friend," Morgan says. Joey opines that the friend is "gorgeous," and Morgan sort of laughs and keeps puttering. Joey gets up to get a closer look at Morgan's bulletin board, which is festooned with photos of chalk drawings; Joey says she "can't believe people just draw [them] on the sidewalk." Morgan informs her that sidewalk chalk drawing is a classic Parisian tradition. Joey snarks, "Yeah, but who does this kind of work?" and Morgan admits, "Uh. Me," and tells Joey a little background about one particular drawing to cover the awkward moment. She concludes by saying that this semester she's taking photography: "I guess I was wanting something more substantial in my life." She hands Joey a coat to wear the night of the award ceremony, and Joey thanks her. Morgan says that A.J. may yet chicken out and not show up at all, and that "sometimes you really have to kick his butt." She sits down and says that once she gave him this particular kind of paper and told him he couldn't talk to her until he'd filled it up with words: "He didn't talk to me for two weeks." Nice strategy to get yourself a little A.J. vacation, there, Morgan.
Joey says there are so many things she's learning about A.J., every day. Morgan tells Joey that A.J. eats all the peanuts out of Chex Mix, and makes a lame joke about his being banned from parties over it (as if his objectionable personality weren't reason enough not to invite him anywhere). They move on to A.J.'s pasta slurping, and his habit of conjugating Latin verbs under his breath when he gets nervous (DORK), and then Joey opines, "He can kiss." This pulls Morgan up short, and she says, "Yeah, well...." "You don't have to --" Joey says, but Morgan says it's okay and tells Joey that she and A.J. kissed once, and felt weird and silly afterward, and realized that they knew each other too well: "There's just no mystery, so, um, there's absolutely and positively nothing there." Joey crosses her arms and asks Morgan if she has any plans for the night. Morgan starts to say that she's going to do her favourite thing, which is get the early Sunday New York Times, and Joey interrupts to tell her she should come to the ceremony. I had just assumed all along that she was coming, but Morgan demurs, since Joey is A.J.'s girlfriend. Joey insists, saying that Morgan is A.J.'s best friend, and should be there, and that it should be possible for both of them to be part of A.J.'s life. I don't think there's that much A.J. to go around, but then, I guess we'll see.
Jack and Andie don their coats at Gale's still-unnamed restaurant, pleading nausea and begging leave to go home and test the work of no more disappointing chefs. Jen comes out of the kitchen carrying a bunch of dishes for Andie and Jack to try, and of course drops everything on the floor, at which Andie mutters, "Thank you, God." Jen promises Dawson that dish transport is a skill she will learn before the restaurant opens. Gale emerges from the kitchen at the sound of the crash, sees the seafood carnage all over the floor, and yet apparently has been away from TV so long that her every journalistic instinct has left her, and asks, "What happened here?" We hear The Flash before we see him, and he tells Gale that her wait staff is just experiencing the challenge of proper serving. Gale looks shocked to see The Flash (and not in a good way), and says, "Hi?" The Flash bends down to Jen's eye level (since she is still crouched on the floor picking up crockery) and offers to teach her how to carry a stack of dishes, and she thanks him effusively. He laughs affectionately, and Gale thanks him for the offer, but tells him she's "got it covered." The Flash defers to her judgment, and asks, "What can I do?" Gale asks what he means, and he says, "Well, I'm here. Reporting for work? As requested?" Gale says, "Who requested that you come to work?" Both parents glance at each other, and then at Dawson, who tries to look innocent. Oh, geez. I find it totally unbelievable that, given the ultimately amicable nature of their parting, and the fact of The Flash's background in restaurants (I presume, based on his years of planning to open one) that she wouldn't have asked him of her own volition to come help out before her opening. But whatever; I guess once sex is removed from the equation, the writers have to manufacture conflict somehow.
There are some who'd tell you that Buzz asks Pacey for whom he named the "True Love," and that Pacey denies that there's a girl, and that Buzz won't let it go and keeps needling Pacey until Pacey gets sufficiently annoyed to take Buzz home early and threatens not to show up the day at all. But I disagree. John throws the football at Darrill, hits him in the chest with it, and runs further away. Darrill picks up the football and very awkwardly throws it back toward John, but strikes the back of a kid a lot bigger than John, who's standing nearby with a bunch of his also much bigger friends, holding skates and hockey sticks. When the ball hits the kid, John looks back at Darrill in horror. The kid turns around and menacingly asks John why he hit him. John says he didn't, the other kid argues, "Did so," and pushes John a little, whereupon his friends start chanting, "Fight! Fight! Fight!" Darrill walks over to break it up: "Hey, hey, stop that! Stop it! There's not going to be any fighting. There's enough of that in the world, let me tell you, so you just stop your gang-like chanting." To the kid who got hit, Darrill says, "Look, be reasonable." The kid reiterates that John hit him with the ball; John once again protests his innocence, and finally says that Darrill hit the kid. Darrill gives John a sidelong glance, and the kid asks, "You hit me?" Darrill says, "Yes, I did throw the --" and the kid punches Darrill in the face and drops him like a sack of potatoes. Darrill struggles back to his feet and tearfully says, "Stop that! You stop it! What are you looking for, a spanking? Do you want a spanking?"
By candlelight, Joey gazes fondly at A.J., who is freaking out about his reading, now moments away. A woman steps up to the podium and introduces him; he mutters at Joey that he could still make a break for it, and then finally steps up and says, "Tonight I'm reminded of FDR's immortal words, 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself.' Of course, FDR never stood up here." First of all, it's "We have nothing to fear but fear itself." Second, your trotting out your literary piddle from high-school isn't really a fearsome undertaking on a par with, say, ending the Great Depression. Third, no, FDR didn't ever stand behind that podium, because he had polio and was required to use a wheelchair. Fourth, SHUUUUT UUUUUUUUUP. Man, I can't even stand to tell you the content of A.J.'s crappy-ass story, except to say that it's about someone finding "love unspoken" where she least expected to, and that the love-object in the story likes to read the early Sunday New York Times, and that, as A.J. gets into it, he exchanges a meaningful look with a maternally beaming Morgan. Joey notes the meaningful look, and gets all tense and watchful. Dude, A.J. and Morgan SO deserve each other. Just put a damn sweater on over that impractical-for-March-in-Boston strappy chiffon dress and go back to Capeside already.
Maybe Pacey goes to the Capeside Mentoring Program office and complains about how much Buzz sucks, and maybe the head of the program tells him that Buzz has already been through three other mentors, and that because his father left him, Buzz has a need to test people in his life to see if they'll stay, and that he's got the highest IQ in his class but is failing, and that this inspires Pacey to try again to Make A Difference in Buzz's life. Or maybe we see Darrill's legs flailing about on the ground and a metal garbage can over his head. At first all we see is the can being pounded by many hockey sticks, and hear that the "Fight! Fight! Fight!" chant has been taken up again with renewed vigour. As the camera pulls back, we see that John has joined the knot of hockey-playing kids in kicking the crap out of Darrill.
Dawson messes around in the kitchen. Gale tells him that she's very angry with him, and that he had no right to tell The Flash that she needed help. Dawson says, "But Mom, you do." Gale asks where Dawson got "a ridiculous idea like that," and he mentions everything that we've already seen go wrong so far -- the lack of a competent chef, the problems the wait staff is experiencing, blah blah blah...oh, all right, "fishcakes." You know they're on the menu. Dawson complains that Gale put him in charge of tasks he isn't qualified to oversee, and she tells him that calling in her ex-husband isn't the solution. Dawson reminds her that she and The Flash had told her more than once how important it was to them that they remain friends, and that her anger now is confusing him. She asks him rhetorically whether he wants people to tell him how to direct his movies, and then answers her own question by saying that what he wants are people to act in them; she says that this is her career now, and that she thought he of all people would understand that. Dawson snots, "Well, excuse me for not wanting to see you fail, Mom." He tells her that the one thing (uh, nice) she'd ever taught him was not to be too proud to ask for help, and that he doesn't know why she can't take her own advice. He then hikes up his size 28 jeans in order to free up his feet, and stomps out. Gale bites her lip.
Morgan, Joey, and A.J. walk out of the award ceremony. A.J. proudly marvels that one of his profs gave him a bottle of champagne, and Morgan agrees that it's "definitely [his] night." It must be noted that Joey -- in her strappy chiffon sundress -- is walking along with her borrowed coat wide open. Morgan says that A.J.'s lucky Joey broke the heel of her shoe, since A.J. can't dance. They come to the end of the walk in front of the building and stand around awkwardly until Morgan suggests that they all go to the arboretum. A.J. makes no response, so Joey very assertively announces, "I want to go back to your room." A.J. smiles like he can't believe his dumb luck, and Morgan bravely says that she'll have the arboretum all to herself. She starts to go, but Joey stops her, takes off the borrowed coat, and hands it to her. Leaving her shoulders, back, neck, and arms totally exposed. In Boston. IN MARCH. Morgan takes the coat and books. A.J. takes Joey's hand, and even though he's wearing a blazer beneath, totally doesn't take off his coat and give it to her, which, combined with his being too self-involved to pick her up at the train station, is grounds for dismissal.
We see the not-so-happy couple in the hall of A.J.'s dorm. I can understand Joey's walking around outside wearing one shoe and carrying the other, broken one, but once she got inside, wouldn't she take the other one off too? Why do I care? Whatever! Oh, and A.J. is still wearing all his coats, a scarf, fleece-lined boots, a balaclava, and has a duvet wrapped around his shoulders like a pashmina. And Joey's in a bikini. Okay, I'm exaggerating slightly. But ONLY SLIGHTLY. She looks all awkward and uncomfortable and he asks her what's wrong. She says, "You tell me," and asks him if he's feeling guilty right now. He says he isn't, but that he just doesn't like the idea of Morgan being out alone at night. Joey says, "Go join her. I want to go back to your room alone." A.J. doesn't understand, and Joey tells him that this is the most important night of his life, and that he should share it with Morgan, because Morgan is his muse. A.J. sputters that Morgan is just a friend, but Joey says that she's more than that -- that she encourages him to write, is selfless, blah blah blah projectioncakes (because she's totally seeing her own relationship with Dawson here). All the backing-and-forthing is pretty tedious, and it boils down to this: Joey believes that Morgan is in love with A.J., that she is his "love unspoken," like in his stupid story, and that Joey can't stand in the way of his exploring the love she believes exists between Morgan and A.J. Basically, she's dumping him for what she believes is his own good. A.J. claims his heart is broken, but he still goes to find Morgan. Smell ya later, A.J.
One version has Pacey show up at Buzz's house to make him dinner. In that version, Buzz confesses that he'd lied about his dad's death, and Pacey tells Buzz about Joey. In another version, a dishevelled Darrill returns John to his house. Marian asks, "My God, what happened to you?" Darrill, holding a blood-soaked handkerchief to his nose, says, "I'm sorry we're off-schedule, Marian; I was unexpectedly beaten up by a small child, if you can believe it. Don't worry, I'm okay. I think the bleeding has stopped." He takes the handkerchief away, and small stream of blood drizzles out of his nose and over his lips. John, seeing it, grins. Darrill adds, "I just hope the tyke wasn't traumatized. Were you?" John replies, "No, I had a great day." Marian glares at John. Darrill laughs, and says, "Good one, my little leg-puller!" and takes his leave, but not before correcting Marian once more on the pronunciation of his name. She closes the door behind him, and John pleads, "Mom, please marry someone! Marry the milkman! Your janitor! Your boss!"
Joey walks into the train station in the middle of the night and sees that the train to Capeside doesn't leave until 9 AM. She glances at the waiting area, where a couple of dodgy-looking people are sharing a bottle. She turns to a pay phone and makes a call.
Jen walks along the boardwalk and finds a moping Dawson. She offers to talk, and he thanks her by complaining about her having been "wrapped up in her own little world." Instead of leaving him to stew in his own self-righteous juices, she admits that she's been "pathetic" over Henry. Well, no argument there. She says that she overheard the fight Dawson had with his mom, and then "caught a mini-version" of Gale's wrath herself, after breaking a few more plates. Dawson says he thinks "the pressure of the restaurant has finally gotten to her," since all he wanted to do was help, and she "completely unloaded on me." Dawson, how long would it have taken you to ASK your mother if she'd like for you to call The Flash? Seconds? I know she's busy, but she would have had time for that conversation. Instead you decided that you knew her business better than she did, and you know what? People really hate it when you tell them their business. Jen tells him he was trying to help himself too, by putting his family back together. Dawson says he isn't, and that Jen saw how mad he was over the B&B deception, and Jen says that's because that was fake, and this is real. Dawson says he knows they're not getting back together, and asks, "So what am I doing?" Instead of answering, Jen points out a spot a few yards away and reminds him that a couple of years ago, on that spot, he asked her to dance, and told her he wanted to be her "boy adventure." Dawson snickers and asks, "Did I really say that?" Oh yes. I remember it well. Jen says that on the outside he's matured, but he's still as sweet and naïve and honest as ever deep down "in his core" there's a part of him that rejects reality, and is eternally hopeful, and wants his parents back together. Dawson has no response to that, but I'd like to register my objection at the description of Dawson as "sweet."
Joey cries in the train station waiting room. She wipes her face at the appearance of Pacey. He asks what happens, and she says nothing happened. He prompts her: "You got bored? You got homesick? He finally ripped off his rubber mask and revealed his true alien features? What?" Joey collects her things and stomps out, saying she doesn't want to talk about it. Pacey follows, saying, "Oh. Well, forgive me if I'm having just a little bit of trouble with the no-questions-asked part." Yeah, really. I think that's probably a pretty long drive to make in the middle of the night; he is entitled to some kind of explanation, not to mention -- hello? -- a little gratitude? And why is she crying so much over A.J.? She knew him for like five minutes!
Anyway, morning dawns in Capeside and Dawson strides into the restaurant, which looks a lot better put together than it did when he stomped out of it earlier. Gale is sitting at the bar and wishes him a good morning. He says he was about to apologize for having undercut her authority, and to offer his help, but that it looks like she's doing fine without him. She hands him a cup, which he expects to be coffee, but which instead contains clam chowder which he judges to be really good. To make a long story marginally shorter, she's decided on a name -- "Leery's Fresh Fish" -- and Dawson starts to say he thought that's what The Flash was going to call his restaurant when The Flash cuts in, "It's her name too, Dawson." Turns out that Gale is very good at delegating. She hired The Flash as a general manager, gave Bodie a partnership interest, and, recognizing that Jen would never make a good waitress, decided to make her a hostess instead. Dawson is impressed that they work so well together. Yes. Good for them. In a world where "good for them" means "whatever."
Pacey drives along the highway and asks if Joey's ever going to speak again. She snaps, "What do you want me to say, Pacey? 'You were right'? You were right, okay? Right, as always. Pacey Witter: The only person in my life who ever speaks the truth." This evidently isn't what Pacey wants to hear and he says that her assessment of him "is not entirely accurate." She tells him that he told her what was going to happen, and he begs to know what did happen. Joey wearily says, "There was another girl," which is true on its face, but misleading. Pacey does a long blink, and says, "Oh. I'm sorry, Jo." She says that the whole time she was watching them, she kept thinking, "This is it. This is real, just like Pacey said. This is the real thing. And it reminded me once again what exactly I don't have." Pacey says that if she keeps looking, she'll find it. Joey says that she won't, and that it should be obvious by now that she isn't meant to. Uh, Joey, Morgan is the thirty-four-year-old single chick -- not you. You're only sixteen. Pacey also points out her age, but Joey says that the reason she thinks she'll never find a "real" relationship is that in her whole life there have only been two people who've really known her: "Dawson and --" Pacey protests that A.J. didn't really know her, and she tells him, "I was going to say 'you,' Pacey." This pushes Pacey over the edge, and he abruptly pulls the car over. They both get out and he demands, "What did you mean by that?" "By what?" Joey snaps. "About me knowing you better than anybody else," he clarifies, and she says, "Exactly what I said, Pacey. You know me, okay, in a way no one besides Dawson ever --" "I'm not talkin' about Dawson, right now, I'm talkin' about me. I mean, you can't keep on doing this to me, Potter!" Joey squeals, "Doing what? So, I count on you, I tell you secrets --" "And you call me in the middle of the night to pick you up? Why?" Joey misunderstands him, and angrily apologizes for having called, and Pacey urgently says, "I'm not mad that you called me -- I just want to know why you called me." Joey says he was the first person she thought of, and he asks, "And what does that mean, Jo?" Joey says it means that she can talk to him, and that he's there for her. Pacey asks, "Don't you ever get tired of talking, Jo?" Joey says she doesn't, and Pacey says, "I don't want to talk anymore." Joey demands, "What are you trying to say, Pacey?" and he reaches out with both hands, grabs her face, and plants one on her. The camera immediately cuts away. The first scene in MONTHS that's rung true, with good performances by all participants -- one that really made me feel Pacey's urgency and terror and Joey's willful misunderstanding of his meaning -- and that's all we get until April. DAMMIT!