Thanks to Mister Patrick Leswick, LuluB, Trooper6, Skeets, Kisle, and Wing.
And so begins Sars's last wrap of Season Two, for an episode in which not much at all took a rather long time to unfold. Fade up on the Sanctum Dawsonorum, where Dawson "Count Schlockula" Leery agonizes over his essay question while Casablanca plays on the VCR. Nicole "La Filmette" Kennedy has assigned an essay on the following topic: "Compare and contrast Humphrey Bogart's character arc in Casablanca to one of your own life. Use examples." La Filmette seems to have forgotten that Dawson wouldn't know a character arc if it crawled into one of his giant nostrils and nested there, but anyway, Dawson starts to tap away on his laptop about the character arc of Miss Kennedy, "sadistic film teacher-slash-father's new girlfriend," and types a few snide comments about the way she punted his movie for the extra point while referring to himself as Miss Kennedy's "helpless nemesis," and then he hits Ctrl-A and deletes the whole thing as the camera pans a circle around his product-placed Snapple lemonade. Dawson runs his hands through his hair, at a loss for both inspiration and correct blocking; meanwhile, The Flute Of Melancholy that seems to crop up in half the scenes on this show tootles away in the background. After Dawson whines about feeling the need to please people who dislike him (i.e. everyone), Joey "Right Soul, Wrong Mate" Potter tells him not to get his knickers in a twist: "It's your film final, this should be a no-brainer for you." Dawson non-modestly responds, "I know." Shut up, Dawson. Joey suggests that he interview somebody, and Dawson decides to "present [his] film final on-camera," despite the fact that this brilliant idea has not thing one to do with the assignment as outlined. Dawson wants to interview Joey for the project; Joey tells him to forget it. Dawson tells Joey that she has "gone through changes this year" and therefore she has a character arc; Joey says that Dawson has already immortalized her on film once (i.e. once too many times), and she doesn't want him to do it again, so he can "find another sucker -- uh, subject." Like, ha ha. Not. Dawson tries once more with "the camera loves you," and Joey pretends to fall for this by agreeing to say something, and she leans into the lens and says, "Good luck," and then she grabs her stuff and kisses him goodbye and leaves as Dawson does his imitation of a Fraggle frowning wryly.
Dear God in heaven, please let them re-shoot the credits for season.
Nice wig, Duff. Now go away.
Montage of outdoor Capeside scenes, during which the production designer has the gall to include footage of a pair of swans paddling along together. Swans, of course, mate for life; mating for life, of course, must make them -- all together now -- soulmates. Excuse me while I extricate myself from beneath this anvil and inform the writers that we do indeed GET THE POINT.
All righty, then. Over at McPhee Manor, Andie "Princess Moonbeam" McPhee appears for breakfast to find her father at the table. "What are you doing here?" she asks, pouring herself a cup of the last thing she needs, i.e. coffee. Mr. McPhee says that he came to see her. Andie: "Funny, I seem to remember that you're not welcome here." Mr. McPhee ignores this dig, murmuring that he knows they have some things to work out, and they will work them out, but he came back because he's worried about Andie: "I know about Tim, and everything else that's been going on with you." Andie bustles over to get some juice, telling her father not very convincingly that she did have a bad week, but Pacey and Jack helped her through it, and now she's fine, so Mr. McPhee doesn't need to worry about her and she doesn't need him there. Mr. McPhee objects, "This is serious." Andie responds coldly, "So why are you here?" Jack "The Sane One" McPhee comes in and tells her, "I called him." Andie: "How could you do that to me?" Jack apologizes as Mr. McPhee defends Jack's decision and says, "I had no idea that your -- situation was this extreme." Andie mocks his use of the word "situation," sneering, "What is that -- another vague description of events so that you can deal with it?" [Andie, the word you're grasping for is "euphemism." I'm sure you know it. -- Wing Chun] Mr. McPhee backs away and says that they can discuss it when they "get home," and suggests that Andie start packing. "'Packing'?" Andie repeats, while Jack says, "You didn't say anything about leaving." Mr. McPhee: "It's a decision I've come to." Andie says they can't leave because they have finals, but Mr. McPhee counters that Jack can stay one more week and he'll call the school to get Andie excused. Andie says she won't let him do this. Mr. McPhee points out, "You need perpetual supervision right now. [If it's only for "right now," wouldn't that mean it's not "perpetual" but, maybe, "constant"? -- Wing Chun] Your mother does too. I've spoken to your current doctor about our options. We'll get through this." Andie says accusingly, "So we have no choice." Mr. McPhee says, "I'm not asking." Andie glares at Jack and stomps out as Jack says, "I'm sorry -- I didn't know!" and then scowls at his father and walks away.
Capeside High. As they walk down the hall, Jen "Wee Wee Wee" Lindley asks Dawson what he wants her to say; Dawson, camcorder in hand, tells her to "talk about some of the changes [she's] gone through in the past year." Jen refers to "America's Most Hideous Video Moments" and "Candid Camera," and Dawson cajoles her some more, and Jen makes a sarcastic comment about sharing her "deepest, darkest, most intimate secrets" for Dawson's stupid little homework assignment. Dawson says she doesn't have to do it if it offends her. Jen says no, it's okay, that she "should probably talk about it," and she works up some fake tears and does a shaggy-dog routine about cutting her hair short. Dawson stares at her in weary disbelief as she tells him that "making a major hairstyle change like that is a very traumatic event in a young girl's life," a statement I agree with, especially in the case of Jen's hair's "character arc" thus far this season, which constitutes not so much an arc as an arrow pointing straight down or into the nearest toilet, and then Jen smirks all wise-assedly and takes off down the hall.
, Dawson attempts to lure Jack in front of the camera, but Jack politely declines, citing the "disaster" of this particular day, and when Dawson walks up to Joey with camcorder and nostrils at the ready, Joey says "no" before he can get a word out. When he asks why not, Joey tells him, "Look, stalker paparazzi is not a flattering occupation, Dawson. Give it up." To make up for the fact that that line made no sense, Joey gives him a slurpy little kiss and walks away as Dawson watches her. Waiter? Oh, waiter? Could I have an espresso, please?
Fade to Dawson approaching his victim, Pacey "Look Upon My Works, Ye Mighty, And Despair!" Witter. Dawson explains the idea behind the interview, and Pacey says, "For just three easy payments of $29.95, you too can go from town pariah to upstanding citizen in just six months." First of all, enough with the Ron Popeil imitation. Second of all, "pariah"? No offense, Pacey, but I don't think anyone in Capeside cared enough about you to make a point of ostracizing you, so whatever. In any case, Pacey agrees to help Dawson, and they go into one of Capeside High's many empty classrooms. Dawson sets up a makeshift tripod and asks how Pacey did it, and Pacey says he didn't do anything; without Andie, he would have had to repeat his sophomore year at best, and at worst, he would have wound up "living under a highway somewhere." Dawson says, "Give me a break, Pacey. [Word.] I mean, you had some outside inspiration, but you're the one who grabbed your life by the balls and turned things around." "Balls"? Pacey corrects him, "Dawson, my only accomplishment this year was to find an inspiration like Andie, and everything else just stemmed from her." Let me get this straight -- she nags you to study a few times and then goes crazier than the Manson family, and this makes her your emotional mentor? What. Ever. Dawson says politely, "The classic hero who changes for the love of a woman," although he also is clearly thinking, "Whatever." Pacey says tensely, "Not exactly, bud. Every day I wake up, I'm holding my breath just waiting for someone to expose my fraudulent acts, lock me up for it, figure out that this whole thing was just a big lie." His eyes fill, and Dawson -- to his credit, and to my complete disbelief -- catches on that Pacey is upset and shuts the camera off, assuring him that they can "do this later" before asking Pacey what's going on with him. Pacey says that, ever since he and Andie got together, "She mistook me for someone else. She gave me someone to be, and now that she needs my help, there's not a damn thing that I can do for her. I'm failing her, Dawson. You're gonna have to find yourself another hero." Pacey gets up to go. Dawson looks saddened. Good acting by both in that scene, I must say, and a big "thank you" to the writers for giving Dawson a clue for once.
As Pacey leaves the classroom, he sees Andie flutter by and stops her, asking why she wasn't in class earlier. Andie is, believe it or not, freaking out. She fills Pacey in on her dad's coming back and making her and Jack go home with him to Providence. Pacey's reaction: "What?" Andie nods and bites her lip a lot, and Pacey makes soothing noises and leads her to -- what else? -- an empty classroom, where Andie continues to tweak out and talk about her father wanting her to get help blah blah blah "be a family again" blah blah blah "absent for over a year" blah blah blah "he just wants to wrench me away" blah blah blah fishcakes. Andie launches into her patented anal-retentive growling and hand gestures as Pacey asks if she can't get the help she needs in Capeside, and Andie says that her father has already decided and she "may as well start packing." Pacey asks what she wants to do. Andie says she wants to stay in Capeside, with Pacey, and she can't stand the thought of them not being together, and Pacey suggests that they "fight him on this, okay? This ain't over yet." Andie starts crying: "He wants to leave tomorrow, Pacey." Pacey, stunned but making a quick recovery: "Okay...that's fine. That's fine. Andie, it's fine! It's fine, because when he hears what we have to tell him, he's not taking you anywhere." Oh, really -- and why not? Because the love of two high-school students must needs conquer all? Because Mr. McPhee will surely shrink away from the wrath of him who got Mr. Peterson fired? Because Cape Cod is renowned as a mecca of psychopharmacology? How very realistic -- except for the "realistic" part.
Fade up on Jack staring out on the water. Jen walks up to him and offers him "a bite of Subway for your troubles." Yeah, okay -- my dad wants to put my mom and my sister in a loonybin, but a bite of your turkey sandwich will cheer me up right quick! Not! Anyway, Jack gives Jen the scoop, and Jen says he did the right thing by calling his dad, but Jack doesn't agree. Jen tells him to look at the "bright side to this -- maybe Andie's gonna get better. Maybe if you and your dad move back in there's a chance for reconciliation." Jack laughs, "Yeah, right -- us and the Middle East." They both hitch themselves up to sit on the railing and Jack asks, "So what's your deal anyway? Are you gonna stay at the Leerys' forever?" Jen says, "Oh, ouch," and laughs, but now that Jack mentions it, Jen should probably put some distance between herself and Gale "Charo" Leery, because her hair looks terrible. Anyway, Jen characterizes the situation as "kinda dire," and when Jack asks about Jen's parents, she says, "They made it pretty clear how they felt about me when they sent me here." Yeah, really. Jack says that Jen has changed since she came to Capeside, but Jen demurs: "After what happened with Grams, they'll never believe that anything's changed." Jack tells her to give them a chance; maybe they've changed too. I, however, doubt that, since Jen's parents -- in a word -- suck.
Cut to the Icehouse, where Joey serves a customer coffee, after which Dawson swoops in on her in his patented Sam-The-Eagle style, and they do that thing where they say "hey" to each other and she sticks her arms up over his shoulders while he bends his knees to make himself shorter, and they touch foreheads and google at each other like they invented kissing, and they kiss with the lip mics turned up to eleven, and can someone wake me when the season ends? Waiter! Another espresso! Joey drags Dawson over to look at the renovations Mr. Potter has undertaken on the Icehouse. Dawson says, "Look at this place!" but in an admiring "gee whiz" way, rather than in the "damn, I didn't think it could look any crappier, and yet it does" tone I would have adopted. Memo to Dawson: yes, they remodeled it specifically so that your head would actually fit inside. Apparently, Mr. Potter has had a brainstorm with The Icehouse After Dark (tm LuluB), which will feature Ty's friend the singer and other entertainment nightly; Joey refers to it as "the lounge," or perhaps "The Lounge," and Dawson wants to know if he'll "need a tie to get in here now." Mr. Potter, busying himself with probably-useless-Mike-Brady-esque plans, says he thinks Dawson might have some pull with the owner. Like, ha ha. Not. Joey talks about the transformation in her dad, and how he's become a sitcom father, especially compared to the "grumbling dejected mass of negativity" she knew from before. Dawson says, "A relative of yours was grumbling and negative? That's not possible." Har. Dee. Har. Har. Joey says, "I'm happy, so sue me," and Dawson says he loves "this new happy-go-lucky Joey Potter." They kiss. Sars gags. Joey "has work to do" and leaves. Mr. Potter introduces Dawson to his "old friend Pete," whom he knows from their "days in the merchant marines together." "Merchant marines"? Can they just give Herman Melville a writing credit already? Dawson launches, without preamble or thought to how it might make Joey feel, into a pitch to get Mr. Potter to do an interview for his final project; Mr. Potter, "flattered," agrees to do it in exchange for help from Dawson with the carpentry. Mr. Potter hands Dawson a level, and Dawson holds it and asks, "What does this do?" and Joey laughs at him while accompanied by The Guitar Twang Of Forced Levity.
Jack answers the door of McPhee Manor. Pacey shoulders his way in; Jack notes that, from the look on Pacey's face, he's heard about the impending relocation. A tense Pacey asks why Mr. McPhee is in such a hurry, and Jack refers to the "family's flair for histrionics -- it wouldn't be a McPhee departure if we weren't doing it in the early dawn [sic] with like a few hours to prepare." Um -- heh. Pacey wants to know how they "stop this," and Jack says they can't, and as Mr. McPhee materializes from a nearby doorway, Pacey says he knows how that works but they can't give up, "there's too much at stake here." Mr. McPhee interrupts, "That's precisely why she's leaving now." Jack looks crestfallen as Pacey introduces himself; Mr. McPhee appreciates Pacey's "vehemence" and knows Pacey appreciates his concern. Pacey asks why Andie has to leave now; Mr. McPhee says her doctors in Providence advised that they "waste no time getting her the proper care." Pacey wonders why she can't get that care in Capeside, and when Mr. McPhee says that he himself isn't in Capeside, Pacey points out that Andie has friends and a whole support system in Capeside. Mr. McPhee, offended: "Are you suggesting those things are more important than family?" Um, okay, Mr. McPhee? Of all the people who have the right to play the family card, you come in second, and everyone else in the world comes in tied for first, so how about shutting up?
Anyway, Pacey says no, but tells Mr. McPhee that "Andie's built a family here, one that I'm a part of, and I can help her." Mr. McPhee says that Andie is his responsibility, and begins to leave the room, but Pacey rolls in the big guns and commences firing: "Well, with all due respect, sir, you knew of Andie's condition when you left her and Jack here, so to take her home now because you've suddenly developed some sort of guilty conscience is not fair." Good point. Mr. McPhee asks, "'Not fair'? To whom -- to my daughter, or to you, because you're just too selfish to let her go?" Also a good point, which Pacey acknowledges after exchanging a look with a cringing Jack: "You're absolutely right. I'm not just here on Andie's behalf. Because if she left me, I don't know what I'd do." Mr. McPhee rolls his eyes (Word.) as Pacey goes on, "I guess I'm begging you for both of us, sir. Please, let Andie stay." Mr. McPhee, not entirely unmoved by this, tightens his lips and says, "I'm sorry. My mind's made up." He leaves the room. Pacey and Jack both look grave.
In the kitchen of the Bad Hair Youth Hostel (formerly the No-Fault Hacienda, formerly -- formerly -- waiter! Three more espressos!), Jen calls her parents. Jen's side of the convo: "Mom. Hey, it's Jennifer. [Don't most parents know their children's voices?] Yeah -- yeah, um, I figured she might have called you. I'm just, I'm staying door with the Leerys', they've been really great. No, no, they don't seem to mind at all, um, actually that's what I'm calling about, um, I was wondering if the -- I mean, it's, I know it's been a while since we talked about this, but I was just -- curious [Jen's eyes fill with tears] as to what the situation is with me -- coming home? [pause; Jen fidgets and paces] To stay. With you and Dad." After a long silence, Jen's face falls. Hear that sound? That's Jen's parents, sucking.
Cut to an overly sweaty Dawson, attempting to join floorboards while hammering his thumb and yelling "ow!" Joey sneaks up behind him and kisses him, and says, "You know, I've decided that, um, this whole new macho working-man thing? Definitely a turn-on." I kid you not. Dawson: "Really." Joey: "Mm hmm." Sars: "[Retch.]" Kissing, lip mics, whatever. Joey thinks maybe Dawson needs a makeover, and as the free world shouts, "Word!" Joey suggests "the rebel look -- tight t-shirt, denim, leather jacket, you know, grease the hair back." Dawson says he "could do that," and Mr. Potter fortunately saves us from further musings in this vein by coming in and announcing, "Okay, I'm ready." Dawson goes to "set things up" as the Potters stare at the crappy job Dawson did on the floorboards, and Mr. Potter says, "That's not gonna work," and Joey says, "I know. Don't say anything."
Over to Mr. Potter, intoning that "everybody makes mistakes -- some of us are just better at it than others," and chuckling. "Everybody" includes, I presume, Mr. Potter's acting coach. Dawson feeds him a line about overcoming mistakes as Joey, seated beside him but with her back to her father, frowns thoughtfully. Mr. Potter says, "Well, at first, I thought I would die of shame, literally," and thumping his chest he goes on, "I, I just, I'd lost everything that I loved, and as much as I didn't want to think it, Dawson, deep down I was a weak man." Joey stares at her dad over her shoulder; Dawson minds the viewfinder. Mr. Potter continues, "It felt hopeless, and, and even if I could turn things around, would my daughters ever forgive me?" Joey's brow darkens, but Mr. Potter isn't done: "Could they ever forget what I did to their mother? How could -- " Joey jumps down from her seat and stalks out. Mr. Potter and Dawson watch her go, stunned.
McPhee Manor. Mr. McPhee and Jack close a door behind them -- Mrs. McPhee's door, I imagine -- as Mr. McPhee says, "This'll be good for your mother, and Andie, and you -- put our family back together." Jack asks hesitantly, "What if -- um, what if you stayed? Moved here with us?" Mr. McPhee says he can't because of his business, but Jack overrules this as a reason: "Then start up a new one, or move it here, or take day trips, I don't care. If you really loved us, you'd stay." Mr. McPhee: "There's no one here to help Andie." That didn't seem to bother him when he shipped her and his even-more-out-of-control wife up to Capeside, but no matter; Jack says that Andie has Pacey, and the two of them have something special together. Mr. McPhee says he can only offer what he's offered. Jack says his father should offer Andie a choice. Mr. McPhee says he can't, that "it's best for everyone if we all leave," and as Jack rises from his chair in frustration, Mr. McPhee goes on to say that Andie and Mrs. McPhee need "serious medical attention, and you're certainly not gonna get the help you need here in Capeside." Oh, no -- don't tell me he believes gay people need "curing." Jack wants to know exactly what kind of help he needs, and Mr. McPhee submits diffidently, "If you could talk to someone about your problem…" Jack snarls, "You know what? Just don't even go there," and heads up the stairs, but Mr. McPhee says, "Just, just hear me out. I understand you're confused -- with these gay ideas." Jack retorts, "The only problem I have is the problem that you have with me [sic] being gay," and reminds his father that this isn't about either of them, but rather "about Andie and what's best for her." He again asks his father to give Andie the choice of whether to leave, and says that to take her away now, especially from Pacey, would be "damaging" to her. Mr. McPhee scoffs, "I hardly think a teen romance is the solution to her medical problems," and I have to agree with him on that, but Jack has a pretty good comeback himself: "Her solution will come [sic] from the people that love and care for her, and that's not your specialty, Dad." Jack runs up the stairs and leaves his father standing there.
In Andie's room, Andie obsessively strokes a stuffed dog as Pacey gripes about "passively awaiting our inevitable doom." Andie, typically, suggests that Pacey could start studying for finals, which Pacey blows off as ridiculous, as well he should. Pacey thinks they should take advantage of the night they know for sure they have left and go out on a romantic date -- "take you out to dinner, maybe a movie, some moonlight, a little romance" -- because the two of them need that. Yeah, like Mr. McPhee would let Andie out of the house. Andie doesn't know; she has a lot to do, she should really start packing, blah blah blah, but then she changes her mind and agrees to go. Pacey hugs her and says that they'll deal with tomorrow when it comes, "but tonight -- tonight will be magical." They canoodle, Pacey rubs Andie's eyebrows with his nose, and then he leaves and Andie slumps back down on her bed.
Dawson hasn't gotten the hint. Neither has Mr. Potter. Dawson asks Mr. Potter, "What drove you to your lowest point?" Mr. Potter explains that, due to mounting bills and his late wife's illness, he made a bad decision and "risk[ed] everything for the almighty buck" by trafficking marijuana. At that moment, Joey barges in between Mr. Potter and the camcorder and reminds him that he promised to bring Bessie "Dixie Chick" Potter and Alexander "Wahhhh" Potter their dinner. Mr. Potter goes to deal with that. Joey seethes at Dawson as he adjusts a light, and he asks, "What's the matter?" and she huffs, "Look -- this whole 'Dawson Leery, Investigative Reporter At Large' thing, it's intrusive." Dawson looks stricken as Joey goes on, "Why are you making my father relive such an excruciatingly painful time in his life?" Dawson tries to justify it -- he wants a complete picture of a man "who's changed so completely and so heroically," yadda yadda yadda -- but Joey cuts him off and says she doesn't want to live in the past, she's closed those doors, so on and so forth. Dawson starts to apologize but Joey cuts in, "If you're so hell-bent on making this assignment about something real, then why are you basing it on another person? Why don't you just do the obvious -- turn the camera on yourself?" Dawson: "I can't." Joey, impatient: "Why not?" Dawson, not saying "because my head won't fit in the frame," instead spluttering: "Be -- because I'm afraid, okay?" Joey looks skeptical as Dawson tunes up for the weekly it's-all-about-me aria: "I'm afraid that, that I'm not enough for you, and that I never will be, all right? And if I do this, that you're just gonna realize that you've grown way beyond me, and then I'm -- I'm just gonna lose you again." Joey, nonplused, stares at Dawson as he hangs his colossal head.
Yes, I suppose it does feel good to pay less -- until those crappy shoes fall apart the second time you wear them.
Jack knocks and enters Andie's room to find her primping for her date in suspiciously good spirits. "I talked to Dad," she says perkily. Jack, confused: "Then why are you smiling?" Andie, smiling and putting on lipstick: "Because he said if I wanted to stay, he'd try and work it out." Jack, laughing in disbelief, says that sounds like great news, and Andie holds up a necklace and shrugs and says absently, "I guess." I believe that this is what they refer to in psychiatric circles as "lack of affect." Jack, puzzled, wants to know if Andie is now "thinking about leaving," and Andie says she doesn't know as she bustles about anal-retentively and rummages in a drawer full of jewelry. Jack thinks "the decision here is pretty obvious," but Andie responds pertly, "Is it?" Jack makes an "uh duh" face and says, "Well, yeah." Andie explains that most days she feels fine, but she isn't fine, and in fact she is getting worse, which "that whole Tim thing" indicates quite clearly. She goes on to say that the more time she spends in Capeside with the gang and with Pacey, the more she wants to get better and not drag Pacey down with her problems. Jack doesn't "think Pacey feels burdened by" Andie, and he knows he doesn't -- as if he's spent any real time dealing with Andie's "problems" in the first place. Whatever. Andie says, "But I do. I feel burdened by the knowledge that I know [sic] how hard it must be for you guys to have to take care of me," and Jack shakes his head as she announces her decision: if she leaves, Jack should stay in Capeside. "No way," Jack says; they need to stick together, and if she goes, he goes. Andie asks, "What about what you want? I mean, you're always so selfless, Jack -- will you promise me that you'll think about yourself this time?" "Selfless"? Hmm, perhaps I should check my dictionary to see if they've changed the definition of "selfless," because I don't think Jack qualifies under the original etymology. Anyway, Jack looks sad and doesn't answer.
Mournful music plays. The lyrics, once again doing the work the writing can't, mutter "something went wrong" as Jen climbs the steps of Grams "Goooooooaaalll!!!" Ryan's porch with suitcase in hand. She approaches the front door, stands in front of it biting her lip, starts crying, and turns away without knocking. Long shot of Grams's lighted window as Jen walks away in the dark.
Over at The Icehouse After Dark, Dawson checks a board with a level as Mr. Potter encourages him. Dawson, still way too disgustingly sweaty, apologizes if he made Mr. Potter "dredge up some painful memories today." Mr. Potter says it's okay, it's not like he doesn't think about it "every waking moment" anyway. Then he gets around to answering Dawson's question from before: "But you asked me why I changed? The truth is, I'm not sure how much I've changed. But I keep trying, every day, to be a better person for my family. To put someone else's needs before your own, because you love them, means everything." Dawson smiles condescendingly at Mr. Potter; he wouldn't have the first idea what that entails. Joey appears out of the shadows, and Mr. Potter says, "I'm gonna take a walk." Joey draws closer to Dawson sort of shyly, and Dawson says that he probably shouldn't have "laid it all out there like that. I'm a little embarrassed." Joey shakes her head resolutely and says, "Dawson, you have it all wrong. I mean, can't you tell by just looking at me, my life is perfect right now. I have just about everything I've ever dreamt [sic] of. My dad is back, my family is together again, business is good, and best of all, I -- I have you in my life." Waiter? Waiter! A gallon of Maalox and an extremely sharp fondue fork, please! Thank you!
Dawson smiles, gratified, and Joey continues, "Add a white picket fence to this little scenario and the fairy tale would be complete." Dawson says earnestly, "I just want to make you proud of me." Joey stares into his eyes and proceeds to do a weak job of selling the following speech: "I love you, and I believe in you, and I'm so proud of you, and I'm not just proud of you -- I'm proud to be with you." Well, if having the boyfriend with the biggest cranium in three counties fills you with proprietary pride, okay then. An alterna-geek wails "everybody cries" on the soundtrack as they kiss, again, with the lip mics mercifully drowned out by the music. Joey pokes fun at Dawson's non-carpentry non-skills, and he asks, "Are you mocking me?" in a major shout-out to the Wrap.
A deeply bizarre shot of a mounted deer head, under which Mr. McPhee does some sort of number-crunching in his study. Jack comes in, hands jammed into his pockets; from the light flickering on Jack's face, it appears that Mr. McPhee has lit a fire. IN THE NAME OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, WHAT SEASON IS IT? Jack announces that he plans to stay. Mr. McPhee takes off his glasses, rubs his forehead, and asks, "And your sister?" Jack doesn't know what Andie will decide, but whatever she does end up doing, he's "not going." Mr. McPhee, wearily incredulous: "So you want me to leave you here alone, at seventeen? I don't think so, Jack -- I'm going to be selling the house." Jack, firmly: "Dad, I don't care about the house. I can't live with you, not the way things are." Mr. McPhee, not facing Jack, says after a moment, "With your mother's illness, and Andie's problems, and even with Tim's death, those I could find reasons for, but with you, I feel like I'm to blame." Jack, looking up quickly: "But you aren't." Mr. McPhee: "If I'd just been around more -- " Jack cuts him off: "It wouldn't have made a difference. I'm gay for the same reasons that Tim wasn't, okay? It just happened that way." Mr. McPhee remarks as he turns to face Jack that "there are people who change. They go back." Jack, utterly dismayed by this show of ignorance, responds, "I'm hardly the encyclopedia of the gay experience, but I'd wager to say that their change is skeptical [sic]." He probably means that he feels skeptical, or that their change is superficial, but whatever; Mr. McPhee asks how Jack knows unless he tries. Jack says, "I don't want to try. You want me to try." His father doesn't understand "how anyone could choose that kind of life," and Jack says that he didn't choose it, but rather he chose to be happy with it, and says he can't go back to Providence with his father because "slowly but surely, I'm going to sacrifice my happiness for yours because I want you to be proud of me." Mr. McPhee regards Jack with surprise as Jack adds, "I do. But not under your terms. It just won't work." Jack gets up to leave the room. Mr. McPhee calls after him, "Jack -- Jack," and gets up also, and Jack turns around, and Mr. McPhee struggles mightily to say something like "I love you" or "I'm proud of you," but he just can't, and Jack is touched and disappointed at the same time by this, and Mr. McPhee puts his hands in his pockets and walks quickly back to his desk as Jack looks sad again. Not a bad scene, that.
Over at the pier, Pacey and Andie stroll along and remember their first dance, and their first kiss, on that very spot. Andie remembers her knees "were shaking like crazy," and Pacey remembers his heart "was like boom-boom-boom-boom-boom-boom." Pacey has on a NuRo velvet shirt. They talk about how happy they felt that night, and Pacey refers to it as "a long long time ago," and Andie observes that it "seems like yesterday," and can she just go to Providence already before I fall into a coma? More banter about their first impressions of each other and about who hated whom more. Andie: "It's been a wild ride." Pacey: "It's only just begun." Sars: "[Humming Morrissey's 'Dial A Cliché' to herself.]" Pacey asks her to dance, and she accepts. They gaze tragically at each other. Andie starts crying. Pacey asks why. She says she's so happy to be with him, and so sad too, because she loves him so much and she can't "hide from the truth anymore" about her illness. Pacey flinches, since he knows this means she'll go back to Rhode Island after all, and sure enough she tells him that she's going to leave the day: "I have to." Pacey, bravely: "I know. I know." He buries his nose in her eyebrows again to console himself. They sway. Andie makes quavery wailing noises. They do their "no goodbyes" routine as The Theremin Of Melodrama starts up on the soundtrack. More swaying. Heather Nova comments that "every dream is just a dream after all." More Pacey's nose in Andie's eyebrow. A tremendously unflattering shot of both of them, crying on each other. Sars wondering aloud why someone, anyone, on the set couldn't have yelled "cut" by now.
Bring me the head of Adam Sandler.
Over at Bessie's Penal Colony, Ally McBeal -- nope, sorry, it's Joey. The cloud pajamas threw me off for a second. She bends over to get the paper and Dawson appears on the porch and tells her to close her eyes, and she splutters what-are-you-doing-here and he tells her just to close her eyes. Once they negotiate the stairs, he lets her open her eyes. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, Dawson -- who has evinced no skill in the carpenterial arts, who must have had a mute attached to his hammer, and who ostensibly has finals to work on and study for -- has built Joey a white picket fence during the night. Well, an eight-foot-long segment of a white picket fence, anyway. Joey asks why he did this. Dawson, not answering the question, says that it took him all night and that it's "a little crooked down at the end there," but before he can go on, Joey shuts him up (thank god) by kissing him (blech). Then she thanks him. Dawson predicts that it will take him "the rest of the summer to finish the thing," and Joey asks if he plans to hang out in her front yard all summer, and Dawson suggests climbing into her window for change, and Joey puts her arms up over her shoulders and nuzzles him and says, "Change can be good." Speaking of change, um, waiter? I could use a fresh airsick bag over here when you get a moment.
Jack, running up to the bus station. Jen, standing sulkily in line with her ticket and her nappy hair. Jack, out of breath, asking if Jen thought she'd escape without a send-off. Jen, telling him he "missed the parade, it just left." Jack thinks Jen's parents said yes to her coming home; Jen says not exactly, that her parents told her that her return would be "inconvenient" and that they're "still recovering from [her] last stay with them," and that they chalked her request up to "a ploy to get more money every month." Jeez -- what is wrong with these people? Jen says she decided "screw it, right? Look, I don't need them as my destination. If I'm gonna leave Capeside, then what's holding me back?" Jack points out, "You don't have any other place to go?" Jen corrects him, "I've got every place to go, there's just nobody there." As Jen hands her ticket to the bus agent, Jack takes the ticket from her and gives her a philosophical speech on the nature of parental love, observing that "my mom loves me for the best reason possible -- no reason at all" and saying that "as much as it hurts, it's worse for them [Jen's parents] -- it is worse to be incapable of loving than to not be loved." Jack crumples her ticket, takes her bag, and suggests that she come live with him at McPhee Manor because he "could use a roommate." She says okay. They hug as the product-placed Piedmont Coach Lines bus starts up its engine and pulls out. I don't know when these two became good enough friends to make this scene realistic, and I suspect that Jack should have stayed home and dealt with Andie instead, but I like the way he handled that and I subscribe to his philosophy myself. So, in short, go Jack.
Over at the Icehouse, Dawson stops by to drop off Mr. Potter's tools that he borrowed in pursuit of fence-making. He can't scare up Mr. Potter at first, so he heads through the employees-only door leading to the TIAD, and he comes upon "Sneaky" Pete unpacking a vase and pulling out a bag of what looks like cocaine. Thank god -- now I can stay awake! Mr. Potter regards the bag thoughtfully and strokes his chin as Pete says sleazily, "Let the good tiiiimes roll." Shut up, Pete. Dawson slips out again and -- all together now -- runs his hands through his hair in dismay. Outside, he runs into Joey and they do the "hey"-"hey"-kiss-kiss-forehead-touch-forehead-touch thing. Joey senses something wrong, and asks what. Dawson says nothing and beams at her fakely. They hug. Dawson arches a mammoth brow over her shoulder as Sars does a couple lines off the back of her remote.
[Note: Dawson's Wrap does not endorse, promote, suggest, or even know that much about the use or sale of controlled dangerous substances. We're just talking here.]
Exterior, McPhee Manor. Mr. McPhee, attired in yet another pair of "high-rising pants" (tm Kisle), packs the giant beige sedan as Andie and Jack hug goodbye. Mr. McPhee walks up to them, rubbing his hands uncomfortably, and extends his hand for Jack to shake. Jack looks down at it, then takes it, and Mr. McPhee takes a deep breath and says, "I'm not the best father. I know that. But I do want you to be happy." Jack thanks him. Andie smiles and pats Jack's arm. Just then, Pacey charges up in full gravel-spraying mode, calling Andie's name. He takes her head in his hand and touches her forehead with his; Andie protests cheerily, "Pacey, we said no goodbyes," though it clearly pleases her that he's come, and Pacey says, "I don't want to say goodbye. I just want to look at you." Jack stands on the steps of the house and watches them. Pacey continues to cup Andie's face in his hands and murmurs, "I wish I had some eloquent parting words for you, but all I could think of was this -- thank you." Aw. He should just leave it there, but he goes on, "Thank you for everything you've done for me, thank you for forcing me to be the man that you've made me, just thank you. I am so grateful to you, Andie." They hug as Andie says tearfully, "Oh, I don't want to let you go, Pacey." Jack looks uncomfortable; Pacey strokes her hair away from her face and says, "Just remember your promise, okay? You and me, together again, happy, healthy, and more in love than ever." Cue The Theremin Of Melodrama. Andie says she'll remember. Pacey tells her to get better and hurry back to him. Andie asks him to kiss her. They kiss as a tear rolls down Andie's face. Andie says her knees are shaking; Pacey confesses that his heart is going boom-boom. Another hug. For god's sake, go already, girl. Finally they tear themselves away from each other with Andie's Saab in the background, and as Heather Nova wails, the sedan pulls away and we see Pacey and Jack out the back window, standing glumly in the driveway as the car turns the corner.
Dawson in voiceover: "We're taught to believe that, in the movies, the main character goes through an arc of changes. But what if that's not true? By the end of Casablanca, Bogart's the same lonely tough guy he always was." Shot of Pacey, standing in front of "their" fountain and brooding. "His decisions didn't change him; nor did his actions." Shot of Jen and Jack, snacking like girlfriends in front of the TV. "They seemed to reveal what was always there -- a man who wanted to change, but feared he couldn't." Shot of Mr. Potter at the Icehouse bar, looking distant and fearful. "If Bogart really wanted to change, he wouldn't have sent his love away." Shot of Dawson in the camcorder's viewfinder, completely misreading the entire film of which he speaks for his own short-sighted purposes. "He would have held onto her for dear life, because -- I think love is change." Dawson pushes back in his desk chair and says to himself, "Or at least I hope so," as the camera pans out to reveal Joey, tellingly asleep among her schoolbooks. Sars follows Joey down into the Land of Nod, and thus endeth the Season-Two Wraps of Sars.