Props to Liz and Sars. Only one more to go! Woo!
Pacey told Dawson that Joey was in love with him (Dawson), but Dawson wouldn't believe it. Joey told Pacey that a scholarship would be her only way out of Capeside. Jen tried to be friends with Dawson, but he was a baby about it. Dawson told Joey that he wished he was taking her on a date, and she said she wished he was, too.
Fade up on the TV screen of the Sanctum Dawsonorum, on which two ladybugs are depicted, apparently mating. Before we see her, we hear the voice of Joey "Mopey Longstocking" Potter asking what the show is. From his usual position reclined on the bed, Dawson "Cotton" Leery replies that it's a special he taped on entomological sexual behaviour. Okay, I know that teenagers have a natural curiosity about sex, but really, that's taking things too far. Back on the TV, the bug porn has switched species and is now featuring praying mantes. Dawson asks, "Well, how does she know which one she's attracted to? They all look the same." "Instinct," Joey replies authoritatively, "unlike people." Dawson asks if she means that people don't choose mates by instinct. Oh...oh dear. I'd forgotten about the pendant. It's in full effect, meticulously lain upon the collar of his sweatshirt, and not ignominiously hidden inside. Joey does the traditional Joey stroll across the Sanctum to inform Dawson, "[In determining attraction,] people go by whatever supermodel the media decides [will] be this month's perfect human specimen." Dawson claims that he doesn't need Entertainment Tonight to tell him "that Drew Barrymore is hot." Oh. Do you need me to tell you she isn't? Because she isn't. Joey tells Dawson that "twentieth-century men are conditioned to worship women who look like nutritionally-deprived heroin addicts. In the Renaissance, they liked women who were hefty, and in some cultures they like women who have bones through their noses and plates in their mouths. It's just the way it goes, Dawson." Although the last of her examples strikes an uncomfortably Colonialist tone, I think she's right; the reason that standards of beauty evolve differently in various geographic locales and historical eras is that such standards are culturally defined. On the other hand, the program Dawson's Creek is also a product of "the media" and isn't especially breaking any new ground in altering or even challenging North American standards of beauty, with the exception of the show's tireless efforts to place before the North American audience a figure with a very very very large head and encouraging impressionable young women to look beyond the physical, deep inside the freakishly large head, and into its owner's soul. So, kudos to the show's producers for bravely casting a full-craniumed man and treating him as if his physical deformity were not an impediment to his romantic prospects. ["But I must chide the writers for making said full-craniumed man such a dink." -- Sars] But I digress. Dawson tells Joey, "Mmm...you're reaching." Dude, were you listening? The only thing she's reaching for is your foot, so she can use it to help you kick your own ass. Joey rolls her eyes at his non-argument, so he goes on: "Maybe there is some truth to what you're saying, but you can't tell me that pure animal instinct doesn't have something to do with what kind of guy you're attracted to." Joey nervously smiles with half her face, and shrugs, and says, "I haven't the slightest idea, Dawson." Joey, if you had just kept those ridiculous, WRONG feelings to yourself, you'd be so much happier now.
Wow, the series premiere of Charmed is only two weeks away? Damn, I gotta remember to watch that.
After several establishing shots of the water, twee downtown Capeside, and the exterior of the Icehouse, we see Joey bussing tables as Pacey "Fabio" Witter, Jen "Miss Cochon-iality" Lindley and Dawson discuss the upcoming "Windjammer Days"; the Bride of Flash will be judging a contest, and "the station" has allowed Dawson to "cover it." Well, the shadow of his head will cover the proceedings in darkness, but that can't be what they meant. Jen asks what Windjammer Days are, and Dawson explains that it's an annual event put on by the yacht club to reel in the season's last tourists before the town shuts down for the season. Knowing what comes later, it's interesting to note that while Jen and Dawson sit on their asses as Joey waits on them, Pacey tries to make her job marginally easier by handing his empty french fry basket to her before she has to reach for it. Of course, Katie Holmes then gingerly sets it on her tray with an unease that makes it perfectly clear she's never worked in food service, but never mind. For Jen's benefit, Joey elaborates on Dawson's description: "It's a blue-blooded tradition that celebrates the grand achievement of being born rich, the culmination of which is this asinine formal dinner held at the yacht club where some young nubile whose daddy owns the bank is crowned Miss Windjammer." I must interrupt at this point and say that you can really tell this episode aired before we were recapping the show; they'd never throw in a gimme like logjammer -- I mean "windjammer" -- now. But Joey isn't finished: "It's the most archaic display of ageism, racism and sexism known to man." I don't think "archaic" is the word you mean if you're going to name all those other -isms explicitly, but whatever. Pacey wants to know if the contest includes a swimsuit competition, and Dawson says he doesn't think so. Pacey suggests that he could be "like, one of those guys who warms up the girls before they go onstage." Ha! Pacey would make a good fluffer. Jen chuckles very frat-boyishly and Joey sternly replies, "It's not a porno, Pacey." Jen wryly announces that her mother used to enter Jen "in these disgusting 'Little Miss' pageants before I was old enough to protest." Dawson says, "Let me guess: You twirled the baton?" Is that what the kids are calling it nowadays? Jen suddenly gets all snitty and demands, "Meaning...?" Dawson shrugs and smirks, "Nothing. You should enter." Jen snorts, "Yeah." Dawson insists, "No, I mean, seriously, I mean, you're beautiful. I mean, nobody can dispute that." Joey, standing between Dawson and Jen, glares at Dawson for a beat and then moves off, sighing loudly; naturally, he doesn't notice, but Jen does. Dawson goes on: "I can totally picture you strolling past the judges flashing that million-dollar smile of yours." Jen, having watched Joey slink off, turns back to Dawson and says, "I'm afraid that my baton-twirling days are over." Dawson informs her that first prize is five thousand dollars and a trip to New York. Pacey exhales like, "That's a spicy meatball!"
Getting up, Jen suggests, "Why don't you enter, Dawson? I'm sure you have some inspired ideas on how to achieve world peace." Dawson makes some unfunny remark about "tap-dancing pumps," and Jen moseys off. Pacey sits in her vacated seat and comments, "Hm. Backhanded insults disguised as compliments. That's really a novel approach to winning back a woman's affections." And what might a "backhanded insult" be? A legitimate compliment? Don't mind me, I'm just a third wheel, here. Dawson claims that he thought he'd give it a shot, since he's already tried everything else. Pacey states the obvious: "Why don't you just get over it, man? She has!" Dawson's voice gets all squeaky as he protests, "I think I have gotten over it, I just...winning her back has evolved into some bizarre hobby."
Inside, a very mopey Joey carries her tray over to where Jen is sitting staring at her. Jen notes that it's "slow," and Joey agrees: "As the tourists go, so do the tips," adding, "I'll put it to you this way: Higher education for me will be no further away than Capeside Community Vocational Institute." Jen says, "You're smart; you can get a scholarship." "Yeah, but I can't bank on a full one," Joey replies. Jen says, "Look, Joey, you know, now that the proverbial wedge we so fondly refer to as Dawson Leery is no longer between us, we could actually be friends." Ah, yes -- the proverb about the mistrustful wedge and the good samaritan who shared her water with it. Joey stares at her blankly, and Jen says, "I know, I know, it's a bizarre concept, but we might find out we have more in common than just the boy door." Joey breaks the olive branch in half and runs an eighteen-wheeler over it...in other words, she responds by looking askance and half-smiling, and Jen shrugs kind of sadly and says, "Or not," sliding off her bar stool and starting to stomp away. Before she has a chance to go very far, Joey reluctantly stops her by saying, "We don't have to, like, wash each other's hair or do each other's nails, right?" Jen smiles, but as we all know, it won't last.
As some toothless post-Benatar squalls on the soundtrack, we fade up on Capeside High. Pacey anxiously pulls things out of his locker and dumps them on the floor. Dawson approaches and Pacey mutters through gritted teeth, "I can't find my pen!" Amused by his friend's obvious distress, Dawson locates the pen and asks, "Are you okay?" Pacey shoulders his bag and says, "Oh yeah. I just spent the entire morning with my father telling me what a scholastically inept, athletically challenged, underachieving loser I am -- I'm fine." Dawson SMIRKS SOME MORE and asks, "He said that?" Pacey says, "First he starts on with the failing-biology thing, and then he goes straight into the skipping-school-to-do-Providence thing." Dawson is practically beaming as he adds, "He forgot the stealing-his-car thing." Instead of sucker-punching Dawson, Pacey exclaims, "Borrowing, stealing -- look, it's not like I killed anybody, all right? And if I have to hear the words, 'Why can't you be more like your brother Doug?' one more time, my head is going to explode."
Dawson offers to let Pacey "crash" at Casa Leery "for a few," and Pacey says he had "something more permanent in mind." Dawson scoffs, "Pacey, forget about it. Your father is never going to let you move out of his house." Pacey, somehow not finding the whole situation as uproariously funny as Dawson does, murmurs, "Actually, he told me that as soon whenever I want to become an emancipated minor, I should just show him where he needs to sign." Um, ow. Dawson's smile fades. Pacey hands him a folded newspaper indicating an apartment available for $250 a month. Dawson says, "That's Mill Street, Capeside's only official tenement." I don't know about Cape Cod, but in the smallish cities where I grew up, even when I was in university you could get a pretty decent one-bedroom for about $250. Glark's last apartment in St. Catharines was a pretty big two-bedroom with free parking on a major street and it was only $425. Because that's what you all read the recaps for -- comparative real estate. Anyway. Pacey says, "Yeah, well, it beats the Witter Family House of Horrors, doesn't it?" Dawson asks how Pacey plans to pay for "this roach-infested bachelor pad?" Pacey agrees that his video-store wages couldn't buy him "a two-man tent," and asks whether Dawson needs an assistant to help him cover the beauty pageant. Dawson says he isn't getting paid at all, and that the only person who'll benefit financially from the whole affair is "Little Miss Windjammer herself." Pacey walks back to pick his books up off the floor and close his locker and jokes, "Maybe I'll just toss my tiara into the ring. You know, a five-thousand-dollar award -- that would get me into one of those executive bachelor pads downtown." Dawson thinks that Pacey's "god-given ability to relieve [him]self standing up has rendered [him] ineligible." Pacey jokes, "Once again, sexual discrimination rears its ugly head." As Dawson walks off, Pacey glances at his newspaper and murmurs, "Now, wouldn't that just piss my dad off?" I thought he had already met that particular goal.
In the cafeteria line, Jen is telling Joey that she's "one of the prettiest girls in the school." Joey holds her tray against her chest like a shield and hunches her shoulders, glaring at Jen with horror. Jen says, "I don't get it -- why is it that every time I give you a compliment, you look at me like I'm trying to hit on you?" Joey says, "I don't know, I guess it's just 'cause it makes me feel a little uncomfortable, that's all." Jen asks, "Why?" Joey, very slowly and emphatically, says, "I know I'm not pretty. Stop it." Jen says, "You know, it's funny, Joey -- when I was dating Dawson I was petrified that any day, he'd take off the blinders and realize how gorgeous you are." Joey snorts, "Yeah, right. When guys look at you, they think, 'Wow, what a babe,' and when they look at me, they think, 'Hm, gee, she's really tall.'" Jen suddenly says, "You know, I think that you should enter the Miss Windjammer pageant." Joey whips around so fast she practically smacks Jen in the face with her hair and snaps, "What drugs are you on?" Jen offers to coach her, and says that Joey could smoke the evening-gown competition, and that the scholastic section would be "a slam-dunk" for her. Joey -- less stridently, like she kind of wants to be convinced -- says, "Let's not go overboard on this 'let's-be-friends,' female-bonding thing, okay?" Jen tells her it could be fun, and Joey says, "I wouldn't degrade myself." Jen plays her trump: "One night of your life, five thousand dollars, Joey. I'd say that's a pretty respectable college nest egg, don't you think?" Well, no. What is a year of university in the U.S. -- like $20,000? ["At a private college or university, more like $32,000. Five grand might pay for her books." -- Sars] Just sayin'. But Joey considers.
The scene has them walking up the stairs at the yacht club to register for the pageant. Joey says, "Why do I feel like I'm about to set the women's movement back twenty years?" Glancing around at Joey's fellows, Jen tells her to start filling out Ivy League applications, since "the competition does not look like much." When they get to the top of the stairs, they hear Pacey yelling at the pageant lady that "this is unconstitutional," as Dawson and his film crew stand by recording the whole confrontation. Pageant Lady tells him that nothing in the constitution says that he can enter the competition, and Pacey shoots back, "Yeah, and there's nothing in your rule book that says that I can't, okay?" PL turns to a toady and they both flip through the rules while Pacey waits. Jen and Joey walk back down the stairs as Dawson follows. He asks what they're doing there, and instead of answering, Jen laughs at Pacey's plan to enter the pageant. Dawson says, "Why not? Last year Ashley Elliott successfully sued to join the boys' football team." ["So why haven't we seen her running patterns for The Flash in season three? Did she graduate already?" -- Sars] He goes on to claim it's one of the more "intrepid" things Pacey's done, as Jen hands Joey a pen and a clipboard. Jen comments, "I guess we all know what's in it for you, Dan Rather." Dawson goes on some more about his "shot at a feature story" while Jen and Joey confer about the application right in front of him, like, no one cares, Don Spewitt. Finally he notices that events are taking place in the world that do not involve him, and says to Jen, "So, I see you decided to enter after all." Jen says she's just there as a coach. Dawson asks who she's coaching, and instead of answering, she says she's going to watch Pacey "make an ass out of himself." Joey and Dawson laugh, but we soon discover that Dawson is not laughing at Pacey: "Very funny," he says. Joey glares, and he opens his mouth wider to make room for his entire foot: "What, are you guys doing some kind of exposé for the paper?" Joey wearily rolls her eyes, and Dawson gets his foot in up to his shin: "Get out. Joey Potter entering a beauty pageant? This is classic!" Joey Classic opens fire with both barrels: "Oh, I see. You think I'm such a barking car-chaser that a D student with a Julius Caesar haircut has a better shot than me? Thanks a lot." As the Sensitive Guitar of Dramatic Irony starts its sad refrain, Dawson tries to backpedal, but it's hard to do with one leg occupying his entire digestive tract: "I know how you feel about these things. It's just so not you. Why didn't you tell me?" Joey snaps, "Because I knew you'd make me feel like an even bigger idiot than I already am. Believe me, Dawson, nobody's laughing harder about this than I am, but unfortunately, the opportunity to win five thousand dollars -- no matter how slim or humiliating or ludicrous my chances are...money has to take precedence over everything, including my pride, so..." Dawson gently says, "Joey, I'm sorry, I didn't realize you were serious about this. It kind of caught me by surprise." But he can't sustain the act for long and chuckles, "You've got to admit --" Joey cuts him off: "I'm glad you find my pathetic life so amusing, Dawson." Dawson whines, " Joey, come on, you're my best friend. I'd never laugh at you." Uh, you just did, ass. Joey says, "You just did, Dawson." See? Joey was better before. It would have been even more forceful if she'd called him "ass," though.
At the yacht club, the camera pans across a row of generically attractive, mostly blonde, young women, with a very smug Pacey on the aisle. A gaggle of contestants hurries over to greet a tall brunette with a Suave-commercial haircut, and, as she sits down behind him, Pacey mutters, "Well, if it isn't Hannah von Wenning of the Bar Harbor von Wennings." She leans forward to snot, "Pacey Witter. Let me guess -- you're here washing dishes for the remedial work-study program for Capeside's underprivileged youths?" Adopting a tearful mien, Pacey says, "That's so compassionate of you, Hannah!" adding, in his normal voice, "So how's the Swiss boarding school?" She tells him it's in Connecticut, and then realizes, "Wait, you're the guy entering this contest? It figures -- class clown of Capeside High. You know, I never figured you for a pre-op transsexual, but now that I think about it -- evening gowns, high heels...." He assures her that his "sexuality is intact," noting that he's not the one taking group showers at an all-girls school, "but given the opportunity...." Some low-rent Mary Jo Rupp-alike appears onstage with the current Miss Windjammer and effusively calls out, "Welcome, ladies!" Pacey raises a hand and loudly clears his throat, and Mrs. Windjammer bitterly adds, "And gentleman." There is a smattering of laughter as Mrs. Windjammer goes through her spiel: rules, handbooks that "will be completely revised for year," yada. As she drones on, Hannah leans forward to ask Pacey what he's going to do for the talent competition: "Recite the alphabet? Jack a car?" Pacey addresses the contestants sitting near him: "You know, ladies, I say we vote Hannah Miss Congeniality -- what do you say?" She calls him a fool, and sits one row further back. Hannah, we all know you want him. Spare us the non-drama.
Night falls on Capeside. At Grams's House of Discipline, Jen is telling Joey that "walking in heels is probably the hardest part." Joey walks tentatively across the kitchen with a dictionary balanced on her head -- at least for a few steps, whereupon it falls. Joey, exasperated, sinks into a kitchen chair and exhales, "Why are you doing this?" Jen starts telling her about poise and grace, and Joey clarifies, "No, I mean, what's in it for you? I mean, the fact that I've been a first-class bitch to you since the day you got here is pretty much public knowledge." Jen says that in New York she didn't hang out with a lot of girls, and has never had close girlfriends and believes the case is the same for Joey: "I don't know, don't you ever feel like you're missing out on something?" Joey very seriously says, "Why don't you just go hang out with the Capeside Pep Squad? [Because that's two seasons away!] I mean, associating with me won't exactly send your popularity points soaring up the social Richter scale." Jen says, "For the same reason you don't, all right? Because they're a bunch of mentally arrested airheads." Joey looks pleased. Jen goes on: "You know, your perception of me is almost as misguided as your perception of yourself. If you want to win, we're going to have to work on the self-esteem issue, but first --" she pulls Joey up and moves her back to the doorway with the dictionary, "back to the basics."
At Casa Leery, Pacey croons "New York, New York" for a non-plussed Dawson and The Flash. After a couple of lines, The Flash diplomatically asks, "Pacey, can you...um, do you do anything else?" Dawson says that they can return to the talent portion later, and asks what Pacey plans to do about evening wear. Pacey says, "Well, actually, I could get my hands on this tasty little red polyester number that my sister wore as a bridesmaid." Heh. Dawson admonishes him, "Pacey, if you want to win this thing, you've got to take it seriously. If you win, the Associated Press could be all over this. Not to mention CNN -- I mean, this could be international news!" Because it's all about Dawson's ambitions, y'all, in case you had any doubt. The Flash declaims, "By braving this experiment, you become a political activist challenging social stereotypes." Pacey feebly says, "I kind of just wanted to make some extra cash." The Flash laughs, and then storms over to Pacey and sticks his tongue down the boy's throat. Well, in his dreams, he does.
Back at Grams's, Joey looks out the window and asks Jen, "So, what's going on with you two?" Jen says she and Dawson are "just figuring things out," explaining, "It was a little rough for a while, but we've got time. I mean, it's not like he's going anywhere." Joey weakly agrees, "No, I guess not." Jen asks, "So what about you and Dawson?" Joey snorts, "What about us?" Jen says, "Well, you know, I was just wondering, because, you know, now that he's available and everything --" Joey says, "Dawson will always see me as the gawky little girl down the creek with band-aids on her knees and the one braid falling out. I don't know, maybe that's just how it's meant to be. Maybe it's just how we see each other." Jen says, "You know what they say. Plenty of fish in the sea, right?" "Yeah," Joey says wistfully.
At the Leery hearth, Dawson asks Pacey whether he's talked to Joey lately. Pacey says, "Not since our torrid night of naked face-sucking." Dawson looks alarmed, and Pacey says he's kidding, and asks why Dawson asks. Dawson says, "Well, she says we're cool [well, she is], but she's been avoiding me." See? Joey was better before! Pacey rolls his eyes, "And...?" Dawson murmurs, "I don't know what to do. I miss her when she's not around." Pacey groans in relief: "Ah, at last, the moment of truth. Well, thank God, Dawson. Maybe we can all go home now." Ha! If only! Dawson says, "Pacey, I know you're obsessed with this little theory of yours, but the truth is that I've never thought of Joey in a romantic context. You know, I mean, I've always thought of her as like a...you know, a sister. I just don't think I could ever get past that. If Joey and I got together, it'd be a little incestuous." Yes. It would. And was. And will be. Pacey says, "So what you're saying is you don't want her but you don't want anyone else to have her either?" Yes, that is exactly what he's saying, and will continue to say for the TWO YEARS, because he wants to be the girl with the most cake.
At the site of the pageant, a girl in pink sweats is tap-dancing and we hear Dawson's voice asking someone to tell him about herself. A girl's voice answers that she'd like to study early education, or work with children with special needs. The camera continues to pan across a vista of contestants warming up and bumping into each other. Just when the audience thinks that this girl's ambition is quite laudable, she explains, "That means like when they're crippled or retarded, or something. Or maybe I'll become an actress or a model, because a lot of people keep telling me I'm pretty enough." The contestant yammers on as Jen and Joey appear in the doorway. Joey hisses at Jen, "Wait a minute, Dawson's doing the interviews?" Jen confidently assures her that it's just a pre-interview for the judges to see. She adds that the real contest takes place live, on the stage.
A pretty but simply dressed girl settles into the hot seat and says her name is Roberta Crump, and she's a senior at Capeside.
In another part of the room, Hannah -- wearing a very smart and quite becoming brown suit -- reviews her notes and comes upon Pacey, who asks if she'd like to see "the great Pacedini pull a rabbit out of his hat." She replies that a magic act is "appropriately juvenile" of him. Pacey says, "You know, all this sexual tension can't be good for your complexion. What do you say you and I go backstage and do something about it?" "Please, I just ate," she snots.
Back to Roberta, who is saying that she just got accepted to the music program at Juilliard, but that she's delaying her entrance for a year while she completes a tour with the Peace Corps. Okay, even those of you who haven't seen this episode, you know who's going to win the pageant, right? Okay, cool.
Pacey is reminding Hannah that she'd already had a chance with him once before, and she remembers it too: "Yeah, I already turned you down once in the sixth grade." He tells her that she stood him up, and she asks if he really thinks, in a million years, he could ever win the contest. He produces a bouquet of flowers from under a clutch of scarves and, handing it to her, admits, "Well, maybe I don't have a chance at winning. But if I can take just one vote away from you and make you know what it feels like to be a loser, then this is all worthwhile."
A very hostile Joey sits down opposite Dawson and avoids his eye. He asks, "If you could commit one act without consequence, what would it be?" She chirps, "I'd rob a bank, so I wouldn't have to be here." He tells her to be serious, and she mutters, "Fine." He asks what example she'd like to set for her children, and she replies, "I guess I'd want them to treat others the way they'd want to be treated. It sounds pretty simple, but it pretty much applies to everything." He asks who her inspiration, role model, or mentor is, and why. She says, "I guess don't really have one. I've always had to depend on myself." He asks where she sees herself in five years, and she says, "I don't know. On some romantic adventure -- on a dig in Tunisia, or a safari in Africa -- I don't know, on a research boat on its way to Antarctica."
Dawson scoffs, "When you talked about getting out of Capeside, I thought you meant, like, Boston University. The polar ice caps are pretty far away." "Well, that's the point," she says dully. Dawson prods, "But there must be things that you'll miss? Family? Friends?" She smiles, and says, "Of course, but life goes on, Dawson. Things change." Dawson protests, "They don't have to." "Yes, they do," she insists, "everything changes eventually. That's just the way life is, and you have no control over it. Like, suddenly, people who you think are always going to be there -- they disappear. You know? People die, and they move away, and they grow up." Dawson looks shell-shocked. Joey delivers the crushing blow: "Everything changes eventually, Dawson." But, as we know, in Dawson's world, nothing ever changes, and he is the Little Prince forever.
Aw, I miss that ad where the Ikea dudes redecorate a subway car.
Evening at the yacht club. Mrs. Windjammer tells the pageant spectators to take their seats.
Backstage, Joey's hair is up in a mess of huge curlers as Jen makes her up. Joey says she looks like a dweeb, and that everyone's going to laugh at her. Jen gives her a tub of Vaseline and tells her to put some on her teeth to stop her lips sticking to her teeth when she smiles. "Wait a second, I have to smile?" Joey whines. "You never said anything about smiling!"
Dawson opens the door to a supply closet, where Pacey is getting dressed. Dawson starts snickering, and Pacey warns him, "You make one joke about coming out of the closet, and I swear...." Dawson claims that he won't, since it's "too obvious." Pacey stands up, looking kind of cute in a tuxedo, and Dawson offers to help him do up his vest. Pacey asks Dawson whether he thinks Pacey's a "complete tool" for entering the contest. Dawson asks, "Since when did you start concerning yourself with public opinion? Pacey, I think you've got testicles of steel for doing this." Pacey looks grateful. Dawson hands Pacey some Vaseline and says, "My mom said to put that on your teeth." Pacey asks, "Why?" Dawson laughs, "I have absolutely no idea." For once, a nice scene involving Dawson.
Onstage, Mrs. Windjammer breathily announces, "And so now, ladies and gentlemen, the contestants, in their evening wear." A parade of toothsome young ladies parade across the stage. Roberta Crump's hair is down over her shoulders and she's wearing a lovely dark blue strappy dress. Finally, Joey comes out. Her hair's all upswept and she's wearing a velvety, dark brown, strappy dress with a sort of swirly paisley pattern all over it. For once, she's standing straight, and she looks totally gorgeous. Dawson does a double-take, and then leans down to follow her with the camera. Mrs. Flash, at the judges' table, looks proud. Aw.
As Jen watches Dawson's reaction from the wings, Pacey steals up behind her and asks, "Could it be Cinderella's fairy godmother did her job a little too well?" Joey starts to walk offstage under Dawson's flummoxed gaze, and Pacey adds, "It looks like Prince Charming's found the owner of that glass slipper." Jen scratches her head and tightly says, "If you have a point, I wish you'd get to it." Pacey says, "Come on, Jen. It's pretty obvious that you're missing the undivided attention of our friend Dawson." Yeah, like you'd miss a tumour. She denies it, and Pacey needles her, "Tell me, is it the possibility of losing him to someone else that suddenly makes him seem so attractive?" Jen asks, "You really think that I'm that shallow, huh?" "No. I think you're that human," he replies kindly. Hannah leaves the stage as Mrs. Windjammer calls Pacey's name. He marches out. Jen watches him go, looking vulnerable. Pacey beams at the crowd, charisma wafting off him like fine cologne. How did I never see it the first time around? Dude owns this stupid show!
Montage alert! A girl tap-dances. Hannah gives a dramatic reading from (I think) Medea. A girl twirls a baton. A girl ballet-dances. "Special-Needs Kids" Girl tells Mrs. Windjammer that if she could talk to the governor for an hour, she'd tell him how to lose thirty pounds in thirty days. Pacey says, "I'd like to tell my kids that you don't have to be the handsomest guy, you don't have to be the most intelligent guy, you don't even have to be the biggest football stud to be a damn fine Miss Windjammer." Roberta plays the piano. Another girl does a tumbling routine. Pacey tells Mrs. Windjammer, "I would tell the world's leaders that a society that chooses war and death over the preservation of life cannot possibly succeed or thrive. And I guess if that didn't work, I'd just tell them that I had dirty photos of them, you know?" Two girls in the crowd give him a standing ovation. Mrs. Flash scores the contestants and Pacey swoops in to ask her how he's doing. At first she says his name sharply, and then says, "I've got to tell you, you are funny and charming. The audience loves you." "Seriously?" he says happily. She says, "You may not have a snowball's chance in hell of winning, but you're definitely keeping me from falling asleep." I heard that, sister. Pacey is surprised that he's "not even in the running," and she notes, "You know this club would rather see the whole place go down in flames [heh] before they would actually crown a male Miss Windjammer." Pacey says that his being written off is completely unfair. Mrs. Flash points out, "Honey, 'fair' and 'beauty pageants' aren't exactly synonymous." Pacey wanders off, a dark expression on his face.
Jen is telling a distressed Joey that "in approximately two minutes and thirty-five seconds, this will all be over." Joey says that she's never had to sing in front of people before: "What if I suck?" Joey, I love you, honey, but you will suck. Like a Hoover. Jen pushes her onstage with a last reminder to "smile." She walks to the centre of the stage as Mrs. Windjammer announces that she'll be singing "On My Own" from Les Miserables. Dawson joins Jen in the wings, looking proud and astounded, and tells Jen, "You did an incredible job on Joey. My God, it's amazing!" Jen says, "I think we've finally broken into the ranks of being friends." "Hm," says Dawson, who clearly couldn't care less. "But I miss our friendship, too, Dawson," Jen adds. Dawson, whose eyes are locked on Joey and who isn't listening, says, "Me too." Jen goes on, "And not just our friendship, but I guess what I'm trying to say is --"
Joey starts to sing. Okay, for those of you who've never seen Les Miserables or heard the soundtrack, "On My Own" is about the schmaltziest unrequited-love song ever, and for the writers to have Joey (way way flat) sing this is completely shamless. Don't believe me?
On my ownLike, I don't think I quite get it. Couldn't they have somehow worked in Dawson's name so it would be totally clear? ["I would answer that, but I suddenly have several very painful cavities." -- Sars]
Pretending he's beside me
All alone
I walk with him 'til morning
Without him, I feel his arms around me
And when I lose my way I close my eyes and he has found me
In the rain
The pavement shines like silver
All the lights are misty in the river
In the darkness, the trees are full of starlight
And all I see is him and me forever and forever
And I know it's only in my mind,
That I'm talking to myself and not to him
And although I know that he is blind
Still I say there's a way for us
I love him, but when the night is over
He is gone, the river's just a river
Without him, the world around me changes
The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers
I love him, but every day I'm learning
All my life I've only been pretending
Without me, his world will go on turning
The world is full of happiness that I have never known
I love him
I love him
I love him, but only on my own.
Dawson fetches Pacey from the supply closet, where he's fussing with his bowtie. At the sound of Dawson's voice, he starts, spraying playing cards into the air. Dawson assures him that he's "doing great." Pacey says, "I need to know something, Dawson. When I asked you if doing this thing was stupid and you made me believe that it had a point, did you ever actually believe that I had a chance at winning this thing?" "Come on, Pacey," Dawson fails to answer. Pacey throws up his hands and says, "Great, that's what I thought. Just another thing for the kids to laugh about Monday morning at school." More cards shoot out of his breast pocket. Pacey concludes, "And who am I to disappoint, right?" Dawson sternly says, "Wait, you're not thinking of doing something stupid, are you?" Pacey exclaims, "Those people suck! How can I possibly leave here without letting them know that little-known fact? I mean, I'm going down -- I've got nothing to lose." He puts on a top hat and storms out. Dawson rolls his eyes. Shut up, Dawson.
Onstage, Mrs. Windjammer is saying that Pacey has changed his program, and instead of a magic act, will perform a dramatic interpretation. Pacey comes onstage wearing only his vest -- no shirt -- and with blue make-up covering most of his face, and, in a pretty crap Scots accent, says, "Well, I'm not William Wallace, but I am Pacey Witter." He pauses, and from the wings, Dawson yells, "Pacey Witter's seven feet tall!" "So, they say...so they say," Pacey says, and goes on, "And they say that this Pacey Witter is a dangerous man who slaughters Capeside residents by the dozens with jokes and buffoonery. And that if he were here, he would destroy those who would judge him, with sparks from his eyes and wit from his ass. Well, I am Pacey Witter. But who of you are in the position to judge me?" He indicates a man at the judges' table and asks, "Is it you, sir? And what sort of human being tolerates being judged? Well, judgment stops today, because that which scorns me deems to own me, and I am willing to trade the trappings of my dysfunctional life for one chance -- just one chance -- to stand in front of my fellow countrymen and tell them that you may take my life, but you will never take my freedom! Thank you and goodnight." He starts to walk offstage. Dawson, standing backstage with a constipated expression, starts applauding tentatively. The judges look mildly amused. Bucking expectations, Pacey fails to run back onstage and fart at the crowd.
Backstage, Joey walks into the dressing room and overhears Hannah saying, "You know, if she does win, it's only for the sympathy vote, because she is a total charity case." The blonde crony apparently zipping up Hannah's dress as Hannah pets her own face asks, "What do you mean?" Hannah evidently takes a great deal of pleasure in telling Crony all about Joey: blah blah "trailer" blah "sister" blah blah "illegitimate baby with her black boyfriend" blah blah blah bitchcakes. Dawson comes in as Joey stands near the doorway eavesdropping. Crony asks where Joey's parents are, and Hannah tells her about DeadMom and Mr. Pothead, concluding, "But you can ask her yourself; she'll tell anyone who listens to her pathetic sob story." I have to say, there isn't a part of this that isn't true -- particularly the bit about Joey's non-reticence in sharing the story with others. Dawson has the grace to look wounded on Joey's behalf. Hannah delivers the closer: "I'm sure she's already told the judges." At this, Joey starts to flee. Dawson tries to stop her, but she tells him not to try to make her go back out there, and curses herself for "setting [her]self up like this." Dawson tells her she was phenomenal, and that if she lets "these inbred idiots" defeat her, she'll never forgive herself. Joey says she can't believe she's sunk so low for money, and that she "might as well have sold [her]self on a street corner." She makes for the door again, but Dawson pushes her back and tells her that she could win the contest, and that the reason those bitches are slamming her is that they know she can beat them. Joey considers this, and then says, "I don't want their money, Dawson. I don't want anything from these people -- it makes me sick!" Dawson says he doesn't think it's about the money anymore. This pulls Joey up short. He says he knows they're not speaking at the moment, but that if they were, "I would tell my best friend -- who was always too afraid to get up in class for show and tell -- how incredibly proud I am of her, and how I think she has got more guts and talent and strength of character than all the Hannah von Wennings of the world put together." Joey smiles. Dawson gets a nosebleed from the effort it took him to deliver two selfless compliments in a single evening.
Joey is onstage for her interview. Mrs. Windjammer asks her what words of advice she would bestow upon today's youth. As Dawson and Hannah watch from the wings, Joey says, "I'd like to tell today's youth that, uh, no matter where life takes you -- big cities, small towns -- you'll inevitably come across small minds [at this she glances toward Hannah]. People who think that they're better than you are. People who think that material things, or being pretty or popular automatically makes you a worthwhile human being. I'd like to tell today's youth that none of these things matter, unless you have strength of character, integrity, a sense of pride. And if you're lucky enough to have any of these things, don't ever sell 'em. Don't ever sell out. So when you meet a person for the first time, don't ever judge them by their station in life, that person just might end up being your best friend." She concludes with a look at Dawson, who beams, and applauds vigorously. "Don't ever sell out"? Joey, if only you could look into the future and see the debased shell of a girl you become after hooking up with Dawson. Lord.
After the break, the camera pans across a vista of contestants as Mrs. Windjammer prepares to announce the winner. Joey stands to "Special-Needs Kids" Girl and shoots her a death look. Heh. The second runner-up, and winner of two tickets to the Rialto theatre for any Tuesday or Thursday matinee, is Hannah, who looks like she just got kicked in the gut. Joey claps feebly. Jen smirks. Hannah recovers her composure and claims her prize. The first runner-up, and winner of "a free day of beauty at Betty's Hair Barn" is Joey. Jen applauds, looking sort of disappointed. Joey accepts her prize diffidently. Dawson tells the crew to pack up, and takes off. The winner of the pageant is, duh, Roberta Crump, who, when the spotlight falls on her, clasps her hands and glances around incredulously, as if she must have misheard. Aw! She gets a little weepy as the old Miss Windjammer crowns her. The rest of the contestants file offstage. When Joey passes Dawson, she flaps her envelope as if to say, "I won the jerk-off prize," and then sort of leans to one side and smiles more warmly as if to say, "All is forgiven." This she does without saying a word -- a nice job by Miss Katie Holmes. Dawson looks relieved, and grins.
Later, Joey stands on a pier, still in her strappy gown. Dawson walks toward her with Mrs. Flash on his arm. She tells Joey that she was "truly spectacular tonight" and that she voted for Joey, and that Joey should be very proud of herself. Joey modestly thanks her. Mrs. Flash offers the kids a ride home, but Dawson says they can walk. Mrs. Flash kisses each of them and leaves. Dawson stares at her for a while. Then, instead of offering her his coat, he marvels, "For the first time in my life, you've left me speechless." Joey gives him an "oh, go on -- no, really, go on" smile. Dawson asks, "What's happening, Joey?" She asks, "You mean you don't know?" Jen appears at the top of the boardwalk in time to see Dawson take Joey's hand, and walks off with her arms crossed. FINALLY Dawson gives Joey his coat and they sit down.
Dawson says, "I looked at you tonight, and it was like you came completely out of your shell. There was this...a total newfound confidence that just seemed to burst from you, and I know what it must have taken for you to ger up there and do that tonight. It's like you transformed into this beautiful...Joey." Joey, staring at the ground, cautions him, "Dawson...." He throws back his head laughing and says, "I'm sitting here with my best friend in the world, and my palms are sweating. I've known you forever, but I feel like I'm seeing you for the first time tonight." Joey looks sad and happy at once, and then starts crying. He asks what's wrong, and she says, "There's something that's not right about this." He says he thought this was what she wanted, and she says, "It's my own stupid fault. I mean, dressing up, playing the princess -- you and I both know this isn't me." Dawson murmurs, "Of course it is." Joey says, "I thought this was what I wanted -- for you to see me as beautiful, for you to look at me the way that you look at Jen, but the truth is, I don't want that at all, Dawson. I want you to look at me and see the person you've always known and realize that what we have is so much more incredible than just some passing physical attraction, because, you know what, Dawson? [swiping at her mouth] It's just lipstick. [taking down her upsweep] And it's just hairspray. Tomorrow I'm going to wake up, and I'm going to be Joey. Just Joey, you know? The too-tall girl from the wrong side of the creek." Dawson protests, "Joey, this is all new to us, and we should talk about it, okay? No matter what happens, we can't go back to the way things were." Joey says, "Dawson, you've had your whole life to process your feelings for me. And I can't spend the rest of mine hoping that you might throw a general glance in my direction in between your tortured teen romances with whatever Jen Lindley rolls into your life . I can't do it." She starts to go, but Dawson implores her, "Joey, don't walk away from this." She turns back mournfully and takes off his coat, saying, "I have to, Dawson." Joey, take off your stupid heels and RUN.
Pacey, tie askew, strolls up to Hannah, who asks if he's "come to gloat." He says he just has a lot of experiecne with being a loser, and that, since this is her first time, he thought she might need some pointers. "First time," Hannah snorts, and says that her brother Matt is on the national tennis circuit, Caroline's a pediatrician, and Jennifer's a foreign correspondent on CNN: "Me? I can't even win a stupid small-town beauty pageant." Pacey points out that at least she doesn't need the money, unlike himself, who is stuck living at home with a bunch of people who think he's "a blight on mankind." "Well, aren't we a couple of black sheep?" Hannah comments ruefully, and then compliments him on the "ballsy thing" he did. He thanks her, and says, "You know, what I wouldn't give to go away to school -- be somebody else for a while." Hannah says she spent a total of twenty-three days at home this year, and that the last time she had a school break, she came home to an empty house, yada yada poor little rich girl, not. She wraps it up with some non-funny remark about the dog. Whatever. Smell ya later, Hannah.
Dawson is moping on the lawn at Casa Leery when Jen comes up behind him to ask how his "debut as a newsman" went. He says it'll be a blip on the eleven-o'clock news after all. They both sit down on the front step; she says, "This may sound like it's coming out of the blue, but the truth is I haven't thought about much else lately, Dawson. Look, I know that we didn't give our relationship much of a chance -- okay, I didn't give it much of a chance -- and you're right, I really didn't give you a good reason for the breakup; truth is, I don't even know if I had a good reason. Is it too late for me to ask you for another chance?" Dawson gives himself whiplash turning to look at her and snorts, "You're kidding!" Jen says, "I couldn't be more serious." Dawson exhales, "God, Jen!" Wounded, she says, "I guess I am too late." Dawson says, "It's just that...you know, now is really not the best time." He trails off, and fails to notices her crying or even to LOOK AT HER as he adds, "I've got some things I've got to figure out first." She says, "Okay. Well, you know where I am." "How could I ever forget?" he says ruefully. She leaves. He huffs.
Joey's rendition of "On My Own" starts up on the soundtrack as Joey brushes her hair in Bessie's Bastard Barn. The camera zooms in on Dawson, apparently as he imagines her brushing her hair. Joey brushes some more, and gazes at herself. Back to Dawson. Back to Joey as she experiments with her hair. Back to Dawson. Back to Joey, checking herself out and smiling. Back to Dawson, who smiles. Back to Joey as she lets her hair fall.