Last night, I took some happy pills and actually enjoyed some of the dances. Maybe it's just that we're so close to the finals and I see the light at the end of the tunnel. And also I don't hate anyone who's left (except Mark) (who I will always hate) (and his spats) (I hate those too).
You guys. What the hot fudge sundae is Brooke wearing? It's this beige dress with a rectangular window cut out in the front to show off her cleavage and then spangled suspenders going over the shoulders? It's like Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Boobs Club Band or something. Does she own a mirror? Is it just when your face is pretty and you have big boobs, you just wear whatever?
Tonight's encore is William and Cheryl's samba. Okay, I'm going to be open-minded about this. Well, the man can shake his tush, that's for sure. And he totally full-on grabbed Cheryl's boob at one point. But there's still something about his dancing that doesn't seem QUITE right. It's good. He's got hip action. His feet seem fine. I just can't pinpoint what doesn't look right to my eye.
Remember last night when Katherine and Mark did a great quickstep and Carrie Ann went crazy and said it might be the best dance she's ever seen on the show? Then she did a salsa that I found really unfortunate, even before the ending where they fell and Katherine did something to her back that seemed really painful. In the confessional afterwards, Katherine said that she felt like the end of the salsa was the end of their time on the show. Well, we're going to find out right now if they're safe or in jeopardy. Katherine looks in a lot better shape physically tonight, although she's obviously terrifically nervous. And then Tom tells them that they're safe and going to the finals. Katherine is obviously feeling better because she jumps around like a crazy person when she hears the news. Wow, they really expected to go home. They did get the lowest judges' scores. Aw, that means someone else is going home. I hope it's not Donald.
Clip package where the pros talk about their competition and how great everyone is this season. Peta thinks Maria has shown the most improvement, despite her injuries. Mark thinks William's technique is his weakness, but Cheryl thinks his passion and emotion will help him connect to the audience. Everyone thinks Katherine has beautiful and graceful movements, but Mark thinks she might psych herself out. Cheryl points out that athletes like Donald do well in the competition because they know when to peak, although Peta thinks that he's used to being stiff and not lyrical, and it's a challenge.
Brooke is backstage with Katherine and Mark, where Katherine says that she's fine to keep dancing even though she may have gotten hurt again during her celebration. They try to get Mark and Katherine to watch their fall but there are technical difficulties and then Brooke tries to blame Mark but it sounds like they both made small mistakes that added up to a bigger one. Maria says that last night was "a triumphant victory of a night" because they had a terrible week but somehow pulled it out.
Design-A-Dance. It's a samba to a Beyonce song, and it will be danced by Tristan and Chelsie. I'm not surprised about Tristan. I am surprised about Chelsie, a little. Those two are cute together. It's nice to see them both dancing without having to talk their partners through the routine, and it's nice to see samba rolls done properly. I think they had a few issues with some lifts, though. And the ladies on the forums who are Tristan fans are going to have a FIELD DAY with the ending pose, where Tristan is leaning back on his knees and looking at Chelsie like he wants to...do things. It's a pretty sexy look.
Alanis Morrissette is on hand to sing her new song. I'm an Alanis fan. She's singing live, for one thing. And I miss the ladies of the '90s, like Shirley Manson and Courtney Love and Sheryl Crow and the whole Lilith Fair crew. There's the obligatory rumba while she sings.
Time to look back at Maria and Derek. Before they went on, Maria actually licked her hand and slicked Cheryl's flyaway hairs down. I kind of loved that, although I don't know if Cheryl did. I seriously do not know how Derek did that jive with a bad back. And Maria could NOT have been more excited about their first-place finish. So are they safe or in jeopardy? They are in jeopardy. The crowd boos and Maria jokingly joins them, although she seems pretty okay with being in jeopardy. I guess this far along, you have to be prepared to go home.
Tom announces what was confirmed at the ABC upfronts today, that season is going to be an All-Star season. He adds that there will be former champions and non-champions. So spend the summer figuring out who you want to see! Or not see. I don't want to see Bristol Palin or Kate Gosselin. Or Marie Osmond. Or Billy Ray Cyrus. I would like to see Mel B again. That's about it.
Brooke is backstage with Donald and William, but they are both super nervous and don't have much to say other than, "We hope people voted for us and we get to continue."
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Julianne is back to promote her new movie Rock of Ages. They perform "Jukebox Hero". This guy singing is no Lou Gramm, or as people from my hometown of Rochester, New York knew him, Louie Grammitico from Gates-Chili. Julianne sings "I Love Rock and Roll" and then Mary J. Blige comes on and sings "Any Way You Want It." You know, if it weren't for Tom Cruise, I might see this movie. I know it will be terrible and cheesy, but I like things that are terrible and cheesy sometimes. I just don't think I can take Tom Cruise. After the number ends, Tom talks to Julianne and they have a cute father-daughter chemistry.
Carrie Underwood is on hand to fill time, I mean sing her latest song. I like Carrie Underwood, but just tell me who's going home.
Last night, William and Cheryl were totally focused after their first dance and knew they had to nail their second one. William's son was totally asleep. Aw, poor little guy. Don't you envy kids their ability to just sleep through anything? One of my kids slept through fireworks being set off about ten yards from us last Fourth of July. I was ready to leave but he just kept sleeping. Anyway, Donald and Peta also did great last night and Donald was thrilled.
So one of those two couples is moving on and one is in jeopardy. And William and Cheryl are in the finals, so that means Donald and Peta are in jeopardy. Brooke tells them twice because she's not sure they heard her the first time, because they were congratulating William. I don't like the looks of this. On the one hand, I like Maria just fine and I like Donald a lot. On the other hand, maybe Maria has peaked? And she's not going to get any better? Whereas I feel like Donald has room to improve. I still maintain that if Donald had Cheryl or Anna as a partner, he'd be even better.
So who's going home? I also think Maria and Derek might be too battered and bruised to make it another week. Oh, I keep thinking of reasons why Donald should stay, so that probably means he's going home. Finally, Tom tells us that Maria and Derek are going home. It seems like they kind of knew. Oh, thank God. The audience boos but come on. Who deserved to go home more? And how much better was she going to get?
In her exit interview, Maria says that she learned about her own strength and ability to persevere, and Derek talks about what an amazing person she is. Maria is very gracious, thanking everyone and anyone but making it sound sincere. She really did show a ton of improvement. I never thought she would make it this far and I can honestly say now that she deserved to be here this long. If you had told me after the first week that she would make it one week shy of the finals, I never would have bought it. That's kind of what this show is about, right? The people who learn and improve over the season? Anyway, now on to the finals.
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