Hey y'all. I cut a chunk out of my thumb today slicing potatoes so hopefully between me, my spell check, and my editor, we will catch all the typos and mistakes, but typing is difficult when you can't use your left thumb and you're left-handed. But the world of dance waits for no one, so here we go!
Luckily there will be a lot of filler. Like this opening segment about how Ricki has been through life's trials, Rob has stepped out into the spotlight and become a man, and JR is already a hero. It's been ten weeks and now it's the finale! Hooray! I think this could be about two weeks shorter and it would be perfect. Eight weeks is about when I hit the wall with this show.
The opening number starts with all of the pros, and then each pro from the entire season comes out with their celeb in the order they were eliminated, and then the three final couples come down the stairs and join them. So that was something that happened.
As usual, we get to see some backstage footage from last night. Ricki vowed to have a great time on the floor during their freestyle, and it looks like she did. Afterwards, she told Derek that she would cherish the experience. Before they went on, Cheryl was trying to give Rob a pep talk and he just walked away, maybe to puke? That was strange. After their freestyle, Derek told Ricki that Rob could win this thing. Is he just figuring that out? Cheryl said afterwards that she was most proud of Rob out of all her partners. When it came to JR's first dance, the judges were shocked at how messy it was, and JR admitted to Karina that he totally lost it. So he was really determined to redeem himself in his freestyle, and he did. It wasn't my favorite, but they did nail it.
Lady Antebellum performs a new song while Dmitry and Val and two blondes perform a rumba. I hate when they do the rumba because the ladies whip their hair around so much that I can't tell who they are. Kym? Peta? Hey, I guessed right! That's exactly who it was. Sadly, on this show, if you've seen one rumba while a live band performs, you've kind of seen them all, so I have nothing new to say.
Finally, some more dancing that counts for something! Ricki and Derek are up first. They have to redo their favorite dance of the season. So cue the fake conversation where they have to pretend to deliberate over which dance they're going to do. Ricki and Derek are doing their Psycho tango, which is dumb. They got a 29 for that one, I think? I know they got some tens. They should choose a routine that they liked but didn't do as well as they could have because Ricki lacked the technique at that point. Judges like improvement. I kind of wish they would show us the original before we see the new version. I know I could watch it online, but I'm lazy. Ricki's posture is better, but her footwork is the same: good. Derek doesn't seem as intense as last time. It feels like a letdown.
Judges? They won't say anything bad, guaranteed. Len says he liked it the first time and he loved it this time. Bruno calls it "a cinematic extravaganza" and "unforgettable." Carrie Ann thinks it was "beyoooooooond perfect" this time. No scores yet; they're waiting for all of the dancers to go.
You guys, I just watched Rob's entire roll-in package and just sat there with glazed eyes and suddenly they were dancing and I was like, "Shit, I was supposed to recap that." But it was dullsville, population snore. They fake decide to do their foxtrot, which Rob did for his dad. Rob is really grateful to Cheryl for her role in his transformation. See? Boring! Anyway, their foxtrot is cute and all, but Rob never solved that big problem where he takes big steps and they look clunky. I don't know if it's a heel lead or he's flat footed or he doesn't bend his knee - I can't pinpoint the problem. But it looks awkward. His hands and arms are great, though.
Judges? Bruno thinks Rob looks smooth and suave. Carrie Ann loved the elegance and refinement and Rob makes it look easy. Len tells Rob he's got the best footwork of any guy that Len has seen on the show. Well, he's light on his feet. I'll give him that. I think Len is forgetting a few people, though. Mario Lopez. Gilles Marini. Probably others that I'm forgetting.
JR and Karina discuss which routine to do over. They're going to do their jive, but remove the lift, since they got a point taken off for it, and take out all the Lindy Hop stuff that Len hated. See, that's how you do it. It couldn't help but be better because first of all, it was early on so JR has gotten better and second of all, they got a low score, so just about anything will be an improvement. Their opening is in perfect sync, even though their backs are to one another. That's impressive, especially since they struggled with that last night. JR gets a little off when he does a jump from the stage but Karina gets him back on track. The middle section of their jive is really outstanding. JR is kicking and flicking like a madman and they are totally in sync. He screws up again near the end, but covers well and overall, it was really good. Definitely better than their first attempt, but not perfect. But also better than last night.
Judges? Carrie Ann tells JR that he's a "catalyst for joy" even if they had some mistakes. Len gives props to the band and the singers first, and then says that JR took out the Lindy which was great, and his personality lights up the room. Len didn't say much about the dance quality. Bruno thought it was "fun, fun, fun!" That seemed like damning with faint praise. I don't know what the viewers did with their votes, but if it were up to the judges, I don't think JR would win.
Tom explains how the scoring will go. The judges will rank the three couples, with first place getting 30 point, second place getting 28, and third getting 26. I don't understand the way this show does things. Len announces the decision and says it wasn't unanimous. Third place is Rob and Cheryl, second place is JR and Karina, and first place is Ricki and Derek. Wow, I really thought the bottom two would be reversed. So now Ricki and Derek lead with 84, Rob and Cheryl have 83, and JR and Karina have 82. Interesting that if the order had been as I thought, JR and Karina would have fallen even further behind.
Bloopers from the judges. Okay, these are mostly visual. When Bruno saw the old photo of himself he just yelled, "I was hot!!!" Carrie Ann is a flake. Len thinks he could do Tom's job and he's kind of grouchy. THE ENNNNND!
Wow, they're already revealing some results! They're going to tell us who's in third place and thus won't be moving on to the final round. Holy shit, it's Ricki and Derek. I did not expect that. Ricki is appropriately grateful. I always think parents should thank their nannies because come on, you know she has one and she could not be doing this without him or her. Ricki's goodbye clip package is exactly what you'd expect: she gained confidence, she wanted to quit, she came back strong, she made it to the finals.
Rob and Cheryl and JR and Karina are introduced YET AGAIN! Like can't they at least pretend to try to make the filler interesting? We've been introduced to these people at least twice in the past forty-five minutes. Then we have to have a clip package of the judges talking about the finalists. JR - he's good at dancing! And he's charming! Rob has come a long way! He's like a man!
They let stupid Brooke be in charge of the instant samba introduction and she manages to do so with as much awkwardness as possible. These couples will be dancing an instant Samba to "Shake Your Bon Bon" by Ricky Martin. Then they have to draw tiny mirror balls to determine their order and Brooke manages to draw it out three times longer than needed and has to refer to her index card multiple times and still almost screws it up. She's awful. JR and Karina are going first.
So while they run off to learn their sambas, let's watch a clip package of the WHOLE SEASON. Ah mah gah. I just watched this whole season. I watched most episodes more than once. And if you're reading this, you probably also read the weecaps from the season so far, so let's just skip anything that we've already seen. I just like the part where the eliminated people dance again so we can see if they were really terrible. Metta World Peace is honestly not that bad. He might have been robbed. He wouldn't have been a finalist, but he probably deserved another week or two. Elisabetta and Val come out and Val is auditioning for something because he's overdancing and she's still terrible. But she's got a smoking bod.
Kristin is back with a new routine instead of rehashing her old one. Okay, I don't know what in the hell that was other than a chance for Mark to throw Kristin around. Whenever there was supposed to be actual dancing, Kristin screwed it up. She didn't exactly convince me that she should have stayed beyond her "shocking" elimination.
The week that Chynna was eliminated, she froze during her Mission Impossible dance, so tonight she wants to try to do it again. She and Tony rehearsed it and she hopes to prove that she can get through the dance and get the monkey off her back. Oh, I hope it works out. Holy shit. That was really good. No, REALLY good. Like she could have been a finalist if she had always danced like that. I thought that routine was better than some of the finalists' routines we've seen over the past few days. Good for her.
Carson is back to do a routine to "Vogue" by Madonna. It's pretty awesome. The dancing is, predictably, awful. But Carson gets to dance with both Val and Teddy, and he looks way better with them than he ever did with Anna. That said, I hope winning Design-A-Dance this season means that Anna gets a really good partner season. Carson was fun, but never a serious contender. She deserves to be in the finals again.
After another recap, Tristan and Nancy return to reprise their Spamalot routine, which was definitely her best and most charming of the season. Still is. I wish they would let Tristan talk more. I like how he talks.
Chaz and Lacey and Lacey's dad dance to a song about, "I like them chunky!" It's cute, and Chaz looks happier than he did on the show pretty much ever. But it's a little too much Rerun from What's Happening for me. Afterwards, Chaz reveals that he's been there every week since he was eliminated to support the remaining stars.
What about David Arquette? He's doing a routine with the whole troupe and Kym. He puts it really well when he says that it will be great to do it without worrying about scores or votes. They're reprising their Grease routine, which really is a lot better with a whole gang of people dancing. It's a lot of fun and high energy and I wish David had made it further than Hope on the show, because he certainly brought a better attitude. While Tom and Brooke are trying to throw to commercial, David steals the Mirrorball trophy. Brooke, of course, doesn't notice but Tom does and ad-libs something. Because he's awesome.
How sick do you think Lady Antebellum is of singing "I Need You Now." I liked the song once, but I'm pretty sick of it at this point and I don't have to sing it every day. Or hear it every day. Anyway, they perform that song while some pros dance.
The recap of the last few weeks was very, very kind to Hope. It didn't make her look like a brat, and she was one. She and Maks are doing their quickstep. Huh. I've had Amy Winehouse's version of "Valerie" stuck in my head for the last few weeks and couldn't figure out why. Turns out they did their dance to it (much sped up). That explains so much. Anyway, the routine is very Hope-y. Almost good but not great. I notice they don't get an interview.
Before we see the instant dances, I've got a complaint to register about this season. The camerawork, or rather the shots that the producers choose. More than I've ever noticed before, the producer chooses to vary the shots a lot during the routines. The problem is that the person choosing the shots doesn't seem to know much about dancing, so they will cut away from their feet right at an important footwork part or cut away from a full body shot during a part where a full body shot is important. I've never noticed it before this season so I have to assume there's a new producer or something. It sucks. Stop doing that. I'll be watching a routine and just about to figure out why, for example, Rob's steps look weird and they'll cut to a shot of just his face. STOP THAT! Thank you.
I don't like how they do these instant dances. They have JR and Karina start, but the whole time they are dancing, Cheryl and Rob are standing on stage, near the stairs, and you can see them kind of walking through the routine while they wait. It's very distracting. And then as soon as JR and Karina are done, they start the song over and Rob and Cheryl come out. Are they trying to save time? Because there was a LOT of filler they could have cut.
So anyway, the dancing. JR and Karina are really, really good. The two problems they've had lately are JR's posture and being out of sync, and both are much improved. Their routine also seems more difficult. Rob's routine is also good; he certainly doesn't miss a step. But he does overextend his legs sometimes and it looks weird. He seems to be having a great time, though. I'll give him that. And for an instant dance, they were both really, really good.
Judges? Len thinks these two couples have had ten weeks of hard work and then faced huge challenges tonight as well, so Len gives them both a standing ovation. Bruno thinks that JR can turn it on at will, and Rob used his bon bon to great effect. Carrie Ann thinks they are both winners because they both went for it.
While we wait for scores, Tom talks to some of the stars in the audience. The one notable think is that he asks Carson is he's sad that he got to dance with Val but not Maks and Carson quips, "There's still the after party."
Final set of scores are ready! JR and Karina get three tens for a total of 112 over four rounds. Rob and Cheryl also get three tens for a total of 113. So the instant dance was kind of useless, since it didn't change anything, right? Although it might have affected the percentages. I don't understand how that works, admittedly, and I don't want to.
I think we could probably get this done in ninety minutes year, right? Cut out the live performances and some of the filler? Throw in a Thanksgiving special for the first half hour and call it a day. Anyway, it's finally time to reveal the winner. And the winning couple is...JR and Karina. Yay! Hooray. I didn't know if the last weeks would ruin it for them. They look so happy. And...we're done! See you in March.