Fright Night

S13E13

JR, David, and Nancy (with their partners) head into rehearsal. They have the tango, which only David has done before. David gives them tips about posture and such. Wait, didn't JR have the tango this week? That hardly seems fair, although it might be confusing to learn two different tango routines in the same week, I guess. Anyway, Nancy mostly talks trash about the other team, which I greatly enjoy. I wish she would unleash the beast and just start talking shit about Derek and Maks. You know she's got some opinions.

The conceit is that they are inmates in an asylum and also possibly zombies? They are all dancing stiffly and twitchily (is that a word?) to "Disturbia" by Rihanna. Remember when Lance and Lacey did their tango to this song? The show is just recycling all over the place. Anyway, the routine itself is quite good, and even Nancy's solo is acceptable, if kind of boring (and you can see Tristan talking her through it). They also choreograph around Nancy a lot, since she's the only female non-pro. David and JR get really into the characters and are both a joy to watch. JR's solo segment is SO MUCH BETTER than his actual routine this week. I don't know if he's feeding off the energy of the group or if someone else choreographed it, but it's night and day. Overall, it didn't have a ton of flash, but it was solid and no one screwed the pooch. I enjoyed watching it.

Judges? Len says that the group parts were really good and tight, but he thought the solos were disasters. Really? I loved the solos, except for Nancy's. Bruno agrees and allows that it's tough to learn two whole routines in one week. Carrie Ann also agrees, but ends by saying that she thought it was very nice overall. Huh? Again, not usually into conspiracies, but it feels like it was predetermined that this group would be lower scores, so it didn't matter what they did on the floor. Even the dancers look a little puzzled. Usually when they screw up on something specific, and a judge points it out, they agree or laugh or go, "You got me!" But they all look sort of like, "What are they talking about? That was awesome!" Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7 and Bruno 8. They are on crack. That dance deserved at least one 9.

up is Team Paso with Ricki and Derek, Hope and Maks, and Rob and Cheryl. Also known as the Chosen Ones, apparently. Rob feels pretty bad about begin the only male non-pro. In their last rehearsal, they want to go through the solos but Hope and Maks haven't even started theirs yet. Haven't even started their yet. Let me say that again: it's the last rehearsal and they haven't even started theirs yet. So then everyone has to stand around awkwardly while Hope and Maks try to work out their solo, and as is their wont, they start fighting about it and Maks leaves. Derek steps in and tries to show Hope what to do, bless him. And Cheryl also demonstrates some steps to Hope. I hope (no pun intended) that Maks thanked them. Hope and Maks seriously have a toxic relationship and need to go home. And never speak to one another again.

Well, not totally perfect as their tango is super boring. Maybe there is a lot of technical stuff going on that I don't understand. I do know that most of the dance needs to be in hold, and that's going to limit what Karina can do with the choreography, but I've seen a lot more interesting tangos on the show. The music doesn't help. The whole thing is just oddly flat. Not to mention that the stupid Ghostbusters jumpsuit makes JR look dumpy, and he is not dumpy.

Judges? Bruno thought it was "a very solid performance" but JR lost the timing a few times, mostly due to the stupid song. Carrie Ann thought they got out of sync, but they were precise and sharp and captured the tone. Len is, as usual, the only one not taking crazy pills, as he notes that it was a substandard performance for JR, but then adds that it's only because JR has set the bar so high lately. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8 and Bruno 8. What is Carrie Ann smoking? That was so not a 9 dance.

Nancy Grace has the jive this week. This could be scary. She is not a jive sort of gal. It's going to require a lot more stamina than I think she has. Tristan emphasizes that Nancy needs to make everyone in the room have fun, and she even interrupts his interview to say that she's really fun. Let the man SPEAK, Nancy.

So they are dancing to "Devil Went Down to Georgia" and it is the WORST choice for a jive of all time. No one could make this jive look good, least of all Nancy. But she doesn't help matters by getting off beat in the first part and never really getting back into it. I don't know if she got thrown off mentally or what, but the whole routine is kind of a disaster. I'll say this: she keeps a smile on her face. And you can see Tristan trying to get her back into the rhythm by stomping his feet on the ground, but there are only a few short sequences where she seems to get it. And then, her footwork is so slow that it doesn't even resemble a jive at all. I don't know what that was. I hated it. Why does everyone suck tonight?

Judges? Carrie Ann says it was "not so good" and she knows Nancy is having fun, but she lost the steps a few times. Len thinks the jive doesn't suit Nancy, and she was flat-footed. Bruno thinks the spirit was right, but her footing was off. To her credit, Nancy just smiles and doesn't give them shit or look devastated or whatever. She scares me, though, because I wonder what's going on in her head. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7 and Bruno 7. Generous. Earlier in the season, that would have gotten a 6.

Rob Kardashian will not be commenting on his sister's divorce this week, I'm guessing. This week, Rob and Cheryl have to dance to "The Addams Family" theme song. Rob found out that Cheryl was scared of everything, so he spent the week pranking her. Hope he spent some time rehearsing as well.

They're dressed as Gomez and Morticia, of course. And their tango is...really good, actually. Rob has the footwork down, and their kicks and flicks are great. Like way better than JR's were, somehow. My only nitpick would be that his posture could have been better, and he didn't get into the sexy character of the dance as much as he should have, but it was the best dance of the night so far.

Judges? Len thought it was well done, with good footwork. Bruno thought Rob was leading with conviction, but he needs to tuck his butt underneath him. Agreed. I know it's big, but he needs to tuck that in. Carrie Ann thinks it was Rob's best dance so far. I agree. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8 and Bruno 8. I thought it should have been a point or two higher.

Hmm, Ricki and Derek don't have what they call the "pimp spot" (last dance) this week. Weird. They have the paso this week, but Ricki has injured her rib, so she gets it checked out. The doctor tells her that what she really needs is a week or so off, but she's not going to take it, obviously. Wah. Why do I care if she's injured? I really don't. Either dance or don't.

Okay, I am not one for conspiracy theories usually, but this is BULL SHIT. Nearly every routine so far has been hampered by terrible Halloween-y songs, and Ricki and Derek get to dance to Beyonce's "Sweet Dreams." Come on. Their paso is actually really good, but I would have liked to see them try to dance to Ghostbusters or some bullshit like that. Anyway, Ricki is Red Riding Hood and Derek is the wolf, which is an interesting twist to the whole toreador/bull situation, but I'm so mad about the song they got that I can't even.

Judges? Bruno thought they had fantastic figures, even though Ricki tensed her shoulders at times. Carrie Ann gives Ricki another tongue bath, but mentions the shoulders again. Len loves the shapes that Ricki makes, and she has great footwork. Len is seriously fired up. And it was a great dance. I'm just mad about the advantage of the song they got. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9 and Bruno 9. Well, at least they didn't get perfect scores. Brooke is trying to get through her spiel without laughing but David is dancing with a skeleton behind her and she cracks up. She's human! Who knew?

Speaking of terrible song selection, Maks and Hope will be doing the samba to "Werewolves of London." Huh? How does that work? Is this his punishment? Maks has a broken toe, so he brings in Teddy from the troupe to dance with Hope. And she has fun! And learns the routine quickly! Except then Maks comes back and shits all over their work and they turn into teenagers rebelling against boring old dad and just giggle while he throws a fit. It just goes to show how both Maks and Hope would have been better off with different partners this season. Their personalities clash. Anyway, Maks tries to lighten the mood by dressing up in a werewolf mask, and he thinks that Hope is doing better as a result. We shall see.

If that dance was supposed to be Hope playing a character, it was good. If she was really dancing like that, it was bad. She started out pretty strong and I actually thought, "Okay, whatever went down last week put the fear of God in her and she shaped up." But she's like flopping all over the place and bobbling her head and she looks scared half of the time. But maybe she was supposed to be scared, because Maks was dressed up like a werewolf? So maybe that was part of the routine? She often had a look on her face like she was confused or had totally screwed up the steps. Was she acting? She looked like a bobblehead. Confused. It wasn't great, either way, but if she did it on purpose, it would be better.

Judges? Carrie Ann thought her lighter attitude brought an ease of motion to her dance. Len thinks the samba can be a celebrity graveyard, but Hope did well. Why does Hope look like she's about to cry? Len just said something really nice and she looks bitchy. Bruno thought it was better timing, better placement and better finish. Maybe Hope really did screw the whole thing up and Maks got her through, so she's pissed at herself? I don't get it. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8 and Bruno 8. Maks and Hope are clapping. There is something weird going on with them. I'm getting a really weird vibe.

Team dances! JR and Ricki got to pick their teams, as the high scorers for the competition so far. Derek did the choosing for his team and chose Rob, and then Hope. JR chose David, and then got stuck with Nancy. But they did get Tristan as part of the package, so...

Okay, admittedly, I was looking for mistakes in that routine, because I'm mad that I felt the last team was underscored. The opening was good, although the women were a little out of sync. Rob and Cheryl's solo was awful. Rob looked like he was walking instead of dancing. Hope and Maks's solo was fine, but that was mostly because Hope was stationary while Maks danced around her, and her arms were kind of out of control at one point. She looked like she was going to fly right out of Maks's arms and into the audience. Derek and Ricki's solo was good, but again, like half of it was Derek dragging Ricki across the floor. They did their patented Derek Hough move down the dance floor in sync, which always looks cool. I'm sure the judges will give them 10s. And yes, I'm bitter. I liked the tango more.

Judges? Bruno says that it was powerful, moving, and dramatic. Carrie Ann thought it was amazing and poetic. Len thought the individual parts were fantastic. Okay, it's fixed. Because Rob's was terrible. I mean, it's a stupid dance show, who cares, right? I've got to get over this. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8 and Bruno 9. Not sure why Len gave them an 8 if it was fantastic.

I'm fine with Nancy going home, because her individual dance was not good. But it's bullshit that Hope and Maks moved up to the top half of the leaderboard for that. Oh well, week, they will probably have to do two dances and hope will self-destruct or she and Maks will kill one another. I'm going to go throw a few votes to David, because I'm worried. Your scores:

Ricki and Derek: 27 + 26 = 53

Rob and Cheryl: 25 + 26 = 51

Hope and Maks: 24 + 26 = 50

JR and Karina: 25 + 23 = 48

David and Kym: 24 + 23 = 47

Nancy and Tristan: 21 + 23 = 44