Tom and Brooke welcome us. Does Brooke suddenly have freckles? Has she ever had freckles before? I like her with freckles! Anyway, they're blathering on about Ralph's injury and how the leaderboard was turned upside-down. I watched last night, so I'm up on it, thanks. Len announces the encore dance belong to Kirstie and Maks for their Argentine tango. It's better the second time around. I'd like to point out the difference between Maks and Mark; Maks really does let his partner shine. Kirstie isn't nearly the natural dancer that Chelsea is, but Maks fades into the background so that you really focus on Kirstie. I like this routine just fine, but when Kirstie tries to make the sexy face at the end, she's either got too much Botox or too much lip filler and she can't really do it. She ends up making a fish face, which isn't sexy.
The first couple up for review is Hines and Kym. Before they danced, Kym told Hines that his butt looked cute in his pants. I realize that no one mentioned how unnecessary the whole ring thing was to the routine. Len, I'm counting on you for stuff like that. up for review is Maks and Kirstie. They did great with their tango, but then at one point when they were rehearsing their Instant Dance, Maks did that stupid kick move and shoved Kirstie across the floor and she fell on her ass. Yikes. And yet he did it TWICE during the actual routine, and she didn't fall. I hated that move. So let's find out if these two couples are safe or in jeopardy. Hines and Kym are through to the semifinals. And Kirstie and Maks are also safe. Whoo! I'm pretty happy about that. I don't care who of the remaining three stars goes home.
Time for DanceCenter. I used to look forward to this segment, but it's been kind of lame for the past two seasons. They bring up how Maks was on the Ukraine Bachelor, but there's... no joke there. Except Jerry Rice saying that Maks is like him. Then there's a bunch of clips of Kirstie babbling. I can't. Moving on to Romeo. They make fun of him for the fact that he always claims he's doing it for the kids, that anything is possible, and that there are no limits. They show clips of him saying this over and over. I always suspected that Romeo didn't have much of a personality, so that's kind of awesome. Then there's a dumb joke about Romeo's abs.
Michael Bolton and Delta Goodrum are singing... something. Is she even singing in English? Oh, I recognized a few words. I guess that is English. Anna and Dmitry dance. Anna is really a beautiful dancer, and they look good together. I guess he's kind of the younger version of Jonathan. Michael Bolton is having quite a week between the Lonely Island song and this appearance. He's got a good publicist, because based on his dour bitterness last season, I doubt he would have done these things if his publicist or agent hadn't pushed him to do so. Anyway, listen for this song on easy listening stations near you. Zzzzzz.
Brooke is backstage with Ralph, Romeo and Chelsea. She points out that if Ralph is going through, he'll have to do three potential dances week. Ralph says he's healing, and that's the best he can hope for. Brooke asks Romeo how confident he feels tonight, and Romeo says he loves everyone. And he's doing it for the kids. Chelsea says she's not feeling confident, and she doesn't want to see anyone go home. I am enjoying the lack of drama this season. No Kate Gosselin, no Bristol Palin. It lets me focus on how much I hate Mark.
There's this family, and they are inspired by dance. All the kids take dance lessons. And then their dad had a stroke and died, so the oldest brother went on tour as a professional dancer to help support the family. And tonight, the three brothers will be dancing together. I don't know. The little one is not that good. I'm KIDDING! He's ELEVEN! He just has to be cute, which he is. But seriously, he's bringing the rest of the group down. KIDDING! His DAD DIED. Even I am not that horrible (Note: I am that horrible).
Delta Goodrum is back to sing "Natural Woman" because Adele was supposed to sing it but she's having vocal issues. She is NO Aretha Franklin. Or Carole King for that matter. Remember on VH1 Divas, when Aretha sang this with Gloria Estefan, Celine Dion, Shania Twain and Mariah Carey? And Aretha just started singing everyone else's lines? Because she rules. Anyway, Louis and Cheryl come out and do a lovely rumba. I miss having Cheryl in the competition. I wish she were still in it instead of boring Chelsie and Romeo. Chelsie seems nice enough, but she's pretty bland.
Time for more DanceCenter. First up this time is Ralph Macchio. They make a couple of Karate Kid jokes (original!) and talk about how he still looks like a nerdy kid. When they talk about Hines, Kenny pretends that he thinks Kym Johnson is actually Shawn Johnson. That fell flat. They make fun of Hines dancing with a pillow. That's the whole joke: he dances with a pillow. Finally, they get to Chelsea, and all they have to make fun of are her various costumes. And then all three of the men shake hands. Seriously, what was that? Could they hire some writers, please? That was, as Charles Barkley would say, turrrible.
Adele is able to sing her own song, and I get the explanation that she's having trouble with her upper register because "Natural Woman" is a tough song to sing. But it does seem a bit cheesy that she is able to sing the song on the album she's here to promote. Some dancers come out. Wait, is this the pro dance troupe? Whatever happened to them? I don't think they have danced in a few weeks, or if they have, they weren't introduced as such. I guess the producers realized that no one cared about them.
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Time to look back at Ralph's performances last night. He admitted to Karina after their first routine that it hurt like hell, and that she would need to carry him through the Instant Dance. You can see in the confessional that Ralph's makeup doesn't extend down to his chest. Someone should really have noticed that. What about Chelsea and Mark? They got great scores for their first dance, and Chelsea had a lot of fun in the second dance. And as for Romeo, Len told him that he upped his game for his first dance, but they didn't fare as well in his second.
All three couples are now on stage to find out their results. Ralph and Karina are in jeopardy. I think they're going home, because the producers wouldn't put them through this if they were staying. Right? Romeo and Chelsie are also in jeopardy, but Chelsea and Mark are safe. Booooooo! I mean, with their scores, it would be tough to imagine them going home, but believe me, I imagined it. I still feel bad for Chelsea though.
So who is going home? After a bunch of rigamarole, Tom reveals that Romeo and Chelsie are going home. Ralph and Karina can't believe it. Brooke talks about how this is so, so hard. Oh, yeah. It's hard for her. Romeo says that he did a great dance last night, but the competition is fierce. Tom points out that Romeo is getting a standing ovation. Romeo says that he was terrified of dancing, and even turned down movie roles because of it. And of course, Romeo says that he did this to inspire the kids and teach them that anything is possible. And then he hits on Chelsie and gets in a plug for his Twitter and his movie. I didn't notice last night that Chelsie is wearing pleather arm warmers. That can't be comfortable. Anyway, see you week for the semifinals!
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