Tom tells us that it's the last step before the semifinals. So that would be...the quarterfinals? I don't know why he can't just say that. Quarterfinals are exciting. The word finals is right in there.
So tonight, the couples will perform a routine that they had a chance to practice, and then in the second round, will have to do an "Instant Dance" that they will only have thirty minutes to rehearse. They did this last season, and the instant dances were actually better than some of the rehearsed routines.
Last week, Mark and Chelsea didn't get top scores, even though Mark was sure they were deserved. He cursed and said that the scoring was inconsistent. Really, Mark? You're just now noticing that the scoring is inconsistent? Interesting that he didn't have a problem with it when he was the benefactor of said scoring. He wasn't calling Len out saying, "We really didn't deserve that 10" in seasons. In rehearsals, Mark is rubbing Chelsea's shoulders in a creepy manner where he kind of has his hands around her throat. She tells him (more tactfully) that when he acts like a juicebox, it reflects poorly on her, because she's not a juicebox, and she doesn't want to be on the juicebox team. As she talks, Mark takes his hands off her. Woo, body language. He looks pissed. But then they cut and he's hugging her and apologizing and talking about how he's going to showcase his partner now and let her shine. We'll see. They have the waltz this week, and Mark wants to tell a story.
So they start out on the floor with a video projected on the floor of ocean waves coming in. Were they shipwrecked? Is she a mermaid? And then Mark brings Chelsea to life with a kiss, which is appropriate since she is a Disney product. The waltz itself is quite pretty although, as usual, I don't see a ton of waltz in there. Very little of the dance seems to be in hold; I don't know how important that is in this particular type of dance. Chelsea looks great although I don't know why she's wearing near-flat shoes. Because Mark is short? Mark does a better job than usual of not out-dancing her. So overall, better than before, but I don't know enough about the slow waltz to know how well they adhered to the requirements.
Len says he's not critiquing because sometimes Mark puts too much emphasis on the story over the dance. But he thought it was lyrical and beautiful and he liked it overall. Bruno tells Mark that he finally found the setting for Chelsea to shine, and he thought the contemporary touches were nice. Carrie Ann thinks that Chelsea was mature and sophisticated and earned top scores. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 9, and Bruno 10. See, Mark? When you don't try to be a rebel, you can let Chelsea dance like we all knew she could.
What do the judges think about Instant Dance? Len thinks it makes this into a proper dance competition because the couples know what type of dance they will do, but not the song. Bruno thinks it's important to trust your partner, and Len tells them to just go for it. Mark and Chelsea pick their song, and they have "Get Busy" by Sean Paul. What is Brooke wearing? It's this neon pink satin number with a giant loop hanging off her shoulder. It looks like my cousin's prom dress from 1990, and I know that's not back in style.
Hines learned in rehearsal that he would be proposing to Kym during their foxtrot. They had a good laugh about that one. And then Hines had to watch Ralph's foxtrot, since he got great scores. Kym pointed out Ralph's facial expressions, and that was the last time that Ralph didn't have crazy face, so it's a good point. Hines figured he had to up the cheesiness quotient and he was willing to do that, but Kym reminded him not to forget about technique.
So their actual routine is not the greatest I've seen from Hines. He doesn't make any out-and-out glitches, but he looks stiff and uncomfortable, and his trademark lightness is missing. He pastes a smile on his face, and Kym is trying like hell, but he doesn't seem connected to the dance. I think that's Hines's weak spot -- if he doesn't LIKE the dance, or it doesn't feel natural, he can't do it well. That's why he did well with the party dances, but let's face it: the foxtrot is a dance that white people do. Hines's moves are not going to make an appearance. And the whole proposal thing was unnecessary and just distracted Hines because he had trouble getting the ring box into and out of his pocket.
Bruno thought it was beaming and happy, and he got the reference to Fred Astaire and Cyd Charisse. Carrie Ann thinks Hines is more like Gene Kelly. I think Kym's nipple is falling out of her dress. Look, I just report these things. Len thinks that Hines's personality radiates. I think they were all watching a different routine than I was. Len at least points out that Hines's feet weren't quite right. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 10. Hmm. Hines has to pick his music. He gets "Chantilly Lace" by Jerry Lee Lewis. Um, why not the original by the Big Bopper. Hello?
Last week, Romeo somehow totally botched the samba. This week, they have the tango. Romeo manages to get the aggressive nature of the character, but Chelsie claims that she's struggling with the choreography. That's about it for their rehearsals so let's get right to the dance. There is this green laser light that overtakes the dance floor throughout their routine, and it's really distracting. I feel like Chelsie couldn't get inspired for the choreography and is hoping the light hides that fact. Romeo looks good. Definitely better than last week. He's got the attitude down. His feet are not great, though, and the choreography looks far less complicated than what the other men are doing at this point.
Carrie Ann says that when Romeo is in it, he's intense, and this week he's in it, and she thinks it was one of his best routines ever. Len announces that Romeo has upped his game, and the three couples they've seen this week have been amazing. Bruno thinks that Romeo danced like a real man and looked like he was leading the tango. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. They look happy but were clearly hoping for at least one 10, in my opinion. So what song do they get for their Instant Dance? "Tequila" by Xavier Cugat. There was something weird going on there. Romeo and Chelsie seemed like they were being sarcastic, like "Oh, we have choices!" and then acting like they loved the song. No one loves that song. Even Paul Reubens hates that song.
Last week, Ralph was on a comeback. And then on Thursday, Ralph was having acute pain in the back of his knee. He got an MRI on Friday and was told there was no permanent damage, and that he had ruptured a cyst so he could still dance. And then on Saturday during rehearsals, Ralph fell and was in acute pain. So due to all this rigmarole, they were only able to do nine hours of rehearsal, when normally they would have forty. So can they pull off this Viennese waltz? I have to say, Ralph doesn't miss a step. He has his usual lurching, but that could either be due to knee pain or due to general awkwardness. But he gets right into character and it's a very dramatic routine.
Len thinks Ralph did great in hold and with his posture, but it lacked polish due to their shortened rehearsal time. Bruno found them fascinating and dangerous, and is amazed by what Ralph did knowing his injury. Carrie Ann thinks Ralph inspired people like he did in The Karate Kid. Carrie Ann admits that, despite that inspiration, there were a few issues due to his injury. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 9. Those are pretty good scores, given what they were able to put into it, time-wise. They have "Stuck in the Middle" by Stealer's Wheel. So...Ralph is going to cut Karina's ear off while the camera pans away?
Last week, Kirstie got caught up in the acting and forgot to dance. This week, they have the Argentine tango. One of my editors, Mindy, will be really happy to see that Kirstie has her hair up for rehearsal, as we were discussing on Twitter how gross it was that Kirstie always leaves her hair down and she's all sweaty. [Editor's Note: Indeed I am, Kim! We did it! -- Mindy] As they rehearse, Kirstie keeps stumbling and Maks has to tell her that she's not eating enough. She claims to eat 1400 calories per day. With all that activity? That's nuts. No wonder she's so loopy all the time. She's starving!
The first half of their tango is really amazing. They are totally in sync, and Maks puts in a lot of dramatic lifts and hops. Kirstie keeps right up with the footwork. Something happens about halfway through where Kirstie slows down or loses focus or something and you can see Maks whispering in her ear, talking her through it. She finishes just fine, but the end didn't have the polish and the vibrancy that the beginning did. And the end also has a lot of walking around and posing, which isn't really dancing. So that was half of the best routine that Kirstie has done. What did the judges think? Bruno found it sensual and aggressive, and her footwork was brilliant. Carrie Ann thought it was realistic, and maybe her best dance of the season. Len thought they did a great job of creating an atmosphere. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 10. Oooohkay. Their song is "Cobrastyle" and neither of them knows it.
Package on how the couples prepare for the Instant Dance without knowing the song. Chelsea and Mark struggle, because Chelsea admits that she normally keys her movements to the lyrics, and not knowing the song makes that impossible. But it's all a fakey fake setup to bring back Kyle Massey, who is inexplicably wearing a top hat. So Kyle blah blah blah and Chelsea blah blah blah and whatever. They're just killing time so that the couples can rehearse.
Chelsea and Mark are up first, doing the salsa. The producers screw up and the song starts before the announcer finishes announcing them. They're actually probably better off having that happen in this dance than in a more planned routine. Chelsea definitely knows how to shake it, which helps. Mark is wearing his stupid spectator shoes and green socks with highwater pants, which so don't fit this dance. I hate him. And he's overdancing as usual. Can't he trust his partner? Ugh. I miss Derek. There, I said it. Anyway, their routine is really good in that it doesn't seem like they miss a step. It's a little too much shaking and not enough dancing, but I guess that's to be expected. Len thinks it was hot, Bruno thinks they're setting the bar high in difficulty, and Carrie Ann thought the choreography was great but there was no connection to the music. Len and Bruno could not disagree more. Weird to see those two on the same side. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 9, and Bruno 9.
Hines and Kym have the jive. Hines says he was really looking forward to it, but he's struggling with learning the moves without knowing the music. Kym is nervous about how much Hines is struggling in rehearsals. Their dance starts and this Jerry Lee Lewis version is bullshit. Hines does struggle. He does well in sections, but then other sections kind of fall apart, and the transitions aren't good. It's not his best night. I wish he got to do the jive on a week where he could rehearse, because I think he would do really well with it. Bruno liked the energy, but his kicks and flicks weren't great. Carrie Ann thought it was amazing, because Hines was right on the beat. Len could see that Hines has worked hard this week. All three judges emphasize how the jive is one of the hardest dances and Hines kind of got screwed having to do it as the Instant Dance, and they are impressed. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 8.
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Romeo and Chelsie have the salsa. Romeo thinks he's an awesome dancer but Chelsie tells him he's got too much club dance in his salsa. She takes him to an actual salsa club to see how it's done. When they start their actual dance, Romeo looks pretty good and I'm impressed with his ability to stay in the salsa mode of "2, 3, 4, 2, 3, 4." It's very Dirty Dancing. His posture is terrible though, probably because he's concentrating on the footwork so much. He gets a little lost near the end, and you can tell because he sticks his tongue out. Note to those scoring at home: when Romeo sticks his tongue out, it's usually because he's forgotten the steps or he has to concentrate really hard. They pull through without any major flubs, and I enjoyed watching that more than any Instant Dance so far, even though the technique wasn't great.
Judges? Carrie Ann thought it was casual and she noticed that they got out of sync at the end. Len thinks they got it right, and they acted like they were in a club, dancing. Bruno and Carrie Ann are apoplectic at Len pretending like he doesn't care about slip-ups. Bruno says that they definitely got the atmosphere right, but they lost the fluidity of movement. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 9, and Bruno 8.
So, as you remember, Ralph's knee fell off. They lamented that they have to do a cha cha for their Instant Dance and they have done zero preparation. Karina reminds Ralph that they did the cha cha in their team dance so if he can remember any of those moves, that's what they'll use. Oh, this is kind of sad. They start out with Ralph sitting on the stage pretending he can't dance because of his knee, and then Karina does the Mr. Miyagi rubbing hands together healing move and then he can dance! Which was actually a little bit clever. The routine as a whole is really slow and Ralph doesn't actually move his feet all that much. Near the end, they get out of sync but recover pretty well. It's not good, but it wasn't a total disaster. Karina has been doing this long enough that she knows how to make it look like her partner is actually doing something when he's not.
Len admires their perseverance, but he knows that something has to give with an injury. Bruno points out that there was no hip action, but commends Ralph under the circumstances. Carrie Ann is amazed that he pulled that off without any rehearsal, and she admires his chutzpah. The judges give Ralph a standing O as he leaves the floor. I think he'll be fine. People will vote for him. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Ralph says he's just happy to have made it through the two dances and hopes he'll be able to return, healed.
Maks and Kirstie have the salsa this week. Kirstie is psyching herself out about having to learn two dances. Maks has a little temper tantrum during rehearsals that seems to come out of nowhere. That was a weird package. So here's their instant salsa. It's kind of sad that this routine was better than a lot of their rehearsed routines this season. Kirstie obviously forgets some of the transitions, but manages to cover fairly well and she doesn't let it throw her. And even with her confusion, her foot and arm placement is always really good. Maks has this move where he puts his leg up and kicks her in the ass or something? It's dumb and he does it twice, but I blame Maks for that.
Bruno calls Kirstie a vixen but notes that they lost sync a number of times. And then Kirstie yells out "Shit!" but the censors get the button in time. Carrie Ann once again alludes to their chemistry and their tension, which makes me think she knows something that we don't. Len liked that it was slower and rhythmic, and he didn't mind that it wasn't as showy as some of the other routines because the basics were in place. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 9, and Bruno 8. What has gotten into Len tonight?
As a side note, the Instant Dances didn't change the order on the leaderboard much, although it did let Hines pull ahead of Romeo and Kirstie. Hmm. I don't know who's going home this week. Maybe Romeo? I think the audience will save Ralph and maybe Kirstie will take over Kendra's fanbase? It's a toss-up.
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