This week, the stars have to do an individual dance AND a group dance! I am always rooting for the group dances to be a total disaster, but they have kind of turned into the Soul Train style of dancing, where each couple takes a turn in the spotlight and then there is about five seconds of actual group dance. So that's disappointing. But could still be a disaster. Let's hope!
Once the couples are announced and have made their way down the stairs, Brooke and Tom introduce the guest judge for the week: six-time Latin champion Donny Burns. He's rather... flamboyant. Then we get a short clip package about how awesome he is, including the fact that he was undefeated in competitive dance for twenty years. All of the professional dancers are in awe of him. Donny takes his seat beside Carrie Ann as the fourth judge. Tom asks him what he really thinks about the show, and Donny says that "nobody does show business like you Americans." Is that... a compliment? It seems kind of back-handed. Len says that he's known Donny for forty-five years, and knew he was one of the greats when Len first saw him as a ten-year-old. I would much rather they have a guest judge like this that I've never heard of but who is well-respected in the dance world, than some celebrity who knows nothing about ballroom dance. Well done so far, show.
The team dances are up first. Chelsea and Hines are the team captains, since they have the highest scores so far. Hines chose Maks and Kirstie first, then Chelsea chose Ralph and Karina. Hines chose Kendra and Louis (probably to get Louis more than Kendra, one would imagine) so Chelsea ended up with Romeo and Chelsie. Both Chelsea/ies on one team. Could be confusing.
Cut to rehearsals for Chelsea's team. Ralph points out that Chelsea and Romeo are both young and have done the cha cha before, so he feels left out. Looks like Karina takes over most of the choreography, but Mark seems like the taskmaster in rehearsals. Romeo tries to ask a question and Chelsie tries to shush him because tempers are high. That was weird. Although I guess if Chelsie had the routine down, she figured she could help Romeo in their rehearsals and not bog the group down.
Their cha cha is to "Born This Way" by Lady Gaga. Their opening formation is good; I don't see any obvious problems. Romeo and Chelsie do their solo turn first and it's quite good. He's improved a lot and has definitely learned to perform to the crowd. Ralph and Karina are and Ralph is still a bit overly intense to me, but at the end of their section he lets up a bit and looks better than he has in weeks. He just has to stop with that face. Mark and Chelsea finish it out, and Mark is overdancing even more than usual. He has a great partner; why does he need to pull focus like that? He even throws in a couple of Michael Jackson moves that don't fit the song or the dance, because he's an asshole. Their final group segment is good and the finish is amazing, but they haven't learned the Derek Hough lesson of group dances, which is that the crowd will go nuts if you all get in a line and do something down the floor in sync. Derek always added that to any of his group numbers and it always killed. The ending where Chelsie and Karina go flying across the floor and end up at opposite corners was pretty cool, though.
Judges? Len knows it is a challenge to learn the individual parts and then keep the group parts in sync. Bruno loves that they went all out, but they did lose sync as a result. Carrie Ann disagrees, and thought they did well in formation. She singles out Ralph for holding his own. Donny notes that Ralph fluffed some footwork, but it didn't affect the team formation. Okay, I know a friend told me that Ralph doesn't wear a wig, but he definitely has more hair this week than in weeks, so something is up. Scores: Donny 8, Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 7.
Now Team Hines is up to dance. In rehearsal, Louis reminds them it's all about formation, and while they may not have the youth of the other team, they have more butt. After their first group rehearsal, everyone is supposed to go work on their individual stuff. When they reconvene, turns out Maks and Kirstie don't have the solo down. Or even really started. And then Kendra farts during rehearsals. Classy. I mean, I love a good fart joke, but come on.
They start the routine and immediately get a little bit out of sync, to my eye. Another thing that bugs me, though it may have been purposeful, is that for two couples the male is on the left, and then Maks and Kirstie are reversed. Since the men are wearing brown and the women are wearing pink, it messes up the visual pattern. I don't know why they would do that.
Kendra and Louis have the first solo and it's fine. As long as Kendra can do her reconstituted stripper moves and shake her boobs, she'll be okay. Maks and Kirstie are and you can kind of tell that she's unsure of some of the transitions and Maks is talking/leading her through them. She looks good though. Her legs look a lot slimmer than weeks. Hines and Kym go last, which was smart, because he is definitely the best. As they dance, you can see Kendra in the wings jumping around to the music and she looks better and more natural than she ever does on the floor. They reconvene as a group and they clearly have learned the Derek Hough rule (maybe it's actually the Louis rule?) about walking down the floor in sync, and the audience loves it. They do a lot of moves as a group in a circle, which is smart because it means they don't really have to be in sync. I think overall the other group's routine was more difficult, but it's better to do simpler moves and nail them, and I think they did, even dragging weak link Kendra along.
Judges? Bruno thought the transitions were great, and has compliments for each dancer. Carrie Ann thought Kirstie was a little late during the group parts but did great on her solo, and Kendra was the opposite, and Hines had a small gaffe. Donny makes an Osama joke (too soon?) and then points out that their spacing during the group parts was off. He's right. Len makes some bad boob jokes. Len, leave the pervy stuff to Bruno. Scores: Donny 7, Carrie Ann 7, Len 8, and Bruno 8. Interesting how the judges reversed scores. Weird that they ended up with the same totals. Lame. So the group dances basically don't matter.
The current world champions are here to perform a jive. Really this is just so the group members can change and catch their breath before moving on to the individual dances. I do always like seeing a pro dance though, if only to see what these dances are supposed to look like. It's also nice to see a jive where people aren't dressed in '50s outfits. And they dance to Queen's "Don't Stop Me Now," a song I love, love, love. And they're allowed to do lifts. So it's all good.
Some more pros are coming in to help out with this week's individual routine. Luca Baricchi is the first, and he's known for his ease and bringing swagger to the dance floor. He's kind of proto-Maks. The other is Shirley Ballas, Mark's mom. The other pros have always admired her, and Mark describes her as an animal that would eat you alive. Which is a REALLY bizarre thing to say about YOUR MOM. That Ballas family needs a couple of counseling sessions, I think.
Chelsea and Mark are the first to do their individual routine tonight, and they have the paso doble. Mark struggles in rehearsals to get Chelsea to act aggressive and angry. Shirley Ballas is their mentor. She tries to get Chelsea to stop smiling by reminding her that she's an actress (of sorts). Shirley does have great tips on body positioning but Chelsea seems either scared or giggly throughout their session. And thankfully, they don't show a ton of footage of Mark doing this passionate dance with his mom. Who is like an animal that will eat you alive, remember. Gah.
Okay, I'm not sure what the fuck that routine was. It was sort of a paso doble FROM THE FUTURE but not a future I'm interested in seeing. There wasn't a whole lot of paso? And Chelsea's angry/fierce face made her look like a goldfish. I mean, she executed the steps well enough; I just hated the choreography. There was a whole segment where Mark dragged her, which is a normal part of the paso to be sure, but it lasted WAAAAY too long. And he was doing robot moves? And he "stabbed" her in the middle of the routine instead of at the end, so I'm not sure how she was able to continue dancing? I really hated it. I feel like Mark is trying to impress the guest judge with his edginess or something. It just left me cold and, as usual this season, feeling bad for Chelsea, who deserves better. And when they cut to the competitors watching, boy do they look underwhelmed.
On to the judging. Len says he's confused because he liked parts and didn't like others. He thought there was too much aggression and it lacked refinement. Bruno thought Chelsea had "violent intensity" and she showed range. Carrie Ann usually loves tradition but she liked this anyway. Mark is like, "Finally! Someone recognizes my genius!" Donny thought Chelsea was best last week, and thought they worked well together, but thought she looked more like a biker chick than a bullfighter. Mark has a parting remark to Len that we don't hear. Ugh. Mark thinks he is such a badass. I really wish someone (Hines?) would just punch him in the face. Scores: Donny 8, Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9. Brooke tries to bait Mark into dissing the judges so of course, Mark starts naming off all the traditional paso moves he put in, missing the point.
Well, I guess we're getting all of the annoying out of the way at once, because Kendra and Louis are up . They have the tango this week, and Louis decides to really push her with the choreography. Kendra struggles with it. Luca the guest pro comes to watch their rehearsals and helps her overcome her fears. He teaches her to dance with her whole body and to stop being stiff because she's scared of making a mistake. That is actually one of her biggest problems, so if he cracked that case, Kendra might be a contender.
Okay, there is an amazing amount of footwork in this routine, and Kendra handles it pretty well. Not great, but better than I would expect. There's still something missing in her posture; I think her core is too loose or something? She's got the head right and the arms almost right but looks loosey-goosey in the middle. She also seems to lose focus about halfway through. They break hold and run up to meet on the stage and Kendra does not know how to run in a dancer way at all. So overall, this was better than I would expect from Kendra but not a breakthrough performance for me. Let's see what the judges say.
Bruno thinks Kendra was both elegant and sexy but she needs to work on her frame being away from Louis, "like you don't want to smell his armpits." That's actually a good description. Carrie Ann is proud of Kendra and loved the sophistication. Donny thinks Kendra came out of her cocoon last week, and he knows that the choreography was massively difficult this week and she did well. Len agrees and thought her steps were clean and clear, but she needs to work on crisp. Len also admits that Bruno was right and Bruno feigns an attack of some sort from the shock, but Len says that Kendra needs to work on her frame. Scores: Donny 8, Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Ooh, way overscored.
Kirstie and Maks are thankfully . Even if they don't impress me with their dancing, at least their rehearsals will be amusing. Kirstie has the jive this week, and Shirley is her mentor. The problem with the jive is that it is EXHAUSTING. Maks says that he's pushing Kirstie because he knows that she can do it, and she's having a hard time with it. She even starts crying and just pushes through. She explains to Maks that when he expresses frustration, it upsets her because she thinks he's upset with her. He says that he's just upset with the frustration. Okay, then. Couples' counseling over? Can we dance now?
There's a ton of what Len would call "faffing about" at the beginning. And I get it. I do. Maks is in a tough situation because Kirstie isn't Chelsea. She can't do a flat-out jive for two minutes or whatever because she will drop dead. So he has to build in some time killers so that the actual jive that she does do can be spot on. And as far as time killers go, this isn't bad -- the conceit is that Maks is making a move on Kirstie and she's not having it and insists on dancing all proper and then she kisses him and goes wildly into a jive. The first part is good but then they break hold and Kirstie clearly gets off beat and spends the entire rest of the routine trying to get back into it and failing. So instead of going all out in her mistake and letting Maks figure it out, she half-asses it, trying to find her re-entry point, and it's not good. This sucks, because if she could just get a do-over, I know she could do this routine well. Okay, she might need more than one do-over. Sigh.
Did the judges notice it like I did? Carrie Ann thinks Kirstie is complete entertainment, but notes that they were out of sync with not enough jive, and adds that Kirstie looks transformed. She really does. When she gets eliminated (or wins!), I hope they show her at the beginning and how different she looks now. Donny says that he's buying what Kirstie's selling because she knows how to perform, even if she messes up the mechanics. Len liked the playful elements of it, but there wasn't enough jive, and what was there wasn't good. Bruno also thought it was superb as enjoyable entertainment, and he thought her musicality and instinct took over. Scores: Donny 9, Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 8. Whoa. That's a huge variation. During her interview, Kirstie admits that she got so caught up in the acting part in the beginning, she forgot to do the actual dance steps.
The pros are back to show us a tango. I'm going to get a frozen yogurt bar. Can I get you anything?
And, we're back with Ralph and Karina. Luca helps them in rehearsals, and seems to give Ralph a psychological boost. The problem is that Ralph has knee problems and the relentless bouncing of the quickstep is not helping. I have a bum knee and I can't even imagine how tough that would be on it. Ralph is also so easy and light in rehearsals; he needs to learn how to bring that to the performance instead of his teeth-gritting intensity that freaks me out every week.
The conceit of their dance is that it's the end of Prohibition and he's a gangster and she's a flapper and they're dancing. It takes a while to get into the routine but he does really well once they do. His steps are smooth and the tricky footwork section goes well. In fact, I wish there were more of that; the rest kind of feels like running around the floor. And I get that the quickstep really is a lot of running around the floor, but this seemed a bit excessive. On top of that, there wasn't a feeling of joy or exuberance like I wanted to see. I was going to say that Ralph's an actor and should be able to portray that but...well, you all know how his career's been going lately so there's that. It was good, and his posture was better. Plus, he wore a hat, so his weird hair didn't distract me. Much.
Donny thought Ralph's footwork was fabulous. Len liked the energy and also compliments the footwork, but says that his
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upper body needs more stability. Bruno liked the performance and thought Ralph sold it (no, he didn't). Carrie Ann thinks Ralph is back, and hopes he continues this way. Scores: Donny 10, Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9. WTF, Len? It was definitely worth a 9, I think.
Last week, Hines got beat out by Romeo so he vows to unleash one of his silent attacks this week. Hines and Kym are getting help from Luca. Luca dances with Hines and shows him how to be aggressive in his tango, and Kym immediately notices the difference. I wish we could see more footage of the pros working with the stars. That's what I'm interested in. And then Jerome Bettis and Al Costa (Hines's former teammates) show up to rehearsal, ratcheting up the pressure, because you don't want to look like a fool in front of your boys.
If you could somehow combine Hines and Kirstie, you'd have the perfect dancers. Because technically, Hines does really well. His footwork is amazing. His posture is really good. He has musicality. But he doesn't seem connected to his partner or to the character, this week. He makes the same face throughout, and to me, it's the face of someone thinking, "And one and two and three and a four." He's got his lips sucked in and he barely looks at Kym. He does fine with the performance in the happier dances, but when he needs to be aggressive or assertive, he seems to turn inward. I realize the irony of that, since he's a football player and all.
Len thought some of it was dramatic, but then parts of it were too dainty. I think that was the music, not the choreography. Bruno liked the light and shade, and compares Hines to a panther. Carrie Ann loves how Hines takes command of the dance, but thought he was a little off-balance at times. Donny loves how Hines dances from his heart but uses his head. I really think this must play differently in the room. He felt a little small to me, but maybe it worked in person. Scores: Donny 9, Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 10. Hmm. I think it was worth a 9 but not a 10. It just needed a little something more.
Romeo and Chelsie got the first 10 of the season last week. They have the samba this week, and Shirley is there to help. And then Romeo is kind of sexing her up and you guys, she's Mark's MOM. That has to be kind of awkward. Especially because the scene is of her shaking her boobs in Romeo's face. This explains a lot about how much Mark needs attention, doesn't it? Anyway, Romeo seems to get it, and plans to throw a samba party in his pants. I'm sure Shirely will be on the VIP list.
So, maybe I had high expectations for this routine, but I'm not buying it. Any time they are dancing together, I see no hip action from Romeo. He's just walking. And there's none of the samba bounce, either. When they break apart and he does a more modern move (did he do the Dougie at one point?), he looks good. But when they're in hold, it feels like a placeholder, like he was just waiting to get to the part where he could bust a move on his own.
Bruno says that Romeo can definitely shake it, but he didn't get the samba bounce in there. Carrie Ann thinks Romeo has incredible potential, but he needs to work on his technique. Donny has seen Romeo grow throughout the season, but he needs to articulate his feet better. Len didn't like the dance much, because he didn't really do the samba. All of the judges mention that, at this point in the season, Romeo needs to up his game. Romeo looks a little stunned. I think he thought he did really well. Scores: Donnie 7, Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. That is bullshit. Way overscored. Donnie screwed up and put up the 8 paddle, but his official score was a 7.
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Here is the leaderboard, with group scores (which were meaningless) first and individual scores second. Hmm. Who's going home? I think it could be Kendra. I think Romeo and Kirstie might have enough fans to keep them. Chelsie and Romeo look pissed in the closing remarks, though.
Ralph and Karina: 30 + 36 = 66
Hines and Kym: 30 + 36 = 66
Chelsea and Mark: 30 + 34 = 64
Kendra and Louis: 30 + 31 = 61
Kirstie and Maks: 30 + 30 = 60
Romeo and Chelsie: 30 + 30 = 60
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