I don't know who came up with the idea for NKOTB and BSB to tour together, but that person is a genius. I don't know who came up with the idea for those two groups to actually write new material together, but that person should be murdered. They should just do a medley of "I Want It That Way" and "Please Don't Go Girl" and that's the end. Also, Joey McIntyre is the whole reason I started watching this show in season one, bless his little buns. Have Tony and Lacey just joined the pro troupe at this point? Because it seems like they are doing every routine with them. Anyway, the merged group finishes their song (which wasn't terrible, but I would rather hear the old stuff) and strikes a pose. My favorite part is one of the BSB's pose is holding his sunglasses in his hand and pointing with them at the audience. That's thug life, right there.
Backstage footage from yesterday. Mark twisted his ankle and danced with Chelsea anyway. Yeah, we already knew that. Before their dance, Chelsie had to pee and then Romeo got REALLY excited about getting a 10. Like, he stripped off his shirt and started to strip off his pants. Because that's what you do when you are happy? Right? Isn't that what you do? If I had abs like Romeo, I probably would, actually.
So it's time to find out if Chelsea and/or Romeo are safe. First, we find out that Romeo is definitely safe. And so is Chelsea. When Brooke announces it, Mark gives a gesture like, "Of course we are safe, because I am awesome." I hope Nick Carter punches Mark in the face backstage. I don't know why he would, but he seems like the man to do it. Or maybe Donnie Wahlberg. Someone needs to make that shit happen.
Kendra and Louis get the encore. Kendra's hair still looks like a caveman. I think I figured out why I don't find her sexy. It's because SHE doesn't seem like she feels sexy. She's just doing the routine in a "sexy" (in quotes) way but she doesn't seem like she takes pleasure in it. It's like the strippers in the club at noon on a Thursday, grinding it out to one more Poison song and hoping for some tips, but the whole time they're thinking that they have to pick up their kid from his dad's house by 3 PM and what are they going to make for dinner? You know? She doesn't seem connected to her body even though she has all the exterior trappings of a cartoon parody of sexiness. It's the difference between her and Pam Anderson. Pam seemed like she FELT sexy doing the routines, and it seemed like she was doing it for herself, while it seems like Kendra is doing it because... I don't know why. To extend her fame? I have no clue.
Backstage, Brooke is talking to Romeo and Ralph. Brooke reminds us that Romeo called Hines out and then beat him. He did? I thought Hines was on top of the leaderboard last night? Oh, I guess he wasn't. Where did I get that from? Poor math skills, I guess. Sorry about that. Anyway, Ralph and Karina are gushing all over each other (ew), talking about how amazing it was that they were able to recover when Karina tripped and fell.
Tom introduces the package. First up is Hines and Kym, and Hines was a little disappointed that he didn't get a 10 when some other people did. Before they danced, Maks had to tell Kirstie to tone down her excitement, which is smart. It was a slowish song, and it would have been easy for her to overdo it.
Kirstie and Hines are on stage to hear their results. Hines and Kym are still in it. Kirstie and Maks are safe as well. Maks looks happier this season than he has been in a long time. I don't like him clean-shaven, though. It makes him look too young.
Package on the pro troupe. No one cares. I mean, I feel bad for these pros because they are obviously working hard and doing great work, but I think America only has enough room in their brains and hearts for a few dance pros, and that space is filled by the current pros. I can't learn any more.
Seriously? A dance inspired by the Royal Wedding? What the fuck is this horseshit? It starts with some little kids dancing and one boy and girl kiss. Then it's their wedding and everyone is scrabbling all over the place, America's Best Dance Crew style. Then they are old like Kenny Rogers and Barbara Billingsley but still dancing and then Kenny is dead? I guess? And Barbara is dancing alone? And then the little kids are back because the circle of life? That was the DUMBEST thing I have ever seen on this show, and I have seen some really dumb things. Like Kate Gosselin everything. And Bristol Palin and the monkey suits. But that takes the cake. Also, that has zero to do with the Royal Wedding except that someone wore a wedding dress. That had as much to do with the Royal Wedding as my own wedding did. This show needs to shut up forever and just tell me who's going home. Now I'm pissed.
Package about how hard the stars are working. Here's a tip. They're working hard. And it's really challenging. But that's when they work harder. This is real. They're not here to make friends. It's a competition. They love the thrill of performing. Blah blah blah.
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Backstreet Boys return to sing "I Want It That Way." I don't know what's going on with the sound, but AJ's mike isn't on or something. You can't hear him. Maybe that's a blessing. Y'all, Nick Carter turned into a man. I actually watched his terrible Carter reality show on E! for some reason and he was kind of a punk then (although Aaron was way worse) but Nick in a suit? Please and thank you. And he's also the only one whose voice doesn't sound like raw sewage. Except I'm pissed because they didn't do the part of the song where Nick goes, "Don't wanna HEAR you SAAAAAAY!" One time I was listening to this song on my headphones (in like 1999) and I sang that part so loud that a container of ice cream fell out of my freezer. I like that part, is what I'm saying. Maybe Nick can't hit those notes anymore. NKOTB comes out and does "Step By Step" which is about my least favorite song from their catalog. How about "Please Don't Go Girl"? In the middle of it Joey and Donnie (I think) run out and do a little ballroom for old time's sake. That was still disappointing for many reasons, though.
Pia the American Idol Reject is on hand to sing something. Why am I supposed to care about her again? She looks like a cross between Kara DioGuardi and Rachel Bilson. And Mark and Karina are dancing to her song. Because allegedly, Pia and Mark are dating. Yeah, right. That's not at all a naked grab for publicity. This Pia has a pretty voice, but she needs to learn something about dynamics. The whole song is at belting level and it could do with some quiet parts for contrast. She sings like Mark dances. I guess they would be a good couple.
How about some of the other remaining contestants? Kendra was thrilled with her reception and her scores. Watching the highlights of Chris's routine, I really do think he was underscored. He was at least as good as Ralph. Afterward, he humbly accepts that he didn't do great and vows to do better week. Speaking of Ralph, I know that the judges felt bad because Karina screwed up but I can't believe no one mentioned Ralph's awful facial expressions and posture. It was really horrendous.
So of Kendra, Chris, and Ralph, who is safe and who will be going home? Wow, we're down to the final three already? I haven't been paying attention. Well, Kendra and Louis are safe. BOOOOOOO! Not enough O's in the world for that BOO. After the break, Tom points out that Chris and Ralph are not necessarily the bottom two. I really hate that. So who's going home? Chris and Cheryl. Aw. I thought he showed promise! And of these three on the stage, he should have stayed the longest. Chris is funny and gracious in his exit speech. The Miz is there to support him as well. I'm having a recapping vortex. I recapped his season of Real World and now he's the WWE Champion somehow and I'm recapping that, sort of. Chris and Cheryl's package is really cute; they clearly got along like buddies. Man, speaking of bad wigs, between Ralph and Kendra, I haven't even gotten around to talking about Kirstie's hair disaster. This show needs new hairdressers.
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