Last week, Wendy left, and in my opinion, wasn't very gracious about her partner, Tony. I don't even like Tony that much but she was over the top. This week is Classical Week, so the orchestra has doubled in size and we'll all be getting a lesson in culture. I'm actually kind of looking forward to this; I hate when they try to shoehorn a dance into a song that doesn't fit just because the song is popular. And it will all happen LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! Hey, Tom is back to saying that!
Tom and Brooke do the intro and the couples enter. After a clip package assuring us how difficult the task is for the couples this week, the pro troupe enters to demonstrate the various dances of the week, starting with the paso doble. They're accompanied by the orchestra and a rock and roll violinist. Look they said it, not me. I don't know what that means. Maybe he can play like the Devil in "The Devil Went Down to Georgia"? And have I mentioned what bullshit that song is? The Devil's song is WAY better than Johnny's song. The Devil should totally win. Anyway, there are these torches surrounding the stage with flames. I am just picturing someone's gown lighting on fire. On live television. Yikes. The rock and roll violinist needs a shave and a haircut.
Romeo and Chelsie will be first to perform. Romeo got some slightly negative feedback from Len last week, so he's ready to tear it up in the paso this week, or so he claims. Chelsie has trouble getting him to be aggressive enough in his movements, so they go play basketball? Because he played Division 1 college basketball? This is like when they go to Sea World to learn...something about dancing. Anyway, he makes this amazing two-thirds court shot, which I'm pretty sure wasn't faked. Was it? Am I just naïve? So he's definitely going to dance awesomely now! Because of the basketball.
They're dancing to that classical song that will make you think of diamond rings. I hate that advertisers have done this to beautiful pieces of music. Anyway, their beginning is a little rough. When they are in hold, it seems like Chelsie is dragging him around instead of the reverse. He hits the poses well, but the transitions aren't great. I think there's a lift at one point, but then Romeo turns it on for the ending. Chelsie falls to the floor and he jumps like ten feet in the air and pretends to stab her. It's amazing. If only he could have brought that intensity to the whole routine. He doesn't even help Chelsie up after, which bothers me. He kind of struts around without a shirt on like, "I'm a MAN." Judges? Len thought it was passionate and intense, but he needs to work on being precise. He tells Chelsie to get the whip out which seems a little racially awkward, but let's just pretend it didn't happen because it was surely unintentional. Bruno thinks the dance was amazing, and he only needs to work on his posture. Carrie Ann says she has to deduct for the lift, but she loved that Romeo had swagger while he was dancing. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 8, and Bruno 8.
Kendra did a sexy rumba last week but this week, she has to do the Viennese waltz. She actually pretends to vomit at the mention of classical music and ballroom dancing. That's charming. Boy, she's a real charmer, huh? I think I watched like five minute of her show one time and wasn't enticed to go back, and now I know why. So their song is in Italian, which gives Kendra the idea to dress up like a mafia (wife?) or something, because she loves the mafia. No, she loves Scarface and Goodfellas and The Sopranos and she thinks the bad guys are really the heroes, and she's an idiot. Poor Louis.
You'd think Kendra would recognize this song as the one they play at the fountain at the Bellagio in Vegas. Um, not that I know it from that or anything. So their waltz is technically pretty good, but there is no character from Kendra. And any time they have to go into a trick (mostly spins), she tenses up and ruins it. Their last trick is their best, definitely, but she lets the prospect of the tricks throw her, mentally, and she never gets into character. She just seems like Kendra, gritting her teeth through a routine she doesn't want to do. Bruno urges her to become the character, and Kendra shoots back that she would if she had more than four days to practice. Yeah, because everyone else had weeks and weeks. Shut it, Kendra. Carrie Ann thinks Kendra is afraid of elegance, and Kendra says, "I just don't care about it." Ugh, she is the worst person. She's like one of those snotty teen moms. Len thinks they have to remember that she's a beginner and Kendra talks over him to thank him for giving her that credit. Could she just be a little bit gracious? Is that so much to ask? I hate her. I like people that are down to earth and real, but she's just trashy and rude. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6.
Sugar Ray and Anna have to do the waltz this week. Sugar Ray is upset that they can't incorporate boxing like they did last week, and Anna says that he has to enter her world of the Russian ballet now. Anna really cracks down because they have a short time to learn the dance, and then she takes him to ballet class. See, that's a field trip that actually makes sense. Unlike basketball or dolphins or whatever.
Anna comes out dressed like a ballerina and Sugar Ray meets up with her. Anna dances so beautifully, and she knows how to choreograph around him. It's a charming little number, but Sugar Ray doesn't have a whole lot to do but stand there while she spins. And when he does dance, his hands are terrible. His posture does seem better, though. Judges? Carrie Ann thinks that Sugar Ray sparkled, and while his technique wasn't great, he charmed her. Len says he didn't love the beginning, but the more they got into it, he was smiling, and he was thoroughly entertained. Bruno also admits that it wasn't perfect technically, but it was still entertaining and an improvement over last week. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7. His highest score so far.
Petra and Dmitry have the paso doble this week. Dmitry tries to get Petra into the character but she can't get angry without giggling. So he sets up a modeling session where she's supposed to be modeling like a paso dancer? This week's clip packages are kind of bullshit. So Petra thinks she's going to be angry this week. Will she succeed?
Can anyone over the age of 35 or so hear this music without thinking of the Bad News Bears? I can't. Anyway, the beginning of the routine is really good and Petra does a great job of getting into character, but something is off with her movements. I think she's landing on her heels when she walks instead of toes? And her upper body seems wobbly. I don't know if it's because of her pelvic injuries or what but it looks weird. And then other times she looks just fine. Len thinks her feet and legs could have been crisper, but he likes that she showed the emotion of the dance. Bruno does a strip tease while he describes how sexy Petra was. Poor Len is horrified. Carrie Ann thinks Petra is on a roll, and her lines were great, but she needs to work on her core strength a bit. Was that the problem? I can't figure it out. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8.
The pros are back to do the slow waltz (as opposed to the Viennese waltz) and show us how it's done. As far as I can tell, it involves a lot of smoke on the dance floor.
The couple is Ralph and Karina. No mention of Karina's Playboy spread, but I don't see what the big deal is. I mean, the show has had Kendra and Kim Kardashian on -- they have pretty famous sex tapes, for crying out loud. What's the big deal about a few naked pictures? Anyway, Ralph is working on making their dance romantic and sexy after he was criticized for not doing it last week. He's also working hard on making his hands good and not creepy or pancake-y. I'm rooting for this dude.
I think their waltz is beautiful. They do a Romeo and Juliet thing (since that's the song they're dancing to) where Karina is dead at the beginning and she comes back to life and dances with him and then they both lie down dead at the end together. He hits all of the moves and looks fairly graceful. I think the waltz is one of the hardest for the male celebrities because a lot of men aren't naturally graceful. He has a few wobbles when he's hitting poses, and his hands do pancake out a few times, but it's lovely. Bruno loved his lines. Carrie Ann loves his honesty, and he pulled her in with the story's emotions. Len tells him, "You're back." Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 9. Whoa. Higher than I was expecting. Also, Ralph's wig is looking much better this week.
Hines and Kym have the paso doble this week and Hines is really struggling with it. He also finds it a challenge that the song doesn't have lyrics, since he uses them for his timing. Kym is trying to push him with the choreography and Hines resists but she really thinks he can do it. Can he?
Well, it's pretty good. It's definitely filled with content, that's for sure. And he nails most of the dance, technically, and looks good both in and out of hold. But he seems a little in his head to me, like he's concentrating so hard on getting the steps right that he's not projecting his character. And he's usually Mr. Personality. I'm not sure if he's in his head or just trying to be fierce, but I feel like he needs to be bigger with his movements and facial expressions. Carrie Ann thinks he was in the zone and he nailed it. Len thinks Hines is the most determined of all the celebrities, and he needs to keep it up, because he's doing great. Bruno thought it was truly explosive. Maybe it played differently in the room? Maybe I'm nutso. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 8. The crowd boos.
Chelsie and Mark have the Viennese waltz this week. She tells him in rehearsals that she doesn't want to be in third place anymore, so she needs Mark to push her. Chelsie points out that a different couple has been on top of the leaderboard every week, which I hadn't noticed, but is part of why I'm liking this season so far despite the lack of traditional star power.
Are they...are they dancing to the Harry Potter theme? They are. So I don't know how traditional it is, and Len will probably hate it, but it's pretty cool to watch. They incorporate elements of magic where Chelsie waves her fingers at Mark and he acts like she's controlling his body. It is yet another week for Mark to show off his dancing skills while his partner just stands there, but it does make for a visually interesting routine. But I don't really feel like Chelsie had much to do with it. She seemed like a prop. But it was creative; I'll give him that. And it's not like Chelsie danced poorly. She just didn't have much to do. Len has nothing but praise for them individually but wonders why he always hates something they do. He points out that this is the oldest dance they do. Mark protests that Chelsie is young, and Len says that doesn't matter. I'm with Len. Why does she get an exemption? Len concludes that he did like it and Chelsie is a great dancer. So he's telling Mark to cut the shit. Bruno thinks Chelsie was great and the dance was magical. Carrie Ann does agree that Mark's moves can be distracting at times, but she thought tonight was great. That's my problem. It was great. But why does Mark get to just do whatever the fuck he wants, and everyone else has to stick to the traditional dances? Plus, I hate Mark. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9.
Chris and Cheryl have the paso doble this week. Chris promises that Chris Jericho is back this week, and he draws on his wrestling persona to dig up the arrogance and aggression that is needed for this dance. I think that should totally work. Right? And they didn't even have to take a field trip to Knott's Berry Farm to find out. Let's see.
They're dancing to weird music and there are vines hanging down all over the place that I don't understand. The vines keep throwing shadows on Cheryl's face. It picks up with the second half. I think the choreography is fine, and Chris does a great job with it (although he could be even more aggressive with his movements), but the music keeps throwing me. Bruno loved how he hit the accents in the music. Carrie Ann thought it was hard with the music they had, and he powered through and made it work. Len thinks that he started out well, but he didn't increase his gestures when the music increased. I actually agree with that. It worries me that I always agree with Len. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8.
As you may have heard, last week, Maks fell down. So let's move on. Except then Kirstie gets hurt during rehearsals and has to dance through it. But it pisses her off. She says that she doesn't want a grandma dance; she wants the same routine Maks would do for a 25-year-old. I admire that she recognizes that people like Cloris and Florence were doing grandma dances and being praised for it.
It starts out nicely and then I don't know what the fuck happened. I think Kirstie's skirt got caught in her heel? Because Maks spins her around and she ends up sitting on the floor and she's struggling with her shoe. He picks her up but they're clearly out of time and off the routine. Maks gets them back into it sort of but then there's a part where Kirstie is just walking down the floor and they're out of sync again. At the end, they do the same move where Maks fell last week, once on each side, which is Maks's way of saying, "Fuck off if you think she's too heavy. I'll do it twice to prove it wasn't her fault." Good for him. And Kirstie looked lovely throughout the routine. But they messed that shit up big time. Carrie Ann says she's the Queen of the Unexpected Mishap. I guess her shoe came off. Len thought everything was okay, but needed to improve. Bruno thought she did amazingly well and he loves her musicality. Look, Kirstie just wanted to finish, obviously. I hope she gets to come back week and do a routine where nothing bad happens. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Maks is pleasantly surprised by the scores. They show the clip and Kirstie's toes came right out of her shoe and she was trying to shove them back in. Aw, that stinks.
Here are the scores:
Chelsie and Mark: 26
Ralph and Karina: 25
Hines and Kym: 25
Romeo and Chelsie: 23
Petra and Dmitry: 23
Chris and Cheryl: 23
Kirstie and Maks: 22
Sugar Ray and Anna: 21
Kendra and Louis: 18