I'm sad that Tom doesn't say "LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE" anymore. I wonder who made that decision. Did Tom feel like it was played out? Did the producers feel like it wasn't necessary? Did someone just forget one week and then they realized they don't need it? These are the big issues that need to be investigated. I don't care about the behind-the-scenes quarrels and divas. Okay, I totally care about that. But I also wonder why Tom doesn't say LIIIIIVE anymore.
After reviewing the standings, Tom asks Len who's getting the encore, and Len says they'd like to see Kyle and Lacey's jive from the Instant Dance. It's fun, but it doesn't have the adrenaline of last night. There was something about the "this could go horribly wrong" terror in their eyes that made it more fun. And I think it helped you to overlook any mistakes in technique. It's definitely high-energy, though. I wonder if Kyle had the stamina to do that routine at the beginning of the season.
Last night, Kyle and Lacey got praise from the judges for their waltz and their jive. Kyle dedicated the jive to his mom, except for the part where he slapped Lacey on the butt. And we get to immediately find out if they are in jeopardy tonight. And guess what? They are not. They are, in fact, safe.
Before the break, we get a bumper for DanceCenter that's a parody of the ESPN ads. Kenny Mayne and Jerry Rice are practicing their arm movements. Mark walks out of a back room, shirtless. Then Tony walks out of a back room, shirtless. And finally Len walks out of a back room, shirtless. Kenny and Jerry exchange a puzzled look. It's really a visual joke. I'm not doing it justice.
That means it's time for DanceCenter! The first victim is Kurt Warner. There's a lot of talk about big hands, and Jerry Rice gives a wink to the camera, so at least they're acknowledging that you can only talk about a guy's big hands for so long until the audience at home wonders what else is big on him. Come on, you were thinking it, too. And then Len whips out a fake giant hand, and I was all groaning, but Kenny saves it by telling him it's a stupid prop, and then Len gently rubs Kenny's shoulder and it went back around to being funny again. Then it gets unfunny when they pretend Kurt takes out the pros with his exploding football.
Kyle is up . After a few jokes about how young Kyle is, they talk about how Lacey and Kyle both wear really ugly clothes during rehearsals. Didn't this segment used to have some bite to it? And then they talk about Bristol. Len claims that she has beautiful footwork. Their biggest joke is about Mark's stupid tattoo. I don't even get the part that comes , where Kenny says that smart ideas like Bristol wearing a gorilla suit will help the Republicans stay in power. So they're saying it's a dumb idea? And what does this have to do with politics? That joke doesn't even make sense.
Taio Cruz is on hand to sing "Dynamite." I love this song. I bought it after I heard it once on the radio and I sing and dance around the kitchen to make my babies laugh. I've got to get my exercise where I can these days. The pro dancers are Louis, Tony and Dmitry, dancing with Kym, Chelsie and someone else. Peta? Is she going to be a pro season? I always love seeing Carrie Ann and Bruno rocking out at the judges' table. No Len to be seen, though. I want to see Bruno get out there and cut a rug.
John Legend is here to perform. Is there anywhere that dude hasn't performed lately? I think I saw him on Today and Sesame Street on the same day. Ooh, The Roots are there, too. Tony, Maks, Chelsie and Cheryl come out to dance. This song is not doing it for me. It's a little too preach-y and musically kind of boring. Like, I don't want to bop along to a song that tells me to lend a hand. I want a song to tell me we're going to put our hands up in the air sometimes.
Brooke is backstage with Jennifer, Kurt and Brandy. Jennifer gives her usual non-answer. Some of the people were on the forums speculating that Jennifer is on some painkillers due to her injuries, and now every time I see her, I just think she's high as a kite, whether that's true or not. It does explain how weird she acts at times. Anyway, Kurt admits that he was disappointed by his scores last night, because he was underscored, but he's just there to entertain. Brandy talks about the Maks/Carrie Ann fight, and says that she just tried to stay out of it.
They review what happened with Kurt and Anna last night. And he seriously killed that Instant Dance. He was so good! And yet he got three 8s. I don't get it. Kurt doesn't either. Jennifer was in pain last night, and I think it showed in her dance, but the judges didn't mention it. I don't think I appreciated the move Jennifer did in her rumba where she balanced her heel on Derek's shoulder and then did a split balanced only by that heel and one foot on the floor. That's amazing. And it was the first perfect score. I thought so, but was too lazy to check last night and figured that the show would have mentioned it if it were. They usually make a big deal out of things like that.
Results: Derek and Jennifer are safe, but Kurt and Anna are in jeopardy.
Brooke is backstage with Bristol and Mark, and Maks and Brandy. She asks Maks about the argument with Carrie Ann, and he says he wants to apologize to the fans, because he knows that they don't want to see the drama; they just want to see beautiful dancing, and he lost his cool. So that's all good, right? And then Brooke asks a good follow-up for once in her life, one that Maks had to know was coming: she asks if he has anything to say to Carrie Ann. Maks says that he thinks they should just do their jobs. So he didn't apologize to her. Which is bullshit. Even if he still thinks she was wrong (she wasn't), he should apologize for being a dick. He can say that he's sorry for continuing the argument without claiming to be wrong. Sigh. Oh, Maks. You make it so hard to love you.
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Some little kids are on hand to play piano and dance. The thing I love about these little dancers is that these are the future Dereks and Juliannes and Marks. They were all competing at this age; you can see them on YouTube. If this show is somehow still on the air in ten years, you can bet these will be the pros. And I like when the little kids do dances like the jive, because it seems age-appropriate. I don't like when they do the rumba or the tango. It gives me the creeps. So this was cute.
John Legend is back with The Roots to perform "Ordinary People." You know, the one John Legend song that you know. Mark dances a sort of lyrical dance with a woman named Jeannine who I don't know but other people might. It's lovely.
DanceCenter! Brandy is up . They make fun of her for only having one name. I thought her last name was Norwood. Then they make a couple of jokes about how her name is an alcoholic beverage. Lame. Jennifer is the last star to be discussed. Kenny accuses her of faking injuries, and then they show how Derek rocks her every week like a baby while they are waiting for results. Okay, that was a little bit funny. But overall, lame. Didn't this segment used to be funny? And kind of scandalous, like they would say shit we were all thinking, but few would imagine would be said on the show? Am I imagining that?
Last night, Mark messed up in the Instant Dance, but honestly, do you think the routine would have been that much better if he had performed flawlessly? Or the judges' scores? And then Brandy and Maks took four eight-counts to start their routine and Carrie Ann called them on it. And Maks didn't think that Brandy should be penalized for a mistake in the choreography. Is it really possible to separate them? And also, did he miss the part where they got three 9s for that routine?
Results: Bristol and Mark are safe. BULL SHIT! Sorry. And Brandy and Maks are in jeopardy. I guess if I'm going to get this upset about the results, I should actually vote once in a while.
So it will be either Kurt or Brandy going home. And they must have time to fill, because they ask the judges about who will be eliminated. Bruno says that Kurt is a true gentleman and sportsman. Carrie Ann thinks Brandy is exquisite, strong, artistic, and passionate. And then Carrie Ann goes off on a tangent to say that she respects all of the pros. No one cares, people. Solve your problems off the air. And then they run out of time, so we don't get to hear Len claim that they should both stay. And to no one's surprise, Kurt and Anna are going home. BOOOOOO! The judges should feel ashamed. Kurt is classy right to the end, remembering to thank his wife first, then his kids, then Anna, and then the fans. He doesn't thank the judges, I note. Everyone cheers for Kurt, "MVP." Aw. I liked Kurt. I only hope Bristol goes week. I feel like I say that every week, though. The judges will have to do that thing where they give her ridiculously low scores to get her off.
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