It's Brooke! In a bandage dress! That, for me, will be the lasting impression I have of this season. Not Kate's horrible dancing or Niecy's flower in her hair or Maks shirtless. It will be Brooke Burke in a bandage dress. Because that is ALL SHE WEARS! It's ridiculous. She also has a really small face. Like all of her features are in the middle of her face and then she has extra face space above and below. Once you see it, you can't unsee it. Oh, and tonight we will get to see the second round of the college dance championship. It's what the people have been clamoring for! I know last night, I was like, "Screw all this dancing with the stars, and the reason I watch the show! I'd like to see some college groups do mediocre dance routines. That would be rad."
Before we get to see any of that mess, it's time to reveal the first finalist. And it is... Evan and Anna! I'm surprised that they didn't reveal Nicole and Derek first. Let's go to Len's review of what we saw last night. In the ballroom round, Erin was nervous, Nicole was flawless, Chad did well for the only amateur, and Evan finally showed some joy (even if he didn't point his toes on his kicks, which I just noticed). In the Latin round, Erin was intense, Nicole showed why she's a shoo-in for the finals, Chad was good but not great, and Evan showed passion and intensity.
Len gets to pick his encore dance, and he has chosen Evan and Anna's paso doble. It's actually better tonight, because Evan is a little more controlled and not as wild, while just as intense. When he rips Anna's cape off to do his solo, I think Anna really fell pretty hard, and after the "bite" at the end, it looks like he bounces her head off the floor. Ouch!
Since we saw the stars' backgrounds last night, tonight we get to find out about the pros. Maks was born in the Ukraine when it was still part of the USSR. His family moved to Brooklyn for a better life for the kids, and Maks got into ballroom dance. His family is very supportive. The end. Wow, I just learned nothing new about Maks. What, he's Russian? And he's a ballroom dancer? Thanks for the news flash.
The first musical performance tonight is Sarah McLachlan, doing a medley of her hits. I have a hard time hearing "Angel" now because I just think of the sad puppies that no one has adopted. Looking at you! From their cages! Ugh. I hope Miley Cyrus feels bad that she has to perform after someone who can actually sing. Dancing to her song are married couple Jonathan and Anna, and as always, they dance beautifully together. It seems like they do one ballroom dance together per season, and it's always gorgeous. When Sarah switches songs, Damien, Lacey, Dmitry, and Kym come out and dance, and I lose interest.
Brooke is backstage with the four stars. Evan says that he's relieved to be safe, but he wishes they could all four go to the finals. He's like a Disney character. Nicole says she's grateful to have made it this far. Chad says he's stressed because he has no control over the outcome. Erin won't talk about week because she's too superstitious.
Let's learn about Cheryl! She grew up in the Bay Area. She was kind of a weird-looking kid. Cheryl was into ballet as a kid, and at first didn't want to get into ballroom because she thought it was for old people. Once she saw a competition, and saw the costumes, she wanted to do ballroom. And her parents were really proud of her. So the new information I got about Cheryl is that she used to do ballet. Thanks, show!
Wait, they're doing the Design-A-Dance tonight? Jeez, this is a jam-packed results show. They have not hyped this Design-A-Dance as much as in the past. I kind of forgot about it until just now. Anyway, it's Joey Fatone and Melissa Rycroft doing a paso doble to "Rock and Roll All Night" by Kiss. I don't like the twist of having two "stars" dance together. Although Melissa is pretty good. Joey is... not. His lack of skill really shows how far this show has come in terms of the stars' talent. He wouldn't even make the finals if he were on this season. Plus, he's kind of fat, and he's wearing a leather suit. Do not want. Well, thank God that's over. The poor guy who designed the costume must be sad that he had to see it on Joey.
Now, the moment that no one has been waiting for -- the second round of the college dance championship! First up are the Rutgers Scarlet Knights. They do the cha cha cha and it's... boring. I hate the college dance competition. I would rather watch the little kids, although I felt bad for them when they got eliminated. The judges compliment them for their skills, given that the team has only been together for a month, but all admit that there were some problems. They earn 21 points.
Hey, now we get to see Utah Valley University! Snore. And as if this is a fair fight -- the other team has been together for a month, and this school has one the national competition four times, and you can actually major in ballroom. So anyway, they're really good. Poor Rutgers. First, they are known (in my household) as the first choice school for AJ Soprano, and now this. Anyway, the judges are basically like, "You're awesome" and they get 29 points.
Time to learn about Anna, who grew up in Russia. She was an adorable little girl, but had asthma due to the poor environment, so her family moved to America. She met Jonathan, and he really helped her come out of her shell personally and in dance. What did I learn? That Anna had asthma. Good to know!
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It's Miley! I think Miley is worthless, and let me tell you why. She (and her parents) don't seem to get why some people are upset/offended by how she dresses and acts as a teenager who is a role model for young girls. She is dumb. She can't dance. She's not a good singer. It just bothers me that she made her fortune by getting young girls (mostly) to watch her show and buy her albums and go to her concerts, and now she wants to do this Xtina/Britney/Beyonce/Gaga thing, which is very adult. And sure I know that parents can try to limit their kids' exposure to her, but think about it: you let your eight-year-old watch Hannah Montana because it seems pretty harmless (and it is, but it's also horrible), and now you have to explain why you don't think she should buy the new album or watch the videos or whatever. That's an awkward conversation. Also, I just hate Miley's stupid face. Okay, I've never had a forum to discuss why I dislike her, and that kind of spilled out. I'm done now. Please don't e-mail me, Miley-lovers. You can love Miley all you want. Thanks.
You know what I've been wondering? How did Derek Hough get to be so awesome? He was born in Utah and all of his sisters danced, so he went too. And he was a REALLY cute kid. He moved to London to train with Corky and Shirley Ballas, and he lived there like their son. Corky jokes that the way to get Derek to behave was to take his hair gel away. Ha ha. What did I learn? Actually, nothing. I kind of knew all of that already.
Finally, some more results. Guess who else is in the finals? Nicole and Derek. Not too shocking.
After the commercial, it's time to find out who's going home and who is going through to the finals. Tom asks the judges to talk about the two couples whose fates are unknown. Carrie Ann says that they had high expectations for Chad at first, and he didn't quite meet them, but since then he has really grown. Bruno says that Erin brings an unknown quantity, and keeps people on the edge of your seat. Len says that in any other season, both of these couples would make the finals, but the talent this season is the highest yet. I would agree, but it's probably because they're finding people with some dance in their background these days. So who is going home? Chad and Cheryl. That's exactly as it should be. Chad lasted exactly as long as he deserved. I don't know how anyone could argue differently. He should just wish he were on a different season, because he would have gone further. Chad says that in his eyes, he's already won by just having this experience. Cheryl says that Chad is humble, soft, and gentle. I would love to know what really went down between them. I feel like there was more than what we saw.
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Watch Joey Fatone in his horrifying leather costume for the Design-A-Dance.
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