Last night, there was a "shakeup of the leader board," which basically means that Evan and Nicole weren't the top two. Instead, Nicole was the top and Evan was not in second place. What a shakeup! I guess it's all we can hope for this season. So tonight, someone will be going home, and it will happen LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Brooke skipped the bandage dress again! Maybe she got the memo that it was getting a little repetitive. As has been the habit this season, Tom and Brooke start right out by revealing some results. Tom runs through the fact that everyone shuffled around on the leaderboard, but it's very confusing. He's like "This couple was on top, and then they fell down three places, and back up two, but last night fell another four." Whuh? Time waster. Anyway, we'll first get to find out one safe couple, and it is... Erin and Maks.
Time for Len's review of last night's performances. Len thought Nicole's routine was "all sizzle, no sausage," even if the other judges disagreed. Evan didn't do as well last night, and he says in a confessional that his goal is to get to learn all the dances, so he doesn't want to go home yet. Len loves Jake's commitment, and doesn't think his stumble was a big deal. Pamela Anderson, according to Len, didn't have precise enough footwork, and the excerpt that they show bears that out, as Pamela is kind of just running down the floor. As Len continues, Niecy shows up and Len says that he thoroughly enjoyed her performance. Len concludes that Chad and Erin were the breakthrough pair of the night. He even thought Chad's routine was the best dance of the night. Let's not get crazy, Len. It was his best routine for sure, but the best of the night? Len thinks that Maks's nudity was a distraction from Erin's improved dancing. Len thinks the swing marathon was brilliant; don't know if I agree with that, but okay.
After hearing what Len had to say, it's no surprise that Chad and Cheryl get the encore dance. I think their routine is actually better tonight. Sometimes the encore is looser and thus not as good, but that's not the case here. I still don't think Chad really did enough dancing, and I don't think his footwork is all that great, but it's still his best routine of the season. Tom agrees with me that it was better the second time around. Thanks, Tom!
Tonight's performer is Melissa Etheridge. I used to be really into Melissa Etheridge right before she broke big, like pre-Lilith Fair. And I'm not even a lesbian! But now I think she's kind of corny. And the two failed marriages make me wonder a little bit. Anyway, she sings her new song, and Chelsie and Tony come out and dance, along with Maks and Anna. And it's a really impressive routine with some crazy lifts, especially Maks and Anna. How psyched is Tony to get to dance with someone other than Kate? Wow, Maks and Tony are just whipping their partners around. I think Maks might have pulled Anna's arm out of socket at one point. Yikes.
And let's have another review of the leaderboard, since we've already heard about it like three times. I just realized that one of the problems with Erin's outfit is that she already kind of looks like Big Bird and having a feathered skirt doesn't help counteract that issue.
So who else is safe? It is... Chad and Cheryl! He immediately picks her up and she actually looks happier than he does.
So then there's a very impressive flamenco guitarist whose name I am not even going to try to spell, and as he plays, a group of dancers does the salsa. It's fine. It's fun to watch, but it won't stick with me.
Some dude from a show on ESPN called Sports Science is here to test the athleticism of pro dancers, featuring Dmitry and Edyta. First, they measure strength. This is totally for the dudes whose wives are making them watch this show, although I'd rather watch this than most of the other dumb filler they make me watch. They show off Edyta's balance, which is basically awesome due to her killer abs. Like I didn't already feel inadequate compared to Edyta. They are also more precise than a hummingbird. That may not be actually correct. I mean, this is all just a big commercial for that sports science show, anyway, so I kind of zoned out. I had to listen to my dad bitch and moan about it. I'm staying at his house and he wanted to watch the Yankee game but duty calls, so he's watching this show with me for the first time ever. He's not a fan.
Melissa Etheridge is back to sing "Come To My Window." Remember this video? With Juliette Lewis? Do the kids watch the videos anymore? Probably only on YouTube, and only when it's Lady Gaga. So Alec and Edyta come out and dance. My dad is very confused by Melissa Etheridge. I told him that she's a breast cancer survivor. I don't know what that proves. Anyway, it's kind of disappointing to see Alec and Edyta dance and have it be... boring.
Why is Sam Neill standing behind Tom Bergeron? Anyway, Brooke is backstage where she talks to Erin about how Maks getting naked is becoming commonplace, and she barely notices anymore. Then Chad talks about how much he appreciates fan support and reveals that he has the Viennese waltz week. Oof. That's not going to be good.
Tom has Nicole and Derek and Jake and Chelsie step down. He immediately reveals that Nicole and Derek are safe (SHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHOCKER!) and then says that Jake and Chelsie are... going to have to wait until later to hear their fate. When did this show turn into American Idol?
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The commercial break just revealed why Sam Neill was there -- he's on ABC's new show. Got it. Brooke is backstage with the four dancers who are still waiting to find out their fates. Evan is CRAZY orange. It might just be my dad's TV, but he's glowing. Brooke says that she can feel the nerves emanating from everyone. My dad just made an actual funny joke that I'm going to steal. Brooke asked Jake what the biggest challenge was, and my dad retorted, "You and your dumb questions." My dad, ladies and gentleman. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
We're at the halfway point, so let's find out what the stars think about the competition. They are all working really hard. They all feel blessed to be there. They all get nervous. There's a lot of pressure. Nobody wants to go home. So now you know!
It's time to reveal another safe couple. My dad didn't believe me that Pam was Pamela Anderson of Baywatch fame. I had to explain that she's wearing a wig. Despite his quick wit, my dad is a little slow on the celebrity tip. He knows Erin Andrews, though. He likes the sports. Anyway, who else is safe? Pamela and Damian.
Before they can reveal who's going home, we have to recap what happened last night YET AGAIN! Jesus. This is really horrible. I have to believe that 90% of the audience for this show watched the performances last night. And now we've had to watch them be recapped three times so far. Just call Adam Carolla again, will you? This is horseshit.
So one of these couples is going home: Jake and Chelsie, Evan and Anna, or Niecy and Louis. Oh, they're doing bottom two. And Jake and Chelsie are in the bottom two AGAIN. Just send them home already. Who is safe? Evan and Anna. So that means Niecy and Louis are also in the bottom two. My dad's girlfriend has never watched this show before and spontaneously started rooting for Niecy. She's got something you want to like. Len says that he would miss Niecy's bubbly personality and he'd miss Jake's enthusiasm, but whoever returns needs to polish their technique. So who's going home? Jake and Chelsie. Yay! I hate that dude. He freaks me out. And I'm sick of seeing his horse-faced fiancée in the crowd. He thanks Texas and Canada again. Jake actually gets emotional when he's thanking Chelsie, so maybe they don't really hate each other. Or maybe she just hates him. Someone gave Jake a mike, which was a terrible mistake, because now he's like your drunk college roommate at your wedding who won't shut up. Then there's a clip package of Jake and Chelsie's journey (see my Bachelor speak there?). Remember when Jake fell? Remember when Jake wore his underwear? Remember when Jake wore an ugly plaid coat? Good times.
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Watch this episode here, discuss it in our forums, then see who vloggers Val and Beth think should be on the show in TV is the Answer!
Check out an interview with DWTS star Evan Lysacek, including his response to Johnny Weir's snipes.
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