I really don't get why the ratings for the show are up so far THIS season. I guess people want to laugh at/support Kate, and see Pam Anderson's boobs? I just don't think the star power is any bigger this season than it's been any other season. And the ratings keep staying up there! Shocking. Anyway, last week, Kate finally dragged her sorry ass home, Tony threw a party, and I cheered. Tonight, the stars will be doing either the Argentine tango or the samba, and then they'll be doing a swing dance marathon all together. And it will all happen LIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! Hey, Tom didn't say it! I feel all unsettled when that happens.
Brooke's not wearing a bandage dress. She looks old tonight. Maybe it's the lighting. Erin is wearing a dress that makes her look almost completely nude except for some strategically placed flowers. Pam Anderson is wearing a brunette wig and she's almost unrecognizable, but still hot. She weirdly looks like a young Anne Archer, like circa Fatal Attraction. I just realized Erin's dress, other than the revealing top section, has a bizarre Muppet-like bottom half. Someone wore a dress like that to the Oscars this year. Let me look it up: ah, it was Zoe Saldana. Actually, Erin's is even worse than Zoe's. Here's hoping that monstrosity is a tear-away section.
Jake and Chelsie are the first to dance tonight. God, if I have to see that clip of Jake in his underwear one more time, I'm going to gouge my eyes out. Gross. Chelsie took Jake to meet some samba dancers, and Jake actually had fun and didn't act like a jerk. In rehearsals, Jake acknowledged that Nicole and Evan were at the top of the pack, and while he was in third last week, it was a distant third. I actually almost feel bad for Jake; that must be frustrating to do your best and know that two people with way more natural ability and experience than you are always going to beat you. Anyway, their samba is not terrible. It's kind of slow, and Jake's arms and hands need work. He's got flat hands. He has a few stumbles near the end, but recovers well. He does perform the hell out of it, but he was more in his head this week than other weeks. It was okay, but it wasn't third place material.
Len thinks Jake is more confident and polished, but he lacked rhythm. Bruno thought it didn't have enough bounce, and his hip action was missing. Carrie Ann thinks Jake pushes himself to the max, but he needs to connect to the music more. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7 for a total of 21.
Evan and Anna will also be doing the samba. In rehearsals, Anna pushes Evan to have more hip action, but he struggles. They also practice for the swing dance marathon, in which they can do lifts. At one point, Anna flips Evan over her back and he lands on his head and really hurts himself. Ooh. They show it twice, and it's pretty bad. But the doctor clears him to dance. Their samba is faster than Jake and Chelsie's, and man does Evan have great lines and grace. But lines and grace are more of a rumba thing, and his feet are still bad. He just doesn't point them enough and I think he's down on his heels instead of up on the balls of his feet. Something's weird, is all I'm saying.
Bruno says that Evan has good "lyrical lines" but they're not right for the samba. Hey, that's what I said! Sometimes I scare myself. Carrie Ann thought Evan lost the battle with the samba, and his body didn't suit this particular dance. Len says that it was Evan's worse dance because he's too balletic and this is a carnival dance. The audience boos and Tom tries to make them feel better. I don't really like Tom commenting. I mean, it's one thing if the judges are way off, but they weren't this time, and I don't like when Tom undermines them. Backstage, Evan says that they gave him great areas to work on. As an athlete, he's used to getting critiqued, so it's probably easier. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7 for a total of 21.
Niecy and Louis got low marks for technique last week, and this week they have the Argentine tango. Louis hammers Niecy to concentrate on her feet, and Niecy finally does get some of the steps down. But will it be enough to please the judges? They go for the comedy, where Louis starts out with a rose in his mouth and Niecy tries to eat it and spits it out. The rest of the routine is good. Niecy's footwork is the best it's been, but it's still not as sharp as it should be. They have one totally illegal lift in the middle, like it's not even a case of "Oh, her foot left the ground for a split second," but Louis just lifts her up and it looks weird. And then at the end, Louis takes out something -- a cookie? -- and Niecy makes a grab for it and fails, sliding down his leg. It was better than I thought, but it wasn't really funny ENOUGH, if you know what I mean. The audience love, love, loved it but Louis is nearly choking on his cookie.
Carrie Ann says it's nice to see Niecy really dancing, and apparently it was okay to do a lift, which they didn't say beforehand. She also didn't think they needed the comedy. Agreed. Len liked the comedy because it didn't interfere with the dance, but it lacked some intensity. Bruno tells Niecy to stay away from his lunchbox (she mimed kicking Louis in the nuts early on), and compliments her hard work. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7 for a total of 21.
Erin and Maks are up . Erin hopes to keep up with Maks on the samba, despite the fact that he has so much more experience. Erin worries about overthinking, because she does well when she doesn't think about it too much. But that's not her way; she's a worrier. She and Maks argue some more and he says he's going to be institutionalized when the season's over. This is like watching a romantic comedy. Hey, it could be the The Cutting Edge. A couple assigned to work together on a televised dancing competition, and they hate each other, but then they fall in love! Copyright, I call dibs. Anyway, their samba. Is. Awesome. I love it. Erin has a slight bobble in the very beginning, but throughout the dance, she removes various parts of Maks's outfit -- his jacket, his tie, his suspenders, his sleeves, and finally his shirt. Maks knows what the ladies want. But didn't he criticize Jake for dancing in his underwear last week? Hmm. Anyway, Erin really gets into it and it's easily her best dance yet.
Len says that he's given Erin a 7 every week, and she'll get another one tonight because she should be getting higher scores. Tom asks the obvious question, which is how she's supposed to do that. Len says he wants to see a proper dance and blames Maks for the buffoonery. Maks asks the audience what they think and they cheer. Bruno thought Erin danced it really well all the way through. Carrie Ann says that the samba is difficult and she nailed it. Seriously, Len. I thought that was a pretty good samba. Definitely the best of the night. Usually Len and I are simpatico, but I have to disagree with him on this one. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 7, and Bruno 9. Maks and Erin are thrilled.
Chad and Cheryl fell apart last week. But Chad went to visit his fans and it gave him a confidence boost, so now he's ready to tackle the Argentine tango. Cheryl urges Chad to lead, so they don't have to fake it like they've been doing. Their routine is better; he seems more confident and his footwork is better. His posture still sucks, though, and there's a lot of him standing there while Cheryl poses around him.
Bruno thinks Chad proved tonight that he can actually dance. Carrie Ann thought it was really amazing, and they were hard on him before because they knew he could do that. Len says that on this show, you have to either grow or go, and Chad grew. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8 for a total of 24, which is their highest score ever.
Last week, Derek and Nicole were only one point shy of a perfect score. This week, they have the samba. Nicole got all excited because she thought they were doing the salsa. She struggles to get the technique, and Derek thinks she's overthinking everything due to the pressure to stay on top. She's even trying to figure out the best camera angles, instead of just dancing. Can she set it aside to do her samba? They burst onto the floor and take over, but it almost seems angry instead of fun. Like isn't the samba a party dance? Why so angry, Nicole? And it's almost raunchy with the gyrations. She's amazing as always, but it doesn't feel like a samba until the very end when they throw in a few samba rolls.
Carrie Ann just yells and says that she can't come up with any criticism because it was so awesome. Len thought the difficult and performance was great, but her lines weren't good, and he didn't see enough traditional samba steps (which he rightly places on Derek). Bruno loved it and tells Nicole she has nothing to worry about. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 7, and Bruno 10 for a total of 26. Man, have the judges' scores ever been that disparate? And why did Carrie Ann give a 9? Confusing.
Last week, Pam was told she did "too much messing around" and landed in the bottom two. She doesn't want that to happen again. She's psyched to have the Argentine tango and Damian hopes to put a lot of lifts in, but Pam has trouble with them. They're dancing to an accordion version of "Enjoy the Silence" by Depeche Mode. But weirdly, it kind of works. The choreography is kind of strange, as Damian seems to be doing most of the footwork and Pamela just lets herself be flung about. I don't know if her sex appeal can carry her with the judges this week.
Len says the dance is about seduction, which Pamela can do well, and he liked the smoldering intensity. Some of the footwork suffered but the lifts were good. Bruno loves the character, and he draws the whole character sketch for her but says nothing about her dancing. Carrie Ann thought it was sexy, but she wanted to see a little more technique in her legs. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 8 for a total of 22.
And finally, the couples will be competing in a swing marathon, where they will all be dancing on the floor at the same time. When they get tapped on the shoulder, they have to leave. It's just like Joanie and Fonzie on that one episode of Happy Days where Fonzie promised Joanie he'd do the marathon with her and then he had to push his motorcycle all the way home and he was exhausted but he'd promised Shortcake so he did it anyway and everyone was worried about him but no one told Joanie and she wanted to beat her nemesis Jill Higgins (played by Charlene Tilton!). So just when it looks like Fonzie is going to bow out, he gets challenged by Jill and he does a crazy Russian dance that my cousin Steve used to be able to do in an awesome Fonzie-like manner and they win. So that's my experience with a dance marathon. Is this going to be anything like that?
Everyone starts dancing and it's hard to keep track of who's doing well and who's not. The judges send Jake and Chelsie out first. Chad does a standing leap over Cheryl's head after removing his shirt. Louis is pretending to fall down under Niecy's weight. Look there's being fat-positive, which I appreciate, and then there's "fat people eat a lot of cookies and can only be the object of humor" which this is turning into. Come on, Niecy. You're better than that. Derek is doing some really un-swing like moves and I wish they would call him out on that. Niecy and Louis are eliminated second. For some reason, Evan and Anna are eliminated , and I have no idea why. They were kind of doing figure skating lifts instead of swing lifts, maybe? But their dancing was better than Chad and Cheryl's, I thought.
Now that there are only four couples left, they can go wherever they want on the floor. Chad and Cheryl are really flagging and not really dancing. Maks and Erin are busting out some fancy footwork and looking good. Sure enough, Chad and Cheryl are out . Damian is just throwing Pam around, and they are eliminated . Erin and Maks seem to lose steam while Derek and Nicole are just throwing lifts all over the place, so Erin and Maks are the last couple out and Derek and Nicole are the last couple standing.
The judges get a moment to talk. Len says that he got outvoted a lot but he thought the best couple won. Bruno loved seeing all the lifts. Carrie Ann did too, and enjoyed seeing them run out of steam at the end. The added scores didn't change the top four, but it did rearrange the bottom three. Will it matter once the audience votes are added in? We'll find out tomorrow night. Here are the scores:
Nicole and Derek: 26 + 10 + 36
Erin and Maks: 25 + 9 = 34
Chad and Cheryl: 24 + 7 = 31
Pamela and Damian: 22 + 8 = 30
Evan and Anna: 21 + 6 = 27
Niecy and Louis: 21 + 5 = 26
Jake and Chelsie: 21 + 4 = 25
Check out an interview with DWTS star Evan Lysacek, including his response to Johnny Weir's snipes.