Am I the only one or is this show kind of like Chinese food? Like you watch it for two or three hours a week and then completely forget about it until it's on again? I don't think about this show AT ALL in the days off, and then when it's on, I am glued to the screen. I guess it's kind of the opposite of a show like Lost in that respect. Anyway, it's on now and it is LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
So in case you don't follow the gossip when the show's not on, pretty much every single celebrity is rumored to be dating his or her pro. Are any of them? Probably. Would they ever go public with it? Only if they thought it would help them get votes. Or if the show's publicist told them to. Anyway, the band is doing a different version of the theme song where instead of horns playing the melody, singers are scatting it. I feel like I suddenly got dropped into the middle of an episode of Where In the World is Carmen Sandiego?. Um, Damian totally has his hand on Pam Anderson's ass. When he sees the camera on them, he moves it up slightly. I guess some of those "dating" rumors might actually be true.
Okay, I know Shannen Doherty has always had kind of weird teeth but they are getting weirder. Has she always had that space between her front teeth? Why would you add that in if you're not Madonna? And why did she? In rehearsals for this week's jive, Shannen talks about wanting to simplify the routine after the judges' comments last week. Shannen freaks out when she thinks Mark is making things too complicated and I know sometimes the drama is manufactured but this feels pretty real. Shannen's not that good of an actress and Mark's definitely not that good of an actor. She seems pretty sick of him and he seems fed up with her. Interesting. Anyway, their jive does has a lot of steps and Mark is wearing his stupid Michael Jackson glitter socks with short pants that he ALWAYS wears. I am so sick of that look. It wasn't cool when he first started wearing it and it's not cool now. There's something unsettling about seeing such a smiley Shannen. She looks like she might rip my throat out. She scares me. She does a good job with the choreography but she's still in her head a bit much, and while it is complicated, it lacks energy. Overall, it's an improvement over last week, though.
Len thought it was fun but lacked a little control at times. Shannen seems to agree. Bruno also thought it was better, although her technique could improve a bit. He liked how she engaged with the audience. Carrie Ann admits that Mark was right to push Shannen harder instead of making things simpler. Shannen looks really genuinely happy with what she heard, probably because they gave her specific things to work on. I think Brooke Burke's features are way too small for her head, but it's only obvious in profile. She just has a really weird profile. I can't stop staring at it. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 7. Shannen looks happy with the sevens.
Aiden got bad scores last week, and was disappointed. This week, they have the foxtrot, and Aiden is having the problem the stars have every season at this time -- he had a long time to work on his first routine, and not as long to work on this one. Wait, didn't they know from the beginning what their two routines were? Why only start working on the second after performing the first. Ooh, Aiden and Edyta had a blowup in rehearsal. Edyta was being impatient with him and he called her on it and Edyta stormed out. I believe that was real too. I believe that they're all getting frustrated with each other this week. Anyway, their foxtrot is way better than last week's routine. Aiden will never be a great dancer, but he does have some charisma and he's not terrible. Bruno was on crack when he compared him to Kenny Mayne. During one turn, Edyta clocks him in the jaw with her elbow. Oops. But he recovers quickly. I mean, he's not great, but there have been way worse.
Bruno compliments Aiden's footwork and frame but says he needs to stay focused. Carrie Ann thinks that Aiden let go and danced this week instead of thinking so hard, and it worked better. Len loved the footwork but wanted to see more flow. All the judges saw the improvement. Backstage (is it even backstage anymore? Above stage? Over stage?), Brooke tries to get them to talk about their fight, but they just keep talking about how Edyta elbowed him in the face. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6, and Bruno 6.
Evan and Anna did well last week but the judges admit that they have high expectations of him, and this week he has the jive. Evan acted really goofy in rehearsal, to Anna's surprise. After a clip package showing Evan taking Anna to his hometown, Evan reads woodenly from a cue card about how he and Anna are closer than ever. I hope he wasn't planning to parlay that Olympic gold into a television career, because he is terrible in front of the camera when he's not skating. Well, color me surprised. Their jive is actually really good. Anna did a fantastic job choreographing to suit Evan's long arms and legs, and he has a lot of natural rhythm. I mean, no one would be surprised that he can recall complex choreography, but I am surprised that he executed it so well. There were a few times when he should have pointed a toe here and there, but overall it was well done.
Carrie Ann loved the energy and thinks that they really made a connection with one another. Len was happy to see Evan do well with the jive since it's normally a dance for shorter people, but adds that he needs to work on his feet. Bruno thought the partner work was great, but he needs to point his toes. I think I could be a judge on this show. I'm getting pretty good at finding the things that the judges will point out. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. Backstage, Anna tells Brooke that Evan likes cheesecake and Brooke says that you can eat a lot of it when you're on this show. Then she holds the mic out to Evan but since she didn't actually ask a question, he doesn't say anything and then Brooke does this horrible fake laugh and it's all very awkward. I thought no one could be worse than Samantha but at least she could goofily cover up her gaffes.
Niecy and Louis have the foxtrot this week. Niecy was taken aback when she realized it was a ballroom dance, and had some trouble following Louis's instructions, but she quickly improved. Louis admits that he didn't know if she could handle the ballroom and Niecy tells him not to put her in a box. Love that, especially since this show loves to concoct storylines and put the celebs into them whether it fits or not. I feel like Niecy won't do that, which might mean she won't last long on the show, but I'll enjoy it while she's here. Their foxtrot is really fun to watch. The technique is just okay, but you just can't take your eyes off Niecy's expressive face. I don't care for the business at the end where Niecy runs over and sits on some dude's lap (her husband?) while Louis pretends to pop the question, but everything up until then was enjoyable if a little simple.
Len thought it was sophisticated and sassy, and he thought it was "a revelation." Len! He loved it! Bruno calls it "a strawberry milkshake" because she's wearing pink. Carrie Ann tries to pretend she's calling them on a lift and then admits that they didn't do one, but it falls flat, so she goes on to tell Niecy that because things are so competitive this week, she might need to go bigger week. Niecy assures her, "I can go big!" She sure can. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 7.
Jake and Chelsie have the jive this week and he is totally flummoxed by the complicated footwork. They get to one particularly difficult part that Jake doesn't think he can do, and he wants to take it out of the routine, but Chelsie refuses. That seems to be the theme this week. I don't know what it is with the dudes doing the jive having short pants. Is that a requirement? They open with Jake pretending to be a singer and rocking a mic stand, and that's pretty much the only impressive thing he does for the whole routine as far as I'm concerned. He gets the steps down for the most part but there's no musicality to them and his "kicks and flicks" as Len would say are not good. And his posture is horrible. Bless him, he's trying really hard though. I'll give him that.
Bruno knows that Jake is trying really hard, but he needs to work on precision and technique. Carrie Ann calls them on a lift, but she loved the energy. Len thinks Jake "coped very well" which doesn't sound good, but he thinks Jake has potential. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 7, and Bruno 7. Wow, I feel like he was wildly overscored. That was not that good. There's yet another awkward pause when Chelsie is done talking and Brooke just stands there and stares at her before chiming in with her patter. Is she on downers this week? She's like a half a beat behind everyone else.
Oof. I am not looking forward to seeing Buzz Aldrin "dance" again. Can't we, as a nation, salute his service to the country but also kick him off the show? This week, they have the foxtrot, and Buzz has Ashly draw out the steps in a map, which is actually really smart because I'm sure that's how he thinks and learns. And then his wife shows up and she might want to lay off the plastic surgery, because she kind of looks like that Cat Woman. Jocelyn Wildenstein or whatever her name is? But with white hair. Before they start their foxtrot, Buzz salutes the American flag, like we get it that he's a hero but that kind of comes off as trolling for votes. Plus, they are dancing to "Fly Me to the Moon." Gross. Their dance is about the same as last week. He does a few steps but mostly lurches around the dance floor and it just looks like the father/daughter dance at a wedding. At least with Cloris, there was a sense that she was performing. Buzz kind of looks like he forgot there was an audience. I don't know why the show casts people like that. I don't mean older people; I mean people who can't perform.
Carrie Ann thought it was tender and charming, but Buzz needs to be bolder. Len admits he can't criticize a legend, and thinks that Buzz is an inspiration to all ages. Bruno tries to make a joke about avoiding moon craters but I can't understand what he's going on about, and Bruno quickly gives up when people start booing him. Scores: Carrie Ann 4, Len 4, and Bruno 4.
Nicole and Derek got high scores last week, even though Len didn't love it. Nicole learned the basic jive steps, but then the producers gave them a modern song and they had to revise their routine. So then Nicole was worried that Len wouldn't like it. Wow, the producers are really trying to make us think that Nicole doesn't have this thing wrapped up, aren't they? It doesn't hurt that Nicole is hardly wearing any clothes. The routine starts with a lot of business, so I know Len will hate that, and I do too. Overall, it's well executed and the choreography is great but Nicole just doesn't connect with me. It might be different when you're there in person but she seems focused on her partner and not the performance. It doesn't seem as much in the bag for her as it did last week.
Len didn't love it, mostly due to the type of routine. Bruno disagrees and thinks it was the jive reinvented and the best jive ever in week two. Carrie Ann thinks it was perfection. Wow. Tongue bath central from everyone but Len. Should I be scared that I find myself agreeing with Len more often than not? What does that say about me? When they get backstage, Derek and Nicole keep talking about how they got stuck with a hard song and it's kind of coming off like they think the other couples who did the more traditional jives had it easy. That may be true, but they kind of look like jerks for saying it. Let the audience draw that conclusion. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 8, and Bruno 10. No one is voting for them with those scores, you know?
Erin and Maks have the foxtrot this week. Maks tells her that she needs to be a princess and not a tomboy this week. Erin gets frustrated and Maks has to stay calm, which he admits has never happened in his partnerships before. Usually he's the hothead. Erin looks fairly graceful but a little awkward at times in the transitions between steps. Like she does a high kick which is nice, but the moving back into hold she kind of loses her frame. Overall, it's nice but kind of boring and I expected these two to have more chemistry.
Bruno thinks Erin is a natural but she needs to finish the movements. Tom cuts Bruno off and everyone laughs. Carrie Ann was impressed with Erin's solo work and tells her not to squeeze Maks so tight in hold. Erin says that she was supposed to hold his bicep and she couldn't find it. Oops. Maks pretends to be offended. Len liked the routine but he gives a little speech to all the stars that they should shut up and listen to their pros. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8.
You guys, Pam and Damian are totally doing it. You can tell by how they look at each other. Damian works with her this week on getting into a character, and this week's character is Marilyn Monroe. She must pay the lighting guys a lot of money for how they light her during her interview segments, because her skin looks great, and I've seen pictures of her without makeup in natural light and it's a commercial for sunscreen use. During their foxtrot, Pam does a great job with the character, and she's actually pretty graceful, but it seems like she kind of forgets the dance in parts, and Damian is pushing her around the floor. Only in the beginning -- she recovers well in the second half.
Carrie Ann is impressed with Pam's ability to get into character. Len uses the word "titivating" and then pretends like he didn't do it on purpose when everyone giggles. Anyway, Len and Bruno both liked the routine for the atmosphere she created, but tell her that she still needs to work on technique. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 8. Here's the thing about Pam -- she stays in character even when doing her backstage interviews.
Ochocinco and Cheryl have the foxtrot this week. I love his t-shirt which says, "If you don't vote for us on DWTS...Girl, you trippin'." He had a whole series of those on his Twitter account. Ochocinco claims he's in love with Cheryl and flirts with her throughout rehearsals. They're actually really cute together, and I'm not normally crazy about Cheryl. They have a slight misstep at the beginning of their foxtrot and he's not as smooth as he could be. In his efforts to have a good frame, he's kind of too stiff. I don't think ballroom is going to be his thing because... it's not good. And y'all know I've really been rooting for him so I wish it were better. He's just way too stiff and there's no grace. I think he knows he messed up because Cheryl gives him a hug at the end and whispers in his ear, and he looks upset.
Len starts right in and says that everything about it was horrible. Bruno thinks he looked uncomfortable, but still thinks Chad has potential. Carrie Ann loved his connection with Cheryl, but advises him to be more in the moment. Aw. He looks so sad and mad at himself. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 5.
And finally, Kate and Tony are back to do the jive. This should be interesting. Tony admits in their clip package that Kate is not a natural. And then it gets awesome (if you've been waiting for someone to tell Kate why she's a horrible person like I have). Tony, who has been teaching dancing for years and years, gets frustrated when Kate doesn't listen to him and insists that he explain things the way that SHE wants to hear them. Tony tells her that she's not listening to him. Anyone who ever watched her show knows that Kate is a control freak and only wants things done her way, so that's not surprising. What is surprising is that Kate continues to blame Tony for all of her shortcomings and Tony actually puts down his mic pack and walks out, saying that he quits, leaving Kate crying. Wow. If that was real, that was kind of awesome, because he wouldn't put up with her crap. So anyway, of course he comes back (probably after the producers reminded him about his contract) and Kate immediately says that a lot of people quit on her in life. WHAT DOES THAT TELL YOU ABOUT THE PERSON THAT YOU CHOOSE TO BE? Learn something. So how is their jive after all that? Well, it's terrible. Let me get the cattiness out of the way first -- Kate does not have the legs for how short her dress is. And she just sort of poses and you can see her thinking in her head "step touch, step touch" or whatever. Tony basically talks her through all of the steps, and she still misses some of them. The only things that look good are the parts where Tony is throwing her around, which must have been cathartic for him. And you can tell what her fellow contestants think by the tepid applause from them when the dance ends.
Bruno remembers how he was in the video for the song they used: "I'm Still Standing" by Elton John. Bruno tells her to perform instead of just going out there and doing the steps. Carrie Ann congratulates Kate for making it through the whole routine even when she forgot the steps. Len thinks Kate is letting her nerves get the best of her and she needs to go out fighting instead of being so cautious. Backstage, Kate says that the clip we saw was just a bit of their whole week and they actually had a great week. Yeah, right. Scores: Carrie Ann 5, Len 5, and Bruno 5. That's fair. Kate could not look more pissed backstage when she's not talking. She really has no poker face. You'd think all those years of doing a reality show would make her more aware of when she's on camera, but I guess that's why her show was so great -- she didn't put on an act for the cameras most of the time.
Scores: This week + last week = Total
Nicole and Derek: 28 + 25 = 53
Evan and Anna: 24 + 23 = 47
Erin and Maks: 23 + 21 = 44
Pamela and Damian: 22 + 21 = 43
Jake and Chelsie: 20 + 20 = 40
Niecy and Louis: 21 + 18 = 39
Shannen and Mark: 20 + 18 = 38
Aiden and Edyta: 19 + 15 = 34
Chad and Cheryl: 16 + 18 = 34
Kate and Tony: 15 + 16 = 31
Buzz and Ashly: 12 + 14 = 26