Last Dance

S09E21

Chelsie and Louie are back to dance to "Puppy Love," which Donny will be singing live, like he's not busy enough. How many times do you think he's performed this song in his life? Ten thousand? The routine starts out as a waltz (I think, or maybe a rumba), but then tempo speeds up and it turns into a jive, with Louie doing back tucks all over the place. Not so much a dance, but does it really matter at this point? Samantha interviews them and says that Louie and Chelsie aren't dating or anything. Weird that she had to say that, because now I think that they totally are.

And now Jerry Rice and Michael Irvin are going to have a grudge match. Michael points out all of the ways that he wanted to be better than Jerry (number of Super Bowls, etc.) and couldn't. So now they're going to dance the paso doble against each other: Jerry and Anna T. vs. Michael and Anna D. They dance to the old Monday Night Football theme, with each wearing their former team's colors. It's pretty awesome, actually. Jerry's posture is way better, but Michael has more personality. Michael messes up the ending, though. What did the judges think? Len says that they decided that Michael was the winner. Michael grabs the trophy (a tiny mirror ball ring) but the judges aren't done yet. They think Jerry had a better body, so they gave him a ring too. Lame. I hate ties.

Aaron and Karina are back to perform their Muppet quickstep. God I'm glad Aaron didn't make the finals. He makes me crazy. I forgot how much I dislike him. With the mugging and the over-the-top energy. Blech. Aaron says in his interview that he wants to inspire others. Whatever.

I can't even talk about this part. Cloris, Jerry Springer, Woz, and Joanna are backstage with Miss Piggy. Sadly, she's kind of better at interviewing than Samantha. What was that? It's time to review the highlights of weeks eight and nine. This was the week of Mya's awesome samba and the first perfect score of the season, as well as Joanna and Derek's paso doble FROM THE FUTURE and Donny's Adam Ant thing. And then the finalists were revealed, and Joanna went home. And then took to her Twitter and proceeded to badmouth everyone else left on the show, because she's a terrible person.

So they're doing a competition mambo with Cloris and Corky, Jerry and Edyta, Woz and Karina, and Derek and Joanna. This is a joke. Jerry is kind of taking it seriously. I don't know what Cloris is doing and I don't want to know. Woz is rolling around on the floor and I'm not even kidding. Please make this end. Cloris gets knocked out first, and then Jerry. Not sure why they kept Woz. Oh, because he had to bring back his "hilarious" worm. Sigh. Why do they encourage him? Things are just devolving into chaos now. Finally Woz leaves and then Derek and Joanna bring back their bobbing move, except Derek is the one doing the bobbing. GET IT? IT'S HILARIOUS!! HA HA HA!