Tom tells us that last night, the ladies ruled and the fellas drooled. And former leaders like Louie fell down the leader board while former cellar dwellers like Melissa shot to the top (and if you read my weecap of last night's episode, you know my feelings on that, so I'll shut up about it now). So what does it mean for who will be going home tonight? We'll find out shortly and it will be LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Samantha doesn't look as good tonight as she did last night. She kind of looks like she tried to sleep on her blowout and it's all flat and sticking out in a few spots. Like the morning after prom or something. Her dress is pretty, though. She should wear red more often; it's a great color for her. They throw it to a clip package reviewing what happened last night. Which I already recapped once, so we don't need to go through that again, do we? They throw in a few new confessional clips, and my favorite is Kelly Osbourne talking about how great it feels to dance and do well in front of a crowd, and she wishes she could bottle that feeling. That's the difference between Kelly and say, Donny or Aaron to me. Kelly is genuine and isn't a seasoned performer, so it's all new for her, and she doesn't have to fake it. I feel like sometimes Donny and Aaron are faking the enthusiasm. It's very Vegas and plastic, which is why it's so much more fun to watch Kelly than it is to watch the others, for me at least. In Mya's confessional, Dmitry just holds up a sign with a big question mark on it, because they just can't figure out what they need to do to get a good score from Len. I kind of agree. He needs to be more specific for them, because critiques like "Simplify" or "More content" aren't really helping. Hopefully, Mya will make it to the part where Len comes in and gives one-on-one instruction and they can get more info.
Len announces that the encore will be Melissa and Mark, so maybe I can figure out why it got such high scores. [What happened to his comment that he was going to give it to Joanna for her sexy lambada? -- Angel] Normally, when I'm trying to do my own version of judging, I pretty much just watch the star. I know the pro knows what they are doing, and watching the pro can be distracting. The thing that bothers me about this dance is that Melissa is just galumphing around out there like a clod. I just watched one segment back in slow motion, trying to pinpoint what the problem was, and it's a part where they are doing sort of a modified time step (for those of you who have ever taken tap lessons). As Mark swings his leg back, he points his toe, and Melissa has hers fully flexed and it looks awful. Also, Mark is so much lighter on his feet while Melissa seems to be rooted to the ground. Like I said previously, I think she's just not graceful, and I don't know if there's a way to teach that, but she could start by pointing her toes once in a while. Then there's a segment where they kick a leg out to each side and Melissa's kicks are well below her waist while Mark's are almost up by her shoulders. Either he needs to adjust to her step or she needs to get more flexible, but it's really noticeable and makes her look bad. I'm not trying to totally nitpick, but it really bothered me that she got such a high score, and I'm trying to figure out exactly what I felt was so bad. I thought she deserved somewhere in the 21-24 range at best. Regardless, I don't think she would have gone home, so I'll let it go now.
Shakira is there to perform with a bunch of... I guess geishas? Playing drums? Pardon my cultural ignorance. I'm not sure what they have to do with the song, or Shakira, or anything. Or the song, which does not sound Asian in any way, shape, or form. Also, Shakira looks like Jessica Alba. I never realized that before.
After reminding us of last night's scores, Tom and Samantha are ready to tell us about some couples that are safe. The first one is... Mya and Dmitry. The second one is... Melissa and Mark, duh. Ooh, and they're going to reveal one of the couples in the bottom two, and it is... Aaron and Karina. The audience seems shocked. I'd like to note that I totally called it. And also, interesting that for the second week in a row, they are revealing the actual bottom two instead of that "may or may not be the bottom two" BS they usually do. I like it.
So they just revealed season's Bachelor, and they had a lineup of potential dudes, and one of them was Derek Hough. I have to admit, I might actually watch a season with Derek as the Bachelor. Except he's all LDS so he probably wouldn't do any overnight dates or anything. Which would make me more likely to watch, to be honest. I find that part kind of gross.
Dmitry, Alec, and Louis join Edyta, Cheryl, and Karina to demonstrate the Argentine tango and the paso doble, week's dances. I do always love seeing the pros dance together, as a reminder of what these dances are supposed to look like. It's especially impressive when you realize that they choreograph these routines in only a day or two, since they don't have a ton of rehearsal time apart from their celebrity partners.
Tom announces that week, there will be a group dance of the Hustle, and he goes to Len to find out what the judges will be looking out for. Len doesn't give a good answer. Boo. Missed opportunity. Although I am reminded that week will be the first time they have to learn two dances in one week.
Samantha talks to Melissa, Mya, and Aaron backstage. Melissa and Mya both admit that they're a little overwhelmed by seeing the pros do those dances. Samantha asks Aaron what he took away from the judges' critiques last night and Aaron is basically like, "I don't know." And that's why no one votes for him.
Tom is ready to reveal three more safe couples. The first one is... Kelly and Louis, yay! The second one is... Natalie and Alec, yay! I think those are my two favorite couples. And I was just about to say that Joanna might be growing on me, and Tom announces that Joanna and Derek are safe too. Tom points out that all of the women are safe, so a man will definitely be going home tonight. Maybe they need to bring Adam Carolla back for another pep talk. He told a hilarious story on a couple of his podcasts about his experience putting together the football coach skit he did earlier this season where he asked a PA to get him a big raw turkey for a prop and the dude brought him a small turkey breast, because he's incompetent. I'm sure the PA would tell a different story, but seriously. How hard is your job?
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After the break, Tom and Samantha are ready to reveal some more safe couples. The first one is... Mark and Lacey. They seem surprised. The second safe couple is... Michael and Anna. Samantha prefaces it by saying, "You didn't see this coming..." We didn't? I did. I think Michael probably has a bigger fanbase than Louie, just based on the fact that more people know football stars than snowboarders.
Clip package about how some of the star's kids react to their moms and dads being on the show. Mark, Michael, Chuck, and Melissa all have really cute kids. That's the takeaway.
Shakira is back to sing her hit "Hips Don't Lie." Just when I'm starting to wonder why they didn't let some pros do a routine to her song, a bevy of belly dancers come down the stairs and join Shakira for the second half of the song. Eh. Belly dancers. Obvious.
I think Latoya Jackson is in the audience again. She's totally going to be a contestant season, isn't she? Backstage, Samantha asks Michael is he was surprised to be safe, and he admits that he was sure that he was in the bottom two. Joanna is excited to do ballroom week because she'll have the tango, and she hasn't done ballroom in a while. Kelly is a little scared about having to learn two dances, but she knows that everyone is in the same boat and she's excited to dance with everyone else. I do love the group dances. Train. Wreck. Although nothing will ever top Cloris Leachman's hip hop routine.
Clip package about how stressful it is to be on the show. You have to work really hard. You have to do something you've never done before, and you have four days to do it. You have to communicate with someone who was a stranger just a few weeks earlier. The pros get just as stressed out as the stars sometimes, and sometimes the partners fight. Chuck finds it helpful to punch the heavy bag to remind himself that he is actually good at something. And don't even get them started on elimination night, because that freaks everyone out.
Samantha and Tom are back to tell us about some more safe couples. The first one is... Donny and Kym. So now either Chuck and Anna or Louie and Chelsie will join Aaron and Karina in the bottom two, after the break.
So who else is in the bottom two? It could be Chuck and Anna. It could be Louie and Chelsie. And you know who is safe? Louie and Chelsie. Wow, I'm surprised that Chuck is in the bottom two. I know he had low scores, but I thought he had a pretty big fanbase.
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Len gets a chance to say who he thinks should stay. He admits that Chuck is a likeable guy, but whoever stays will have to learn two dances week, and Len thinks Aaron is more capable of that. Aaron and his stupid face is all serious and looking like he's about to burst into tears again. How has someone who has been in the public eye since he was like eight years old not developed a thicker skin? Or a better poker face? If he could laugh or at least lighten up a little bit, I think people would like him more. Instead, he just seems pouty and mopey. Dude. It's a reality dancing competition. It means nothing in the grand scheme of things. Relax.
So who's going home? Chuck and Anna. BOOOOOOOOOOO! I don't think Chuck is a better dancer, but I hate Aaron and I really like Anna. Samantha asks Chuck what he will take away from the competition. Chuck says that he had fun and he learned that dancing is really hard. Anna calls him a bear and a hippo. That's why I love Anna. She's so honest and Russian. Maybe Aaron will go home week. A girl can dream.
While you are waiting and hoping that Aaron will screw up and get voted off, take a look at our gallery of the most ridiculous contestants ever to appear on the show.
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