Last week, Debi Mazar and Tom DeLay went home, which I guess means that one of the future planned double eliminations won't happen this season. Not that the show would release that information, anyway. This week, the show is debuting four new dances: the two-step, the bolero, the Charleston, and the lambada. Are those even ballroom/Latin dances for real? I kind of like when they stick to the dances that are recognized in competitions. Then again, I don't know enough about competitions to know if they do any of those. But I'm guessing no, or the pros would be more familiar with them. So will these new dances backfire? We'll find out tonight LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
The couples are introduced and come down the stairs. Oh, yikes. Louis van Amstel has some sort of white face makeup on, sort of like a mime, but he's CREEPING ME OUT. It doesn't even look like him. On the other hand, Samantha looks pretty good this week, for once. Her hair is normal and she looks healthy instead of bony. I have to mention it because I usually give her so much shit. Tom announces that lifts are allowed in these dances, but doesn't explain why they're allowed here and not, say, the jive. So we'll just take his word for it.
Chuck and Anna are up first. They have the two-step this week. Chuck is at least familiar with the concept, since his mom likes it and he used to work in a country bar. They get to do lifts, which makes Chuck happy, because his size and strength is actually an asset here. So let's see how it all came together. Chuck is dressed like a cowboy (or leather king) in leather vest and jeans. He lassos Anna to start the dance and there's entirely too much funny business and not enough dancing for my tastes. And that kind of continues. I keep waiting for them to go into hold and do the "quick, quick, slow" step that I recognize from seeing people do the two-step before, but instead Chuck just kind of walks around the dance floor. He twirls Anna around a lot and then lifts her up in the air a few times, which looks fine, but is it dancing, really? Then again, since we weren't really given any parameters for this dance, I don't know what the judges will be looking for. But I didn't see any footwork or dancing in hold at all.
Len liked the lifts, but he points out that Chuck needs to improve his quality of dancing at some point. Bruno thinks Chuck brings carnage and mayhem to whatever he does, and yet it still looked like a two-step. Carrie Ann agrees, because she thinks that Chuck fit the dance and didn't let it beat him. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 6. Wow, those numbers don't really fit the comments. I think they're scared to give Chuck criticism to his face, because he might crush them.
Melissa and Mark are mugging it up for the cameras . Mark has a fake mustache on, and based on Melissa's outfit, they must be dancing the Charleston. Melissa interviews that she really wants to get into the 20s in her scores. Mark admits that he's never done the Charleston before in competition. So then they go to a 1920s club, which kind of just looks like someone's old house more than a club. Their dance starts out in black and white all old-timey, but I think Melissa's dress is way too short to be period appropriate. Frankly, it's too short period. And Melissa is just not graceful. I mean, she is performing the heck out of this dance, but I don't think you can teach someone to be graceful; either she is or she isn't. The routine is a lot of fun, but I can't wait to see the other couples do the Charleston.
Bruno thought he was taken back to the 1920s and Melissa nailed the role. Carrie Ann loved it and thinks they should take it on the road. She calls it a breakthrough. Len thinks they hit all three Es: energy, excitement, and entertainment. So they don't care that Melissa kind of looked like a kludgy elephant out there? Okay. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 10. Wow. I so disagree with those scores. I might have been able to get behind some 8s, but those scores were way too high.
Natalie Coughlin and Alec have been kind of the stealth couple this season, putting in good performances each week without getting the attention of some of the other couples. This week, they have the bolero, and Alec promises to really push Natalie and get her to loosen up and hopefully stop holding her breath. They've also decided to make their choreography more difficult to try to launch into the top spot. They argue over whether to take a chance and potentially move up the ranks, or keep it safe. I'm assuming they chose the former, although they don't really say. So Alec did a great job coming up with choreography that shows off Natalie's incredible flexibility and lines. Her arms are graceful. She has very few stumbles where it looks kind of awkward, but they're there. Again, not being familiar with this dance, I'm not really sure what I should be looking for though.
Carrie Ann was impressed with the difficulty, but she could see the struggle in the movements. Len loved the "beautiful, lyrical movement," but would have liked a little more romance and connection. Bruno compares Natalie to Sharon Stone: "beautiful and dangerous," but sometimes Natalie flails her arms around instead of placing them. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. I thought they deserved at least one 9.
Is there anything I want to see less than Aaron and Karina doing the lambada? I can't think of much. Perhaps harm coming to someone I love. But is there anything I want to see less on this show? Not really. Turns out Michael Irvin gave Aaron a buck up speech last week. Aw. That's kind of nice, actually. Karina tells Aaron he's sticking his ass out too much. She said ass! Isn't this a family show? Anyway, he wants to incorporate some gymnastics moves, so Karina takes him to a gym to work with a coach, since he's kind of rusty. Maybe they should spend more time actually dancing. Because he's not that good. Anyway, he starts their dance with a cartwheel and a back layout, but then he goes into a shimmy that looks terrible. He's still sticking his butt out. This dance is supposed to be sexy, but he just looks goofy. Maybe I would feel differently if I found Aaron to be one bit attractive. It does get a little better from there, though. There's some nice choreography, but it's not nearly as sexy as I would have expected for the FORBIDDEN DANCE.
Len liked Aaron's enthusiasm, but he thinks they should have spent more time on the rhythm and raunchiness and less on the gymnastics. Bruno loved how Aaron threw himself into it, but thought he didn't quite get the character and needs to make it sexier. Carrie Ann tells Aaron to chill out a little because he's a try-hard. That's exactly it. He's a try-hard and it turns people off. He has the dance skills but he's too frantic and it freaks people out. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6. Aaron promises he won't cry this time. Don't hurt yourself, dude.
Mark and Lacey have the two-step this week. There have been lots of rumors flying about online that these two don't get along, or at least that Lacey doesn't like Mark and isn't being professional about it. I don't know that those rumors are true, but I'm just putting it out there. Here's what's annoying about doing the two-step: everyone feels the need to talk in a fake bad Southern accent. Please don't do that, people. Lacey encourages Mark to lighten up and have fun instead of worrying so much about every single move. When their dance starts, I'm pleased to see that they actually do have a few measures done in hold, and Mark seems really into it. Like he's actually dancing and having fun instead of just doing the steps. And Lacey, to her credit, did a good job incorporating Mark's martial arts strengths into the routine.
Bruno tells Mark to have "a roll in the hay" more often, because his confidence and energy were much improved, although he did get off the beat in one section. Carrie Ann thanks him for connecting to his partner and to the music. Len loved the choreography, but he also liked that Mark wasn't just hanging out while Lacey did spins, but participating in the dance. I liked that too, Len. It didn't feel like Julianne style "girl flits around and dude stands there uselessly." Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 7. That's about right.
Kelly and Louis are up . Kelly made a bit of a comeback last week after faltering the week before. This week, they have the Charleston, and are dancing to the song "Cabaret." Kelly admits that she got the lead role in Chicago on Broadway, but she then lost the part because she couldn't dance. So she's got something to prove. Kelly cracks me up during rehearsal because she tells Louis to stop making made-up noises while he dances like "Bop boo bow! Bam boo bop!" So true. Every dance teacher I ever had did that, and it is kind of annoying. Anyway, their Charleston has a lot of props, which I could do without. I actually wish the tempo was a little faster because while the routine has energy, I think it could have even more. It feels just a touch slow to me. But it's great to see Kelly's joy at doing well.
Carrie Ann thinks watching Kelly is like watching a baby bird learn to take flight. Len loved her confidence and joy, and while he has some small improvements, he loved it overall. Bruno enjoyed the references to Jolson and Fosse throughout. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. I agree. Backstage, Louis says that his Joel Grey-like makeup was Kelly's idea and pretends like he doesn't love it. He peels off a fake eyelash. He's still creeping me out.
Joanna and Derek have the lambada this week. Derek jokes that the dance has "a lot of grinding and a lot of thrusting," take a beat and then, "I have the best job in America." He really is putting his everything all over Joanna in rehearsals. They are trying to up the difficulty of their routine to get their first 10. And then they go and volunteer with an animal organization, which I am all for, but you know... filler. Derek takes off his shirt before starting the dance, and the ladies squeal. I like their routine a lot more than Aaron and Karina's, for a few reasons. First, there seems to be actual dancing involved by both partners. Second, it's steamy but it feels like it's between two adults, whereas Aaron still looks like a kid to me. And third, it's just exciting to watch, thanks to Derek's choreography. And it is really hot.
Len jokes that he already knows what he wants for the encore, since Joanna started the routine feeling up on Len. He compliments Derek's choreography, although he felt it got repetitive. Bruno thought it was like "when animals get physical." Carrie Ann hopes that the children were in bed, and Tom quips, "I bet some of the adults are now." Tom! Dirty! Anyway, Carrie Ann concludes that it was "fueled by the crotch area" which is how it should be. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9.
Donny went crazy last week and made out with Bruno, and then in rehearsal, Kym explains what Bruno meant by "airy fairy arms." They have the Charleston this week. Donny gets frustrated when he misses steps. Like he falls on the ground and has a temper tantrum. How old is he? Anyway, his routine has a lot of energy, although at times Donny's facial expressions border on creepy for me. And also, he needs to work on his posture, because his shoulders tend to roll forward like a boxer's do. But his footwork is really good, and you can't deny that he's quite the performer.
Bruno thought Donny was a showman in his element, but his feet need to be sharper. Carrie Ann thinks Donny and Kym move well as a team, but she did notice that Donny stumbled a bit at one point. Len has nothing but praise. Do you think the judges got in trouble for being too mean or something? Because I can't believe no one mentioned his posture. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8. I seriously can't get over how overscored Melissa and Mark were.
The show comes back sort of abruptly, and suddenly Michael and Anna are in rehearsal with Tony, who is apparently some sort of bolero champion. Tony works with Michael on putting passion into his moves, and keeping eye contact and showing his connection with his partner. I think Tony actually really helps him. I think Michael probably needed a male coach to show him what's what. So how does it translate to the dance? Well, he definitely does a better job getting into the character of the dance and showing a connection with his partner. But he still has pancake hands, and he doesn't vary his facial expression that much. And he kind of just walks around and poses.
Carrie Ann saw the romance, and loves his commitment, but there wasn't enough dancing for her. Len thought this was the most difficult dance Michael has done, and this was definitely Michael's best routine so far. Bruno could see the romance, but wondered where the steps were. I do wonder if Anna didn't do a good job putting content into the dance, or if Michael's just not capable of doing more content. Scores: Carrie Ann 5, Len 6, and Bruno 5.
Tiny Louie and Chelsie are up . Can their obvious chemistry overcome what Len sees as a lack of finesse? This week, they have the two-step, which Chelsie has never done before. So they head to Texas to meet with Ty Murray, Chelsie's former partner, to help Louie learn to be more of a cowboy. And man, I thought Ty was kind of petite, but he seems to be a good three inches taller than Louie. So did that pointless exercise (other than seeing Ty again) help with the dance at all? Chelsie does a lot of turns and generally flits about, but Louie's footwork is atrocious. He's pigeon-toed, and they're dancing to "Sweet Home Alabama," which could not have a better two-step rhythm. And yet, Louie just walks randomly through the steps without any "quick quick slow" that I can see. Unlike Mark and Lacey, who really seemed to BOTH be doing the dance, Louie just seems like a platform for Chelsie to do all the turns and everything.
Len says it was a series of walks and then they stopped and Chelsie did something. So true. Len hopes Louie will knock his socks off week. Bruno thought the timing was dubious, and Louie tried to get through on his charm. Carrie Ann also thought the song was great, but Louie wasn't connected to the music, despite Chelsie's best efforts at distraction. So basically, what I said. It's nice to know I'm not totally crazy. Scores: Carrie Ann 5, Len 5, and Bruno 6. That's generous.
The final couple to dance tonight is Mya and Dmitry, who earned some 10s last week for their rumba. This week, they have the lambada, and Mya thinks Dmitry needs to simplify his choreography since that's what Len seems to want. They try to compromise, and I think it's awesome that he allows her input, and that she even knows enough about movement to have some input, especially for a type of dance that is new to the show. So when their routine begins, I worry that they are performing too much to the audience and not connecting with each other, but I think they do a better job of that as the routine goes on. And Mya can MOVE.
Bruno calls it "an erotic, exotic rollercoaster" that you would want to ride over and over again until you were "exhausted and exhilarated." How does he get away with calling her a whore every week? Carrie Ann loves that it was sexy, but also classy and sophisticated. Len thinks they're never boring, and he explains that he has high expectations for them, and was hoping for a bit more. And yet he gave Melissa and Mark a 9. I know I need to let that go. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 8, and Bruno 10. Well, I guess they're tied for the lead, which is fair. I still think Joanna and Derek should have been tied with them instead of Melissa and Mark.
So which couple will go home? That's a tough one because I think that the people with the lowest scores have pretty decent fanbases. Even Louie, who might not be that well-known before the show, probably has a lot of people voting for him because they think he's cute with Chelsie. So I'm going to go out on a limb and says that Aaron and Karina are going, although that's probably wishful thinking. I just can't stand that dude.
Here are your final scores:
Melissa and Mark: 28
Mya and Dmitry: 28
Joanna and Derek: 26
Natalie and Alec: 24
Donny and Kym: 24
Kelly and Louis: 23
Mark and Lacey: 22
Aaron and Karina: 18
Chuck and Anna: 17