Last night, your intrepid weecapper got dancer fatigue from having to watch so many couples perform. It was like the Bataan Death March of Ballroom. But tonight should be a little easier for me and boring for the average viewer, because it will be a lot of filler and a lot of waiting around to find out who's going home this week. And we'll find out LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
During the recap of last night's dances, I note that they emphasize Tom DeLay's "might become a stress fracture" injury again. First of all, I'm sure most of the celebrities have some sort of similar injury right now. I notice that Debi and/or the producers haven't brought up her neck injury, and I think Lacey did something too. I'm not one for conspiracy theories. It's more likely that the producers are trying to stay apolitical with DeLay, and outside of politics, they have nothing to talk about in his clip packages. Maybe?
Baz, subbing for Len, gets to announce who gets the encore, and it's Mya and Dmitry. I'm glad for the chance to see it again; they came later in the show last night, and I was worn out. Because it's really good! Mya might be the star that ends up looking like a pro by the end of the season. And yes, I know she has dance training, but as someone who took like five years of tap dancing, I can vouch that it's very different from ballroom. Sure, she has experience learning routines, but so do most of the athletes; they have to learn something about body control and repeating movements until they become muscle memory. Anyway, it's a nice jive and I think I overlooked it last night.
The huge number of couples makes the performance shows really tedious, but it also makes the results shows go by faster, because they have to start calling people safe right away. And here's who's safe this week: Donny and Kym, Mya and Dmitry, and Aaron and Karina. Michael Irvin is talking to himself. Is he praying? Also, what is up with Samantha's hair tonight? It's really flat on top and then all curly and frizzy on the sides. I don't get it.
Joss Stone returns to the show to perform the single from her album while some professional dancers (none of the show regulars) dance along. Whoa. One of Joss Stone's lady backup singers is SPECTACULARLY endowed. And she's wearing a belt, so her huge chest is only further emphasized. And then the camera was filming from below her and it actually scared me for a second. Wait, I also just realized that the male pro dancer has a mullet. Not even a mullet; I think he has like a tail. Maybe it's a fauxhawk? It's freaking weird.
Clip package on the new training center built just for this season. There's one room that has the same exact measurements and setup as the dance floor where the show is filmed and everyone fights over that. And since they're all training in the same place, they all get to hang out on breaks and such. And they all spy on each other. Apparently, this makes them more motivated. That was semi-interesting, but I wish it had been even more insider-y and behind-the-scenes. Like maybe have one of the dancers (Kelly Osbourne?) give a little tour and tells us the secrets of what happens in the studio. Right?
It's time to find out some more safe couples. Safe for this week are...Mark and Lacey, Natalie and Alec, and NOT Debi and Maks. They are still on the chopping block. For now.
You guys, Samantha's hair just gets crazier and crazier after every commercial break. It's totally frizzing out. I don't know if it's on purpose, or if it's really humid in the studio. Anyway, they talk about the Design-A-Dance contest, which will be a paso doble done to "Eye of the Tiger." Really, America? That's what we picked? We have no one to blame but ourselves. Anyway, Selena Gomez sang a song. So that happened. Derek and Karina came out and danced while she sang, which was pretty interesting to watch, and of course, because I'm a gossip, I wondered if it was originally supposed to be Maks and Karina and Derek had to step in. They dance really well together, though. Derek really has to do something about that hair though. It looks like a bowl cut when he's dancing.
Samantha interviews Natalie and Alec with Donny and Kym about such fascinating topics as "Is it tense waiting to hear who's safe?" and "Do you think anyone knows who's going home?" Great questions, Samantha. Really hard-hitting. And then Tom reveals that Joanna and Derek are safe, and so are Michael and Anna.
And keeping with the theme of moving right along, after the commercial break, we find out that Chuck and Anna are safe (and Mickey Rourke is there to cheer on his friend Chuck), and so are Melissa and Mark. Someone in the audience yells out that he loves Kelly and Tom says that the home voters did too, because Kelly and Louis are safe. And finally, Louie and Chelsie are still in jeopardy, along with Debi and Maks.
Then there's a clip package about the challenges the pros face with different kinds of stars. Models like to pose, so you have to figure out how to get them to dance in between poses. Actors have short attention spans. Lacey reports that Mark talks to himself instead of listening all the time. Mya has trust issues. Kelly is lazy. Natalie holds her breath like she's swimming. Louie has posture issues. And all of the celebrities have trouble with facial expressions. So the point is that the pros have to get rid of the bad habits before they can teach their partners how to dance.
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So now for something completely different: the music for this week's big dance segment will be provided by the USC Marching Band. They start out in the parking lot and march right into the studio. I love marching bands. I watch Drumline pretty much every time it's on. I kind of wish I'd had a marching band play at my wedding. Come on! That would have been awesome if right after, "I now pronounce you husband and wife," a marching band had burst into the ballroom and played our recessional song. Anyway, as the band plays, some breakdancers come out and do their thing, and then a step troupe comes out and does their thing, and then everyone dances together while the marching band plays. I think the performances this season have been better than ever -- really creative and original. Good job, producers! Now you just need to work on those clip packages and get rid of Samantha.
Joss Stone is back to sing "Son of a Preacher Man." Which is a great song, but Joss sort of surprisingly swallows the first verse and you can't hear it. Anna and Dmitry and Cheryl and Louis come out and dance to it. I think the tempo is sped up a little because Joss is having trouble with phrasing at times. And I don't think she knows the song that well. I don't mean to nitpick, but this is one of my favorite songs and I really thought Joss would kill it and she's... kind of not. The dancers finish with this really bizarre move where the two ladies are inside and the two men are outside like some kinky train move. I don't like it. It looks awkward. The rest of the routine is great, though; it's always nice to see the pros dance together.
Backstage, it's time for another one of Samantha's hard-hitting interviews where she asks Michael, Joanna, and Kelly, "How nervous were you out there?" Can't someone come up with a semi-interesting question?
Hey, remember the two couples that got the lowest scores? Well, Tom and Cheryl are safe, while Kathy and Tony are still in jeopardy. So that makes three couples in danger as we go to break.
Just as a refresher, the three couples still potentially going home are: Debi and Maks, Louie and Chelsie, and Kathy and Tony. One of them has escaped elimination, and that couple is... Louie and Chelsie. So that means that Debi and Maks and Kathy and Tony are the bottom two. They're not pulling any of that "in no particular order" bullshit this week. Samantha asks Carrie Ann if she's surprised at the results. Carrie Ann babbles something about the scores all being close, and how she thought Debi really sold her tango, but you never know.
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So who's going home? Kathy and Tony. Wow. Maks looked really nervous. I bet he was regretting yelling in Debi's face during rehearsal; you know that hurt them in the voting. Kathy really needs to start staying out of the sun; her face looks really sun-damaged in high def. Kathy has the usual nice words to say about her partner, Tony, and then they take their last dance. week: samba and rumba, and Len will be back. I missed the crazy old coot.
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