Monday night featured Tom Delay's ass-wiggling and nothing else all that memorable. Last night featured more memorable performances, both good (Kelly, Mya) and bad (Macy, Macy, and Macy). And tonight, one male and female couple will leave, and we'll find out all about it... LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Tom and Samantha intro the show and then ask Len who will do the encore. Except when they cut to Len, you can totally tell that it's Kelly Osbourne standing there. Oh well. Kelly and Louis are going to do their dance again. It's just as pretty as it was last night, and Kelly seems a little more relaxed, although the audience isn't quite as into it, and I think she feeds off the audience's energy a lot. But she's still adorable, and I can't wait to see what she does week.
Tom recaps the events of last night, with short interviews from the couples afterwards. My favorite is poor Jonathan with Macy. She talks and he just kind of looks at the camera like, "Do you see what I have to deal with here?" Tom reminds us that Derek and Joanna are at the top of the leaderboard for the female celebrities, and Aaron and Karina are at the top for the male celebrities.
And it's time to talk about the men, and which couple is going home. I'll tell you who's not going home... Louie and Chelsie. Joining them week will be Aaron and Karina. Wow. They just cut to Edyta and she. Looks. Pissed. I don't know if she just figures that she's going home or if she hates Ashley or what her deal is but she has the most sour look on her face.
Hey, remember that super annoying song "Beautiful Girls" that was popular a few summers ago? And the guy who sang it? Sean Kingston? Well, he's here to sing another super-annoying autotuned song. Some people come out to dance while he sings. I don't recognize any of them, which means it's entirely possible that they are on SYTYCD. You guys will understand if I fast-forward through this, right? Thanks.
Time for a pre-taped vignette called "Loser's Club" featuring the people who were eliminated in the first week in past seasons. It mostly features Jeff Ross, Kenny Mayne and Penn Jilette. Have you guys heard the story about Jeff Ross's elimination and why he was so upset? He told the whole story on one of Bill Simmons's podcasts, I think, and it was fascinating and hilarious. Basically, Jimmy Kimmel's Cousin Sal texted Jeff right before the results show and told him that he was safe, but not to say anything. Jeff assumed that Cousin Sal, who worked on Kimmel's show, which features the newly-eliminated dancers every Wednesday night, had insider information, and totally bought it. And then Jeff was eliminated, because it was all a prank. So Jeff was pissed and Sal wouldn't apologize and it caused quite the rift between the former friends. And do you know who healed that rift? Tom Cruise. I swear to God. They were all watching football over at Jimmy Kimmel's house on a Sunday (which they do every week) and Tom Cruise showed up with his mom and brought cupcakes (as you do). And Sarah Silverman (this was when she and Jimmy were together) decides they should hold a mock trial and let Tom Cruise be the judge of how to resolve the situation. So they did, and Tom Cruise decided that Sal should apologize. So he did, and now Jeff and Sal are friends again. Could I make that shit up? Anyway, you should hunt down the podcast (it's the August 6th podcast on that page), because Jeff told the story much better and with much more detail. So anyway, the three guys in this segment talk about how they take pride in being in the Loser's Club, and it's mildly amusing. I mean, I appreciate the effort. I'd rather see that than Sean Kingston singing again.
Three more couples will be revealed to be safe right now. The first is... Mark and Lacey. And the second is... Chuck and Anna. And the third is... Donny and Kym. So going home will be Tom, Michael, or Ashley. No surprise there, so at least it's not a shocking elimination.
Samantha is backstage to talk to Louie and Chelsie along with Chuck and Anna T. Chuck admits that he hasn't been that nervous in many years, because he never got nervous before fights. Louie is relieved to find out that he gets to stay so he can move forward. Chelsie adds that Louie has worked hard.
The nice thing about having so many couples is that the elimination results come fast and furious, because now we're going to find out which male celebrity is going home. The couple safe to dance week is... Tom and Cheryl. Well, boo. I mean, I'm not surprised, but I really didn't need to see anything more from him. So who's going home? The newest members of the Loser's Club are...Ashley and Edyta. Poor Edyta. Last season she went out first, too, right? Because she was Jeff's partner. Ashley says that he's grateful to even be on the show. Edyta is gracious as well. I think Edyta is wearing the adult version of my senior prom dress. Seriously, my dress was that same exact bright teal color, but this was in 1990. It wasn't a good look then, and it's really not a good look now.
Now it's time for the premiere of Miley Cyrus's video for "Party in the USA." I am only familiar with this song because, while I was on vacation and we only had non-cable channels, we watched a lot of Today Show in the mornings, and Miley was performing one morning. And she did this song. And it has been stuck in my head ever since. So I'm not going to listen to this video because I finally JUST got it out of my head. But I will watch it on mute. So as far as I can tell, Miley Cyrus goes to a drive-in during the daytime, which seems to defeat the purpose, and she wears cowboy boots with short shorts, which I thought went out in the '90s. And then she sings into a microphone that's hooked up to nothing and yet somehow everyone can hear her and her backup dancers are at least 40 years old. And then it's nighttime and she's standing on a swing (dangerous!) in the middle of the Thunderdome or possibly some playground equipment. Then she's up on stage in front of a giant American flag and singing in concert and writhing around, and all I know is if I had a preteen daughter I would try to keep her as far away from this shit as possible, but I know that's kind of impossible Whatever happened to Tiffany and Debbie Gibson is what I want to know? I'll take a good "Electric Youth" over this hypersexualized bullshit any day.
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You guys, what did Courtney Cox do to her poor face? I think she's been hanging out with Christa Miller too much. I do hope her new show, which has a horrible title, does well because I like that Busy Phillips. Anyway, let's find out which of the female celebrities are safe. The first safe couple is... Natalie and Alec. Also returning are... Mya and Dmitri.
Another pretaped segment, this one featuring Adam Carolla. Anyone who has read my weecaps before knows that I have a soft spot for him, so bear with me. So Adam (or rather his stunt double) rides in on a unicycle and then takes a coaching position in front of the male celebs to give them a pep talk. He says it's been four seasons since a man won the competition, and it was so long ago that "Len was in the Army, Carrie Ann was in diapers, and Bruno was in the closet. Possibly wearing diapers." Donny Osmond gives him lip, so Adam gets in his face and points out that Donny is 51 and maybe it's time we start calling him Don. After getting in the faces of some of the other dudes, Adam introduces the female celebs via photos on a blackboard. So then he just starts smashing stuff and screaming and tries to get the guys to put a hand in, but they all just get up and leave. Come on. Again, better than listening to Sean Kingston singing again.
The cast of The Lion King appears to do a routine to "Circle of Life." So you know, if you've seen the Broadway show, you know what this is about. Dancers. Puppets. Spectacle. It's actually quite cool visually, and I'm sure in person it's even more amazing.
It's time to find out three more couples that have made it through to the round. The first couple returning is... Melissa and Mark. The second is... Joanna and Derek. And the third is... Debi and Maks. Maks looks thrilled. I think he was really worried. So going home will be Kathy, Macy, or Kelly. Kelly looks like she's about to throw up.
Backstage, Samantha talks to Natalie and Mya. Natalie can't even talk, because she's still so nervous about the elimination. Mya admits that she's a little intimidated about going up against the guys for the first time.
Patrick Swayze tribute. Chelsie and Dmitri dance to "She's Like the Wind" first. Those two dance so beautifully together. up is real-life marrieds Jonathan and Anna T. waltzing to "Unchained Melody." Ooh, and they even make out a little at the end. Sexy! And then Cheryl and Tony reprise their dance from an earlier season to "Time of My Life," which is very much a tribute to the routine in Dirty Dancing. Like to the point where it's almost exactly the same, even the part where Tony jumps off the stage, and then the other dancers join him and they do the group dance back to the front. And then Cheryl runs out and does the big lift. It's nice. I'm glad they acknowledged Swayze's contribution to popularizing dance, especially partnered and ballroom dancing.
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Before they reveal who else is going home, Len talks about how all of the dancers are flowers in bud, and some bloom early and some bloom later, but they all form a nice bouquet. It's very distracting, because while Len is talking they keep cutting to tight close-ups of the remaining celeb's faces and yikes! Not flattering. So finally, they are going to reveal one more safe couple and then who is going home. Tom finally reveals that Kelly and Louis are safe. Not a surprise, but Kelly really looked like she was going to die out there. That was mean. So who's going home? Macy and Jonathan. Well, good. I mean, all reports are that she had a pretty bad attitude about having Jonathan as a partner, and he deserves better. And plus, she acted like she didn't care. Jonathan, of course, has really nice things to say about Macy, who admits that ballroom isn't her calling. The eliminated couples have their final dance. week: jive, quickstep or tango! See you then.
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see who vloggers Val and Beth think should be on the show in TV is the Answer!
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