Do you think there are people who watch this show because they love Samantha Harris? Not just the way she looks, but really love her and her personality? I just cracked myself up. Personality. Hee! Anyway, we're opening with an encore performance of Melissa and Tony's samba. I try really hard not to let my personal like or dislike of the people dancing affect my opinion of their routines, but I can't help it. I really don't like Tony. He just seems so smarmy. I'll admit that he's been better this season, but that's because he got a great partner. I would admire him more if he were fun and gracious when he had a sucky partner. You know who he kind of reminds me of? Duke from old school General Hospital. And as my best friend in seventh grade said of Duke, "Ew. He looks like he would have really bad breath." Anyway, the dance is really good but I don't know if it was worthy of a perfect score last night or tonight, but no one really asked me.
Last night, Ty did well with his tango, but his rumba was not great. He was pleased, though, because he thought his solo dance toward his wife Jewel might help him to get lucky. Dude, you're married. She's a sure thing. Anyway, Kim got called a tramp and then told she was too wild in her Latin dance, but she was happy with her scores. Gilles's rumba was too sexy and out of control for the judges, but his foxtrot got high marks. Shawn gets short shrift in the recap of her performance; she doesn't even get a hallway confessional. What's up with that? Carrie Ann told Melissa and Tony that they were flawless.
Jamie Cullum is here to perform a version of "I Get a Kick Out of You." I prefer the Billie Holiday version myself. A pro couple that I don't know come out to perform a quickstep, which has got to be tough because saying the arrangement is spare would be an understatement. There's barely any music, just singing and the occasional piano or bass riff. I have to admit that I had heard of Jamie Cullum before this but had not heard or seen him perform, and I'm quite impressed, but then again, I'm a fan of jazz piano, although I understand that he tends to do more reinterpretations of current songs when performing live. Anyway, it's something different and I'd rather see a hundred Jamie Cullums than an Avril Lavigne or an Ashlee Simpson. Or a Demi Lovato, to be in 2009 instead of 2005.
Hey, it's time for DanceCenter! They run down the first three contestants, but I'm totally distracted by the fact that Kenny Mayne (purposely, obviously) has orange pancake makeup on that stops at his chin line. Anyway, they start with Ty, and overdub some footage of him trying to do Latin with creaking metallic noises and then make his eyes glow red. Jerry Rice does his best Tracy Morgan and says that Ty is a killer robot come to destroy us all. As much as I love DanceCenter, it would be way better if Tracy Morgan were one of the hosts. up is Lil Kim, whose height, weight, and shoe size are all listed as "lil." Len tries to rap, with predictable results, and Kenny just cuts Len off every time he tries to talk. Kenny and Jerry do a riff on Kim making the most of her ass...ets. Finally, they talk about Shawn, and since she's still a kid, they probably don't want to rip on her too much, so they make fun of this weird face that Mark makes a lot, where he looks like a chipmunk, and then cut to footage of two chipmunks dancing together. Aw, cute animals. I could watch that all night. So the first round is over, and it was okay, but I feel like they were holding back a bit. Has DanceCenter lost its teeth?
After the break, it's time to reveal (in no particular order of course) the first couple that will be moving on to the semifinals. And that couple is...Gilles and Cheryl. Gilles is thrilled. He was obviously worried that he might be going home, and frankly, it was possible.
And we're back for the second half of DanceCenter. Melissa is up for review first. Her height and shoe size are listed as pretty. Kenny leads into a discussion of how Melissa was humiliated on national television...by Tony. Len defends Tony, but they use doctored up rehearsal footage to manufacture a case that Tony is bullying Melissa in rehearsals. All in good fun, Tony. Finally, they get to Gilles. Kenny complains that Gilles is prostituting himself and doesn't even have that great of a body. Cut back to the anchor desk, where all three men have removed their shirts. Len might have the best body of the three of them! Len! Who knew? I'm going to assume those are fake tattoos, since he's also wearing a thick gold chain, but whodathunk it? Kenny is just a lump of bread dough. And then that's it. Kind of disappointing, although better than yet another lame clip package.
It's time for the professional dance routine of the week. Samantha promises the biggest stars the ballroom has ever seen. I'm all confused when the Coldplay music starts playing. Are Coldplay performing live? Wouldn't that have been hyped more? As the camera pulls back so we can see the whole stage, there's no band. And then I finally figure it out -- they're dancing on a giant star-shaped sculpture set up in the middle of the floor. Get it? A giant star? I'm not that bright. So anyway, a bunch of people dance around, in, and on the star but as I've said before, I watch this show to see ballroom dancing, so it's not my favorite. I do enjoy the part at the end where they all dance in unison because any time you can get more than two people to dance in unison, I find it impressive.
The pro competition takes a twist this week, as each remaining potential pro has been paired with a celebrity from a past season to perform a routine. First up is Afton, who has been paired with Cody Linley. Their rehearsal time is cut into by Cody's responsibilities on Hannah Montana. Like Julianne, Afton has a hard time getting Cody to focus. So did her hard work pay off? Their samba begins. I'm looking for mistakes in Cody's part because I figure that is a result of lack of direction from Afton. The biggest problem he has is that his hands are pancake flat instead of Latin, and it's noticeable because his arms and legs are so long. I also don't see a lot of that typical samba rise and fall, but Cody doesn't screw up. I'm not crazy about the choreography, though. Len gives the first critique and says that he likes how Afton tried to eliminate Cody's stiffness. Bruno thought Afton brought out Cody's strength. Carrie Ann thought Afton did well also. Hmm. Maybe because they're not offering scores, they're also not going to be terribly critical? Because it was good, but it wasn't THAT good. Backstage, Cody has many compliments for Afton's teaching skills.
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After the break, it's time to find out one more couple that will be joining Gilles and Cheryl in the semifinals. And that couples is... Melissa and Tony. I will probably end up being totally wrong, but I really think that if Ty were staying, they would have revealed that he was safe already, to up the stakes.
Mayo and Lisa Rinna are the couple to perform. They rehearse the quickstep, and Lisa has trouble getting used to dancing with him, because he's so tall. Mayo realizes that he can get Lisa to do what he wants by telling her that she looks timid. I do wish sometimes they'd get more into the psychology of teaching the amateurs; maybe that could be a clip package, because I find that really interesting. So they start their quickstep. It opens with Lisa doing a cartwheel across Mayo's legs, and it looks quite awkward. Not sure if that's bad choreography or if it's Lisa's fault. They're dancing to a super-slow version of "Walking on Sunshine." And the routine is not very quicksteppy at all. It's kind of slow and sexy and a lot of it is done out of hold. Not my favorite routine. I'm such a negative nelly. [Loved Tom's comment that he had been seeing a lot of Lisa lately... in a nod to her Playboy spread. -- Angel] Judges? Bruno thinks Mayo took advantage of Lisa's assets. Carrie Ann thought it was a little out of control at times. Len liked that they pushed the boundaries. Really? Len liked that they pushed the boundaries? Backstage, Lisa plugs how patient Mayo was with her. Ooh, Lisa has had more work done since I last saw her. Her face is looking really pinched. I don't even think her lips are bigger, which is her usual change; I think she's had a lift or something. She's beautiful; she needs to stop screwing up her grill.
The final potential pro couple is Anna and Maurice. In rehearsal, Maurice admits that he's never done the tango before, and that's what they're doing. Anna wonders why he picked that one, but Maurice says it will test her teaching ability. Anna is a taskmaster, but Maurice admits she's not as bad as Cheryl. Anna takes responsibility for Maurice's performance, so let's see it! Maurice's posture and frame look great, but he's a little flat-footed, and this is a dance that requires great footwork. His facial expressions are good, though, and he doesn't screw up. Given how long it's been since these celebs have been in training, that impresses me. Carrie Ann thought it was great, and even says that they could head to the semifinals. Len thinks Anna brought the most out in her celebrity of anyone. Bruno thinks Anna is a miracle worker because Maurice has never looked better. Ooh. That's kind of a burn on Cheryl, no? Backstage, Maurice says that Cheryl and Anna are both great teachers. Samantha totally bumbles her question to Anna. What a pro. Tom explains week that the last two potential pros will be paired with a current pro and have to choreograph both a Latin and a ballroom number.
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Tom is ready to reveal the couple that will be heading to the semifinals. And that couples is... Shawn and Mark. That means Lil Kim and Derek and Ty and Chelsie are in the bottom two. Are they? I thought this was in no particular order? I don't really care, but they make such a big deal out of it and now I'm confused. [They brought back the red lights, so I think it was the bottom two officially, but it seems like they change their minds week to week. -- AC] After the break, they ask the judges what they think. Len says that he's enjoyed seeing Ty grow as a dancer, and he thinks they'd miss Kim's bionic booty. So who's going home? After a lot of time-killing, Tom reveals that Kim and Derek are going home. The audience is shocked, and there are boos. Even Ty and Chelsie look crushed. Kim tells Samantha that this has been one of the greatest experiences of her life, and she thinks she brought new viewers to the show. Tom tells Kim very sincerely that he loved watching her dance. Derek tells Kim he loved dancing with her, and they head out for their final dance. Derek picks Kim up and spins her around as the credits roll. Aw. I'm sad to see her go, especially ahead of Ty.
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