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We're halfway through the competition! And Tom is setting up Gilles to be the frontrunner, and from what I've heard about his rehearsals this week, they've got nothing to worry about. So this week, people are either dancing the jive or the rumba, and it looks like lots of people fell down during rehearsal. I think they should do an America's Funniest Home Videos homage with Tom and show people falling down or getting hit in the nuts. It couldn't be worse than some of the other wacky ideas this show has put together. Well, whatever they do show, it's all going to be done LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Enter the dancing couples! It's funny to me how you can totally tell based on the costumes who's dancing the jive and who's dancing the rumba. Cute, short skirt, possible '50s influence = jive and flowy/sexy gown with sparkles and lace = rumba. I'm not sure how it's the halfway point of the show given that there are eight remaining contestants out of thirteen. Is my math off? I guess it's halfway chronologically if not in terms of the number of contestants eliminated, since more than one couple goes to the finals.
Ty and Chelsie are up first. Ty did not fare so well last week. Ty earns my love when he says in the confessional that the audience boos the judges, but the judges are usually right. Thank you! Shut up, audience. Or as Celebrity Apprentice's Herschel Walker would say, "Jest shet up!" So Chelsie is trying to get Ty to loosen up his upper body during rehearsals. She brings in a mini-trampoline and a hula hoop so that he can practice his bouncing and hip action. Ty promises that he might not be good, but he will always try as hard as he can. Well, that will earn him some votes at least; the audience loves it when you try and don't act too cool for school, Kim Kardashian. Their cowboy-themed routine starts out with a lot of Ty standing around while Chelsie dances around him, but they manage to make it work thematically, like Ty is the cool cowboy who is enticed into dance by Chelsie. Once he does start dancing, it's not terrible, although he has a grimace on his face like he's bracing himself. In the middle, he gets a little lost but he manages to get back on track within about an eight-count, and they finish strong. It's not great; it's better than last week.
Len thinks Ty looks bewildered, and he gives it his all, but it wasn't that good. Bruno thought the non-jive portions were good, but the jive portions were all wrong. Carrie Ann thought it was exciting, but this dance doesn't play to Ty's strengths. In other words, the judges really like Ty, but it's getting to the point where his lack of skill has to come into play. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6. Ty says it's four points better than the first week.
Mark and Shawn got great marks with their waltz last week. This week, they have the rumba which is another romantic dance. It always freaks me out a little bit when Mark speaks with his native British accent because I forget that is his normal accent. It always sounds like a put-on. Anyway, Shawn never got to go to her prom, so Mark puts together a prom for her in the rehearsal studio. And I guess that helps? I don't know. Anyway, their rumba is surprisingly awesome. It starts with Shawn dancing alone, and she looks graceful instead of what sometimes comes off as gymnastic floor routine posing. And she sells the routine, which she hasn't done for me yet this season. I buy that she's romantically interested in Mark, not in a searing hot Gilles/Cheryl way, but in a natural way. Her moves look great, and the chemistry is there, but it's not ooky. They hit just the right pitch.
The audience gives them a standing O. Bruno thought it demonstrated the innocent side of romance, with a little bit of the devil, which isn't bad. He just wanted a little more hip action. Carrie Ann could tell Shawn was uncomfortable in the beginning. Really? I didn't see it, but I'm not there. Len thought they got the heat of the performance just right. Hey, that's what I said! I could sub in for Len! Except that I know absolutely nothing about dance except for what I've picked up watching this show, which is just above zero. Backstage, Mark emphasizes that he tried to keep it fun and age-appropriate. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 9, and Bruno 9. I thought that was actually underscored, and I don't even like Mark.
LT and Edyta are up . Edyta is working really hard to act all smiley and like she wants to be there. LT has the jive this week. She looks so beat down in their rehearsals and LT is just yelling and swearing all over the place. So they bring Warren Sapp back to try to cheer the place up a little bit. Warren encourages LT to show his personality during the routine and it seems to work a little bit. LT seems like he's having fun for the first time all season. Will it carry over to their routine? Oh, no. Edyta has gone back to the weird legwarmer things. Along with her high ponytail, she kind of looks like a pony. Their routine is not bad. I think LT responds a lot better to the upbeat, old school songs. It's just a little rote. You can see LT counting in his head. There's just no joy, and now that I have Warren Sapp in my head, I can't help but compare the passion of the two football players, and LT is lacking.
Carrie Ann thinks LT has his groove back, and she likes him having fun. She does scold Edyta for an unnecessary lift since Edyta did a back flip. Len enjoyed seeing the lighter side of LT's personality, and wishes he could be a little lighter on his feet. Bruno thinks Warren really helped, and LT was hitting his counts all the way through. Did we see the same performance? Maybe the judges are trying to be nice so that they won't encourage people to vote for LT because they think the judges are picking on him. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7, and Bruno 8. That's their best score yet. Maybe I'm letting my annoyance for LT's attitude get in the way. LT says that Warren reminded him to have fun out there.
Melissa and Tony made some mistakes last week but managed to finish their routine anyway. Tony opens by making a comment about Melissa pretending she's wearing a big engagement ring to get her hand position right, and you can imagine how that goes over. Anyway, Tony explains that the rumba is romantic and sexy, and Melissa worries that she'll have a hard time getting into character because Tony is such a goofball. But Tony is really pleased with how well she picks up the routine and the character. So their routine is done to "If I Were A Boy" by Beyonce, and I don't normally comment much on the quality of the music, but the singer is just killing this song and I don't mean that like TJ Lavin on Real World/Road Rules Challenge where he's giving a compliment. I mean it in the sense of, "This song might never be able to be sung again, because she has murdered it and buried it in the ground." So that's a problem. And then the routine itself just doesn't do it for me, and I actually blame the choreography more than the execution. There's no story to the rumba, and no passion, and it doesn't flow very well. Not my cup of tea.
Len thought it was clean and precise with interesting choreography, but he thought it could have been more earthy and less balletic. Bruno demonstrates the beautiful shapes that Melissa creates and nearly knocks Len out in the process. He wants to see "Melissa the Maneater" and I turn to my husband and go, "Manatee?" and he says, "Anteater?" and we laughed for like twenty minutes. Carrie Ann also liked it but has some specific criticism about hips and weight and feet and whatnot. Tom takes a moment to recognize the band, which is bad timing, because that was baaaaaaaaaaaad. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. Overscored. Shawn and Mark were better. Before they go to break, Tom has to tell Bruno they can't have a conversation right now because he has a show to do. Love Tom.
Lil Kim and Derek's intro gets cut off by a local news update, but I quickly pick up that Kim and Derek are getting along really well. Derek hopes to knock Gilles off the top spot by adding more "flavor" but Kim has trouble getting into character. So they go to a '50s diner. Please. She's never watched Happy Days or whatever? Derek dances with some female baby boomers to show Kim how it's done. Okay. So. Their routine is to "Jailhouse Rock." And Kim, the ex-con, who dedicated her first routine to her girls in the Correctional Facility, is dressed as a prison guard while Derek is an Elvis-style prisoner trying to break out. I mean, it's a great routine. But I can't decide if the whole metaness of it is awesome or distasteful. I think I'm going with awesome. That is balls-y. And Lil Kim is nothing if not ballsy. I just don't know how it will fly with the voters. Anyway, the routine is really great and exciting, with a few glitches in the middle where Kim misses a step. But overall, it's quite the amazing performance with some great choreography by Derek as usual.
The audience loves it, cheering loud and long. Bruno tells Kim to arrest him and frisk him because he's guilty of loving her routine. Carrie Ann stands up and screams and says it was amazing. Len loved the energy but thought the vamping around for the story meant that some of the jive went missing. Len was missing the actual dance content. Scores: Carrie Ann 10, Len 8, and Bruno 10. Wow, Len wasn't kidding when he said he was missing the jive content. I think Samantha just called him a poopy head. Seriously. She's been spending too much time with her baby.
I kind of forgot Steve-O was still on the show. Last week, he got super low scores but didn't even end up in the bottom two. This week, he has the rumba, and Lacey says that they have to create romantic chemistry since they have a brother-sister relationship. During rehearsal, Steve-O picks his nose, itches his butt, and he farts. For some reason, it makes me laugh when she says it smells like mildew. What can I say? I'm easy. Lacey lets Steve-O bring his little dog in, and he has more love for his dog than he ever did for Lacey. So can he pull it off? You know what Steve-O's biggest problem is in this routine? His hand positions. He keeps his hand flat and it contributes to him looking stiff and uncoordinated, when his body movements are actually not that bad. He's got his chest out and he does a decent job acting out the "story" of the dance. I mean, it's not great, but if he could just get those hand positions right, I think it would be a lot better. That said, Steve-O kind of just walked through that routine instead of dancing it.
Carrie Ann thought it was "oddly mesmerizing," and I'm not sure that's a compliment. She likes how he commits to the dance and is honest and vulnerable. Len thinks that this was movement and not dancing, since there was no hip action and no footwork. Bruno says, "Thank God for racy Lacey!" Bruno compares Steve-O to a confused puppy, and people respond to that, but the dancing is bad. I don't get why they are so mean to Steve-O but kind to Ty and LT, who I think are nearly as bad. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 4, and Bruno 5. Whoa. Len, seriously? Damn. It wasn't THAT bad.
Gilles and Cheryl have the penultimate dance this week. Wonder why they're not holding him off for last? Maybe they don't want to make it seem like the winner is a foregone conclusion? Cheryl advises Gilles that he needs to be fun this week, but when he tries, she tells him that he has to try to look cool. I seriously could not deal with Cheryl's teaching style. It seems to work for Gilles, obviously, but she's kind of mean and bitchy. I would need more of a Derek, who seems encouraging and positive. Gilles and Cheryl go play indoor soccer. I guess there's a kick connection? Anyway, their jive is freaking amazing. The one thing that strikes me initially is that, unlike just about all of the other celebrities, Cheryl is comfortable letting Gilles dance alone, and he can pull it off. Usually it's the pro who gets a solo move while the celebrity stands by and snaps his or her fingers or whatever. And this routine is FAST! There's a ton of content and I don't know how Gilles and Cheryl don't have a coronary. There's one tiny moment in the middle where Gilles gets a little off the beat but he fixes it pretty quickly, and I think the intensity didn't quite hold up throughout the whole routine. But other than that, it was really amazing, and probably even better than Kim and Derek due to the increased content.
Len enjoyed the footwork, but he did catch a slip-up, and thought it was frantic like their paso doble. Tom makes a joke about Len being old. Bruno thought it was "fast and furious" and tells him to watch out for losing the sharpness with the speed. Carrie Ann likes that Gilles is multifaceted, but thinks he needs to watch his arms. Man! I am crazy tonight. Usually I tend to agree with the judges for the most part, but tonight it's all off. And at least they didn't do a '50s theme, which it seems like everyone else does with the jive. Backstage, Gilles says that this was the hardest routine he's ever done. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9. Man! I still think it was underscored. I don't think Melissa and Tony were better. Maybe they're just trying to keep it interesting, because if Gilles is on top every week, it's boring.
The final couple to perform is Chuck and Julianne. The judges liked them last week, but I thought they were boring, especially for Julianne. This week, they have the rumba. Chuck talks about how he feels pressure to show chemistry with Julianne, since they are together. Julianne has a hard time getting Chuck to follow her instructions because he thinks she's being mean. He's kind of a baby. So they go to the site of their first date and relive it, which seems to help. At least for the purposes of this clip package. But Chuck really needs to cut it with all this "be a man" stuff, because it's lame. So their routine starts and Chuck, the man, is wearing a sheer black lace shirt with sparkles. I can't believe he agreed to wear that one. Julianne is dressed in lingerie. Seriously. With thigh high stockings. They dance to "She Will Be Loved" and in my head this makes me think of two things: 1) Ryan Gosling and Rachel McAdams accepting the MTV Movie award for Best Kiss (and if you haven't seen that clip, Google it, because it is HOT) and 2) that I always used to sing the words "There wiiiiiiiilll be blood!" in honor of the movie every time I heard it. So I'm not really thinking about romance. Anyway, their routine is probably the best they've ever done. There's not a ton of dancing, but I can see the chemistry for the first time.
Bruno thinks that they turned on "the raunch factor," and that there were technical problems, but they're headed in the right direction. Carrie Ann is fanning herself from the sexiness, and agrees with Bruno about technique. Len thought that parts of it were "more suitable for the bedroom than the ballroom," and he thinks Chuck is uneven. Len liked Shawn's understated sensuality better than this routine, but Bruno disagrees. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7, and Bruno 8. I think Julianne is so over this competition. She just doesn't seem into it anymore. Not as much as Edyta, but still.
So here are the final scores, and my prediction of who will be going home is LT.
Kim and Derek: 28
Melissa and Tony: 27
Shawn and Mark: 26
Gilles and Cheryl: 26
Chuck and Julianne: 23
LT and Edyta: 22
Ty and Chelsie: 18
Steve-O and Lacey: 16
Is there anything sadder than watching has-beens dance to regain their popularity? Our vlogger investigates.