Last night, the judges actually delivered some criticism and the audience booed like the judges just insulted their mothers or something. Tom delivers an interesting factoid: only one of the remaining couples has been in the bottom before tonight. That says to me that the wheat is being separated from the chaff, and the losers have been jettisoned.
The episode starts right off with an encore from Lil Kim and Derek, but Len doesn't even get to introduce it, which feels weird. I think it's amazing that Kim is able to look so lyrical and flowy when she does not have the body type for it. I mean, Stacy Keibler could have beautiful lines if she were raising her hand in a classroom, but Kim is short, and as such has short arms and legs, but she still manages to really extend them and make it look good.
Anyway, after that weirdo opening, Tom and Samantha try to start the episode, but Kim and Derek are still standing on the dance floor behind them doing twirls and waving to the audience and it's all very distracting. I don't like it. Poor shot setup by the producers - they should have had Tom and Samantha standing somewhere so that you couldn't see the dance floor behind them, assuming Kim and Derek have to stay on the floor for whatever scheduling reason.
So what happened last night? Oh, you didn't watch? Luckily, there's a weecap detailing all the happenings only a click away. Rather than rehash that mess, I'll just fill you in on any new information given out in this segment. Steve-O is in good spirits in the confessional, considering he got the lowest score of the evening. The fact that LT and Edyta have zero chemistry is their biggest problem, in my opinion. Ty has a laugh over being accused of being robotic. If he by some miracle got to do a freestyle, I'm sure he would incorporate the robot. DAG feels like a stepchild or an old wet food stamp. At least that's what I think he said. Chuck is pleased with his higher scores. And that's it, because he's dull. Melissa got her heel caught in her dress and she ripped it. Wow, I totally missed that. Good cover. My esteemed editor Angel totally called it that Melissa was looking very Bollywood last night. Derek and Kim got tons of compliments from the judges. Shawn apologizes to Mark for being less than perfect. Gilles almost earned another perfect score, if not for Len the grump. Various couples discuss how they don't want to be in the dance-off, but if called, they will serve.
I usually don't care about people's body sizes, because some people are naturally skinny and some are not, but Samantha is really starting to make me feel weird inside, because she's so angular. Anyway, let's find out who's safe. The first safe couple is Shawn and Mark, and the second is Lil Kim and Derek.
Okay, I know I've already taken one shot at Samantha's appearance tonight, but I've got to say this too. Her dresses are looking less and less like the red carpet and more and more like the junior prom in Jersey. That's probably not Samantha's fault, but what is up with the fugly coral number she's wearing tonight? And the fake tan? Ugh. In happier news, Etta James is on hand to show Beyonce what's up and sing "At Last." This song always makes me have butterflies, because I walked down the aisle to it at my wedding. That opening still takes me back to standing outside the room, doors closed, trying not to faint. And let me tell you, Etta looks amazing and can still bring it. Maks and Karina come out to do a routine to the song. Karina's hair is straight and it looks SO much better. I have to say, for an engaged couple, they don't have great chemistry when they dance together. Maybe they save it for their alone time. They both seem very focused on the audience instead of on each other, and I don't dig the choreography. They kind of look like two storks in some bizarre mating ritual. And they end on my least favorite dance conclusion: walking slowly off the floor, arm-in-arm.
Samantha is backstage with Ty and Chelsie. Ty says stiffly that if he's in the dance-off, he will try to loosen up. I think he might need to do a shot of liquor. Steve-O informs us that his dad is some sort of math genius and has figured out exactly what kind of voting Steve-O needs to be safe. That was weird. Why were those two couples interviewed? Don't they usually interview the two safe couples?
Speaking of safe couples, Gilles and Cheryl are safe. No shocker there. You know if Gilles were being eliminated, they would have teased the shocking elimination. You know who else is safe? Steve-O and Lacey. They look as surprised as anyone Edyta looks like she's just thinking, "Kill me now and end my misery." She really could not look any less happy to be there.
After the break, Samantha and Tom are ready to reveal two more safe couples. The first one is... Chuck and Julianne. Chuck actually looks happy. That's the most personality I've seen from him so far. Also safe are... Melissa and Tony. As the last three couples stand there and wait, DAG cracks me up because he's totally hiding behind Kym.
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Samantha throws it to a clip package about how the stars' lives have changed since joining the show. Ty went from the ranch to the makeup chair. DAG jokes that several dance companies have contacted him. Steve-O is just out of rehab. LT has learned to fit his life in around dancing. Shawn practices six hours per day. Gilles sees more of Cheryl than anyone else in his life. They all agree that they don't have enough time with day jobs or family. They all also agree that they're overwhelmed with thoughts of dancing, and they want to keep going. Okay, then.
It's time for the Stars of Dance performance. This week, we're treated to a performance from the cast of La Reve (at least that's what I think Samantha said). (She did. Just a coincidence that Maksim choreographed part of that show? -- Angel) Okay, you guys, I have no idea what's happening right now. There's a couple doing semi-traditional ballroom dancing in the middle and then around the outside are some big white dudes dressed in what seems to be traditional Pacific Islander garb? And then in the back are some groups of dudes dressed all in black who are doing basket tosses like in the final performance of Bring It On. Rinse, remix, and repeat. Maybe I'm uncultured but I just don't get this. I like my dancing traditional. Give me a quickstep any day. It ends and I am still confuzzled.
Okay, I understand Hannah Montana/Miley Cyrus even if I disagree with the whole concept. I'm down with the youngsters. I've watched eight million episodes of iCarly with my nephew. But I do NOT get Demi Lovato. She can't sing. Is she like low-rent Miley? Because isn't Miley already low-rent Miley? Did we really need a bargain basement version? Anyway, she "sings" and there's "dancing" and whatever. The only thing that keeps me from fast-forwarding through it is A) professionalism (ha!) and B) what is someone falls down and I miss it? Sadly, no one does fall down. (The only thing that made me sit through it was that Lacey's better brother Benji was dancing... but I had to cover my ears because that Demi girl sucks. -- AC)
Samantha is backstage to talk to Melissa and Tony. Melissa has had a spray tan problem in her cleavage. Look, I just report the news. Samantha asks Chuck and Julianne if they have a home field advantage because they'll have the rumba week and they're, you know, not doing it because she's Mormon and all, but maybe they've made it to second base. Chuck hopes that their routine will make Carrie Ann stand up and squeal.
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So who is in the bottom two? Well, it's not Ty and Chelsie. That means DAG and Kym and LT and Edyta are in the dance-off. First to repeat their routine are DAG and Kym and their crazy feather fans. DAG really puts his all into it. At first, he was doing that weird thing where he looks up and off into the distance, but then he started actually looking at Kym and it got a lot better. He was making facial expressions! That matched the music. Judges? Len says he enjoyed it last night and he thinks it was a little more expressive tonight. Bruno says that they worked well under pressure. Carrie Ann saw an improvement in their connection and the emotion of the dance. Backstage, DAG jokes that he was planning from the first week to be in the dance-off this week. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8, and Bruno 8 for a 24, which is two higher than they had last night.
Now LT and Edyta have to reprise their paso doble. It starts out a little shaky, but by the end I see the intensity that I didn't see from them last night. The audience doesn't seem all that thrilled. Bruno thinks LT has even more potential but he needs to match his intensity in the second half with the first half. Carrie Ann thinks the music was difficult, so she compliments his ability to stay with it. Len agrees about the music, and thinks LT could do even better with better music. Edyta looks seriously miserable. I don't know what's up with her. Backstage, LT is smiling and laughing but he can't quite articulate why. Edyta says she's stressed out about being in the dance-off. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 7, and Bruno 7. So they got a 20, which is equal to what they got last night. So now they have to do the math during the break, and then we'll find out who's going home.
And it's time for the big announcement! Seriously, Edyta looks like she's about to cry. But who's going home? DAG and Kym. Edyta looks truly sad about it. I don't know if she's sad because she liked them or because she wanted to go home. The audience gives DAG a standing ovation. DAG says that it has been great dancing with Kym and enjoying the camaraderie backstage. Tom asks Kym about how DAG freaked her out in the beginning. She says that she just didn't get him at the beginning, and then they send them out for their last dance. See you week!
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