In the introduction, Tom points out that everyone had just five days to learn a new routine, so everyone is on an equal playing field. And we'll be watching it LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE! I think that's the first LIIIIIIIIVE of the season, isn't it? They changed the opening in episodes so that we didn't hear it. I missed it.
As the couples are introduced, the people coming down the right hand stairway start going way too fast, so that by the time Shawn and Mark are introduced, they're already down the stairs and walking across the dance floor, and you can barely see Shawn over the audience members' heads. It was so weird that I had to rewind and my husband and I analyzed what just happened like we were John Madden with the telestrator: "No, see, right here, they're like halfway down the stairs as they're being announced and you can see Shawn and Mark behind them! So then by the time they cut back, Shawn and Mark are on the last step." This is the exciting life that we lead.
Maks and Denise are leading off this week with their samba. Last week, Denise improved in her second routine. In rehearsals, Maks encouraged Denise to get out of her head and feel the music instead of worrying about the steps. To get her to lighten up, Maks dressed up in a ruffled hot pink dress and Carmen Miranda hat to get her to laugh. They begin their routine and it starts out pretty nicely, and I remember why I really like the samba. But when they break out of hold, and Denise is on her own, it goes horribly wrong. I can't pinpoint what her problem is, but it's like she's not hearing the music and has no musicality at all. Once Maks gets her back in hold, she does a little better, but now she's ahead of the beat and it looks like she knows she screwed up, so she's totally in her head instead of just dancing. She just doesn't look like she's having any fun at all out there; she seems grimly determined.
While waiting for the judges, Tom tells Maks that he's a really ugly woman. Len says that samba is a tough dance, and it wasn't great, but he thought it was good. Bruno thought it was "so flat and full of holes" that it was a waffle instead of a samba, and he hopes Denise will do better in the future. Carrie Ann says that Denise has no poker face and looks terrified (My husband: "This just in: Denise Richards not a good actress"), and she needs to work on her hands and arms. Tom cracks a joke about Carrie Ann's new long bangs blocking her vision. Scores: Carrie Ann 5, Len 6 and Bruno 5. Here's how hated Denise is -- the audience doesn't boo those terrible scores.
After commercial, Carrie Ann has popped a curler into her bangs to keep them up out of the way. But Chuck and Julianne are . Last week, the judges thought Julianne did all the dancing, which is not a change from her partners, so I'm not sure what the big deal was. In rehearsals, Julianne decides to take a more teacher-like role and it seems to be working, at least in the footage we see. So they start the foxtrot. Well, there's definitely more dancing by Chuck this week. It's okay. He actually reminds me of Adam Carolla as a dancer. He can remember the steps, but there's a lack of posture and grace at times.
Bruno makes some slightly gross and uncomfortable metaphor about Chuck finally driving stick shift. Carrie Ann thinks Chuck looks like a contender and he needs to work on his posture when they're not in hold. Len liked their hold and posture, but he needs to work on straightening his knees. He thought it was good, but not great yet. The audience boos, which I don't get, because that wasn't that bad. Julianne does a cute little dance on her way backstage that shows me that she actually does care about how she does this season. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7 and Bruno 8. Julianne is thrilled, and she even yells at Chuck for not being excited enough.
Holly and Dmitry are up . Last week, she got dinged for her poor posture. In rehearsals, they get frustrated with each other because she's not getting it and he thinks she's not trying hard enough. I have to say, Holly is a lot younger than I thought. Seeing her while flipping past The Girls Door, I seriously always thought she was in her 40s. Holly does great dancing when she has to shake her boobs or her butt, but when it comes to doing actual dance steps, she's kind of terrible.
Carrie Ann thought it was rough to watch, because Holly's body doesn't work together. Carrie Ann wants her to work on her strength, so she doesn't rely on Dmitry so much. And Carrie Ann also notes that there was a lift (although I thought there was one in Julianne's routine that she didn't say anything about). Len thinks it was like a match: "hot at the top, wooden in the bottom," and she needs to work on her footwork. Len stole Bruno's analogy thunder, so he just agrees on the footwork issue and says that Holly is pretty. That's damning with faint praise. Scores: Carrie Ann 5, Len 6 and Bruno 6. Backstage, Dmitry kind of doesn't deny that he'd rather be dancing with Jewel and Holly looks like she's going to throw up. Damn. Tom even takes note of it.
Last week, Steve-O was in the hospital, so he had to be judged on his rehearsal footage. In rehearsals, Lacey thinks of ways that they can practice without further straining Steve's back. Steve still gets frustrated when he can't quite get the moves. They start the routine, and Steve-O's back is really stiff, and he looks like Pee Wee Herman. I would say he's worried about aggravating his injury, but he was like this in week one, before he got hurt. And then in the middle, he forgets some steps and it's really obvious. The crowd really wants him to do well, cheering when he gets back in step. At the end, they're supposed to run over and sit on the steps, but Steve-O slips and grimaces as he wrenches his back. Both Lacey and Tom ask him multiple times if he's okay, and he says he's okay multiple times, but I don't think he is.
Len starts by saying that the O in Steve-O's name stands for Ovation, because he came out and tried to dance a proper foxtrot, even if he lost it a few times in the middle. Bruno thought Steve-O started well and then fell apart. The audience starts booing, but Bruno says it's true. Carrie Ann is impressed, because she can see that he's in genuine pain, and yet he's still trying to improve. Backstage, Steve-O says that he drew a blank in the middle. Scores: Carrie Ann 5, Len 5 and Bruno 5. Oof. Gilles is behind them urging people to call in for Steve-O. That's sweet.
Lawrence Taylor improved with his quickstep last week, so this week he's going to tackle (groan!) the samba. In rehearsals, LT struggled with learning the routine in the shorter prep time, so he asked Edyta if they could stay longer. He's even given up golfing so that he can practice! They start their samba, and it's a lot of fun! LT is moving and grooving around the floor. There's a little part where I think he forgets a move, but he covers well and the last half is great. My only quibble was that I didn't see as much up-and-down motion as a samba might require, but compared to what we've seen so far, it was really great. Definitely reminiscent of Emmitt Smith in his season, in terms of contagious fun.
It takes a while for the audience to calm down enough to let the judges speak. Bruno tells LT not to doubt his abilities and have more fun. Carrie Ann thinks he looks more comfortable and confident, and should tackle (there it is again) more difficulty. Len thinks he works hard and keeps up with Edyta, but he needs more hip action. Tom makes his obligatory comment about Edyta's lack of clothing, and I love Tom, but that joke's getting a little old. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6 and Bruno 7. Wow, I thought their routine was at least as good as Chuck and Julianne's, if not better.
Shawn and Mark have been impressing the judges, so they've got a lot to live up to this week. Shawn video chats with her friends, and they squeal a lot. In rehearsals, Shawn tried to learn how to be smooth and elegant, since that's what the foxtrot requires. Their foxtrot is really beautiful. I can't find many nits to pick about it. I do notice that Shawn is sometimes pigeon-toed, but that was like one foot placement.
Carrie Ann can't stop gushing over the routine, and says Shawn was gliding like she was on ice. Len thought it was fluid and it was their best dance so far. Bruno says it was like "watching a beautiful, bejeweled hummingbird." Tom thought he said "hamburg," and I admit that I had to rewind it and turn on the captioning to figure that one out as well. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9 and Bruno 9.
Last week, Gilles and Cheryl got the highest scores given at that point. Gilles feels like he needs to perform better than others because no one knows who the hell he is. In rehearsal, Cheryl is super mean! I'm sure that works with some people, but it would just piss me off. Gilles' mom came from France to watch him rehearse, and she gets verklempt at how beautifully he dances. So the samba begins with some crazy bum-shaking, and then some crazy shoulder-shaking. More than anyone we've seen, Gilles seems to get that whole up-and-down movement thing, as well as great hip action. There's one sequence where he glides down the side of the floor, beckoning to the audience, and golly, he's pretty. And moves well. I have to give Cheryl her props, too -- the choreography fits the song perfectly. I would like to see more actual dancing in hold from them, but I guess that's for other routines. I thought this was easily the best routine of the season so far. All the ladies in the audience are screaming and clapping.
Len says that Gilles is a good dancer, although the opening lacked rhythm. The audience boos, but Gilles yells out that Len is right. Len concludes that Gilles made a hard dance look easy. Bruno thinks Gilles is "a red hot poker" and made everybody want to party. Carrie Ann giggles that Gilles makes Cheryl work it even harder, and he shook things that she didn't know guys could shake. Whoa, someone get Carrie Ann a cold compress. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9 and Bruno 9. So they're tied with Mark and Shawn for top score so far.
DAG and Kym didn't satisfy the judges last week. In rehearsals, DAG says that he needs to show how much he loves dancing and performing in his routines. I think DAG needs to start doing yoga or something, because his hamstring flexibility needs some work. He's got great hip flexibility (witness his high kicks), but something is still off. They begin their foxtrot with DAG doing some Ben Vereen shit with a bowler hat and high kicks. They move into hold and DAG still seems too stiff in his upper body. I think he's trying so hard to have good posture that he looks stiff. He gets a little out of sync at one point, but unlike Steve-O, he doesn't let you know it via his facial expressions and immediately catches right back up. Overall, it was good but after the last two routines, he's obviously not a front-runner.
Bruno thought they took the foxtrot to Broadway, and had great extensions and turns. He even brings up Ben Vereen! Just like me! Carrie Ann gives him two snaps up, and everyone laughs. She also compliments the difficult choreography. Len tells him that one dance doesn't win or lose the competition, but Len feels this was their best dance so far. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8 and Bruno 8. DAG and Kym seem pretty happy with those numbers. DAG breaks into song about how great the judges are, and Samantha says he's a Tony winner, even though he was actually a nominee. Good one.
Woz and his hamstring injury are going to perform . Last week, they survived the dance-off. In rehearsals, Woz pulled that hamstring and felt like he couldn't dance that week. He kept practicing but also kept getting twinges in his leg. So they start their samba. You guys, he's terrible. I mean, he's worse than both Jerry Springer and Billy Ray Cyrus. I don't get it. I think it's nice that serious geeks and Apple fans are psyched to see him out there, but I loved Adam Carolla and I could admit that it was time for him to go. Woz even tries to do the worm and it's terrible. I don't even know what their ending was, but it made me feel uncomfortable. He needs to leave, now. Karina is embarrassed.
Carrie Ann thinks Woz is cute and adorable, but at some point the novelty wears off. The audience boos, but please. Woz claims he had never seen the Worm before, so THAT'S why he didn't do that well. Ugh. All good feelings I had for him are leaving. Len says that it was terrible from start to finish. Bruno thinks Woz needs to beg forgiveness because it was the worst samba he's ever seen. Poor Karina. She's a good sport. She's laughing, because what else can she do? Scores: Carrie Ann 4, Len 3 and Bruno 3. The audience is screaming and booing and you can barely hear Woz joke that they probably deserved even lower scores. I wish he really thought that, but his blog posts tell a different story.
Melissa and Tony (who I kind of forgot were on the show, even though they've danced really well so far) got high praise last week. Melissa had to go back to Dallas this week to clean out her desk. Wait, she's quitting her job? That doesn't seem like a great idea in this economy. Melissa and Tony have the foxtrot this week. Melissa looks great -- very graceful. Tony's choreography impresses me, too. But it's all kind of boring to me for some reason. I think she's just boring.
Len thought it was fantastic overall, although he gives her some technical advice on her footwork. Bruno is really impressed with her musicality. Carrie Ann thinks it looks like the dancing comes too easily for her, especially compared to someone like Woz, and she needs to challenge herself more. I agree with Carrie Ann that something is missing. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9 and Bruno 9.
Lil Kim is a Grammy winner? Anyway, her quickstep put her near the top of the scoreboard last week. This week, she's got the samba. She really needs to put her hair (extensions) up during rehearsal, because her hair is totally getting in Derek's face. Derek says that he can push Kim, and she'll always work hard. Kim loves the part of rehearsal where she gets to shake it, too. In the actual routine, things are a bit shaky. First, Kim looks like she has unshaven armpits, and while I shouldn't care, it's distracting. She does okay in the beginning, but she never looks like she's actually dancing. She's all up in her head. That changes when she gets to do a solo stripper-type move where she rotates her hips around, but then she gets off a little bit near the end and never quite recovers.
Bruno calls Kim "a pocket-sized Venus with a supersized sex appeal." He admits that it wasn't perfect, but she sold it. Carrie Ann thinks Kim has what Melissa is missing -- the ability to perform. Len thinks Kim has "a bionic booty." He also asks Derek to remember the fundamentals of the dance. I kind of love the relationship between those two. Len never asks other pros to put in specific steps. Backstage, Kim says that she wants to try to get better and be the perfect ballroom dancer. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8 and Bruno 9. I agree with those scores. They had to take a point or so off for the screw-ups, or I think she would have had all nines.
Interesting that they put Ty in the final spot, since that's typically reserved for someone that they think is going to impress us. It's not called the pimp spot for nothing. I would have expected Gilles or Melissa to be here. Anyway, last week, Ty showed that he might stay more than a week or two with his quickstep. In rehearsal, they work on the foxtrot. Ty jokes that he's not a good enough actor to remember all the steps and also play a character, which is what Chelsie wants. They start their routine with Ty in a top hat walking down the steps, and he does well, but when they move into hold, he looks absolutely terrified. As they're doing some footwork, Chelsie slips a bit, but recovers quickly. They continue the routine fairly well, but Ty stumbles a bit near the end again. I think those two glitches mess with his confidence, because he stiffens up again.
Carrie Ann thinks Ty is the most improved, and she admires the way he handled Chelsie's slip. Len thinks it was stiff and lacked musicality, and Carrie Ann totally interrupts him. He dismisses her and says that he thought the whole thing was fantastic. Bruno thinks Ty looked like "a mini Fred Astaire," and they handled the glitches well. The way they're heaping on praise, I wonder if we're watching the same routines. I mean, it was passable, but it wasn't great, even without the glitches. Backstage, everyone gives them a standing ovation. Ty jokes that he was the one that was supposed to fall, and they didn't practice that! Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8 and Bruno 7. Chelsie thinks that's great, especially since she practically fell down.
See you tomorrow night for the results! Here are the final standings:
Melissa and Tony: 27
Shawn and Mark: 27
Gilles and Cheryl: 27
Kim and Derek: 25
Chuck and Julianne: 23
Ty and Chelsie: 23
LT and Edyta: 20
Holly and Dmitry: 17
Denise and Maks: 16
Steve-O and Lacey: 15
Woz and Karina: 10
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