Tom and Samantha welcome us to the first results show of the season, which will feature the first dance-off of the season. This content-laden episode kicks off with Big Bad Voodoo Daddy performing, while Derek and Julianne, Mark and Cheryl, and Tony and Lacey dance. As you'd imagine from the band, it's a swing dance. Oh, 1992. I remember you so well, with the Swingers and the Gap ads. It's also always fun to see the pros dance together without all the bumbling and stumbling that the stars bring to the proceedings. Do you think Big Bad Voodoo Daddy is ever just like, "Screw it, let's play 'State of Love and Trust' by Pearl Jam or a Britney Spears song?" I'm just saying, most of their songs are very similar and it seems like it would get boring after a while.
Tom reminds us that Steve-O went to the hospital last night and he's backstage to give Samantha an update. He explains that he knows doing the flip at the last minute was a terrible idea, but there was no fracture in his back. He plans to continue in the competition if the audience and judges allow, and adds that Lacey told him not to do the flip and he did it anyway. [No one ever said that Steve-O was the brightest bulb in the box. - Angel]
Tom reiterates that the bottom two couples will be squaring off in a dance-off tonight to determine who goes home. With that in mind, we'll find out some couples that are safe. And they are... Lawrence and Edyta, Shawn and Mark, Chuck and Julianne, and David and Kym. Wow, they are blowing right through these announcements. I dig them having a lot to get through in the results show. There's a lot fewer dramatic pauses and less waiting around.
After the break, we get to find out even more couples that are safe. They are... Denise and Maks, Melissa and Tony, Kim and Derek, and Gilles and Cheryl. No real shockers there. Before we move on, Cameron Mathison has some tips for how to survive the season. He tells people not to trip down the stairs in the opening, to use the red room for trash talking your opponents, to cry during confessionals, and kiss up to the judges. He delivers goodies to the judges, including a thong to Bruno. He makes fun of the spray tanning and says that the only way to prevent injury is to not sign up for the show in the first place. Eh, mildly amusing.
Mickey Rooney's grandson Michael Rooney (who looks disturbingly like his grandfather) choreographed this week's professional troupe number as a tribute to Busby Berkeley. How many people watching this show under the age of 30 have a clue who that is? Do people still watch those movies? I mean, they should, but do they? I don't really get where the Berkeley tribute comes in, since I thought the hallmark of his style was the aerial shot where the dancers make patterns with their bodies, but maybe they couldn't do that, technically. It's fine. [It was no synchronized swimming. - AC] And aw, Mickey Rooney is there. And he's really proud of his grandson. That's sweet.
up, Jewel (seated, due to her injury) is going to sing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" while Chelsie and Dmitry dance. I really used to be a huge Jewel fan, during the "Pieces of You" era. Then she published that book of poetry. I worked in a bookstore when that happened, and every 13-year-old girl came in looking for it, and I got turned off. Hey, Chelsie is dancing barefoot. Len must be peeved; he hates that. These two dance beautifully together. Do you think Mickey Rooney is thinking about Judy Garland? I also just noticed that Jewel has weird claw hands. It's kind of freaking me out. Thankfully, the song is ending.
It's trash-talking time! Okay, it's not at all trash-talking. It's everyone saying, "Oh, she's so handsome! So funny! So beautiful!" BORING! It's all very scripted because I refuse to believe the 90 percent of these people could come up with the mildly clever lines we've heard tonight. Probably DAG. That's about it.
So now we're going to find out who is safe and who will be participating in the dance-off. As they review the chances of each remaining couple, Samantha wonders if Steve-O will ever have the chance to dance live again. Well, he definitely will. He'll either dance live right now in the dance-off, or he'll make it through and dance live week. Dummy. So Holly and Dmitry are safe, as are Ty and Chelsie. When they announced Ty and Chelsie, the camera was totally on Steve-O and Lacey, which was weird. Also safe are Steve-O and Lacey. I think that might have been a directing mishap or something. Samantha states the obvious: Belinda and Jonathan and Woz and Karina will compete in the dance-off. I really think Lacey thought they were goners. She looked sad and exhausted. I wonder if Steve-O would have been able to dance at all, or if they would have had to forfeit.
When we return, the bottom two couples are standing on the dance floor back-to-back. Tom explains that they will each repeat one of their first two routines. The judges will score them, and those scores will be combined with the viewer votes from the last two weeks to determine who stays and who goes.
Belinda and Jonathan go first. They decide to redo their salsa, and Jonathan works with Belinda in the studio to increase her hip action. Their routine begins and I love how Belinda is singing to Jonathan. She just looks like she's having fun out there. I kind of get the vibe that she doesn't really give a shit if she stays or not. She screws up some of the moves and she doesn't really point her toes when she kicks. And I forgot about the weird slow part in the middle. I don't know if she's in bad shape and can't dance any faster or what. Jonathan is used to accommodating for his celebs, since he was wacky Marie Osmond's partner. They still end with that ill-advised handstand and then head over for judging. Len thought there was more hip action than last night, but she made a few mistakes. Bruno knows she must be nervous and she lost her footwork as a result. Carrie Ann thought she had more passion but she lost the plot. Belinda says throughout that she knows she screwed up. Samantha asks some typically dumb questions backstage and then the scores: Carrie Ann 5, Len 6 and Bruno 6 for a total of 17. That's one lower than they got last night.
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Woz and Karina are up , and they're redoing their quickstep. They rehearse some more in the morning while Woz nerdily nitpicks the judges' critique -- that they said he ran out of steam when really he messed up his steps. Seriously? Does it matter? Look, I respect his accomplishments, but his nerdy game-playing annoys me. Now today he was bitching that they don't reveal the actual scores on the show, like it's the Magic: the Gathering tournament at your local gaming store and not a reality show. It's about drama. It's about manufactured drama most of the time, with the dramatic pauses etc. Most of the rest of us mortals realized that somewhere around 2002. Catch up, Woz.
So Woz and Karina do their quickstep and I think it's better than last night, but still just mediocre. Probably enough to get them to stay, though. I think Woz's two biggest problems are that he's flat-footed instead of up on his toes, and he's consistently a little behind the beat. Poor Karina is trying like hell to keep him on track. But he looks like he's having a hell of a time out there... which helps. Judges? Bruno admires Woz's determination, even though he's not a good dancer. Carrie Ann thought he was better tonight, even though he messed up a bit. Len likes how hard he works, and even though he's not the best dancer, he's definitely having the most fun. Backstage, Samantha asks if he was happier with his performance tonight, and Woz says he didn't think about messing up, but just had fun. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 6 for a total of 17, which is the same as their score from last night. Bruno holds up his paddle backwards at first and everyone giggles at him.
So now they've combined the new judges' score with the viewer votes and it's time to find out who's going home. And the biggest loser (wrong show) is... Belinda and Jonathan. Woz looks like he doesn't realize what just happened at first, but then figures it out. He doesn't look all that happy, but maybe he's just confused. Belinda says that she had a great time and wishes she could have done better for Jonathan. Jonathan says he'll miss her fun attitude. And then my recording cuts off, but it's probably a blessing since Samantha was about to ask another useless question. See you week!
Discuss these results in our forums, then see which couple we think will go the distance!
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