Nathan Fillion is in the audience! Is it sad that I could pick him out in a quick pan across the front row? Tom and Samantha welcome us, and I think their mikes are messed up or the audience sound is turned up way too loud, because I can barely hear them. They introduce the couples and... Lacey's alone? Did Steve-O's injuries do him in? I guess we'll find out. Cheryl also has a little bobble as she's walking down the stairs, and I thought she was going to bite it and add to the injured reserve list. Once everyone is in place, Tom announces that Steve-O was injured earlier today, and we'll hear more about that later. Since it's been a whole week since this show has aired, Samantha reminds us that Melissa and Gilles rocketed to the top while Woz sunk to the bottom. I really like Samantha's dress tonight. It's midnight blue and sort of sleek and simple. It looks great with her coloring.
First up tonight is Holly Madison. (It seems weird to call her just Holly, and how dumb am I that I just noticed that her name sounds just like Dolly Madison? Remember those snack cakes? With the Peanuts characters in the ads? Just me?) She had very little time to prepare last week, since she stepped in for the injured Jewel. This week she and Dmitry are doing the quickstep. As he explains the dance, Holly slowly slides into a split for no apparent reason and then plops onto the floor like a little kid. And then does her annoying rat-a-tat-tat laugh. And then there's a really dumb part where she plays "20 Questions" to get to know her partner, and who cares? She's not long for this show, so why get invested? Their quickstep starts out fairly strong. It helps that Holly is wearing a long dress so you can't see her legs, which were a problem last week. After the first pass or so, she kind of loses the plot, and you can see it in her face and posture. She doesn't totally screw up, but the rest of the routine is off. Her posture is good, but her shoulders and arms and neck are too tense and stiff.
Tom says he's happy to see that Holly is one of the few uninjured stars so far. Wow, he really had nothing to say to her. Len starts out by saying that the quickstep is tough, and she did a good job mostly, but her posture needed work with her bust and butt sticking out. Gee, wonder why? Bruno agrees, and adds that she seemed a few steps behind the entire time and trying to catch up. Carrie Ann thinks she looked like she was being dragged around like a doll most of the time. Agreed, judges. Holly does that annoying nervous giggle the whole time they're talking. I swear, once you hear it, you won't be able to unhear it. She does it constantly. I just mentioned it to my husband and he had totally noticed it as well. It sort of sounds like a car trying to start, two blocks away. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6 and Bruno 6.
DAG and Kym are up . In last week's waltz, the judges told DAG that he had multiple personalities, and DAG jokes that he thinks Bruno needs subtitles, because he couldn't understand a word he was saying. This week, DAG tells Kym that he really wants to dance and he doesn't want to be the big guy who just stands there while Kym dances around him. I totally respect that and wish more celebs felt that way. Of course, a lot of celebs can't handle that type of routine. In rehearsal footage, we see that DAG is quickly coming to regret his big fat mouth, as Kym puts him through the paces. Their salsa begins, and it's weird because the one thing that seems to be missing is the showmanship, which is the one thing I would think DAG would bring to the table. In addition, I don't like the choreography; it's boring. It's very rote and by the numbers and neither of them seems all that excited about it. Maybe I'm just spoiled by the flashier numbers put together by Julianne or Maks, but this doesn't do it for me.
Bruno thinks DAG's character was right this week, even if his timing was off. Carrie Ann thinks they should have pulled back a little on the difficulty and tried to be more in touch with the music. Len liked some of the moves, but he wanted more of DAG, including rhythm and hip action. I agree, and I agree with Carrie Ann that DAG is a good dancer and they're a good couple. I think she was trying to say without saying that Kym fell down on the choreography job. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5, and Bruno 6. Oh, I thought he was way better than Holly and so does Kym, frankly.
Tom reminds us that Steve-O went to the hospital with an injury and promises details later before introducing Maks and Denise. The judges thought her cha cha last week didn't really work, and this week she has to do the quickstep. Maks works hard with her in rehearsal to get her to relax her upper body and get her form correct. They dance to "We Go Together" from Grease, which is an odd choice, and it's also too slow for a quickstep. It drags. Denise's posture is better than last week, but for the first half she's either smiling or chewing gum or mouthing the steps, but there's something weird going on with her mouth. Maks legs move like little Russian scissors but he's kind of dragging Denise along in spots. And Maks has weird pants on. They're high-waisted and they make him look chunky, which is not a word I would ever use to describe him. I don't know. I don't think this is Maks' dance. I can't think of a great quickstep from him. He does better with the slower, more passionate dances, like the paso and the waltz.
Carrie Ann thought it was much better, elegant and strong. Len thought there was great improvement as well, and while there were small errors, they weren't a big deal. Bruno loved the leg action, but he thinks Denise has a good dancer inside somewhere. Denise looks like she's ready to cry but Maks whispers to her and she gooses Tom, keeping up the tradition of the past few seasons. Except she's totally obvious about it and like fondles his buttock and it makes me uncomfortable. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 7 and Bruno 7. Backstage, there's a weird moment where Samantha brings up that Denise was berating herself during the commercial break and Maks says, "For once, I wasn't saying anything negative," like someone accused him of doing so. Also, the body language between him and Denise seems strained. Hmm. I think they don't like each other. I have read reports that she's a diva backstage and all the below-the-line workers hate her. Who knows?
Belinda Carlisle (kind of forgot she was on the show, which isn't good) and Jonathan are up . Last week, the judges thought her waltz was not great. Belinda thinks the criticism was valid, but she took it personally, and she didn't anticipate how difficult this would be emotionally. Jonathan gives her a pep talk and then convinces her that doing the salsa will be better for her, because she can dance more like she did as lead singer of the Go-Go's. I'm... not sure that's a good thing in the salsa, but we shall see. The routine starts off really high-energy and fun, but it loses something in the middle -- not sure if Belinda missed a step or just ran out of steam. It ends with Belinda doing a handstand, and I get that she may be trying to shake the matronly label she got pegged with last week, but it's a bit much. She also jiggles her boobs at the judges. I love that a woman over thirty can be flirty and sexy, but she seems kind of winded, like when your aunt has a few too many cocktails at a wedding and ends up sweating through her dress shields.
Len loved the exuberance and fun, but thought it lacked hip action. Bruno liked seeing her shake it, but she needs to be sharper on her rhythm. As he demonstrates, he nearly knocks Len out of his chair, and Tom sneaks over and steals his score paddle and pretends to give him a score of one. Carrie Ann tries to gently say that it was a little too free and not graceful. I actually agree with that one. It's what I was trying to say in the paragraph but couldn't find the words. Backstage, Belinda says that she had a good time out there, no matter what the judges think. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 6, and Bruno 6. Those 6 paddles are really getting a workout tonight.
Ty and Chelsie saw his dancing compared to an army drill last week. In rehearsal, he and Chelsie have a laugh about it, and then move into the quickstep. She tries to get Ty to smile while he's dancing, since he tends to look serious while he's concentrating on the steps. He still looks pretty stiff, but that might work for the quickstep. Oof. They start with a high five and totally miss. Things pick up from there, though, as Ty hops and skips around the floor and generally looks like an actual dancer! I am surprised. He does get a little ahead of the beat at times and is lacking in any sort of musicality, but he looks graceful, which shocks the hell out of me. He even gets a half standing ovation (like half the people stand, not everyone stands up halfway, although that would be funny).
Carrie Ann yells "Yeehaw!" and says that it was smooth and he didn't miss a step, and he took advantage of the strength in his upper body from his day job riding bulls. Bruno loved how Ty took charge, and thought his posture was great. Len can't believe the metamorphosis, and compliments the posture as well. Samantha quickly asks them about what they might do in the bottom two dance-off tomorrow, like, way to assume that they'll be in it, loser. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6 and Bruno 7.
Shawn Johnson did great with her waltz, which makes sense given her grace, but how will she do with the salsa? Mark tries to get her to move her hips and Shawn is too embarrassed to even try. This could be a problem. She also can't stop giggling at him doing the women's steps, and I can't really blame her. My favorite part is when she just rolls her eyes at him prancing around. Their dance begins, and Shawn's outfit is not my favorite -- the sides are cut out and it shows off how she is like a block of solid muscle from shoulders to hips. There's not an ounce of fat, but there's also not a lot of curve. I would kill for that body, but I wouldn't wear that dress if I had it. Anyway, the dance is sharp and quick, and she doesn't miss a step. The hip action is still not quite there, but she makes up for it in all the other areas. She just needs to loosen up a bit.
Bruno tells her that she's cute and charming, and had precision. He wants her to be "naughty and flirtatious," and Tom reminds her that Shawn is only seventeen. Len thought it was clean and precise, but he wants her to let it go a bit more. Carrie Ann loves her focus and her footwork. Whoo! Backstage, it becomes even more obvious that Shawn needs to lighten up on the spray tan. Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 8 and Bruno 8.
Woz and Karina are up . It was hilarious in the forums watching everyone love Woz, and then he made some comments about how it made no sense that the judges loved him more than the other dancers but gave him lower scores and other sort of tin-eared statements and everyone TURNED on him. I gave my opinion that I think he's socially inept and just doesn't realize that it sounds arrogant. Not to mention that he's so rich and smart that it's probably been a long time since he's been given honest criticism. Anyway, I wasn't a huge Woz fan to start out with because he makes me uncomfortable, but I get why nerds dig him. So this week, Woz's computer brain analyzed his program and realized that he was injured. The doctor told him that he was essentially crushing his foot by dancing on it, but he decided to power through it, intending to stop if it gets too bad.
Their quickstep is clearly '50s based, since Woz is wearing a pompadour and horn-rimmed glasses, while Karina is all pink poodle skirts. Oh. Oh, dear. I have no idea what is happening on my screen right now. Woz is kind of running around, and there some spots where he's kind of dancing? But they are few and far between. Poor Karina. It's just not good. He belly flops on the floor at the end. Kathy Griffin is in the audience and she just laughs and claps because what can you do?
Len starts out by saying he loves Buddy Holly, and they danced to "Oh Boy." Len tries to find something nice to say and comes up with the fact that they are having fun. Carrie Ann says that she enjoys watching them, even if she's puzzled by what they're actually doing. Bruno thinks Woz is like WALL-E: rusty around the edges and in need of spare parts, but resilient. Woz just grins throughout. Backstage, Samantha refers to Steve-O's injury, which we haven't heard about yet, so good one. Woz nerds it up that he's only taken one aspirin, and he doesn't think that he ran out of steam in his dance like the judges said. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 5 and Bruno 6. Wha? Really? The same score as some of the earlier dancers? That is horseshit.
Real-life couple (had you heard?) Chuck and Julianne are up with their salsa. Last week, the judges weren't crazy about their waltz. In rehearsal, Julianne tries to get Chuck to be sexy, but he just feels so awkward. Julianne encourages him to move his hips like Derek does, and Chuck just laughs. So their routine is... kind of steamy! Some of the moves they do would seem more innocent in a different pairing, but because you know they're a real couple, it seems like foreplay. My goodness. Chuck has great extension, but as usual, Julianne manages to choreograph a routine where she flits around like a butterfly and Chuck mostly just stands there and runs his hands over her body. I'd like to see him actually dance a little more, because I think he might be able to handle it. Sometimes when he was shaking his hips, he looked like he was doing the twist instead of the salsa, because he was kind of hunched over. He needs to work on his posture, but overall, it was fun to watch.
Bruno thinks it was a wasted opportunity, because Julianne did all the work, and he wants to see more dancing. Len wants Chuck to sell it more and come out and perform. Carrie Ann agrees, and says that the judges are frustrated because they see a lot of Chuck's potential. Interesting that the judges are just now figuring out Julianne's MO, since she's done that every season. Backstage, Chuck says that he had fun and thought they did well. Scores: Carrie Ann 6, Len 7 and Bruno 7. So the scores weren't as bad as the comments, and Chuck says he'll give Bruno what he wants. And then they say they all know what Bruno wants. I don't want to know what Bruno wants. When Tom comes back, he says it's the "special read-between-the-lines edition" of the show. Damn, that Tom is quick.
LT showed promise with his cha cha last week, but didn't get high scores. He was worried, since he thought his cha cha was his better routine. Edyta thinks LT might give up, but if he'll take on the challenge, it will be awesome. He has a lot of trouble with the quickstep in rehearsal, but his competitive spirit comes through and he works his ass off. If only his score was based on how much he sweats through his shirts in rehearsal, though I think Woz might give him a run for his money in that department. Edyta is wearing a lot of clothes this week, and her ankles are exposed! No weird legwarmers. His quickstep passes looks quite smooth to me, although I think like a lot of the male athletes, he's a bit pigeon-toed, which doesn't help with his footwork. He swings Edyta around and it's totally a lift so you know Carrie Ann will have a shitfit over that one.
Carrie Ann sings "That's the way I like it" and says it was smooth and powerful. She doesn't mention the lift? Bruno liked how he took the judges' criticism and came back and performed. Len loved the difficult choreography and tells LT to rehearse all week and then come out and just dance and perform like he did tonight. Scores: Carrie Ann 7, Len 6 and Bruno 7. Backstage, LT says that he can take the judges' criticism in stride because this isn't his full-time job, but he'd like to see them in football training camp.
Tom explains that Steve-O landed on his mike pack during dress rehearsal and injured his back, so he won't be dancing tonight. [They dance with mike packs on? Can't they get a boom operator in the rehearsals? - Z] In rehearsal, Steve-O decides that they should load up the salsa with tricks since they got such low scores for their sedate waltz. His back is really hurting him in rehearsal, and Lacey points out that he's a guy who's used to pain, so when he cringes, it's serious. Tom explains that the official rules state that the judges will now score the dress rehearsal. Isn't that when his injury happened? I guess we'll find out. The routine is... just weird. It feels like they're sort of walking through and marking it since it's just rehearsal. There's no audience and there are stand-ins for the judges. It's not a bad routine overall, although Steve-O looks like he's frozen from the waist up. I don't know if he's a bad dancer or if his back hurts so badly that he's trying to keep from aggravating it again. They end with a front flip where they land on their backs, and that's apparently when he got hurt.
So Lacey comes out alone to hear the judges' critique. Len says that her feels sorry for Steve, and he knows that dress rehearsal isn't the same as the finished product. That said, he didn't get it, and it was barely a salsa. Bruno thinks Steve is appealing, but this was "a series of unfortunate events," but there was no salsa. Carrie Ann thought their stunts were unnecessary, and didn't enhance the routine at all. Poor Lacey. Scores: Carrie Ann 5, Len 4 and Bruno 5. Backstage, Lacey says that they weren't dancing full out in the rehearsal, and they replay the incident again. She says they heard from the hospital that nothing's broken, but his back is really swollen.
Lil Kim and Derek got a lot of praise last week for their cha cha. In rehearsal, Kim has some trouble getting the elegance and grace of the quickstep until Derek starts talking to her about designers like Versace and Gucci, and then she gets it. They start their routine, and Kim's classy outfit is kind of ruined by her tattoos peeking out, in my opinion. Her moves are sharp when they need to be and flowing when they need to be and she kind of looks like a dancer in a '40s movie. It's good!
Bruno thinks it was vivacious and uplifting, and other than minor quibbles has no problems with it. Carrie Ann loved it and gives special praise to Derek's choreography. Len thinks Kim and Shawn need to learn from each other, because he thinks Kim had a lot of quantity but no quality. Carrie Ann and Bruno can't believe him, but Len says that they had no body contact in hold and need to be more refined. Leave it to Len to hold them to the actual ballroom dancing rules. How dare he! Scores: Carrie Ann 8, Len 7 and Bruno 8.
Hey, remember Melissa? And how the Bachelor dumped her? And then she went on the show with only a few days rehearsal and blew it out of the water? So now she's back, and trying to learn the salsa. Her biggest problem in rehearsal is that she's used to doing big movements as a cheerleader, and she has to learn to tone it down. In their routine, Melissa comes out with a ton of energy and enthusiasm, and her footwork is sharp. There's something a touch off to me -- I think it's her posture. She's sticking her butt out a little. But it all moves so quickly that you can overlook the tiny problems, at least now. She has time to work on it before the competition narrows down. Anyway, they get a mostly standing ovation.
Carrie Ann is thrilled to see a real salsa and thought they nailed it. Len admits that he was gyrating in his seat, and says it was the salsa of the night. Bruno thought it had a ton of flavor and content, and he can't wait to see more. Backstage, Melissa says that she has started to prove to herself that she deserves to be there. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 8, and Bruno 9. Those are the first two nines of the season. Tony reminds us that no one is safe and people need to call and vote.
The final couple of the night is Gilles and Cheryl. Gilles got the highest score of the night last week for his cha cha. Cheryl puts Gilles through his paces in rehearsal, trying to turn him into a classical ballroom dancer for the quickstep. Gilles stops dancing and tells Cheryl that his shoulder hurts. Of course, he has to strip off his shirt to show her where it hurts, instead of just pulling up his sleeve or something. Hey. I'm not complaining over here. Turns out that he has a separation in his shoulder. Yikes! But the doctors think he'll be okay this week. They start dancing and Gilles is dressed up like Clark Kent. The beginning of the routine is lyrical, but not all that quicksteppy. That improves towards the middle, and then Gilles ends the routine by whipping off his glasses and sliding across the floor, tearing open his shirt to reveal a Superman costume (with a G instead of an S on the chest). Damn. He is a good-looking dude. Overall, it was decent but kind of slow for the quickstep and not a lot of content, I thought.
Len is pleased to see that Gilles isn't a one-week wonder. Bruno likes the French class and American flair. Carrie Ann says that the ladies were swooning in the audience. Backstage, Gilles talks about how great Cheryl was in training and Samantha can't do anything but make fun of his accent. Scores: Carrie Ann 9, Len 9, and Bruno 9. Cheryl and Gilles are thrilled, obviously.
Tom and Samantha recap the performances and the numbers to call, and remind us that tomorrow night, one couple will suffer the humiliation of being first to go. Who will it be? I really have no clue. It's tough to tell this early. Possibly Belinda? I don't think it will be Woz because the geek contingent is really coming out for him. We'll find out tomorrow.
Here are last week's scores and this week's scores, added together:
Gilles and Cheryl: 24 + 27 = 51
Melissa and Tony: 23 + 26 = 49
Shawn and Mark: 23 + 24 = 47
Kim and Derek: 21 + 23 = 44
Chuck and Julianne: 20 + 20 = 40
Denise and Maks: 18 + 21 = 39
Holly and Dmitry: 18 + 18 = 36
DAG and Kym: 19 + 17 = 36
Lawrence and Edyta: 16 + 20 = 36
Belinda and Jonathan: 17 + 18 = 35
Ty and Chelsie: 14 + 20 = 34
Steve-O and Lacey: 17 + 14 = 31
Woz and Karina: 13 + 17 = 30
Find out who we think has the best shot at winning this season.