Two nights ago, and it seems so long ago now, there was a wild ride. But the team dances, new this season, widened the gap between the top and the bottom. So what does that mean in terms of sending someone home? We'll find out tonight LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
After the obligatory references to tallying votes (and thank God they didn't go so far to compare the importance of this show to the national election), Samantha and Tom introduce the show and go right into the recap of Monday night's episode. Warren tried to be a gentleman in his foxtrot, but the judges thought he had lost his footwork and technique. Afterwards, Warren admitted that his dance wasn't great. Susan's paso doble instilled confidence, which seems to be Susan's storyline every week. She's not so terrible! She's improving! So why do her scores still suck? Afterwards, Susan still can't say that she's a good dancer, but I think confidence is only part of her problem. Maurice did his best dance of the season, and Cheryl complimented his ability to push through his injury. Cody waltzed with Edyta, and the judges didn't think he quite hit it. Lance's rumba divided the judges, with Carrie Ann and Bruno loving it and Len hating it, or at least hating the props. Afterwards, Lance defended his "artistic expression." Brooke created a divine foxtrot, and the judges rewarded them with the season's first perfect score.
Tonight, they actually show the selection process, which was random with Susan and Warren picking balls out of a...bigger ball? Anyway, it would have been nice if they had shown that last night; we could have avoided a lot of speculation on the forums about how "random" the choices actually were. The first team did the cha-cha, and it was all kinds of messy. Carrie Ann pointed out how not in unison it was. The second team did the paso doble, which was much better and boosted the scores.
Samantha makes a "spontaneous" comment about how the team dances showed off the camaraderie, and then Tom throws it to Len to find out who will get to do another dance. To no one's surprise, it's Team Paso Doble. Warren and Maurice don't seem as sure-footed as they did last night, and at one point, I'm pretty sure Maurice screws up and starts laughing at himself. Wisely, they have Derek and Brooke do their solo section last, because they are awesome. I think I'm starting to jump on the Brooke and Derek train. I found her kind of boring at first, but I enjoy their dances a lot. Len has a point that it's easier to dance in unison to a song with such a strong beat, but their unison is still really good. You can see them all glancing at each other to make sure they're together; that didn't happen with the other group. And the crowd loves it.
Backstage, the dancers are divided into their two teams. So now Samantha is making out like Susan actually chose her teams instead of picking them randomly, because she asks her why she chose Lance and Lacey first. I don't understand this at all. Samantha reveals that week, the stars will have to do a solo portion of their Latin dance. That should be... interesting? Also, Samantha hates that the couples are so nice to each other. She wants them to be more MEAN!
Here's Lionel Richie! He won an Oscar, and I had to look up what it was for; it was Best Song for the song "Say You, Say Me" from White Nights. First of all, that was one of his worst songs. He had a real string of crap there in the mid-1980s, didn't he? Then again, who didn't in the mid-1980's? Not a great time for pop music. And also, I saw that movie in the theater, and for a movie starring Mikhail Baryshnikov and Gregory Hines there was not nearly enough dancing. So Lionel sings his new song "Good Morning" while Alec and Edyta dance, and it's not that compelling of a dance, but they sure do have chemistry. Which they should, since they're married.
Samantha reviews the standings, and then Tom and Samantha reveal the first safe couple of the night. And it is... Maurice and Cheryl.
Yay! It's time for Kenny Mayne, Jerry Rice and Len Goodman in DanceCenter. Kenny is heavily made-up, as always. Jerry Rice is wearing an Afro wig and glitter eyebrows. Kenny starts by telling Len that Michael Flatley is a better judge, but he just didn't have time to take over on the show. Their analysis begins with Warren, who Kenny says is "fat with both an F and a PH." Jerry reveals that Warren not only tackled him, but took him out of a game once, so he's not a big Warren fan. Kenny goes to the tape to review Warren's many winks to camera. Len starts going on about how awesome Warren is and Kenny totally cuts him off and then plugs his own web show on ESPN.com. This causes Jerry to plug his fake product, Jerry Curl. Who knew Jerry Rice was so funny? I don't know if Kenny Mayne writes all of these segments, or brings his own writers, but they are about a million times better than anything else on this show.
up is Susan Lucci. Kenny makes jokes about how skinny she is. Len goes on about how we forget that Susan is in her 60s, and she dances clear and clean, but she doesn't always wow them. Kenny compares her to a veteran racehorse. That's flattering. Kenny thinks that Tony practices mind control, because he's always got that creepy big smile. I enjoy that they're poking fun at the dancers as well as the stars.
Maurice is up . Len loves that Maurice attacks his dances. Kenny takes the opportunity to rip on Jerry for being old and slow while Maurice has retained his speed. Then they make fun of Maurice for blowing a kiss to Len in a dance, which Len says that he liked. Anyway, more from them later.
Time for a guest dance about MAGIC. There's a lot of smoke on the dance floor. No, like a LOT of smoke. Except not enough that you can't see the smoke machines. Oops. I don't think that was supposed to happen. After some dude dressed like a magician does some moves, a bunch of ladies come out and swallow swords? While dancing? Then a contortionist contorts before four male dancers appear and do something. I don't really understand this dance. It kind of sucks -- I mean, compared to those flamenco dancers. Am I right? They wore way fewer clothes! And stomped really well! Anyway, this one kind of feels like a varsity cheerleading routine, which would seem really clever when you were making it up, but in execution is not all that great. They needed Gob Bluth to spice things up.
Back for more DanceCenter! up is Lance Bass, who Kenny reminds us is named after a fish. Len thinks that Lance needs to work on his technique. Kenny thinks Lance and Lacey are starting to look and act alike, and they should just change their names to Lancey. Kenny wonders if Lance, who trained in Russia as a cosmonaut, should be branded a communist and sent packing. They clearly are avoiding making any gay jokes here, which is probably wise, but man, are there so many other areas to rip on Lance about, and they kind of missed all of them.
Brooke gets called up . Kenny reminds us that she's super-fertile, having "20, 30 children." They show some footage of Brooke on the beach, and the guys kind of goggle at her for a while. Len thinks Brooke is consistently fantastic. Kenny doesn't like Brooke's hyperextended legs, and decides to renounce his earlier declarations of her hotness. They are pretty gross.
Last up is Cody, who Kenny says is not even a man yet. Len thinks Cody is cute, and Kenny tells him to criticize him. Kenny points out that Cody has big eyebrows, and we see footage of Cody in rehearsal explaining that there are websites devoted to his eyebrows. I almost want to go see those, but I just can't. It would be too depressing. Len criticizes Cody's arm position in hold, and Kenny starts chiming in, so Len yells at Kenny, since he knows nothing about dance and got kicked off the first week of his season.
So they go down to the demo floor to demonstrate. Len acts as the girl. Len really makes Kenny snuggle right up to him. Kenny does one turn and declares that this sucks. Really? Because that only made me want to take dance lessons from Len.
The couple continuing on to the round is... Brooke and Derek. No surprise there. And the other couple continuing on is... Warren and Kym. So the three safe couples are also the three paso doble couples. Interesting.
Lionel is doing another song. Remember when he won all those American Music Awards? And Arsenio Hall was hosting? And everyone just kept saying "Outrageous!"? I'm the only person who remembers that, aren't I? Were they all coked up back then or what? Anyway, enough questions. Lionel is singing "Dancing on the Ceiling." I remember this video really amazed me back in the day. He dances! On the ceiling! Kym, Alec, Cheryl and Maks come out to dance. Maks shaved his head! Holy crap! He looks awesome but people on the forums are going to freak out! Man, this is just the paragraph of question marks and exclamation points, isn't it? There I go again. Maks and Cheryl do a long segment together, and then Alec and Kym do one. It's nice to see the pros get showcased like that. I don't know what is with the camera work right now, but they keep cutting to the crowd with these crazy angles and it's weird. And then they do quick flashes and zooms and I don't know. They need to get off the crack.
Samantha throws it to a clip package about the challenges the stars face. Lance finds the toughest part how the judges get in your head. How can someone be a performer and be so susceptible to criticism? Just take the valid stuff and forget the rest. Brooke is challenged by her injuries but loves the live audience. Susan has trouble going from rehearsing in a small studio to performing a huge studio, but she loves getting into character. Maurice doesn't like ballroom, because they're slow, but he does like Latin, because it's fast. Cody's challenge is a new partner, and he jokes (I hope) that the easiest part is being sexy, because it comes naturally. Warren doesn't like how much time everything takes, but he loves the costumes. Then they all vow how much they want to win.
Now it's time to get to the bottom two. Lance and Lacey are safe, so the bottom two are Cody and Edyta and Susan and Tony. And the loser is going to be revealed right now! It seems early. The couple going home is... Susan and Tony. Whew. Susan's exhausted. Give her a nap. And a sandwich. I would just feel really bad for Cody if he got eliminated the week he got a new partner. That just doesn't seem fair.
Samantha points out all the challenges that Susan has faced between her travel and her injuries and asks if it was all worth it. Susan clearly thinks she's accepting a Daytime Emmy because she starts going on about what a great experience it was and how awesome Tony is. Tom gets sick of the speechifying and shoves them out on the dance floor. Even Tom points out that the band's choice of song is kind of mean: "Hit the Road, Jack." Tony and Susan dance a little and she looks more natural here than she has all season. See you week!
Discuss this episode in our forums, then see what prior competitors the celebrity dancers remind us of in Dancing With the Stars: New vs. Old!
Kim plots world domination, one domain at a time, at her blog Fresh Hell. You can contact her at reedkim@gmail.com.