Tom claims that the new judge, new moves, and new leader (Lance and Lacey) turned the competition upside down. How about a new injury? Oh, that happens every week. But tonight, it will be LIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIVE!
Samantha really loves to tell us how Michael Flatley is going to set the floor on fire LITERALLY. Plus Missy Elliott and the Pussycat Dolls. Samantha screws up the teleprompter but gets back on track to remind us that we have a new leader tonight.
Tom reviews that we had an "entertaining" hip hop dance. Well, entertaining. That's one word for it. Warren and Kym got good scores, especially from Michael Flatley. Warren likes that dude. Brooke had an injury and it showed, and yet Michael Flatley gave them a ten. So they love him too. Everyone loves him. Carrie Ann told Susan that she broke the box and Tom gave Tony a super cute high five over it. Maurice and Cheryl got the second lowest score of the night, and Carrie Ann told them they lacked chemistry. I totally missed the Bruno said "Sev-ENNN!" like Len. Aw. Bruno really disliked Cody and Julianne's mambo, and then Julianne left for surgery so now Edyta is taking over as Cody's partner. Cloris, whatever. I refuse to talk about that anymore. The judges were thrilled with Lance and Lacey's jive, and Lacey seemed kind of disgusted with the fact that they were rewarded for campy cheese. Shut it, Lacey.
Tom goes through each star and explains why he or she is at risk. We get it. I'm more upset that everyone is still in the hip hop costumes which means that trainwreck is getting another shot. And has anyone mentioned that Michael Flatley will be doing a dance where the floor will LITERALLY be set on fire?
Tom explains that normally we ask the judges who should get an encore, but because the group routine always gets an encore, we'll be seeing it again. Let's see if Susan learned the steps since last night. And the answer is... not one bit. Jesus. She is really terrible. I mean, at least she's out there trying (CLORIS!) but you'd think the choreographer would have figured out that she couldn't do the dance and, I don't know, NOT put her in the front row! Derek, Lance, Lacey, Tony, and even Cody and Warren are really good. Cheryl and Maurice are serviceable, and Kym is good too. So dump Brooke, Susan, Cloris, and Corky (who could be good but he's not allowed to dance since he's Cloris's partner) and do a real hip hop routine. I would love to see it. I love the music, and that's the type of dancing I did in high school (because I'm old like Brooke, apparently, and I only wish I looked like that), and it brings back memories of going to teen dance clubs and requesting "Joy and Pain" and "2 Hype" and "I Go to Work." Oh my God, I just recovered a repressed memory of my senior year in high school where, for a public speaking class, instead of a final speech, I did a final rap. Of "I Go to Work" by Kool Moe Dee. And I'm a white girl from the sticks. There were dance moves. DANCE MOVES. WTF is wrong with me? Let's all just pretend that never happened and move on.
After reviewing the standings from last night, it's time to find out two of the couples who are safe. The first one is... Lance and Lacey. And the second one is...Cody, who's standing there all alone, although Tom reminds us that he'll be joined by Edyta later on. And they're going to talk to Cody later on to get a Julianne update. Shouldn't they talk to Derek? Her brother?
Now it's time to torture some more children. I know, they want to do it. But isn't it their parents' responsibility to give them time to be kids. Please don't hate me. It's just my opinion. Anyway, Craig and Samantha are brother and sister, which just seems weird. Their little sister Cara was on the show last year, and I remember her. She was super cute! Samantha is apparently quite the diva. She's way too young to be a diva. Again, parents. Where are they? Anyway, they're doing the cha cha cha. Craig looks like a grown man in his dance clothes. It's a little creepy to see them flirting through the dance when they're siblings. Especially since they are old enough that it's more than mildly creepy. They're great dancers. It just makes me feel weird in my stomach to watch them. Tom asks them if they had any fights today, and they fight about that. Michael thought it was sensational. Bruno enjoyed their technical precision. Carrie Ann thought they were poetry in motion and now she has a signature cheer where she goes "Whoo hoo!" Take it down a notch, Carrie Ann.
Simon and Lucy are both thirteen. Simon had to be bribed to start dancing, but now he loves it. Lucy also does ballet. They are adorable. Simon thinks no one knows he's a dancer at school, but Lucy points out that they do now. They look like such normal kids, and they've only been dancing for a year and a half, but they won nationals this year. So they're doing the samba. Simon's got some weird moves. There's something not quite right about them. It's probably one of those deals where they're both growing and changing and so their dancing hasn't quite caught up with their bodies or something. Lucy looks decent, but Simon is freaking me out. He's like a tiny James Spader. Carrie Ann thought they had a lot of charisma and energy. Michael doesn't really say anything but seems to imply that they'll be going home. Bruno loves Lucy's extensions. I feel like they agree with me that there's something weird about Simon's dancing.
So now the kids are backstage. Will Cloris molest them again? I don't know why they let Samantha interview these kids. Here's what's annoying if you have HD. Lacey is sitting almost out of frame and she has such a bitchface on while the kids are talking. Even Warren is smiling at the cute kids, Lacey. Get the stick out of your ass. So now we find out who's moving on. All three vote for Craig and Samantha. Wow, they usually at least throw one vote to the losing couple. Man, that is cringe-inducing.
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The Pussycat Dolls are "performing" now. I don't really understand this group. Weren't they a group of strippers...I mean, burlesque performers? How did I miss the part where they became singers as well? And isn't Robin Antin in charge of them? Because I don't like her or her stupid brother. But then Missy Elliot comes out, and I kind of love her. I loved her chubby and I love her skinny and with her Doritos and everything. She's on stage for far too short of a time. And then they put a weird effect on the singer's voice and it sounds stupid. Like she's in an echo chamber but also in outer space. Luckily, the song is then over. BOOO-RRRING!
Samantha interviews Cody and Edyta backstage. Cody is happy to be with Edyta, and I'm surprised that he's taller than she is. I thought Edyta was super tall. Cody gives an update that Julianne got through her surgery, and is resting at home. Lance and Lacey get interviewed . They're on top of the leaderboard right now, and are happy that their hard work paid off. Samantha introduces a concept for week; there's going to be some sort of team dance? I don't even know what that means. Sounds dumb, though. The formula works, people! Don't mess with it!
Tom jokes that he just got an update on Julianne's condition, and she's just completed the bicycling portion of the Ironman triathlon. Seriously. She's going to try to come back week? She's brave. And possibly foolish. Anyway, it's time to find out one more couple that will definitely be continuing to the round is...Warren and Kym.
And now, Michael Flatley is going to literally LITERALLY set the floor on fire with his dance tribute to Al Capone. I swear I'm not making that up. He starts out dancing behind a red scrim so that you can only see his shadow. I didn't know Al Capone was such a fine tap dancer. Wouldn't it have been funny if Geraldo had found tap shoes in that vault? Then police sirens go off and suddenly Michael Flatley is on a small raised platform in the middle of the floor. And it's smoking! I hope it doesn't LITERALLY start on fire! This is really reminding me of the demon in "Once More With Feeling." And after he taps around for awhile, flames start coming out of the front of the platform, and then he leaps off and it starts on fire. LITERALLY. Wow, that was underwhelming. I like it better when they have a million people all tapping together.
Now they show a clip package about the mental strain of competing featuring a sports psychologist, a Marine, and an Olympic coach. The stars need to focus on their strengths, and whatever the objective is. Brooke is a mom, and her kids could be a distraction unless she learns to juggle her home life with her work. Cody needs to learn focus in rehearsal. Maurice has proved that he has focus. They are also under pressure. Susan is a perfectionist, which breeds pressure, and she needs to perform. Warren is very tough, because he turns pressure into pleasure and joy. They also need confidence. Lance needs more self-confidence. Cloris has too much confidence (my opinion). The show will only get tougher each week, with two dances and the judges getting pickier.
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So let's find out who's safe and who's not. Susan and Tony are still in jeopardy. Brooke and Derek are safe. Cloris and Corky are still in jeopardy, and Maurice and Cheryl are safe. For once, Tom actually screws up and says Samantha's line. That never happens. Anyway, they're going to reveal who's going home after the break.
Tom reminds us that Susan and Tony and Cloris and Corky are not necessarily the bottom two. Cloris mugs it up while Tom wonders if she's going home. Susan uses her skills at losing all those Emmys to pretend like she doesn't mind what's going on. Tom gets ready to announce who's going home and Cloris yells out, "I'm not leaving!" Tom responds, "I'm afraid you are!" Ha! And thank God. Thank you, America. Samantha begs Cloris to come down and talk to them as she gets a standing ovation. Cloris thanks the judges and tells them that she loves them. Cloris wants to sit on the floor, so they all sit down. Samantha asks her a question and Cloris doesn't answer and says again that she's not leaving. She promises to get dressed up and sit in the audience. You know she'll be all wandering out on the dance floor. Well, big sigh of relief from these parts. I'm interested to find out what that team situation is all about. Guess we'll find out week! See you then.
Kim plots world domination, one domain at a time, at her blog Fresh Hell. You can contact her at reedkim@gmail.com.
See what professional dancer Maks has to say about the contestants still on the show.
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